| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:04:22 AM | I have a bit of a problem, I have never had a date in my life and I'm twenty one, I have no experience with women, when I was younger I had no problem talking to anyone and I made a lot of friends but I lost contact and lost my self-confidence, there was one girl when I was about ten years old I always remember and I used to hang around a lot with her, but as with the others we lost contact.
Fast forward eleven years later and to my surprise I see her again at a funeral I was attending, I couldn't believe it, every time I looked at her my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, I really wanted to go and talk to her but I thought it might be a bit inappropriate at a funeral, well maybe that was the excuse I was making to myself so that I didn't have to talk to her, I am a very shy person and I found out through some people at the funeral/wake that she was also very shy, also found out that we actually have some things in common too.
I see her leave the wake and my heart sank, I thought I would never get another chance to speak to her, however a few days later she text my sister asking if she would like to go out for a drink, my sister said no and I couldn't just let her slip away again so I got her number from my sister and forced myself to text her, I asked if she wanted to go out for a drink sometime, I was going to phone her but I know she is shy and thought it would be best to text.
At first I didn't think she would text back until I sent another about six hours later saying that if I didn't ask I know I would regret it and I'll understand if she doesn't want to, she did text back saying yeah I guess so, so I text back something like "okay let me know when you want to go" she text back saying I'll let you know when I'm free, I thought that she might be letting me down gently which I wouldn't of minded at all, but the next night I got a text saying how about next week sometimes, I text back saying that would be great and that I'll look forward to it and to let me know what day and I'll come up and meet her.
That was last night and I haven't got a text back which is okay but I cant help but think that I'm pressuring her in some way, maybe I should suggest a place to go to or something, and like I said in the topic title this is my first date I have ever had and I'm SO nervous, I'm trying to think of what I should say to her and the only thing I can think of is how I feel when I see her and that I'm glad I got a second chance to see her again, although I think this might scare her off a bit.
I'm sorry for making this post so long, in fact this is the short version, but I could really use some help and advice, I have been looking for advice on other dating sites including chat up lines but this site seems to be the best one so far, so I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some tips for my first date ever. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:17:51 AM | You are so sweet! Promise me that you will only date girls who are as sweet and innocent as you are, please. Lets keep you this way.
At first I didn't think she would text back until I sent another about six hours later saying that if I didn't ask I know I would regret it and I'll understand if she doesn't want to, she did text back saying yeah I guess so, so I text back something like "okay let me know when you want to go" she text back saying I'll let you know when I'm free, I thought that she might be letting me down gently which I wouldn't of minded at all, but the next night I got a text saying how about next week sometimes, I text back saying that would be great and that I'll look forward to it and to let me know what day and I'll come up and meet her.
I think she has given you enough encouragement now, that you should take the lead. It'll be scary-making, but you can do it! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:27:03 AM | This is the cutest post in world!!!
I would just wait it out and see when she is free. She said she'll let you know. Don't come across as too eager. But definitely show her that you are interested! Good luck!!! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:46:37 AM | Find out where she lives and stand on her sidewalk looking at her place through binoculars. Women love that.
Kidding.
If she doesn't follow up, mark down the date and consider your innocence officially over. And while your here, email some others. Make some friends even if you don't get any dates.
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:55:49 AM | | Sweetie suggest a day and a place you could go and see what she says.If you dont get a reply its either becos she is just too shy or maybe not that interested.If that is the case then stick around on POF as another poster suggested and make friends, hang out in the forums and see what happens.Good luck and yes, please let us know what happens. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:23:25 AM | AAAAHHHHH! There were not many like you around when I was twenty one...
Believe it or not, the hard bit is over - you got the courage up to ask her out and she said yes... You say you have things in common. If one of these is perhaps bowling, horse riding, car thingies, then find out if something is on. Let her know the time and place. But also let her know "I know you like such and such, I hope you don't mind, but I thought it would be nice to do blah"... It shows you have taken the initiative but also are willing to consider her opinion. Leave the pictures for another time... It's the first worst date in my opinion as you spend the whole time wondering what is going on with the other person.
And most important of all enjoy yourself. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:59:05 AM | If you are already deeply in love with a woman you haven't known since you were 10 then it is already heading for disaster. Dating isn't about convincing yourself that the person you got a date with is perfect. You should be approaching this with way less expectations, show up wanting to get to know the real person she is (not who you hope she will be) and be totally ready to walk away if that person isn't someone worthy to date.
I was about 10 when I kissed my first girl (that I had just met that day). I think my heart was about to leap out of my chest. She lived in another city and we wrote letters every once in awhile for years. Several years later she was going to be in my city so we went on a date. In the years since I had seen her one of the details not mentioned in the letters was that she had become morbidly obese. It was a fairly awkward date. I guess where I am going with this is that people change and you have no idea what she is like now.
You should look at this date as an opportunity to get to know her for the first time and determine what her interest in you is like. It doesn't matter how much you want her - Her interest in you is what she will base her decisions on. Oh, and I hope it works into something good. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:10:28 AM | | HI RICK,LISTEN KIDDO..JUST DO IT! BE YOURSELF IVE BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG TIME AND THERE IS ONLY ONE THING I CAN SAY IS THAT I HAVE NO REGRETS.WHAT IF SHE HAS BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL THESE YEARS AND WAS SCARED OR NERVOUS.iT WONT HURT A THING TO TRY.DO IT!! TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH SO YOU WONT REGRET NOT TRYING. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:15:03 AM | grow some balls and quit texting. Quit using the excuse that you didn't want to call because she is shy. The truth is you didn't want to call and get rejected, a text rejection would have been easier. Now you have her agreement to go out next week, so call her! Have a plan of what you want to do and what day you would like to go out and take charge. It's ok to be nervous but you will never get a date if you can't talk to a woman and take control at times.
Now when you are on the date treat her like she is a friend only with more respect and a little romance. Tell her how nice she looks. When you get a chance for a kiss, take it. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:31:20 AM | Wow. pretty intense. I would avoid telling her too much how you feel though. It seems a little strong for someone you don't really know. It wouldn't be bad to say something like how when you saw her at the funeral you really wanted to talk to her but you were too shy. But try not to sound over the top or intense. Most people would see that as a red flag. I'd also avoid telling her that this is your first date. It might freak some people out.
My suggestion for date night, if you guys are already planning on going out for a few drinks, is to goto karaoke. That way you have something entertaining to watch and do. It elevates awkwardness. If you run out of things to talk about, you can joke about the singing. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:41:36 PM | | I think this is lovely and it's quite natural to be nervous. She hasn't said no, so you are in with a chance. You could suggest a time and place to meet and see what she says. If she doesn't like it, ask her to suggest somewhere else she'd be happy with. Carry on being keen and positive. Don't expect her to feel the same as you, as you don't know how she feels yet, but she is responding positively so far. You could talk about how you used to hang out and see if she remembers and take it from there. If you enjoy the meeting, don't forget to let her know you'd like to see her again before you part. Also, make sure she know you are enjoying spending time with her. Nothing like someone being happy in your company to make you feel good also. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:24:16 PM | | Awww see, there are sweet men left in the world!!!! Sometimes you just have to take the lead, you have to try not to let the fear of getting hurt or let down stop you, or you will never experience love. Good luck to you and remember, we have all been in your shoes at one time or another!!!!! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:11:34 PM | | Be yourself! If that offends her, you'll have to change yourself or forget her. Be ready to apologize (never "I'm sorry"), if you offend her. Don't ever ask when you can meet, be the first to set a time and date. If she has an excuse not too, then look like she broke your heart (she would then, wouldn't she?) and tell her you just wanted to catch up, or talk about back when. Don't be a threat to her! GO SLOW! Many doors have been opened talking about the old days. DON'T forget, if you like her hair, the scent of her cologne, how her dress looks, and above all how she "made time stand still" when you saw her again (the "time" bit sounds a little creepy unless you say it later during the date). Ask questions about her wants and desires. When she's ready, she'll ask you. Be a gentleman. "Chivalry isn't dead, just dormant!" Good luck, you seem like a decent guy. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:22:04 PM | Awwwwwww.....
I'm sure you will do just fine:) Be yourself is what matters the most and everything will flow thereafter...I give you kudos for posting this and if you were about 10 yrs older I'd have to snatch you up for myself...hehe..
Good Luck and keep us posted:) | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:35:53 PM | You are freaking adorable. You seem like a pretty sweet and genuine person.
Sometimes girls (and guys) are rude and will walk all over this. Not all girls are like this, but just don't allow yourself to get hurt. Don't make yourself too needy, just play it cool. When the time comes be your genuine sweet self. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:24:50 PM | If she doesn't text you back, wait a couple of days and then take the bull by the horns. She mentioned meeting next week so suggest a day and a place the next time you text or talk to her. Being wishy washy and saying contact me when you're free and we'll figure something out generally doesn't impress a woman. Make a plan. If she can't do it the night you suggest, suggest another night.
While it's important to be aggressive in getting this date planned, DO NOT come across as desperate or needy. Like I said, don't freak if she doesn't text you back, and don't start texting her relentlessly. You might have strong feelings for her, but you have to play it cool. | |
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Coop82
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Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 20 | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:13:05 AM |
I'm sorry for making this post so long, in fact this is the short version, but I could really use some help and advice
Don't get your hopes up and for god's sake don't be clingy. Smothering has NEVER worked. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:13:59 AM | Wow, its like looking into a mirror from 8 years ago.
The best advice and really the only advice you should listen to is this: Be yourself. Repeat that. Repeat it again. Got it?
Look at it this way, if you're yourself and she likes you then its all good. If you're yourself and it doesn't click, then its not meant to be. If you're not yourself, and she likes you then... You can either never be yourself again or spend the next year getting to know her and she'll figure it out and it still won't work out. That's a whole year out of your life. Trust me, not worth it.
A few other things. Go somewhere where you can talk. everyone says go to a movie, that's the bets first date. Its actually the worst. You spend 2 hours munching on popcorn and not learning anything about each other. Bah!
Compliment but don't gush.
Compliement: Wow, that shirt/dress/whatever really brings out your eyes.
Gush: Zomg!! You've got the best eyes I've ever seen!! Come home with me?
And yes, those are a bit exaggerated. The first one shows you've noticed her. The second one screams CRAZY. And it does take a bit of practice to get it down. The plus side is that even if you goof it up a bit, you still seem sweet for noticing. And always compliment her eyes. they are the windows to the soul. Nothing works better.
And if all else fails, remember in 20 years regardless of what happens, you'll get a laugh out of anything that goes wrong. Trust me. Eight years ago, a woman went to kiss me, and I back up slightly, slipped on the kitchen floor and smacked my head on the kitchen sink. Hilarious. (Though, I wasn't hurt and I did still get a kiss.)
Anyways, good luck. I'm sure you'll do fine. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:33:07 AM | This is the cutest thing I've ever read in my life! I wish they made 40 year old versions (YES, VERSIONS) of you!
Get lots of books, and watch lots of movies, OP! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:52:41 AM | | You are so adorable and so rare..lol My advice to you is not to leave this date so open ended. Believe it or not, we don't ALWAYS like to make all the decisions. lol Be a little more assertive and suggest a specific day and time. If possible, don't do this thru a text. Call her. Trust me, a little effort goes a very long way with us girls. Although most of us here find it so endearing that is your first date, don't tell her that. Dress nice, smell good and just be yourself. If she enjoys your company, which i'm sure she will, and feels comfortable with you, she'll end up having a good time and say yes to a second date. Please let us know how it goes. Good luck!!! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:23:16 AM | Thanks for the replies and encouragement, I know I have to get over this shyness and start talking more, the thing is I really don't want to screw this up so I don't want to make a wrong move, I really like this girl and I hope it does go well, there isn't a lot I'm scared of except women, but the one thing I am terrified of is growing old alone, and I really don't want that.
I also thought it might freak her out if I told her this was my first date so I wont mention that, although if the date is a success and it goes further I think it might freak her out anyway when I tell her I have never been with a woman before, think I will try to buck up some courage and call her up but she is really shy so I don't even know if she will answer.
But a lot of what all of you have said actually does make me feel a lot better, I think maybe the best thing for me to do is try and be myself and try to show her a good time, thing is I don't really know how since I have never dated before, anyway thanks again for the replies I appreciate it and I will keep you all updated. | |
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