| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:06:21 PM | So I just finished reading this book by the Sex and the City writers called "He's just not that into you." Sort of a funny, self-help book for women in relationships with emotionally unavailable men. I am just wondering if any of the guys have read or heard about this book and/or agree with the philosophy behind it. It basically states that if a man is truly interested he calls when he says he'll call, asks you out (doesn't wait for you to ask him), gives you compliments and can't keep his hands off you. According to the book.. men would rather stab themselves in the eye than hurt a womans feelings by saying I'm not that into you. The writers say in a nutshell if the chic is doing most of the pursuing, calling, WORK of maintaning the relationship its because he's not really feeling you, and for the "THE ONE" a man will go to any lengths to meet you, call you, date you.. SEX you. What do the men have to say..Fact or Fictional bestseller? | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:09:00 PM | | It's crap. People are all different and you can't apply all that to everyone. Good luck if you want to though. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:10:53 PM | I'm not a man....but it sounds like the author knows what he's talking about.....
But it's tricky nowadays....tricky indeed....I keep thinking, friends first...but just read a thread by a sweet woman who is friends with a man and told him how she felt and it didn't work out in the best way...though it could change later down the road...
A person just doesn't know....
That deserted tropical island is looking better and better....Ah, maybe I'm just tired.... :( | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:11:24 PM | Sounds about right to me thickgurl. The problem is finding someone that will treat you the same way. To often the other person takes these things you mention for granted, then you have nothing but a one sided romance.
Funny, I just answered a thread about that, well sort of, lol. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:12:26 PM | Maybe the NYC bar scene is a dating microcosm.
scratch that misread the post. I agree to a point. Punctuality is a sign of respect. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:23:22 PM | ThickGurl: Every word within that great, insightful and ground-breaking book is absolutely true - word for word, comma for comma.
I endorse it fully.
I'm not only the club president, but I'm also a client.
...anyways - for every book that proclaims insightful knowledge such as what you've read in "Girlfriend, he's not into you", there are dozens more that will tell you the opposite, and a dozen more that will refute those dozen more.
I will agree that if someone is into you, man or woman, they will call when they say they will, etc. - but that's not any overlooked secret, it's what we'd expect if someone is into us.
Perhaps one thing these books don't tell you is this about men: we do pursue and go to great lengths ... but if there's no indication of returned interest, we move on. I say this because of the number of threads from women I've read which state along the lines of " ... I really like him, but I've read that if a woman shows interest he'll think we're easy/men love the hunt so I need to pretend I'm not interested/should I call him or wait for him to call me?/etc."
Wowzee ... | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:57:26 PM | I haven't read it (not exactly targetted at me) but at the same time I'm leery of anything suggesting that all men (or women, or catholics, or pets) are the same.
I'm not. I'm always open and honest, I've never been with someone I wasn't that into. If I was... why would I be with them?
I don't like being distilled down to some cardboard cutout of a male stereotype. I find it offensive.
BTW, the who "men will do anything to avoid saying they're not into you" thing isn't men. It's humans. We don't like conflict. If you think it's only men who do that, tell it to the girl I met on Saturday night. She hit on me at the bar, and we talked for hours. We laughed and joked and she seemed very interested. She popped outside to make a phone call. She never came back.
I've been out with women who danced all night and schmoozed with guys they just weren't interested in, simply to avoid telling him they didn't like them. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:58:51 PM | OP: Never trust a book, written by a woman/women, about a topic that she inherently does not understand. Also, never trust a book written by a man/men, about a topic that they too, inherently do not understand.
emotionally unavailable men
This one is easy, I can explain it. It's just that when I do take it out, blow the dust off of it, give it a quick spit shine.... and become emotionally available, you ladies have a nasty habit of turning it inside out. And it takes me years to take it apart, put it back together, and then leave it in the closet... | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:10:40 PM |
gives you compliments and can't keep his hands off you
a man will go to any lengths to meet you, call you, date you.. SEX you
SO........that is what a guy has to do to get a date? I will never understand you women | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:44:48 PM | I may be the only man on earth that actually read it. The thing to take away is exactly what you stated:
men would rather stab themselves in the eye than hurt a womans feelings by saying I'm not that into you.
What was amazing, as a guy, was how obvious the advice was from my perspective. I'm sure women could read men's dating advice and say the same thing. The whole book was filled with obvious stuff like, "if he raped your sister, stole $10,000 from you, shot your dog, and didn't call for three months, he's just not into you." Um yea, no crap. All this coming from the gender that can small confidence from 500 yards, tell how good you are in bed from across the room in 3 seconds etc.
It confirmed to me yet again that women are definitely not logical in nature, because all of the problems seemed very if A + B = C he's not into you. Men's advice is the polar opposite in most cases with problems centering on much less logical issues like "confidence" which has no single obvious logical solution. If that book is the advice women need, we should all get into the obvious advice business, write a book in an afternoon, and become millionaires. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:48:57 PM | I kind of agree with the book but the whole me want the hunt thing is kind of bull I can only go by my experiences but most people try to avoid hurting others feelings and sometimes it's easier to act distant and unfeeling to let them brake it off it's a very spineless tactic but one some people use often basically it kind of boils down to that both sides are desperately trying to understand the other but the thought patterns are too different sure sometimes you might be lucky enough to find someone that will make it easy for you to read them but you will never completely understand their thought process there are too many factors and reasons why people guard them selfs and reasons why they do what they do.
and as to another poster talking about the friends first thing not working out in my opinion it's because most of the time if with myself any ways if I contact someone it's because I am interested in a relationship and by the time some women finally decide that ok time to take it from friends to more than that well guess what you took too long your now in the friend zone and I'm not willing to risk the friendship to see if it will work just my opinion though. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:52:55 PM |
I kind of agree with the book but the whole me want the hunt thing is kind of bull I can only go by my experiences but most people try to avoid hurting others feelings and sometimes it's easier to act distant and unfeeling to let them brake it off it's a very spineless tactic but one some people use often basically it kind of boils down to that both sides are desperately trying to understand the other but the thought patterns are too different sure sometimes you might be lucky enough to find someone that will make it easy for you to read them but you will never completely understand their thought process there are too many factors and reasons why people guard them selfs and reasons why they do what they do.
Brother! You're killing me here. Talk about your run on sentence. Sheesh!  | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:01:47 PM | This book seems like it could be helpful if you use it to sort through your own feelings. To take that long look in the mirror when explaining relationship struggles and frustrations.
But no book can help you sort through someone else's feelings. For that you need communication.
It's a funny thing to be a man in the middle of an obvious pursuit. Calling, planning extravagant dates, gifts, getting handsy. If she likes him, it's called wonderful. If she doesn't like him, it's called desperate and needy. And he can't tell if the woman likes him if she is playing the whole "let'em chase me" game.
On these boards I've seen person after person boil that book down to "woman makes no effort and hardly lets on she's interested. Man throws his self respect to the curb and holds nothing back in his relentless pursuit of woman." The woman decides if it was enough. If not, then he's just not that into her.
Are you good at making and mantaining platonic friendships? If so, think of your dating life like that. Only with kissing and stuff. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:08:46 PM | Both authors of that book specialize in comedy. One author wrote one episode of sex in the city. The other author, I've seen perform live, and later saw his act regurgitated into a short lived sitcom.
I can't say I'd automaticly agree with a TV writer just because their work went to print.
In return, I'd have to say that if any guy will move mountains for a girl whom he thinks is the one, 9 times out of 10, he'll be walking away feeling like a chump.
Additionally, anyone who's been shot down a couple times knows better than to let a girl think he values her more than himself. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:36:41 PM | I have never read the “book”, but common sense tells me that if a man is inattentive, doesn’t call, or asks, “Do I know you?” when we’ve been “dating” for six months, then he’s just not that into me. Common sense also saved me $21.95, plus shipping and handling.
My Rating...
A++++++ Would definitely NOT buy it! | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:38:39 PM | Yes, I take all of my relationship advice (except the parts I learned from MAD magazine when I was about eleven) from sitcom writers. 
Don't believe everything you read, thuckgurl - everyone is different. I'm not sure how much I like stabbing myself in the eye, but I have told women I'm not that into them.
I will say that in MOST cases where "the chic is doing most of the pursuing, calling, WORK of maintaning the relationship" the woman should get out of it WHATEVER the reason. Why would you put up with that?
The only reason I can think of is lack of self-esteem. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:45:43 PM | The thing with that book is that nowhere does it say that a woman should make a guy jump through a gazillion hoops or literally beg for her attention. That ends up being a guy with no self-esteem. So, I agree, when a guy is "into you" he does go out of his way to a woman, but if a woman abuses that, then he will quickly decide that she sucks donkey d*ck and move onto someone who treats him better. It should be an equal give and take on both sides.
The book is right when it comes to one-sided relationships and anyone, be it a man or a woman, should avoid one-sided relationships. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:53:24 PM | | Have not read the book. Generally speaking if a guy really likes you he will let it be known. That being said, life requires balance. If you leave him to do all the work and don't chip in at all do not be surprised if you turn around one day and find his interest in you has evaporated and he is "gone" all of a sudden... | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:56:59 PM | I wouldn't waste a dime on this book.
I remember years back when I bought "The Rules". Another piece of trash. 
Common sense is free. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:02:52 PM | Common sense tells me also that if a woman is inattentive, doesn't call, or asks, "Do I know you?" when we have been dating, then she is just not that into me....... 
What is good for women, is good for men as well, so maybe we need to be calling each other more, be more attentive equally, and somehow make the relationship equal......... 
If you want me to pursue you, then you better be pursuing me....... 
Just my opinion.......  | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:29:33 PM | I read this book and I think it is great and funny. It's my new mantra and it makes life a little easier to think "hey he's just not that into me", now I just have to put into practive what I learned! 
Actually I thought this book hit the nail on the head and opened my eyes to a few things... I have a VERY close GUY friend and he read it and after reading it he realized that based on his actions towards the woman he was dating that "he just wasn't that into her" and ended the relationship, he said maybe all guys should read this book.
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:36:29 PM |
What is good for women, is good for men as well, so maybe we need to be calling each other more, be more attentive equally, and somehow make the relationship equal
I agree 100%. If a man expresses interest and there is a possibility for a connection, I will most definitely reciprocate in kind. Reciprocity is the key. I’m not afraid to let him know I’m interested, but if he disappears like a gorilla into the mist, I will not pursue.
If I’m not his huckleberry, I’m not going hound him. | |
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