| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:11:39 PM | I've had a few dates that have REALLY made me uncomfortable. I am not desperate to be in a relationship or find a man... I just would really like to have one in my life. I think it's important to meet, see if you click and if you do date to see if anything develops. The last few men I've gone out with seem to want to RUSH everything. It's nice to receive a compliment but not over and over and over again when you're trying to have a conversation. (it embarrasses me and makes me uncomfortable)
I let them know that I take things slow yet they try to hold my hand, discuss wanting me to be their girlfriend. Within 10 minutes of meeting someone he told me he already knows I'm for him. COME ON!!!! I feel like they are using lines on me.. Like: I can't belive you've never been married and no kids, Your eyes are so beautiful, I could sit hear and listen to your laugh all night, you're so alive.
Doesn't this make you all run the other way? Cuz it freaks me out! It makes me feel like they aren't respecting the fact I'm not looking to jump into something. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:19:54 PM | All that is waaay over the top.
Run like hell. He's a player.
I've had them talk about taking me on weekend get-aways on the first date.
BS, over the top flattery, sweet talking, body language, etc... he wants too much too soon for a first date.
And I agree, it makes you want to run as fast as you can in the other direction.
Krys | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:28:07 PM | These are people who haven't had a date in a loooonggg time...so they think about what they want, rather than see how they look to other people. During my last 5 yr dry spell, I had a woman rush me like this, and I still 
Desperation is the world's worst cologne. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:37:14 PM | Thanks you guys... I'm just freaking out wondering if it's California or me!
One guy Grabbed my hand while waiting to be seated and I pulled it away and explained I move slowly.... (CRAP I don't even kiss on a 1st date! usually) Then at breakfast he grabbed my hand and started carressing it as he told me I'm one of the top 5 women he's met online! That he can see us together. WTF we just fricken met!!!!
I haven't met anyone else in ages and went out last night. I let him know over the phone his compliments were making me uncomfortable. Then in person he kept going on... and then HE was fishing for compliments and I stated... I don't really compliment someone until I really get to know them and I'm really comfortable with them. So he shook my hand and said that's great then you know it's real. (so was he telling me I'm not really beautiful? I don't really have beautiful eyes and a smile? ) LOL dayum it!
When he got up he grabbed the food turned his back to me and stuck his hand out behind him. I was like what are you doing? (maybe if I was feeling it I would have took his hand)
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Edit: I'm not really a hard case... am I? He gave me a peck on the cheek when I hugged him when we met. He didn't just give one compliment but OVER the top too many. I asked him to stop a few times. VVVVVVVV | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:44:59 PM | God lady you're certainly a hard case. I think nothing of holding a woman's hand or giving her a little peck on the lips first date. And I always give a woman at least one compliment assuming she is attractive. However, one is all she gets.
Maybe your beauty is so stunning that you've HYPNOTIZED those poor fellas?
The Eagle | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:49:41 PM | | Sounds like a lay me line if I ever heard one,if one really means it all and its in good standing it will be from the heart not the mouth alone or zipper,you need to learn and pick up on the difference I'm sure a few wasn't bad and just misjudged to quick. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:51:09 PM | Ever stop and think that the compliments are genuine? I for one, notice the eyes. Also something to think about, how does a guy handle when he is asked.... "How come you didnt try and hold my hand?", or, "I wish you would have kissed me". Seems confusing. I wonder if there is a happy medium. Cant please them all, all one can do is try. better to try and fail, than to have never tried I guess.
Huggs, Dave | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:55:51 PM | | Personally, if a man does anything to make me feel uncomfortable on the phone, I won't agree to go out with him...gut instincts are usually right! I usually have several phone conversations before I set an actual meeting...and I rarely have what I would consider a "bad" date, it may not go to a 2nd date for various reasons but I have yet to leave a date wishing I had never agreed to go. Compliments are nice but, yes, overkill can get to be a little creepy. If you are having this issue with "every man" as you stated, maybe you should look at what's attracting you to this same kind of guy every time....just a thought. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:17:24 PM | | I'm much more comfortable taking things slow with a man who might be a contender for a serious relationship. Because, you really want to get to be friends first. But then there's the ones you know aren't going to last, so they can be the Boi Toys. Problem is THEY dont know which one you think they are LOL | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:30:25 PM |
I let him know over the phone his compliments were making me uncomfortable. Then in person he kept going on... and then HE was fishing for compliments and I stated... I don't really compliment someone until I really get to know them and I'm really comfortable with them.
This is one of the reasons that I tell guys not to complement women and tell them that they are beautiful and all that crap. And if the complements fly, they should be about something genuine, not the typical stuff. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:36:52 PM | These are the words of the "I am checking to see if you are stupid enough to fall for this...cuz if you are, you will also be stupid enough to bang me....SOON" kinda guy.
Hate to say it, but PARTS of your post actually says you are falling for some of this...... | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:37:00 PM | It COULD happen, but if there is that instantaneous feeling of "being right," shouldn't BOTH people feel it?
I have had men do the same thing, and yet, I felt nothing toward them except the desire to get away. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:43:15 PM | coastergal,
I'm 100% with you on this: it creeps me out when a guy I'm just starting to get acquainted with is trying to ingratiate himself to me this way. It does feel like trite 'lines', and I don't like the thought he's probably tried the same routine on a string of other dates.
If a man who barely knows me is trying this hard to pair up with me, I know that either way, he'll be history, whether or not I agree to be his girlfriend.
He's trying to fill an unfillable void in his life and I'm not much more to him at that point than a warm body.
It's not charming. It's more like dog drool. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:55:16 PM | Yes, it does freak me out. I don't like advances from someone I'm not sure I like yet - and if it's too soon, it doesn't matter if I do, it's still weird and could cause me to retreat.
To me holding hands and kissing and all that's for actual dates when I am already interested and it's mutual and clear that we're getting to know each other and that's the situation.
Plus, let's be honest - some of that stuff CAN'T realistically be true when they barely know you. Sorry, I don't buy it. I think they think it's what I want to hear - perhaps because some women really do gush over that stuff...dunno.
If I want to kiss, hold hands, or do anything of the sort - he'll know when/if I initiate it. Period. I'd never ask someone why they didn't try something, but a few times I've asked why they thought they should.
Just me. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:15:42 PM | I totally feel the same way Yuck! when they do that.
You are not being too anything but normal
Men like that are gross and out for one thing and are not respecting your boundries
foreiners I find do that alot ugh yuck
big turn off
I not only want to run the other way I doooooooooooooo run the other way
Unless of course you are thatttttt beautiful and they do fall for you
which is a nice thought but no matter, still once you say noooooooooooooooo
they should get the word noooo!
don't cha just loveeeeeeeeee dating
grrrrrrrrrr | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:27:53 PM | ive had a few bad experiences too, mainly guys just wanting sex and nothing more, and without sounding too synical, they can go and get it off a million other women, im nothing special and wish the players would leave me alone as im tired of it. I just want someone genuine, is that asking for too much????? | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:31:42 PM |
All that is waaay over the top.
Run like hell. He's a player.
I've had them talk about taking me on weekend get-aways on the first date.
BS, over the top flattery, sweet talking, body language, etc... he wants too much too soon for a first date.
I don't know that I would agree that this sounds like a player. I think a player would be a smoother operator than that. I agree with another poster...sounds like someone who hasn't been on a date in a long time. Or someone who doesn't know how to woo a woman. From conversations I have had with several women I have met online, and ended up dating, there are some real idiots out there. Guys trying to force kisses on the first date, or give them a little kiss and they immediately reach for the boobs, or even trying to get them to a motel room after meeting for dinner on the first meet. These are the guys that give the rest of us a bad name.
I have hardly ever kissed on the first meeting...like others have mentioned on other forums, it is really more like an interview than a date. I have turned down chances to go to bed on the second date(a little too fast for me!), but believe me, I have gotten my share.
If you want to be successful in this online dating thing, patience leads to success. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:42:58 PM | It is not just you ... I feel the same way. I live in a small community and most of the men that I talk to live at least a couple of hours away, most are at least a half days drive. But I have noticed, quite a few of them have decided without even more than a couple emails and one chat ... that they are ready to meet me and decide how we want to deal with the distance thing! Even get the 'Be Mine Rose' right at the beginning. I must admit, I had interest when reading their profiles ... but now feel like running or changing my profile ... Slow down!
I have concluded that some feel like they are shopping ... see a product on the shelf, read the label and they are ready to purchase! Yikes! Lots more to me than that ...
Glad to hear there are others out there wondering the same thing ... Hey guys, lets get to really know one another, don't have time for the big mistakes that have not worked in the past. | |
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