| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 2:20:22 PM | Its a topic that no one really likes to talk about, but if you get cremated where would you like your ashes scattered?
Strange thing to talk about but my sister and i have gone into detail about it tonight.
My brothers ashes are soon to be buried in a memorial garden but first they have to have a church service to bless them or whatever they do with them. To us it will be like attending his funeral again as its as the same church where they had a service for him before he was cremated.
I am not planning on attending this as it will set us back in our trying to get on with life. People say i have a duty to attend but i just simply cannot face it.
As a result of my brother dying so young and sosuddenly it has brought to mind that it could happen to any of us and there i have planned my own funeral. I have decided to have my ashes turn into diamonds. Doing this would make my children feel nearer to me. I have also planned to have the rest of my ashes scattered in my favourite british sea-side resort.
Whats everyones opinions on this and do you think that i am doing the wrong thing by not attending the service to bury my brothers ashes? | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 2:29:03 PM | I know where I want my ashes scattered, and have told my daughter. It's a seaside place which will remind the kids of happy days out.
As for your brother's ashes - I think there are some things that you should get on and do, whether or not you can 'face it'. What would happen if no-one else in the family could 'face it' either? In my opinion, you have to make yourself do certain things, and this is one of them. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 2:59:14 PM |
where would you like your ashes scattered?
I dont want my ashes scattered, I want to be kept in an urn (well two really for each child), a highly polished urn, dark burgundy, sitting on their mantelpieces. My children (who are 13 and 16) are not too impressed with this idea so I have told them that if they have the money I wouldnt mind the diamond thing either.
And OP, regarding attending the service to bless your brother's ashes, I believe you should totally do what is right for you. There is no 'duty' at all. You will have opportunity at a later date to visit the memorial garden if you wish and he will probably also be in your head forever. You have to do what suits you, not others. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:05:35 PM |
I have decided to have my ashes turn into diamonds
I've seen a 'human' diamond - it's not very big and is quite costly to render into a carbon. What has put me off either becoming one or wearing my mum round me neck, is the fact that it's urine yellow coloured!!!
My mum has her beloved husbands ashes in her bedroom and it comforts her. It's going to be our duty to have her cremated too and sprinkle the pair of them on the football pitch at the back of their house.
A friend once told me of the time his granny was to be cast to the wind. She was married to the Procurator Fiscal of Edinburgh so had special privilege of being scattered on Arthurs Seat ( the lump of volcano in the middle of Edinburgh. It's never NOT windy up there. One the day, the family gathered up on the hill, a prayer was invoked and my friend began to cast the ashes. A strong gust of wind came round the rock and blew the entire contents of granny in all the faces of the gathered folk .  ..
I couldn't stop laughing for days every time I recalled that story. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:12:21 PM | | my mum passed away last month and when the weather gets a bit warmer my sisters and i are gonna scatter her ashes at Scratby just outside great yarmouth, as we remember our holidays we had there 4 times a year as children, i am dreading mothers day as it will be the first one with out her but have decided to do something in memory of mum at my dads grave side. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:25:21 PM | My ashes will be in an urn on a pedestal, just where they should be..
My dogs ashes will be with me, and it will sit where the children decide ..
I quite like the idea of still being there when I'm gone..
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:42:09 PM | The only duty you have is to yourself, the decision is yours and yours alone. Are your children old enough to represent you at the service? If not another close relative perhaps.
As for my ashes I want them scattering on the isle of skye at sunrise. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:28:59 PM | | I don't care if i get spread in a park and a dog shits on me. I am dead what does it matter? | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/24/2008 7:16:20 PM | they have run out of space around the goodisen park pitch for buried ashes.
i want to be cremated but i want it to be done a huge Funeral Pyre like the romans and ancient greeks used too with 'A hard rains a gonna fall' by Bob Dylan playing | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:46:33 AM | When Iv been cremated, I dont mind where they scatter the ashes. I dont want to be hanging about in an urn though as a constant reminder of death.
A lady came into the store where I work and needed to show me some paperwork. When she opened her large handbag, I noticed everything was covered in dust. She said her dad had died and been cremated and wanted to be scattered somewhere that was 'illegal' . This lady and her sister had put the ashes in a plastic bag each, but her bag had burst and her dads ashes were over everything in her bag. She said 'its ok, you can laugh, me and my sister are ok about it, we had a good laugh shaking out the contents of my bag where he wanted his ashes to be scattered.'
I felt a bit 'iffy' handling the paperwork though! | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:12:43 AM | When my brother died we decided to scatter his ashes.. Never really fancied the idea of him being stuck on the mantelpiece ...
We didn't really have a plan as such, my mum, dad, sister, kids, niece and myself went to the crematorium and the man there came out with the urn thingy... He said do you want to scatter or shall I ... No one else fancied doing it so I took the urn ... We had walked past loads of piles of people and I hated the idea of Paul being a shapeless lump of white ash on the floor .. Not nice... So I kind of lifted the urn up high. and just ran around with it flinging him all over the place.... Some of him came home with me and I'm quite sure I swallowed some of him too, not that I am bothered ... He had been bedridden for so long I liked the idea of him being scattered to the four winds free at last...
I agree with Lily as far as your circumstances are concerned OP... You have paid your respects and to keep going over and over is just hurting yourself... He doesn't care any more... Go say hi to him when he's been interred and you feel ready ...
As for my ashes .. Whatever the kids feel like doing with em is good by me ... I hope they will have a fulfilling and happy life and will be able to just let me go rather than wanting me near them as a reminder.. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:16:10 AM | ^^ thats lovely, but very funny x
Here's another funny one.
My boss scattered his father at the end of the garden where his dad liked sitting under the apple tree, only for his gardener to come and hoover them back up with the lawn hoover and but him in a bin bag!..... lol | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:19:09 AM | this is a bit of a strange subject for me...
my dad remarried, so when he was cremated, his ashes were given to my step mother.
this was 10 years ago.
she still has his ashes in her caravan (yes, she lives in a caravan in the middle of nowhere) and whilst we haven't fallen out with each other, we don't really see each other either..except for the cursory christmas and easter visits. so i feel a bit lost when it comes to wanting to be near my dad.
i have nowhere to go that makes me feel close to him, and i can't help but feel that she's done it almost to keep him all to herself..but it's one of those situations...what do you say? how do you bring it up? and if she says no, what could you do about it? | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:49:48 AM | Close your eyes and you are close to your father, there must be lots of special places and ways to remember him. Have an old photo enhanced and framed.
Have you ever discussed your feelings with your step mother?
If you find a way to broach this with your step mother and she says no to your request you can do nothing, she was his lawful wife. (?) Easter is a month away be brave.  | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 4:14:17 AM | After my son died, it took me a long time to decide what I wanted to do with his ashes, and how to remember him. Then a friend suggested a bench somewhere beautiful. So this is what we did.
Kevin used to work in a restaurant at the marina in Burnham on Crouch and along side the marina is a country park. I arranged with the Council that a bench would be put under a couple of trees at the top of the park, overlooking the marina and the water (which he loved) so the outlook is just beautiful. Lots of people use the bench which is great. Then , we took his ashes and did a bit like Pants, running around scattering him among the long grass. My other son went completely potty running around, but it just felt the right thing to do. We called it 'the great escape'.
I did, however, keep just a bit of Kevin with me and had it placed in a really lovely glass globe. Neither my ex nor my son wanted to do this, but there is still a bit of the ashes at the funeral directors just in case they change their minds at any time. My globe has pride of place in my house with a picture of Kevin beside it. Makes me feel like he is still with me. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 6:16:51 AM | My mum died 21 years ago today and my dad 5 years go on Wednesday. They were both cremated and their ashes are together at the crematorium.
My brother couldn't face going to my dad's funeral and I totally respect his feelings on that. You should do what is right for you and if you don't want to go to the memorial then don't..do something for yourself instead.
Your brother wouldn't want you dwelling and coping with it all being brought back..he would give you a hug and tell you it's not important to him..it's only and event..your memories are far more important.
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 6:56:50 AM | There isn't a right way or a wrong way in thiese situations. Death is universal you do what is right for you or what your brother requested if he did request anything.
As for me I really don't care what happens to my mortal remains, the essence of me will be in the hearts of my loved ones as it should be. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:18:32 AM | Nikki, first of all i offer my sympathy to you on the loss of your Brother, as for you attending this service , if you feel you cannot face up to having to go through this very sad ordeal again, don't go, don't do things just because other people expect you to go, at the end of the day its how you feel, you attended the funeral and thats enough to take it out of anyone.
My thoughts are with you in whatever you decide
I think i would like my ashes scattered on the coast as that is where i feel free and happy | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:24:43 AM | I want my ashes scattered in Morocco but if my children cannot do that for whatever reason then I want them scattered in the wind on Camber Sands beach in Kent, my favorite place in the whole of this country, holds such special fun memories from so many years there.
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:34:14 AM | I heard that they do more than 1 dead person at a time at the cremation process, (its all gone commercial now, just like a production line), as its a time consuming process and they want to make the most of their ovens. This means you might be getting a mix of other peoples ashes afterwards. (Only what I heard, I could be totally misinformed).
Someone I know asked for the body back, slung him in the back of a van, and done their own cremation their own way..
Its always a nice thought to have my ashes sent up into space on a mini rocket then released into the milky way. Failing that, I'd like a little spread in each of the 3 beautiful places I've ever been to in the world. South Wales, Caribbean Rainforest & Kalahari desert.
edit: I don't think I should have jumped into this thread with my thoughts on this if there is anyone here grieving so appologies if anything I said here offends. (Hugs). | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:35:06 AM | Thankyou everyone for your replies, some of them made me smile.
I am definately not going to the service. Last thing i can remember were the bells of that church chiming 11am as we were following his coffin into the church. It will take me back to square one which will do me no good.
I will remember him in my own way and yes i will probably go to the memorial garden once i am able to cope with things better. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:55:05 AM | Do what is ok for you, Nikki. You know how you feel, and I suspect that your brother did too. Everyone copes in their own way with their grief, and each of us is different.
I took one of of my best mates ashes to a local hilltop to scatter them. There was a crowd of us, all of whom loved him. We each took a handfull of the gritty stuff from the urn and all together threw it into the wind.
Unfortunately the wind was gusty, and we all ended up with his ashes in our hair and eyes and ears and clothing! He would have laughed at us, I'm sure!
As for me?
I didn't collect my mums ashes from the crematorium. I just didn't relate it to being her. Maybe because I was with her when she died, and was very aware that the cold corpse in my arms was just like the clothing that my mum had worn, not actually 'her' at all.....
I shall leave any decisions about my remains to my daughter as it will be her who has to cope with her grief in whatever way she feels is best. | |
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:58:30 AM | Oh..following the coffin..clear as if it was yesterday...and awful to go through.
I'm glad some responses made you smile.
Do what you feel is right and you won't have a reason to regret your descision ever ( I know because I made descisions too 'not' to do some things when my dad died and I have never questioned them)
I'm thinking of you.
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| Scattering of ashes
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:12:48 AM | | Msg 21 Crematoria always incinerate each individual singly .. The story of mass cremations is an urban myth.. For a start the oven aren't big enough and secondly if you request it you are legally allowed to view the cremation process .. So I don't think they would risk you popping into the cremation room only to find the previous three people propped against a wall and the coffins piled up for collection ... | |
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