| | Scared to look at womenPage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | Do any of you guys often find yourself in a situation where a female is in your vicinity and you find yourself afraid to look at her? Like, she might look at you, but you either do a quick glance and look away or just act like you don't see her for fear of making eye contact or having her judge you for lookin at her?
Or if you are at a stop light and a girl (or girls) pull up beside you and you don't want to look over at them? How do you males overcome the fear of making bold eye contact with people and women in particular? LADIES, what do you think of guys that you KNOW fear looking at you while you are aware of it or only glance at you and then look away?
I'm tired of being scared to look at women for fear of what they are going to think of me. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:52:00 AM | paranoid
hey a friendly smile with a bit of pearly white-its so contagious-U CANNOT be judged for that-unless shes nuts  then its a lucky escape | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:12:14 AM | | I can really identify with that. I'm a lot older than you, and exactly the same. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:48:33 AM | So what do you think your going to do with a woman that is stopped at a light????
It's called self confidence. You have no confidence in your social skills...speech 101.
The more people you talk to ..the more comfortable you are talking to jsut about anyone..male or female. Get involved with social clubs..gym, bowling, cards...someplace that will spark conversations within a mixed crowd.. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:48:49 AM | | That is a horrible phobia. I would suggest that you get some kind of counseling. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:07:32 AM | What are you afraid of?
Do you think your past transgressions are written in invisible neon ink, that only pretty women can see.
To be honest, we notice, and it makes us laugh that that you are intimidated... It is even funnier when guys stare, and run up curbs, or almost into other vehicles, because they are NOT paying attention to driving.
Frankly we DON'T know you have a fear, we may think you have someone at home, and that you are behaving in a well manored, I am so in love with my woman, I don't notice other women...
Then again, we may not even notice you...
Chill out, life is about being happy with who you are, and feeling good. | |
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~Kyn~
| | Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:53:20 AM |
LADIES, what do you think of guys that you KNOW fear looking at you while you are aware of it or only glance at you and then look away?
I like to stare em down....giggle with my friends about him ....and then go shopping!
Seriously...I dont understand it, so *shrugs*...I dont even think about it. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:01:59 AM | Eye contact and observation modes are different between the sexes. I still look at pretty girls, but I'm more inclined, if the opportunity presents itself, to watch how they look at other people. Women are furtive when studying the opposite sex for the most part, a quick glance, and then OMG I looked what if he sees me I better look down. They'll study each other the way we study them - but they're checking shoes, clothes, nails, hair, etc.
I think its an art to look, make eye contact, and do so without being insulting, intimidating, etc. I have a friend about twenty years older than me and she once said "women become invisible at fifty". I'm old enough that I'd go out with someone that age but time has been kind to me appearance wise. Since she said that I've been carefully testing my "man noticing" skills on those who've gone over that "invisibility horizon". The vibe is totally different ... I get a lot more smiles from fifty to sixty year olds than I do from thirty to forty year olds - I couldn't possibly be interested, so there is no threat? | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:23:41 AM | | OP Tell me this is a joke?????? I never saw a good looking guy that was afraid to look at women. Gee take a look............you might be surprised.................nice little smile...half a wink............ | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:34:48 AM | | I know the feeling. And I've actually gotten the negative reactions just from being in the vicinity. Now, I just give a quick enoung look to make sure I don't bump into them. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:30:30 AM |
hey a friendly smile with a bit of pearly white-its so contagious-U CANNOT be judged for that-unless shes nuts
You'll be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) to know how many times me or any other guys could smile at women only to have them glare back at us. Either I have a terrible smile (but I have been told by a few people I have a nice one), women don't find me attractive, or they are just being defensive and not trying to give a person the wrong idea.
Either way... I guess when that happens a few times, you sort of get to the point where you don't want to do it anymore. Go figure. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:16:52 AM | Poster, I used to be like that with men....it means...NO SELF-CONFIDENCE!
Solution: FORCE yourself to look...just do it, even if they laugh or what not! It doesn't matter! Practice makes perfect.... | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:46:45 AM | | I've been there OCyrus not because they are beautiful really but I used to be scared to death getting close to a woman emotionally. It has to do with my childhood I won't go into details. Anyways women are same as you, they also have insecurities, I mean why do most women wear make up? My suggestion is go to a mall sit on a bench and watch women walk by. Don't stare at them though just watching them walk by, eventually you will get comfortable, facing your phobia straight only will eventually weaken it. Focus on your breathing when you face your phobia, learn to breath with your stomache, slow deep breaths. Eventually you will learn to relax being near women. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:02:09 PM | | just look and smile, everyone likes to feel attractive ( don't stare ) only stuck up losers would be offended by a quick look and a smile ! | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:02:21 PM |
Poster, I used to be like that with men....it means...NO SELF-CONFIDENCE!
Solution: FORCE yourself to look...just do it, even if they laugh or what not! It doesn't matter! Practice makes
Yeah. Maybe I should do that or like some others said, just get used to forcing myself to smile, or be around people, or watch (but not stare) in the mall. I used to actually get mad at the women sometimes (in my own mind) for staring at me because it made me feel so uncomfortable, but I guess I can't blame them if my discomfort comes from a self-esteem issue.
I know that I have looked back at or smiled at some women and their reaction was less than pleasant, but maybe I gave a nervous smile instead of a good one or something. Either way, it seems like females are really mean to guys that they feel are scared or lack confidence anyway. I don't get that. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:29:36 PM | Dude, you have the same problem as I once had, you are thinking too much!
I remember in high school, I had this beautiful girl who would just stare at me, I looked at her but quickly moved my eyes else where, simply because I don't know how to respond. The fact is you don't have to do much. If you meet someone's eye contact, just put a friendly smile on your face, give them a wink if you feel situation asks for it.
For one, eye contact, regardless with male or female, is a sign of confidence. If you have trouble to look a woman in the eyes, you practice that with men, old ladies, and whoever comes in contact with you. Do it when you go to grocery shopping, look at the sales people or tellers in the eye and smile at them. You'll be amazed by other people's positive response. Few people won't respond as positively, but it's rare and most likely it's just who they are.
So over time, you'll be comfortable enough to look beautiful women in their eyes and talk to them freely without being self conscious. Do not get distracted by their looks. I know as men, that's the first thing we look at, but you have to look beyond these things. There are a lot more to a women than their looks. I know this might sound unbelievable, but a beautiful woman with bad personality can drive you running away faster than having a gun pointed at your head. Keep your chin up and good luck. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:37:59 PM |
I know that I have looked back at or smiled at some women and their reaction was less than pleasant, but maybe I gave a nervous smile instead of a good one or something. Either way, it seems like females are really mean to guys that they feel are scared or lack confidence anyway. I don't get that.
You got that absolutely right!!!
Yes, women will respond very negatively to guys who is seen as not confident. In fact, from experience, nothing drives women away faster than this. If you want to break up with a girl, this is what you do, start to show low confidence and she'll be on her way soon!
Women associate low confidence men with perverts, stalkers. It's a sad generalization. But I suppose that's what they learned through experience or just horror stories. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:07:40 PM |
I'm tired of being scared to look at women for fear of what they are going to think of me. That's where you're wrong. We're not thinking of you-- we're thinking about our to-do list, our friends, family, lunch, our jobs, the fact that we ran out of tissue and need to stop off for more. After glance at a guy who happens to be looking at us---sorry but it's not about you. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:14:05 PM |
That's where you're wrong. We're not thinking of you-- we're thinking about our to-do list, our friends, family, lunch, our jobs, the fact that we ran out of tissue and need to stop off for more. After glance at a guy who happens to be looking at us---sorry but it's not about you.
Um...no. I didn't mean it that way. It's not an egotistical thing (in an arrogant sense) to think that there is a possibility someone could have made a negative judgment about in in the split second or so they have seen you. It's not like it denies physics or something for a guy to smile at a woman and for her to think in the back of her mind "Ew, why is that guy of all people smiling at me."
I can understand that sometimes a woman might not think anything and I could be looking too much into it, but I do believe that at least sometimes it may be possible for a woman to think something less than flattering, particularly if she 'doesn't' smile back or if she just glares at a person. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:16:02 PM |
Women associate low confidence men with perverts, stalkers. It's a sad generalization. But I suppose that's what they learned through experience or just horror stories.
Oh they think all that? Really? I was wondering why a guy that might just think they're attractive and is shy that she might not think the same of him.... would make a woman go into b*tch mode (excuse my French). I still don't get the corrolation with perverts and stalkers..... but hey, I guess I still need to do what you said and practice smiles and eye contacts and hope I don't get so offended when someone isn't nice when I do that. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:24:22 PM |
I didn't mean it that way. It's not an egotistical thing (in an arrogant sense) to think that there is a possibility someone could have made a negative judgment about in in the split second or so they have seen you. It's not like it denies physics or something for a guy to smile at a woman and for her to think in the back of her mind "Ew, why is that guy of all people smiling at me." See, that's what I'm saying... a guy smiling at me does not make me think "ew why??"-- I don't even think about it. I smile at people all the time- men, women, children, strangers. And I smile back out of a reflexive habit and carry on with my day. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:38:39 PM | The issue I found in America is, a lot of time people just smile at you for no reason and very mechanical. You can tell their smiles are FAKE.
You do NOT want to fake smiles or smile for no reasons. Your smile need to be sincere! You are smiling because you are happy, confident, friendly, you think positively at the people you are smiling at and you want to sincerely get to know people. This is the key. A fake smile can turn people off, a sincere one can melt the strongest defense.
Look people in the eye and see their positives, pay attention to what they say even if they are just telling you that banana is 59c a pound. Say "thank you" while keeping your eye contact and follow up with a sincere smile. All these little things make a big difference. Why? Because you really mean it, rather than just some mechanical automatic response.
If you continue practicing this, you will find people become nicer to you and willing to go extra mile to help you even though they may not know you or ever see you again. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 3:57:04 PM | Oh, Glyster! You've crushed me!! That's a generalization....
Not all of us smiling have fake ones plastered on our face....
OCyrus, it DOES get easier...just practice first with people you think you may feel comfortable smiling at....and REMEMBER! If they do not smile back or respond negatively, don't take it personally!!! It's their problem, not your's...
Don't get discourage!!! :) | |
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~Kyn~
| | Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:24:32 PM |
I still don't get the corrolation with perverts and stalkers.....
Simple...because most weirdos lack social skills.
Weirdos that do have social skills (albeit usually flamboyant & situationally inappropriate) are just knobs.
Yes shy people can often come across the same way.
All the more reason to work on being able to interact rather than hope a woman will hunt you down & corner you for a relationship just from a stolen glimpse. | |
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| Scared to look at women
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:03:09 PM |
Simple...because most weirdos lack social skills.
Weirdos that do have social skills (albeit usually flamboyant & situationally inappropriate) are just knobs.
Yes shy people can often come across the same way.
All the more reason to work on being able to interact rather than hope a woman will hunt you down & corner you for a relationship just from a stolen glimpse.
Well, thanks for the advice. I personally think it's kinda $h!tty and unfair that I 'have' to make myself interact with strangers that I'm not entirely comfortable with just for them to NOT assume I'm a creep. Particularly when a lot of times you'll try to talk to them and they have an attitude as if they had rather you didn't in the first place.
No, I'm not knocking you or your advice because if that's the way it is, that's the way it is. Just saying, in general.... it sucks. | |
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