| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:08:58 AM | I have been seperated for four years now,and have had no contact with him for as long. I have listed my status as seperated. Because of the amount of time that has passed I dont believe it to be entirely accurate.
Would it be misleading if I changed it to single? | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:12:04 AM |
Would it be misleading if I changed it to single?
Yes.
Until the divorce is final, there are still things to take care of. And, well, changing it to "single" instead of "divorced" is definitely misleading if you've been married. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:31:51 AM | | yeah I'd agree it's misleading, although to what degree it's misleading I guess it depends on what you're looking for, if you're just looking for a friend I don't think it's that big of a deal but certainly it's a big deal if looking for a relationship | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:33:21 AM | | I would consider that "estranged", but obviously it is not an option to select from. Have you filed for divorce? If not, why not? I would be anxious to get on with my life. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:40:16 AM | I haven't filed for divorce because, I have no idea where he is. Without an address I cannot file.
Leaves me a little in the wind until my 7 years is up. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:46:56 AM | | OP Yes ,it would not be an accurate statement to say that you are single. But you could explain your situation on your profile. I feel for you. It can't be an easy place to be. Is there no way that you can track him down? | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 10:54:40 AM | | Hmmm, file a missing person report and have him declared dead? Then you could be a widow! Tough one there, but I think many would consider "single" misleading in this case. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:00:51 AM | | NO. If you are separated and there are no plans to reconcile then I would say your single. Of course you will have to have the "Im single but..." conversation instead of the endless separation conversations. My .02 | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:03:14 AM | There are so many people on here who do this. Men and women alike and it's ridiculous. If you got married and you never got a divorce, you aren't single. It doesn't matter how long it's been. There are people on this site who've been separated for less than a year and they list themselves as single. It's an inexcusable lie in my book.
I dated someone who had been separated for 2 1/2 years. It was obvious that his marriage was over when I met him since she was already engaged and he had moved on also. The issue is that even though a marriage is over, the divorce process is still a huge part of ending the marriage. When my ex-boyfriend's divorce began, there was a lot of stress, angry phone calls, past feelings being dredged up, court appearances, tens of thousands of dollars being spent, etc., etc. People have a right to know what they're signing up for when they date you. In your case, it's been so long without any contact that there probably wouldn't be that much drama if and when you actually do file. However, anyone who is interesting in meeting you is still going to have that question as to why you're still married (whether it's financial, legal, emotional) and what they can expect to happen in the future. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:10:03 AM | | if your seperated,people give you a wider birth,due to the fact theres always a chance of him /her returning to the relationship.if you put single its a forward positive step ,that youve moved on with your life | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:10:43 AM | Separated seems to be the most honest.
Some might say after four years it is OK to list single.
Others would say, you haven't filed for divorce so you are married.
I don't think you can be truly single without a divorce being finalize. As much as you know you will never reconcile, as much as you have moved on; he could just show up out of the blue one day and cuase problems as long as you are legally married. Anyone you would start a relationship with has the right to know this. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:23:55 AM | If you are separated and there are no plans to reconcile then I would say your single. Of course you will have to have the "Im single but..." conversation instead of the endless separation conversations. My .02
I second that.  As long as you are honest with a real person, don't need to say the whole story in your profile. I am in the same situation as you.
Separated to me means someone is just moving out of the relationship, they are still not totally over the ex and there is a chance they may reconsider that. Some people I met who listed them self as "Separated" were even living together but were "emotionally separated" from their spouse. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:31:51 AM | How can I say this, and get my point across...
YOU ARE NOT SINGLE!
It would be a lie no matter how much you try and rationalize it. Even if you had a divorce, you would still NOT BE SINGLE...
It is never OK to lie about that... No matter how much you FEEL like you are single.
I would probably get a much bigger response if I was to say that I'm 26, single, with no children, and I'm athletic and toned... but you know what?
ITS A LIE...
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:36:26 AM | let's see
legally you are married, but not living together
that makes you separated
it does not make you divorced and it does not make you single
so changing your status to single would be a huge lie.
See, single people and divorced people can enter a relationship and run off to vegas and get married on the first date if they want. You, yeah, not so much, because you have not wrapped up the loose ends from still being married.
Therefore, you are separated, not single. And to indicate anything other than separated or married would be a lie and would not be fair to any person who might be interested in dating you. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:40:30 AM |
It would be a lie no matter how much you try and rationalize it. Even if you had a divorce, you would still NOT BE SINGLE...
Good point John. If people who are separated are going to lie, they should at least say they're divorced! | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:43:23 AM |
Even if you had a divorce, you would still NOT BE SINGLE
Probably a separate discussion entirely. However, if you aren't married or otherwise in a relationship of any sort (including one where you are separated or estranged), then you are single. You can be divorced and single, but you can not married and single. Single does not in any way imply that you have always been single, only that you are, currently, single. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:52:14 AM |
Single does not in any way imply that you have always been single
I beg to differ. Since there's a "divorced" option on this site, it does imply that you've never been married. In every day conversation, it would be okay to say "yeah, he's single" about a guy who's divorced but that is not the case here. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:55:01 AM | So polkadotgirl....
How far are you willing to let a relationship go before you say "remember when I told you I was single.....I have a story for you."
Sorry you are not sinlge ,not single, not single. At least your profile says you are not looking for a relationship.
Maybe there should be another choice - single, in imaginary world. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:58:46 AM | It is completely accurate as it is..........
are you divorced? no
single? no
widowed(maybe in your dreams)? but no
you are separated----if you don't like your status do something about it---besides lying.... | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:08:57 PM | How far are you willing to let a relationship go before you say "remember when I told you I was single.....I have a story for you."
Country~Refined, I said "As long as you are honest with a real person" and Yes I forgot to add, you need to let them know ASAP.
btw, true i am not looking right now but not because of my marital status. I just gave up because of too many players. My marriage ended 3 years ago, my divorce is still in progress, it's complicated... Why would i disuses all the details with the whole POF world?? But if the right person comes I let them know. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:24:55 PM |
my divorce is still in progress, it's complicated
I don't see how you can be okay with saying you're single if that's the case. Why not just choose "prefer not to say" and then explain it to people on a case by case basis? Saying your single is exceedingly misleading in your case, even more so than the OP. | |
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:30:17 PM | Due to my alien status in this country, I always have to deal with lots of paperwork. Marital status question seems pretty straightforward. Here are the options:
1. Single (never married)
2. Married
3. Separated
4. Divorced
5. Widow/widower
So... if one was never married, I consider them single... If they were/are, they should chose one of the other categories.
In OP's case, I would say - separated.
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| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 2/24/2008 12:44:16 PM | there is also an option to state if you have kids or not. therefore, it shouldnt matter if you put divorced or single. the only thing that i can see that should matter when youre first getting to know someone is if they have kids. whether you were married before or not, isnt any of their business right off the bat. if you meet someone in a bar, or a supermarket, the first question out of your mouth isnt going to be "how many spouses have you had?". itll be something you find out gradually, usually after you decide if the person is worth getting to know.
if you no longer live with your husband, but he isnt allowing a divorced in one way or another, id say put down single. even when you do get a divorce, id still put single. its a better 'bait' than divorced or seperated, and thats all this site is, fishing. | |
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