| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:17:17 PM | With the old myth that men reach their prime early in life and women reach theirs later I was wondering if people have problems meeting some one that is their equal in the physical area of the relationship.
Is this a priority?
Pros and cons of possibilities surrounding this issue?
Has this been a problem for anyone?
I was in a relationship with a man for 20 months that suffered from ED due to health issues.He neglected to do the things he could have to be healthier.After 20 months I was sexually frustrated as all get out.
On the opposite end of the spectrum my current man {who experienced what we refer to as the lean years in his marriage] and I have sex as much as possible he has no physical limitations and we both have high sex drive.
How about it anyone else in the over 45 crowd dealt with these issues and experiences?
I am sure many have so lets put it on the table and mull it over . | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 3:54:20 PM |
With the old myth that men reach their prime early in life and women reach theirs later I was wondering if people have problems meeting some one that is their equal in the physical area of the relationship.
My experience has been that women over 50 are only interested in a physical relationship after they have dated for quite a while. Many women are willing to go for months or years without a physical relationship. The most common complaint I hear from women is that "men only want one thing". | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:14:12 PM | ED, (like overweight/obesity, CVD, strokes, Type II diabetes, many cancers) is one of those health problems that is often self-inflicted, a "lifestyle" disease or disability, and therefore "curable" by upgrading both diet and lifestyle. Popping a Viagra is so much easier than living well. The huge world-wide success of Viagra-type drugs indicates ED is a huge problem.
Aging is hard enough, decade by decade, without piling on the effects of bad lifestyle and diet. Although you don't have to be as fanatic like Jack Lalanne (93 and still working out 2 hours/day), Jack shows how healthy diet and lifestyle pay back with a high quality of life for decades.
Whether vaginal penetration by a penis is a priority is exclusively the call of the couple.
I've read stories of men, and talked to one, and not necessarily younger men, who would prefer to die from prostate cancer rather than risk impotence from treatment. Again, a personal decision, best shared by the couple. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:50:28 PM | | I think it is important that you and your partner have similar sex drives - so that no one gets too frustrated over "lack of sex." If your man seems to have a low libido, then I suggest you buy some Cocopura coconut oil and give him regular full-body hot oil massages....I guarantee you this will perk him right up!!!! | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:53:03 PM | Hey I want to brag about my sex life too. I get as much as I want and don't need viagra, testosterone, steroids, HGH or any other substances to have a wonderful time.
I don't have to worry about how she likes it or if I'll have to beg and come up with stories about all the women I've pleased to entice her into having sex.
I'm not going bald, I don't need to imagine I'm with some pinup model or threaten her with the way I'll be if I don't get any.
BTW viagra is a huge success because of advertising and men needing to do it with non sexy partners more than because of lifestyle. They're now pushing the KY for women that don't get excited about who they're having sex with.
Now, do you think we might be able to talk about what to do in relationship besides insisting on making references to the poor sexual performances of others? | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 5:44:34 PM | WOW have I struck a nerve I was not trying to brag . Nor was I making reference with malice to sexual performance what ever you do to relax please do so now.
My post is clear and you are doing way to much reading between the lines. Sorry you are so touchy about this issue but it was a do no harm post for sure. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:14:10 PM | | My last 2 husbands were impotent due to health problems and medications. We 'worked around' the problem, so to speak. The man I am seeing now has NO PROBLEM whatsoever with having or maintaining an erection and I am thrilled! It is wonderful to have sexual intercourse with a person you care about as well as all the other aspects of love making. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was fortunate enough to experience it again. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:30:28 PM | | It is a priority and I do have trouble finding guys who can keep up physically. Not just sexually, but I have a 40-hour-a-week job, THEN I go out and play until 1am. Still--at 46 yrs old. The last guy I dated seemed to think that HIS 40-hr-a-week job was harder than mine and he was always "tired". Sexually, he could perform any time HE wanted (he was too "tired" when *I* wanted, of course). I can't deal with that--get in better shape. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:33:50 PM | I’m a fairly heavy sleeper and I do try to be fair in relationships. I always let my sexual partner know well in advance, that if I’m done and she wishes to continue, then it’s fine by me. I let her know that it won’t trouble me at all and even if she happens to wake me up again, it won’t bother me in the least. I think that considering how the other person feels is very important in developing strong and lasting relationships.
cdn guy | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:27:55 AM | my man and i have strong chemistry--in between our arguing  and meeting life's many demands. but we are learning to settle down some. i think we are equal in our sexuality and both of us are rather suprised to know we had it in us. but to me, the most important is the cuddly stuff and the touching and the giggles. even more, is when we are just lying around with my kids playing board games or watching a movie. i feel warm and safe and happy --of course, when we are not arguing. if i am not warm and safe and happy, forget the sexuality.
actually, we are also pretty funny (in two very different ways) and we are good friends. sometimes one person may not be in the "mood" but moods can change when it's not a big issue and you are holding tight. i think sexual demands of what i fondly call the "old fart" dating scene are often very inhumane. people will live up to how you treat them. so, to me, sex w/o a solid foundation, just doesn't allow a person to "keep up". both literally and with respect to "pace".
a lot of sexual prowess is in the brain. if there are physical deterrants, as said above, many can be handled. i think men should not be taking viagra so quickly. i'd rather have some continuity between the mind, the soul and the senses. i've only once come upon viagra very briefly and for the life of me, was wondering what was happening. all of a sudden there was this "zombie" present. not the person who was there a few minutes ago. thank G-d, i don't have that in my life now. i agree that a little more attention and understanding and a bit of expertise are far more desireable. and don't start me on "milfers" as an option--UGH. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:31:13 AM |
Hey I want to brag about my sex life too. I get as much as I want and don't need viagra, testosterone, steroids, HGH or any other substances to have a wonderful time.
I don't have to worry about how she likes it or if I'll have to beg and come up with stories about all the women I've pleased to entice her into having sex.
I'm not going bald, I don't need to imagine I'm with some pinup model or threaten her with the way I'll be if I don't get any.
BTW viagra is a huge success because of advertising and men needing to do it with non sexy partners more than because of lifestyle. They're now pushing the KY for women that don't get excited about who they're having sex with.
Now, do you think we might be able to talk about what to do in relationship besides insisting on making references to the poor sexual performances of others?
LOL, are you done bragging and complaining about non sexy partners and ready to tell us what to do in a relationship?
One thing I must say, everyone is different and what works for one couple may not for another. Viagra is for ED, and it is not just about who a person is having sex with. If that were the case, all people would have to do is pair up with the right person, and then there would be no ED.. I don't think so! There are also physical reasons for ED, such as hypertension or diabetes, and those can be heriditary and have nothing to do with lifestyle. Same with women if their hormones are not right, they could have a lower sex drive.
JMO  | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:05:51 AM |
LOL, are you done bragging and complaining about non sexy partners and ready to tell us what to do in a relationship?
First you have to get a relationship. (preferably with someone you like)
Then communicate with them.
My last GF told me stories of viagra and first dates and I wondered why would a single guy have a prescription for it. Those stories sure made me go limp but she knew it worked so she had to come up with ED and other women as excuses for those times I wasn't interested.
Then there's the women here that are 'experts' on limp penises and I wonder just how many have they actually seen and why do they focus so much on pointing it out.
I know Viagra is for ED but I've also been offered to buy it from men that love to have erections for hours.
When a low sex drive turns into a low intimacy drive it's not about the sex.
If you have a partner you care about, intimacy helps you stay partners regardless of the sex. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:36:50 AM | I want to make this very clear the long term relationship love with ED had diabetes and congestive heart failure.
His weight was 385 pounds
O I loved this guy dearly and the emotional bonds and the love was great.
He was close to my children and grand children.
He restored my faith in men and his love and kindness had a healing effect on my spirit .
So heres the part where you judgmental ones need to back off and pleas no jokes.
He died at the age of forty seven! | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:15:57 PM | Everybody is judgmental based on the stories they hear.
Being that you did not provide the same details as your last post, those judgments may not look the way you like.
Had you stated that information in your first post, my response would have been quite different.
I would have said you probably have a heart of gold and you still didn't have to make it all about the sex. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:43:03 PM | OP
It never was all about the sex it was about the realm
of relationships possible with sex or with out and
peoples experience within that realm .
I have experienced both ends of the spectrum and thought it
was a viable topic here in the over 45 forum nothing more nothing less.
I did not go into all kinds of details about performance or a
attempts or penis size or how hard or not or overly comparing.
It was not this hey lets raise an eyebrow
type of post hated seeing it get derailed like
this.
I was hoping we could all just get some insight | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:26:19 PM | When I was first married I was only 17 years old. My husband was 6 years older than I. I was married to that man for over 16 years. We had three children and busy lives. We were involved in the school, scouts, and sports. I worked a full time job plus over time to help with expenses. Still my husband would get angry with me if we didn't have sex everyday. We averaged three or four times a week, which at the time more than matched my sex drive.
I was in my early thirties when I met hubby number two. My sex drive was in full swing. He was more than able and willing to attempt to keep up with me.
My sex drive has slowed a bit since then, but not much. Though that just could be from the lack of. I may only think my sex drive is strong. I am afraid I will need a partner to prove my hypothesis. Hopefully I will find one who will match me. If not I am sure I can adapt. I always have. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:58:00 PM | hmmm, since turning 40 many moons ago, I have found that my sex drive is much higher than was I was 30. Unfortunately, many of the men my age (51) do not match my sexual needs. There are many ways of satisfying a woman, or a man for that matter, they don't all have to be via penile penetration, but I have found that I am usually more compatible, from a lifestyle and sexual point of view with a man in his late 30's or early 40's. Go figure....
Not to say I haven't met some pretty active 50 year olds though ! | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:11:23 PM | This is just my experience but just this morning a guy told me that he did not feel the need to have physical contact with a woman ........ He was 68. Now my experience is that when a guy says something like that, it's usually a roundabout way of telling me that he's having problems or he's impotent.
It's fine to prefer equality in drive and desire but especially as we go into the 60's and 70's, it's the person I fall in love with .......... if someone was impotent, it wouldn't stop me from loving him. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:57:16 PM |
First you have to get a relationship. (preferably with someone you like)
Bingo! I think I've still got a high sex drive, but it's hard to know for certain without a partner with whom I have a regular sex life - erm, I mean sex on a regular basis. As things stand now, most of the sex I have is with BOB, and he just doesn't really get me going the same as many of the live males I've known ;) | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:27:26 AM |
It never was all about the sex it was about the realm
of relationships possible with sex or with out and
peoples experience within that realm .
Yet you opened the thread by describing your current sex life and lack of it in the past......
I was hoping we could all just get some insight
Do a search on masters and johnson then and find some real studies on the issue rather than asking a bunch of amateurs to list their experiences.
And expect questions you won't like when trying to participate in a forum of discussion. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:46:37 AM |
Some things simply cannot be compared, i.e. apples and oranges, so when a woman says "men can't keep up with me sexually", it's a nonsensical remark.
It's only nonsense until you want sex and your partner can rarely comply. Then it gets pretty serious. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/24/2008 7:41:08 AM |
With the old myth that men reach their prime early in life and women reach theirs later I was wondering if people have problems meeting some one that is their equal in the physical area of the relationship.
It's not a myth, and yes.
Is this a priority?
Yes.
Pros and cons of possibilities surrounding this issue?
The obvious one of being incompatible sexually and possibly compatible in many other areas.
Has this been a problem for anyone?
Yes. Being told that it's not "normal" to be interested in sex 1 or 2 times a day, that I have unrealistic expectations...basically being made to feel like something is wrong with "me" and that I need to wake up and realize this is the real world at my age.
It's frustrating and I go through periods of trying to convince myself that sex isn't important anymore, but it always rears it's ugly head. I'm hoping the desire dies down at some point so I'll be on a more level playing field. | |
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| Equality in Drive and Desire in the over 45 crowd
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:46:40 PM |
Some things simply cannot be compared, i.e. apples and oranges, so when a woman says "men can't keep up with me sexually", it's a nonsensical remark.
It's only nonsense until you want sex and your partner can rarely comply. Then it gets pretty serious.
Desi: Please understand, it's the STATEMENT that's nonsense. It implies you are both doing the SAME THING and somehow your partner can't do it as long or as vigorously as YOU can. If you were chopping wood or cliff climbing, the statement makes perfect sense.
But this is in regard to sex. Men and women DO NOT DO THE SAME THING, hence any kind of comparison of endurance makes no sense. It's like saying I can ride a bike longer than you can jump rope. What kind of comparison is that?
When your partner can not comply, that is, non-performance, or an unwillingness to perform -- YES, that is a very serious issue. | |
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