| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:54:41 PM | Here's a different question for you ladies, from someone many times guilty of this "offense" when speaking with a female.
I was raised to use M'am in connection with women, out of respect, in conversation. It's probably a sign of my age, and generation. It's not something I see younger people do very often.
Now the strange thing about the word is the reaction that simple little word seems to set off in some women's minds. 
My beloved little sis, who I've known for years now, is one of those people. She has the patience of a saint, but yet one simple (and respectful) use of that monosyballic word will turn a chat session into ...... a former chat session.  She will simply log off.
Now you could call her almost anything in the world, except that, and that wouldn't be the case.
I've also had the experience at work , with female clients suddenly going tactical when I use that word. 
The general thought, it seems, is that M'am somehow implies old age in some way. I get that "I'm not OLD enough to be called M'am" explanation all the time. I never saw age as being a factor in any way, and was always taught that it was a polite way to address a female stranger.
So, any M'amophobes out there ? Any female supporters of this seemingly archaic word that's slowly being phased out of the English speaking world ? | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:59:51 PM | It used to offend me.
At one point I made the same comment
"I'm not OLD enough to be called M'am" . The young 'whipper-snapper' that called me Ma'am explained his reasoning, as you have. It made sense to me and now it doesn't bother me at all.
Thanks for asking, Sir. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:00:12 PM | | I use both Mam and Sir regularly and have encountered the same response. It's been interesting to discover that when I use these words on the phone, (I guess I sound pretty young on the phone) I get it less. When I use these words in person, they seem more curious/bothered by it. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:01:42 PM | Ma'am is the shortened form of Madam(e).
First time someone ma'am'd me I was 13. Yes. THIRTEEN. I dislike the word because, as you said it implies age. Something I don't feel I am. If you use it on me, I will correct you, most of the time with humour, rarely with anger unless you do it repeatedly after I've asked. I would think a general rule of thumb is use Miss for those you know are younger then/same age as yourself, Ma'am for ladies who are obviously older.
My dad's a Southerner... yes ma'am/sir, no ma'am/sir are what he grew up with, altho he didn't not require us to use them... I slip into it when I'm dealing with certain people for some reason. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:03:30 PM | I think it is a wonderful, under used word.
When I lived in SC for awhile years ago, while my kiddos were little, their daycare and school required that they call all female adults m'am, and all adult males sir. I think it is a sign of respect. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:04:36 PM | It's not as bad as Madam!
In the UK you get called Miss..then when you get older it becomes Madam.
'A proper little madam' is another UK phrase..meaning a stuck up young girl.
M'am...I wouldn't mind as much but I don't like using nor being called Madam.
It means I'm old!!! | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:07:02 PM | Think that's bad? Check out the email I got yesterday.
i saw your profile and i liked it and was hoping we could find time to meet each other cos all i need is a responsible elderly man who will treat me as a daughter and as a lover
Actually I use Ma'am as a term of endearment with women I'm close to. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:15:00 PM | | Maa'm is not a bad thing. It was originally intended for respect and manners, not to make someone feel matronly. It beats being called "hey you" or "hey lady", or even worse, "granny". I used to be annoyed when strange men used to call me "honey" or "babe". I get a kick out of the young grocery checkers who occasionally call all women "miss". | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:21:38 PM | Madame is french for "a married woman" or a woman of age and rank (for very high rank it's "Dame" especially for a widow)
Mademoiselle is french for a young woman, or an unmarried woman...the english equivalent is "miss".
I don't mind being called ma'am, if it's a respectful thing..."miss" is better! But I have had it bother me when it comes from a man who obviously says it because he perceives me as an "older" woman. I know...I'm vain. It bothered me a lot more in my thirties than it does now... a lot of things bothered me more in my thirties...I think getting older means not letting little things get to you.!!! At least I don't get called "jeune fille"! lol
Don't sweat the small stuff, always good advice. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:22:56 PM | Just call her M'am when you reply, and use it as many times as you can.
She'll probably block you.
When I get that negative reaction from women, I sometimes sit there thinking maybe I should just get a cape, a top hat, pocket watch, and a walking stick - like any proper gentleman should wear.
"Miss "I use sometimes, but it's always sounded silly when addressing a woman past about twenty, at least to me. As weird as the "M'am equals old" idea is, the "Miss equals kid" one comes to my mind when I use it with anyone much past their teen years.
Madam, although proper, does sound even more formal and antiquated to me. In Quebec, it' s a little easier to use , since it's the common word in French for such situations. It's also too closely associated with prostitution in North America to risk - with the wrong person. If I say it enough times, I get this strange urge to watch "Upstairs, Downstairs" echoing in my head.
Now "M'am" .....there's a word that's just so perfect for the situation. It's still a bit formal, but yet there's that comfortable shortening of the word to reduce it's effect in conversation.
It's short and sweet, and based simply on respect.
Except it's .....the M word. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:22:57 PM | | I don't remember ever being called M'am by anyone. There's a lot of words that would bother me but M'am isn't one of them especially coming from a young gent. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:41:36 PM | Nothing bothers me. Call me ma'am, call me miss, call me honey, baby, darling-- It's not about me, it's about you choosing whatever word you feel.
Are we really so hyper-sensitive that "ma'am" is now offensive?? Lighten up. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:54:54 PM | Just in case a few aren't aware..not trying to be funny..Madam and Madame are pronounced differently..Madam is purely maddam and isn't quite as pleasant sounding as Madame.
Oh to be called Mademoiselle...that I like! | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:05:11 PM | I knew I was getting old when I started hearing the word "Ma'am" directed at me. Just here and there at first, but now I get "Ma'am-ed" all the time.
But what are you going to do? It's not meant to offend; in fact it's a sign of respect. To bristle or object would in essence be saying: "See here, young man! Quit respecting me at once!" How foolish would that be?
Always stay mannerly, OP. Especially as the years go by and the "Sirs" pile up for you with an occasional "Pops" thrown in. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:59:16 PM | | I can't stand it. I felt like I was forced to say it as a child and hated that. I hate being called ma'am now, and it is prevelant down south. As a teacher I am not even upset if my kids do not address me that way but many of them do as they have been taught that way. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 6:16:59 PM | Im Aussie,& ive only ever heard Elvis use that term !!
Do people actually use that word......? | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 7:26:29 PM | | I like it. It means the speaker has some idea how old I am. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:02:43 PM | I can't stand the word M'am either, for the same reasons everyone else has stated... it implies age.
I don't mind being called anything else; sweetie, darling, sugar, even being called Mrs. even though I'm not one doesn't offend me. Being called M'lady is even better. :D | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:14:52 PM | | Interesting aspects to be sure. Anyone I respect regardless of age gets a "ma'am" or a "sir". This includes strangers upon first meetings. After that point & I get to know them, the term may change. I use them as a term of respect. I even say ,"Yes/No ma'am" to my daughter. Anyone that has thet much of an aversion to the term most likely is too damned uptight for me. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:26:44 PM | When I worked in the warehouse under a retail store I overhear the supervisor of the stock boys instruct them:
"never call women Ma'am if you know what's good for you"
Even then I was only 20, and I had to have agreed with him. And many of the other women in the store did too. Although it was a phrase to imply courtesy, it could often be taken as an insult.
If someone calls me Ma'am now I wouldn't repond angrily but I would smile and say:
"Ma'am is my mother"
Just to remind them how oldfashioned that statement is. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:32:18 PM | | Well, down here in the south kids are still raised to speak to their elders and strangers with m'am and sir. Of course down here, men still give up their seats to women on the bus (by choice), they still open doors, and many of us still yield to an elderly man or woman. It's simply a sign of respect that you most definitely encounter just about anywhere in the south. Don't take it as an insult its a way to be warm, polite, and show you that you have value. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:39:12 PM | | Whenever someone tells me , "Ma'am is my mother"/ "Don't call me Sir,..my dad is "Sir"", I tell them I call my daughter "ma'am" & that she/he is most surely older than my daughter. "Miss" to me is impersonal & almost degrading. I suppose it's all in how & where you are raised. | |
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| On being called M'am.
Posted: 2/26/2008 8:54:56 PM | It does not happen often anymore... I think the grocers have taken note and told their clerks not to use the term...yet...yet....yet!!!!!!!!! it happened to me today and I was a bit peeved.... at the small fruit market I shop at and it was an older East Asian woman with a heavy accent...so I take it English was not her first language it was just her way of speech and it was meant to be respectful and polite...... so I did not give her my usual growl....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......
yes...I just usually give the person the hairy raised eyebrow and a grrrrrrrrrr.... I am not yet in the seniors home you know....
I was brought up in a proper British household...we address pple as Sir and Madam or Miss...and refer to them as Lady or Gentlemen....just part of my upbringing...but Ma'am...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......bothers me!!!!!!!  | |
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