| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:24:09 AM | Hello ladies,
I have been thinking what women deem holy in men and I will certainly believe they have their disregard toward timid and reserved men like me.
Now my point is as I will never endeavour to ask for a lady's hand metaphorically speaking am I completely impeded in seeking a relationship and hence love.
Thanks for your replies in advance.
p.s. I hope you will understand my banal English | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:35:23 AM | Why don't you join your military ?
or
If you don't want to go that route, join a gym and start a strength program.
It will help you. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:00:46 AM | | I don't think joining the army or going to the gym will make a difference as your inner self will remain the same. Don't you believe so? | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:09:49 AM | Are you asking a question?
It sure doesn't seem like it. It seems as if you're saying you're introverted and shy and have absolutely no intention of trying to gain the self-confidence necessary to meet and/or connect with a woman.
You're right. Most of us aren't interested in men who lack self confidence. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:11:24 AM | well but I am confident with men  | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:17:33 AM | | Then it sounds like you need to work on improving your confidence with women. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:20:11 AM | | maybe it is because I have always been surrounded by male friends but once I know someone I can become quite open but to me it is hard to overcome the barrier or to break the ice and anyway when I try it....disaster beckons:) | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:37:30 AM |
I don't think joining the army or going to the gym will make a difference as your inner self will remain the same. Don't you believe so?
I believe so, I know alot of guys who went to the military, & became confident.
As for me I went to gym & that's where I get my confidence from. I'm not just saying do weights, but cardio workouts are a big plus because you'll be more relax.
maybe it is because I have always been surrounded by male friends but once I know someone I can become quite open but to me it is hard to overcome the barrier or to break the ice and anyway when I try it....disaster beckons:)
I think your doing what I'm did long time ago....trying to hard. When you try to hard, it's not going to calm out good. I found out women are often as shy as men are. Somebody got to make the first move...and it's usually the men. Once you do it, it's not that bad.
One more thing when it comes to your pics....smile. Those pics you have right now, you look very sad. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:56:44 AM | | thanks for the feedback my pictures are awful I know but I haven't got a proper machine to take them this is why I look so ugly:) | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:04:43 AM |
I don't think joining the army or going to the gym will make a difference as your inner self will remain the same. Don't you believe so?
I agree I don't think the Gym would help but the Army might. You would develop Leadership skills, and when those skills are transferred into social situations you become more appealing to women. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 11:59:13 AM | I'm no help - I just told about 20 DJs in a meeting last night that ironically are afraid to stand up and talk on the mic to suck it up and get over it if they want to actually run their businesses productively...
How on earth can you own an entertainment company if you run when someone hands you a mic? It's just odd. Same thing applies here, you can't realistically want to find someone if you know you don't want to ever break the ice in the first place.
Bottom line is that unless you get around the problem, your outcome won't change. You have to want the outcome to change badly enough to want to attack and overcome the problem, regardles of your technique. It's not that some people have it easier than others - everyone fears it, but some just say screw it and do it anyway. When you want it bad enough, you'll do it...that's all I can say.
Maybe this is the beginning of change for you, maybe you're just hoping someone'll tell you there's a way around it. Who knows. But yes, military, toastmasters, things that make you feel a part of things, and give you responsibility and some discipline to apply to yourself can actually help. And I do think going to the gym helps, because it's a sense of accomplishment to see results and to see people around you react to you differently. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:43:39 PM | "How on earth can you own an entertainment company if you run when someone hands you a mic? It's just odd. Same thing applies here, you can't realistically want to find someone if you know you don't want to ever break the ice in the first place.
Bottom line is that unless you get around the problem, your outcome won't change. You have to want the outcome to change badly enough to want to attack and overcome the problem, regardles of your technique. It's not that some people have it easier than others - everyone fears it, but some just say screw it and do it anyway. When you want it bad enough, you'll do it...that's all I can say.
Maybe this is the beginning of change for you, maybe you're just hoping someone'll tell you there's a way around it. Who knows. But yes, military, toastmasters, things that make you feel a part of things, and give you responsibility and some discipline to apply to yourself can actually help. And I do think going to the gym helps, because it's a sense of accomplishment to see results and to see people around you react to you differently. "
I agree 100%. Life is what you make it and as a formerly shy person myself the best way I learned to over come it is to put yourself out there and take chances.  | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:43:00 PM | I'm shy too! I have a crush on a girl in a local store and I left her a secret admirer Valentine!!!  | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:53:01 PM | to get over being overly shy around women perhaps it would help if you were around them more in a non-threatening (non-romantic ;)) setting..
maybe volunteer at a library/food kitchen/animal shelter/to go along as a support to a hiking teacher/whatever you enjoy or have an interest in... most organizations will also have women involved and the focus will be on the activity, rather than the other people there... it could give you the opportunity to get to see that women are just people, like you are... and to chat generally, without any expectations or pressure
once you've found a comfort level with the women you work/volunteer/spend time.. alongside, then it may make it easier to talk to other women who you'd like to get to know with dating on your mind... and maybe the women you've already met might be someone you'd like to get to know further, or would be able to introduce you to friends ;)
the thing is, women are just people, they can be friends too... they like chatting about all sorts of things, just like men do... listen when they speak and ask questions about what they're interested in.. and about who they are... maybe if you approach women by thinking of them as just being human beings, rather than *women*, you'll be able to relax more and simply be friendly - that's always a good way to get to know someone
good luck
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:26:15 PM | Something in your unconcious is where your shyness is coming from.
Start a journal. Write down when you think it started. Write down what was happening in your life at that time. Write down the mental associations you are making in social settings and confront those feelings head on. This will be hard, upsetting, emotional work when you discover old hotspots and injuries - it will be worth it though. When you have chased out those old skeletons from your internal closet - you will never look back. For every negative you have expressed, in a red pen and in bolder print - rewrite it more strongly for the better, rewrite your story.
Do some very positive visualisations of walking into a room, greeting and talking to women and being responded to visually. Do this mental role play every day, until you feel your mind begin to shift. You are retraining your mind as you do this, in the same way a workout at the gym trains up muscles. If it helps even visualise the women you feel shy towards as being no different to your mates, just don't thump them on the arm, but you get the drift. Its the same as a nervous speaker imagining the audience in boxer shorts - you smile, they smile - the ball is rolling, and you forget to be nervous.
Push your personal boundaries a little every day by stepping forward out of your shell. Compliment someone on a nice outfit. Offer to help an older female with something. Do some voluntary work through your local church and widen your circle of contacts. There are many self-help books out there, breathe deep, throw those shoulders back, take a firmer stride but most of all, decide to change right now dammit! Good luck! | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:05:46 PM |
I believe so, I know alot of guys who went to the military, & became confident.
Didn't work for me.
I was in the Air Force for six years and it didn't improve my confidence one bit. The only thing you can do to improve your confidence is to be willing to risk looking like an idiot and just getting out there and practice meeting women. It will be hard at first, but you just need to force yourself to introduce yourself to women, regardless of how many times you get the cold shoulder. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:23:50 AM | To bring a point up -- some women are conversely turned off by military experience. I'm not saying that I am, but some people I know have points of view that a military man may not mesh with.
To help yourself, I would suggest talking to people you meet every day. At work, converse with people. The easiest thing to do is ask them questions about themselves. Talk to your servers, cashiers, postal workers, telemarketers, anyone you meet during the course of your day. You'd be surprised how many people really appreciate someone taking a moment to talk with them as a person rather than just utter the usual "How are you"s and "Have a nice day"s. Talking with strangers will help your conversation skills, elevate your mood, and give you confidence that you can be the first to reach out to someone with pleasant results. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:53:25 AM | | what about my secret admirer Valentine? | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:26:49 AM | I was at the grocery store last night. Women everywhere. Ran into a very cute tall blonde several times up and down the aisles. We smiled at each other after a few times because we were not trying to run into one another.
Just look at them and smile. In fact, leer at them: Look them up and down from head to toe. Be obvious about it. Stop and stare at them until you feel uncomfortable and they notice you looking (but don't say anything). Then break eye contact briefly. Then look back and smile. Then maybe just say "Hi" or something similarly monosyllabic IF they smile at you, but move along immediately. Then, later on, if you run into them in another aisle, do the following:
Drop something right in front of them. Make stuff fall off the shelves. Make a mess. Feel awkward and they will think you're cute. They may help you pick up the packages of spaghetti, rice, or cereal that you caused to fall. It's even better if it breaks open and goes all over the floor and onto her clothes.
Wear a 'classy' hat. Women love hats on men.
BE CREATIVE!!! | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:36:26 AM |
Just look at them and smile. In fact, leer at them: Look them up and down from head to toe. Be obvious about it. Stop and stare at them until you feel uncomfortable and they notice you looking (but don't say anything). Then break eye contact briefly. Then look back and smile. Then maybe just say "Hi" or something similarly monosyllabic.
He's right - I do this to cute men all the time, sans the "hi" (they usually offer that part). Giving someone you like the elevator (within reason, don't be offensive or make her feel violated) works like a charm... | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:45:44 AM | | once again i am in full agreement with ugly betty, the most intelligent person on the forums. I just feel sorry for her, since she has to deal with jackalopes hitting on her day and night, 24/7. Get lost LOSERS! Betty will let YOU know if she is interested! | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:00:35 AM | It's ok to be shy.
I just posted a question asking how to not be so shy when approaching men. I'm shy, and I like other shy men. Men who are loud, and demand a lot of attention are not my type. So there are women out there for you, we just happen to live across the pond.
Confidence is a tricky one, it's something I need to gain more of and something that can be shot down easily. I tried everyones advice the other day while I was out. I looked back when I noticed people looking at me. It helps it works, baby steps ya know. Asking a guy to fix my ipod, does not work. I think he thought I was an idiot and he was right. I was an idiot for asking when I fully know well how to work my ipod.
It's the risk that I learned I am afraid of, taking the chance of what might happen after I follow through with actually talking to someone. Being rejected isn't so bad, that's actually the easy part, you start back at the beginning. What happens after, thats the scary, risky part. So like Betty said, sometimes you just have to suck it up and run with it. Everyone says it gets easier with practice.
You aren't alone. | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:02:14 AM | | i agree with what bansshiii and betty said as always she is right on guys..and please do NOT ask her out, she will let YOU know if SHE is interested!!!!! | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:47:11 AM | uglybetty:
What's the "elevator"?
Adrian | |
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| shyness
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:35:12 AM | once again i am in full agreement with ugly betty, the most intelligent person on the forums.
I have a good amount of common sense, and I tend to be logical, but I don't know about the MOST intelligent - that's a little over the top.
I just feel sorry for her, since she has to deal with jackalopes hitting on her day and night, 24/7. Get lost LOSERS! Betty will let YOU know if she is interested!
LOL, been dealing with men since I was about 12 - they don't bother me. In fact, it's easy to screen the ones that approach me. I just don't consider em. Simple. But I can't expect all men to know I'd rather talk to them first, so I'll just deal with it.
I find myself saying "yeah, I know you're here, I saw you an hour ago" a lot. But I digress...it keeps me on my toes...lol.
uglybetty:
What's the "elevator"?
It's exactly what you described.
Look them up and down from head to toe.
That's it, pretty much. | |
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