| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:47:37 PM | Ok Girls, I have an experience for you. Tell me what you think and what you would have done.
Here goes:
Commincate through POF with a couple of emails, IMs, and have 2-3 phone calls. Agree to meet approximately 1/2 way because we live over an hour from one another. I drive 45 min west to get there, and he says he's got a resturant a 1/2 hour southeast to go to, and then asks me if I'd like to drive to the restaurant in his car
I said no thanks, we've just met and I don't know him well enough, so we agree I'd follow him in my car. I mention that being the restuarant is back east and only 1/2 hour south of me, I can just ride home from there.
I wasn't pleased that I drove 45 min west, just to go back east, but I've already made the ride and there really weren't any restuarants around where we met because the stretch between where we live is pretty wooded and country.
I start to follow him to the restaruant in my car. We are about 1/2 way there - and he pulls over on the shoulder, gets out and says to me that he was thinking about all the time we could have had talking and getting to know one another during the drive there
if I would have agreed to get in his car and was upset that I didn't trust him enough to get in his car. I said it is a saftey thing for a woman on a first meet.
He says then he wants to cancel the date right then and there - - -after I drove all the way out west and then halfway back southeast!!!! I couldn't believe it!
He could not understand that I couldn't trust that he wasn't going to rape or murder me because of how he looked and he gave me what he says is his home phone number! (Everytime he called however, the phone id said 'unavailble" so all I had was his word to go on that this number was his home phone number.) He said that if he was going to rape or murder me, they would be able to arrest him because he had given me his home phone number! I then told him that Ted Bundy was so successful as a serial killer because he looked normal, and was so personable and nice to the women he lured.
Now here's the question girls - he said many of the women he met online got in the car with him a the first meet date and I was the first one who wouldn't.
What would you do on so little contact and on a first meet? Would you get in the car with someone in a convience store parking lot out in the middle of almost nowhere?
I felt he was crazy for being insulted that I chose to be cautious.
What do you think? | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:53:12 PM | | Ocean...you did everything right. If it was your own daughter on the date, wouldn't you tell her to do exactly what you did? | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:58:50 PM | safety is PARAMOUNT.
there really are some nutters out there, what you said about Bundy was correct.
each person, each situation is different, you have to use your own instinct, if you smell that some thing is not quite right then dont go any further.
at least you were able to drive back and were safe.
forevery nutter on here and out there , there are many more " normal " guys who are not all concerned about getting into some ones knickers.
i have met one woman on here at her home, i know what iam NOT going to do but some one else doesn`t know that.
always be safe..................ALWAYS | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:59:38 PM | | You did the right thing. I've been through the same crap and guys just don't appreciate the need to be safe. A friend put it to me this way: women are concerned that their date is going to be a serial killer. The guy's worst fear is that she'll turn out to be a dude. They have no concept of the safety factor and if they can't appreciate it, they are not worth the time. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:59:42 PM | | You did the right thing, don't worry about him. He's a loser if he acted like that anyway. Your safety first. Always follow your gut instinct. You really didn't know this guy. Be glad you found out what type of person he really is now, rather than later. A real gentleman would have agreed with you. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:00:22 PM | | Very poorly planned meet.....next time, dont ever go so far out of your way to meet a man...............unless you are booked into a hotel where you can meet for dinner or something........ | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:02:24 PM | I'm a man, and I think you did EXACTLY the right thing.
This guy is an idiot, and some kind of a jerk, to think any woman would get into his car, upon meeting him in person for the first time.
He has you drive 45 minutes West, to meet you in a convenience store parking lot. Then, is going to take you to a restaurant 30 minutes back East.
Were I in your shoes, he would have lost me at the 30 minutes back East, to go to the same restauranat he had in mind when we spoke on the phone.
"Many of the women he met on line got in the car with him at the first meet date." Maybe it's because these women got into the car with this jerk, that these same women aren't seeing him anymore.
You may have been the first to decline to get in the car with this guy. But, I surely hope you're not the last.
I say good for you. Keep practicing safety. You did exactly the right thing.
In the future, I would suggest anyone you might be meeting in the future, that the two of you agree upon a restaurant to meet at, and a time. That way, no driving to and fro; you meet, you eat, and you leave separately, or together, however you choose it should be. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:02:44 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
ERM, ERM ladies we are not all nutters and out to attack or do wrong things.
ladies PLEASE.........................
we are not all the same. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:04:24 PM | Ocean... thank him, for showing you this psycho side sooner than later. LET HIM GO!
I had a similar experience with another man from POF, who wanted me to do a 1st meet AT HIS HOUSE and basically called me a money-grubbing h0e after his trust fund when I told him I preferred to meet in public. 
NO you are NOT crazy girl - I actually think the other women whom he claims DID get into his car prolly were (if said women even exist). And you're right about the number he gave you, so what, it could be a pay as you go phone not tied to him.
I say better to be SAFE than end up as a story on Cold Case Files or Unsolved Mysteries
K. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:08:35 PM | I think by now its obvious and unnecessary but OF COURSE you did the right thing. Sounds waaay too creepy.
 fast | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:25:02 PM | you did the right thing....lol???
perhaps next time don't worry who has to drive where too much, just make sure the place you meet at is to YOUR liking and safety.
If that is a problem for a man to meet you on those terms, forget him...
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:25:04 PM | Thank you all. I felt I did the right thing for me. I would rather err on the side of caution, and expected a date to understand that.
I appreciate the consenses. It solidifies my thoughts that he was the unreasonable one, not me! | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:35:02 PM | | OP, good for you for maintaining your comfort and safety zone. I may seem old-fashioned to some of my contacts, but it is my policy, for the lady's sake , to allow her to set the ground rules for the when and where. Sounds like this guy doesn't want a woman to have that kind of control. Sounds like he may have had ulterior motives by changing the agreed-to plans on the fly. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:37:20 PM | I am not a lady, but if you don't mind I would like to give you the 'normal' man's PoV. It is absolutely RIDICULOUS for a man (or woman) to EVER pressure someone like that. Assuming that this is the whole story, if I were you, I would not have any more contact with him. I didn't want to get on this site, because I absolutely under stand that in the world right now, the smart thing for a woman to do is NOT trust a stranger... at least not for a little while. I say you did right, and way to go for sticking to your guns when you were in the right. I can only think of one more thing that I would have liked to have heard in a case like this...
Bottom line: You were right. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:40:13 PM | You did the righ thing girl, good for you, don't feel bad, safety first always, I always tried to make the girls I meet the safest possible and at ease so they can relax, I'm an ex-cop and current firefighter/Medic, so you did right. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:46:47 PM | | As I have said and been boo'd upon in past posting of similar content...It is very important for a woman to trust her gut instinct and in this case you did and saved yourself from what could have been a disaterous evening...clapps to you!! And the bundy thing great smart thinking...if someone is that pressursome to get you into an uneasy situation the outcome certainly can not be good.. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:48:05 PM | | Ocean -- Ewwwwww!!! I got absolute creeps reading your post. You are a wonderful teacher to any woman on here who needs a reminder of "Red Flags". Wow, you certainly received them on this 'date'. Nice Going!!! | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:53:16 PM | I think there is 100% agreement on the fact you did the right thing!! You stated on your profile that life is not about how many breaths you take, but how many moments took your breath away--I think you did an excellent job of making sure you keep breathing--those kind of male manipulation, try to make her feel guilty tricks may just not be working anymore--thanks for a good wake-up.  | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:54:01 PM | Anybody who is insulted because you're cautious is not worth seeing. Using guilt is manipulative. NEVER fall for that kind of emotional manipulation and call them on it to their face but when you are sure and you're in a safe spot.
As a guy I always try to pick a safe spot for the woman just as a courtesy. If I care about her why wouldn't I want her both safe and to feel safe? I also know if she is comfortable the date is going to go better because there is going to be more focus on interaction between us two than if she has her walls up because she is meeting somewhere she doesn't feel safe. This is not to say every woman is this way, but most are. Moreso now than ever before but with good reason. Never change either -- don't give in to these quick change stories.
Agree on a well lit spot, plenty of people around, and preferably security cameras. In any fair sized town this is not hard to do. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:42:32 PM | | Ocean, you dodged a bullet. The guy sounds scary. Why on earth should he get mad because you put your safety first. I think by choosing to be cautious you saved yourself from personal injury or worse. Any man who would respond the way he did and cancel the date, could very likely have been extremely dangerous. A normal, sane man would want you to be comfortable and to feel safe. I would have reacted the same way you did. Thank God, you were smart enough not to go with him. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 5:43:15 PM | | Thank you, that is the view I was hoping he'd take. -- To understand I have to feel safe. How can one be comfortable on a date if they don't feel safe, first and foremost? | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:00:57 PM | | get his tag number and turn him to the cops, there may be a few ladies missing | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:05:00 PM |
would you get in the car with someone in a convience store parking lot out in the middle of almost nowhere? No. I think I would have agreed upon the restaurant to begin with, before leaving the house.
he said many of the women he met online got in the car with him a the first meet date and I was the first one who wouldn't. Maybe he's lying. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:12:18 PM | | U Made the right choice and he made the wrong one, good going kiddo, id be just like you, he insulted you by assuming you were going to go the route he chose. | |
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| Safety on a First Meet.
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:20:41 PM | | Ocean, I Feel you did the right thing and I would have done it also. When I meet someone new whether online or elsewhere, I ALWAYS meet them in a public place until I feel comfortable enough to let them pick me up. There have been times I would meet them for up to a month before allowing them to see where I live. There have also been a few times I just didn't feel comfortable enough to go on a second date. If a guy gets upset or offended because I prefer to meet them instead of letting them pick me up, that would be a red flag. Always go with your own instincts, safety comes first. | |
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