| Weeding out "golddiggers" with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:26:02 AM | Simply funny
SO I was communicating with a fellow POFer earlier this week. His profile was not particularly remarkeable, his physical looks IMO were meh but since he took the time to write me (and because I respond to all notes), I wrote him back. He was quirky and so we did what we do when we're on POF - CHATTED.
At some point during our email msgs, he mentioned he was a cook??  so that started a convo about food and dum dum dum.... he offered to cook me dinner at his home. Now I thought it was SWEET but there is no way in hell I would meet ANY online-dude, for the first time - at his house. So I wrote him back *lightly* saying no way buddy, iffffffffff ever we do meet it would have to be in PUBLIC.
Then YEST I'm checkin my msgs and there was this VERY BITTER message from him wishing me happy fishing on POF and sayin how he loves that "... all you girls make a guy spend money just to meet new people...."
I was stunned!!! SO I wrote him back wishing him good luck on POF, and how I loved that he ASSumed a first date meant dinner at 360 restaurant, as opposed to yunno... GOOD OL TIMMIES, unless of course he didn't have a twoonie for coffee lol
Then he wrote me back calling me a b*tch, materialistic madonna, and a hooker, saying he isn't cheap, he has a TRUST FUND and that he's looking for a girl who likes walks in the park and isnt out for his money BLAH BLHA and said that *I* suggested dinner in a "PUBLIC PLACE" meaning i'm after his change
At which point we did  and I informed him 1) i don't care bout his lil chump change bcuz I'm priceless and can't be bought  and 2) he can take his money and go buy himself a girl and 3) i copy-n-pasted to him the original convo where I clearly stated i simply wanted to meet IN PUBLIC to be SAFE bcuz I'm not tryna be a statistic for Unsolved Mysteries - but NOWHERE did I say what we had to do, or how much he had to spend 
AND THEN OF COURSE he wrote back saying he was SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRYYYYYY and APOLOGIZED for ASSUMING all this negative stuff and INSULTING MY GOOD NATURE... and said his ATTITUDE came from OTHERS that had been trying to "EMPTY HIS POCKETS"!
Just crazy! I juss laffed and wrote back right whatever, meaning apology NOT accepted dude!
So is this the new thing now? GUYS ASSume every girl is out for their money, their riches, their gold so they're tryna test to see if she's a golddigger or not by offering a home date? Wtf is up with that?
K. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:32:52 AM | Haha, that is classic. I've had it a different way around though. A couple of guys have cancelled or postponed dates, dates that haven't been planned minute for minute, just that we'll do something, and then found out later it was because they didn't have much money. I would have been happy to just go for a walk, I don't have much money either! Are we giving out some vibes that we're high maintenance??  | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:36:59 AM |
man i dunno, but i was SO STUNNED esp bcuz I felt like - i took MY TIME to correspond with him when I wasn't EVEN particularly vibing him like that!!!! So for him to juss ASSume that stuff about me based on WHAT?!? made me feel like wtf? is meeting for coffee considered high maintenance now?? ah helll lol
K. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:37:51 AM | For starters, Good for you!
I think that the dude in question, was maybe a little less heavy in the pocket than he was letting on... If he wasn't a broke chump, he wouldn't have scoffed at your idea of *dining out*, meeting for coffee, whatever... Any man that can afford it, will not have a problem buying a cup of coffee, or splurging for some din-din... I know that there are some more well-off men that would even suggest going "dutch" to weed out the so called "gold-diggers".
This dude sounds like a serious Headcase, and you are bright enough to have realised it.
Also, *I have a Trust Fund*, generally means *I will be coming INTO money*, Not I HAVE MONEY...
This guy sounds like a total loser.
JMHO
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:54:41 AM | The guy did not have the right to be rude but he did appoligise..and you don't have to accept it just as you didnt.
This initial contact is all cyber BS and really means nothing until you meet someone in person.
Although you are correct with playing it safe and meeting in a public place and a first date should not be at his home but it is very evident in your post that you too have quite the attitude.
Why did you even bother engaging him after he got rude? | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:13:52 AM | all weather
because it was QUITE funny to me, and i couldn't believe he was actually serious!
and i refused to let him erroneously an self-righteously believe "AH HA - She's a golddigger!"
and yup, you are right i CAN have a 'tude when nec!
i keep it real, if smo comes at me sideways np bcuz i can do the vertical
K. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:15:56 AM | I did do quite a few home dates lately. You said you would never meet a guy for the first time at his place... But for some reason, girls seems to trust me alot within the first 5min they see me in real life... I don't propose a home date right away... I tell her I have plans for her tonight... I offer her three choices usually:
A) A date near a place she lives. (usually more boring but safer for her if she is the scared-to-meet-a-guy-from-the-internet type).
B) A date at a place of my choice downtown. (more exciting)
C) A date a my home. (because my place honestly is not matched by any lounge in the cosmopolitan city I live... It is just that good, maybe that is why they accept this option often too specially if they saw some pictures lol).
Most of them go for option C). In other words, they don't mind going at my place at all for a few martinis for a first meeting. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:19:45 AM | Funny, I just had this guy drive an hour & 1/2 to meet for coffee. He was nice enough, but had really bad teeth. After coffee, ( bought my own)I said bye, and he suggested a bite to eat. Since he had driven far, I agreed to go with him. He paid a whole 10 dollars & a drink.for a burrito. Then he got mad when I told him I wasn't intrested romantically.
He keept emailing me and dogging me to be friends. I finally tell him about the teeth & now he's all mad that I was just out for a free dinner. I'm a chef, fer cryin out loud, I have food everywhere all the time. I don't need his burrito.
I find that cooking at home can be more expensive than going out. I guess I like to do it up right.
This guy sounds creepy. To tell women of a trust fund screams of deep rooted issues. Hi honey, I have a trust fund, you gold-digger. I think he WANTS a gold digger to mine his brain for intelligent life. | |
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_JAFO_
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:21:11 AM | Based on when I WAS dating....
My definition of dating is to go somewhere or share an experience in the company of a person of the opposite sex. That doesn't necessarily involve alot of money. But it does involve getting out and doing something.
I've met some men that have their whole personna wrapped around their possessions and they rely on getting a woman to go to their house because it's so lavish. Other than his home -- he has no leg to stand on to compete against other men -- and he knows it.
In my opinion, a man who wants a woman to go to his home initially is: a) trying to impress the woman by his digs and (((possibly))) have the convenience of getting lucky once he gets her there--he's certainly NOT going to turn it down; b) can't afford to date; c) doesn't like to go out.
At the first sign of a man inviting me to his home initially, I will graciously decline for all the above reasons.
Should he get snotty in any way online he gets put on ignore. The internet affords me the luxury to not have to associate with nasty people. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:21:20 AM | | A home date can be used to weed out gold diggers in a way... I had a girl that was simply stunning and gorgeous once... A solid 9.5+/10 but when she was at my place, she started asking how much was many of things I owned and I spotted her gold digging tendencies VERY quickly. Most girls I met didn't talk about prices and stuff however, they just had a good time and maybe pass a comment or two that they like the style of my place or regarding a specific furniture they like... Which is fine in that case. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:30:15 AM | | I have been online dating or a while now and this is classic syptoms of the guy actually had no money, lol. I also think a guy cooking me dinner is sweet, romantic, thoughtful, and all those things, but they usually just have no cash flow. When they come at u with that anger like that, it is out of guilt of there own inadequacies. I mean come on there are no gold diggers on a FREE site, lol. That guy had issues honny and it wasn't you. On the other hand, I do not want a bum either. I want someone to better me, not drag me down with him. The 'better half'. I have ran across far too many on here that have no jobs or cash to take me on a date. The honest truth is we girl are sifting through the leftovers here in this pond. All the bottom feeders the other girls threw back. The keepers are all cleaned up and on display as the big catch! | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:31:34 AM | Here is the exact reason I think POF should put a space between the about me and first date,
that reads first meeting. I can't wait for that guy to find a psycho woman that now knows where he lives. Maybe then he will think twice. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:35:57 AM | And this dude has NO understanding that his unwarrented "freak-out" CONFIRMED your instinct not to meet him in private.
Any guy who has a temper tantrum like that over an email suggestion to meet in public is NOT someone I would want to get to know - can you imagine if you met him and turned him down for sex? His response would likely be to rape and beat you. Sheesh! | |
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| Weeding out gold diggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:37:22 AM | | Anyone who would go to a strangers house that they met off the internet for the first time is a nut.If this guy could not understand that you have to look out for yourself and be a little cautious is not worth any effort at all.If he was so concerned about money then why did he not suggest going for a coffee right at the beginning? This had nothing to do with money for him because he was just hoping to get you to have sex with him by having you come to his house.Men can be so very transparent. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:37:23 AM | Good Grief!
I cannot figure out the right answer any more.
I wish they would make up their minds......
If I let him pay for anything...then I am a gold-digger.
If I insist on paying for myself... I am not interested in him.
Duh.
OK...so, now I insist that we met at the local coffee shop only after I get there first and buy my own coffee.
Frankly.. if it is all that much trouble, I'd rather not bother at all. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:51:40 AM | I don't know how a man in this day and age cannot understand that the first time meets are in public, each pays his own way and it usually takes place over coffee or during the day. It is not a full blown out date just a meet and greet. No pressure.
This guy was very sweet offering to cook for you, but way off base expecting a woman to come to his home when she does not know him. His reaction was extreme, it costs more to cook a meal than it does to buy a cup of coffee for yourself. That's how he weeds out gold diggers? What a jerk.
I've had men invite me to their homes very early on and it is too soon. If you are looking for a LTR you should allow a person to get comfortable before showing them where you live. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:03:20 AM | Strange ... every Man i have had a relationship with as an adult has been very financially secure and each one has had a spectacular home ... showing THAT to some new date is NOT going to weed out golddiggers ... it will encourage them. i'd think that someone who lives especially well would hold off on the house date idea if He is worried about a golddigger because it will reveal far more about the depth of His pockets than taking her out to dinner. He can always spend a considerable amount on a dinner and actually be running up His Visa or using the rent money for next month ... doesn't mean His pockets are especially deep.
Accepting a date in someone's home would entirely depend upon how long i have been getting to know the person that i'm meeting. If there has been an extended discourse with much phone interaction and we really seem to click ... yeah i might do it. Then again ... not doing it isn't a big deal. i tend to trust my instincts about people pretty strongly and not seeing someone in their home surroundings can be very misleading. You can go out and be a good actor and a Freak and eventually still get the girl to go home with You ... safety doesn't have as much to do with rigid principles for me as much as it has to do with having good instincts and trusting them. If He has my phone number and He WILL before we meet ... i've already exposed a massive amount of information to Him and He can misuse it if He's a freak.
~angel | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:07:41 AM | | Any man who is incapable of understanding why a woman refuses to go to a COMPLETE STRANGERS' home for a first meeting is either a moron or a predator in my opinion. Do these men not watch the news? Didn't a young girl disappear recently when she answered a job ad from Craigs' list. I have had the experience of men being insulted at the mention that people can pretend to be anyone they want to on line and that it would be just plain stupid to go to his house for the first meeting. As far as being a golddigger, there are certainly many other ways to weed them out. I think it also points to a man who is not concerned about the comfort of the other person, a characteristic that doesn't really bode well for dating. I'm not necessarily looking for a knight in shining armour, but I would like to find a man who would not expect me to put my safety at risk on the word of a stranger. This man should probably look at this as the (possible) reason that he is looking for someone to date in the first place. It's called consideration. Dating online doesn't have to be any more risky than any other method of dating, but you still have to use common sense. Going to a mans house for a first date is equivilent to going home with a stranger from a bar. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:12:53 AM | It seems that this subject has been discussed in other forums. I dont understand why anyone would act that way be it man OR woman.. Im sure some men can be gold diggers to and that many women have encountered the same.
No matter what your station in life when meeting ppl there are three rules that seem to work best
1 be nice
2 be nice
3 be nice
jmho | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:28:43 AM | And we wonder why we cant find a soul mate.. wow... This guy sounds like he has issues.
I had a similar thing happen to me this week. There is this guy who had me on his favorites list for about a month. Monday out of the blue he sends me an email that reads "Hey how about coming over one day this week for coffee?"
I politely wrote back and said "Thank you for the offer, but I would never go to a man's house unless I knew him well!"
He didnt send a reply, just deleted my email, and removed me from his list!
I think men who want you to come to their house, or fix dinner for you on the first date, are either very cheap, poor, or have bad intentions.
I remember reading about a year ago, that a man in Minnesota, (I think thats where it was) had met women online and asked them to come to his house, for dinner.
He met one woman, who was obviously a little smarter than some. She agreed to meet him, but told her daughter his screen name and where he lived before going. After 3 days, she didnt return, her daughter called the police. They found her, and 2 other women in the bottom of his well. They had been raped and killed. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:32:06 AM | | I agree with above post.Showing a little self restraint doesn't hurt either be it male or female.I also doubt very seriously if this guy had two sticks to rub together.Online we can show respect by how we communicate with our words and if a guy immediately tries to manipulate u into doing what he wants u to do by trying to tear down ur resolve with word play then show him the cyber door and hope the doorknob hits him right where the good Lord split him.imo | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:44:12 AM | I'm no shrink, but I wonder if this guy has some psychological problem. He was nice at the beginning, he blew up over nothing, then became sweet again. All in all, not someone you'd want to date anyway.
G | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:02:46 AM | i knowwwwwww! he went all switchy on me
and even in the midst of callin me a b*tch and so on - he was simultaneously tellin me i'm sexy n he luvs my attitude i'm like wtf ?
diary of a psych-O
and that story about the guy/girl in montana - see thaz the reason why i would never meet a dude for the 1st time at his home, not all people are sane, never know what can happen so u have to protect urself
he hasn't written me back since his oh-so-sorry-i'm-in-love-with-you-i-know-i-don't-deserve-to-speak-with-you apology (and yes, he did say all that stuff in his last msg  )
K. | |
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