| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:27:32 AM | There have been so many threads about what stinkers men are. Which in turn are making men give ugly comments about women. This is a dating site and it's turning somewhat into a war zone in some areas.
The men who are honest and decent on these sites are having a hard time with romancing distrustful, cynical, bitter women who's hearts have been trampled by callous men who are players. These good men are trying to romance women who are confused about their place/roles as modern women in general. These men are out there trying to meet women who say lovely things on their profile, are trying to get to know them and are trying to instill trust. Some men have become completely confused on their role in the dating world. I see some have given up.
Women have become very skittish because it's a more dangerous world out there for them than it was 25 - 30 years ago. We have been looked after, protected, and provided for thousands of years. Evolution is slow. Apparently, in 25 years evolution did a quick reversal and all Nature's rules about men and women are kicked to the curb. (That can be another thread.)
So, let's hear it loud and clear from the good guys! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:29:32 AM | I had a wonderful exchange with a woman who complained that she was overloaded with correspondence. That was fine and I could wait We had several e-mails in which she expressed her dismay that that her dates would still be on-line. The virtual dating completely "weirded her out." This was all very ironic. You don't complain several times to a man unless he is your therapeutic friend who will help you find that answers that you need to hear or someone who you would not date. In this case, I just told her the truth. The virtual dating culture encourages men to pursue women until they find the right feeling. Men need to maintain a degree of disengagement lest they become "clingy" and the best yardstick to judge them by would be their honesty and integrity.
The point of this story would be that if women are skittish, they should not expect natural reassurance from a stranger. You need to articulate your concerns and expections while dating someone. If you are in for the "slow burn," then tell someone that you will take it slow and stick to public places. You could risk alienating someone with this forthrightness, but I think any decent man will respect this by a second or third date.
So to answer the question. I stay within very certain boundaries and react accordingly to my feelings. This can mean putting off sex in order to iron everything out. I think public places make better meeting places until you become exclusive. There way there is no ambiguity or terribly mixed signals.
The best way to find romance is to feel romantic with someone. Dont try to manufacture it. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:40:02 PM | what i can say is this not all men are player's and what they say nice guys finish last that is very true.
What i think it is the most problem out there with some women is that they cant let go of there past so when they talk to a man the first thing may pop up is that the man is a player.,or a lier ect.
For me i dont have time for games,lies,ect infact i have a lot of women friend's out there but it dont mean i sleep with them lol.
As for what i hear from other men is that there are some women who go out on a date with them dinner ect the next couple days later that same women dating some other guy is it just for the free dinners or what.
I had this one gal who thought she had me fooled by telling me she was interested in me but also fooling around with another man and the funny part was that me and this other guy discoverd that she was tring to play us bouth it didnt work hehehehe.
But iam glad of one thing i dont play with other peoples minds or mislead them. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:43:04 PM | You mean something other than my normally charming, witty, intelligent, funny, sarcastic, offbeat, honest self? Granted, the vast majority of women consider that it's all just an act but that's their problem, not mine.
In fact, I'm hoping in a week or two to ask someone I've met through work out to dinner or lunch. I've already done the above part, now I just have to ask (work situations can be frustrating). | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:48:07 PM | I try to avoid dating the distrustful, bitter and cynical women. Does that count? ;)
Just like everything else, you get out what you put in. If someone assumes I'm trustworthy, friendly, respectful, or whatever other 'non-player' attributes you want to choose, they'll find they're right. If someone assumes I'm probably not, and expects me to jump through hoops to 'prove' myself and 'break through their distrust', they'll normally find I'm not particularly inclined to do so.
Most of the people I've met have been fairly trusting and friendly. Life's too short for me to spend time trying to 'win over' the other ones! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:41:46 PM | All guys: If you are really attracted, do you keep your hands in your pockets, do you just let loose with your anima and see how she responds, or what, exactly, do you do or say?
Randomstoic said:
The virtual dating culture encourages men to pursue women until they find the right feeling.
...could risk alienating someone with this forthrightness, but I think any decent man will respect this by a second or third date...I stay within very certain boundaries and react accordingly to my feelings.
So, for the first 2 or 3 dates, are you saying you WOULD attempt being amorous--with forthrightness? Has a woman gone on a 2nd or 3rd date if your first date was loaded with sexual advances?
Could you please provide more detail about the 'certain boundaries' and 'reacting to according to your feelings'? How do you 'put off 'sex? By having the woman swat your advances away like a swarm of flies? By talking about how hot your object--er, date--is? | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:49:04 PM | | its called self control and when the time is right so be it some women can act on it and make passes on the man and then if the man dose not know the women well enough and gos ahead what happends next in some cases the women acuse the man for rape ect so there for i rather know the person well enogh befor that happends lol | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:08:14 PM | Players try to get by via looks and bullshit IMHO. I cant do that (many of us cant). and have never made any sexual advances on a 1st date since the early 80's.
If i REALLY want it to work? I often talk with my hands, so I dont keep them in my pockets. But I dont Lay them upon her either.
I re-read her profile, emails, and IM archives so I know and remember what I am talking about. If there are things I should learn something about (a band or whatever) I will google and youtube it.
If we are meeting at a bar or resturaunt I have never been to, I would try to figure out the unwitten dress code.
The non-player 1st date goal- a 2nd date.
How do I put off sex? By remembering how fast I fell into the pits of hell from having it too fast. By remembering an old NJ expression, "its the f-ing you get for the f-king you get". By having treated women like equal human beings throughout my adult, professional life. Do I sense a growing sense of sourness and sacrasm? | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:24:49 PM | There is no MO for romancing a woman.
There is nothing I can say or do to romance a woman. You can't harness or create that kind of energy. Romance happens on it's own, spontaneously, unexpectedly. If it happens, all you can do is ride that beautiful wave.
I think that's was seperates the honest from the untrue. A player will try and create that magic, a nice guy will let everything happen naturally. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:30:11 PM | I am courteous, respectful and communicate. Which means actually listening to what the lady has to say. And it's a 2 way street.
If the vibes are there, it's all good! If not, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Time to move on and try again. You win some, you lose some and some you never play. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:40:44 AM | Ok this is what i believe what is a player its a person who uses charm and what ever it takes to get to that person so he or she can trap them .
Or even better think with there blank.and in the mean time that same person go's out and dose it again to another person and so on .
how do u think it was done in the old days look at Ray Charles dose any one know how many women he slept with all it took was charm,money,ect but he knew how to get to the women . thats a player to charm his or her way in to that person thinking they realy like them but in all realaty that person is after that one thing.
That what i do know and iam thankfull im not that way i have always been a one women man. and i dont kiss but.
So any how i had this one gal on pof who i did talk to for some time and we where going to meet for the first time butas i noticed she started to prolong it then make up exscuses ect so she got back to me and kissed up and said im realy sorry i asepted it but little she new i had a gut feeling something was not right so i went to myspace one day and i noticed she had another guy who was leaving flirts ect so i took it to the next level and contacted him and ask him if she was doing the same to him as to me well i saved every thing in my arcives and copy and pasted it to him .
omg he said he sent it to her she said i was a lier he knew as i did she was tring to play us bouth for fools he thanked me and said that he was going to give her a place to stay ect but after he had learn that changed his mind fast.
but i was honest i couldnt see another guy get hurt .
See i have no time for games or bull crap out there and iam glad that i was raised right. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:41:37 AM | Yet another poster looking for some secret allusive formula for success in the dating world. 
OK, I'll tell you the secret: There is NONE. No "Formula" or MO.
"Players" are interested in making as many contacts as possible so they can increase their likelihood of scoring.
Instead of trying to attract a lot of women, work on attracting the right one. Be selective and read profiles a few times to get a feel for the person. When you find someone that accepts you when you act like yourself, explore it and focus on that ONE person. If it doesn't seem like it's going to work out, don't be nasty, just tell the truth, decide if you made a good friend and want to stay that way and keep looking.
Basically, treat HER like you would want someone to treat your DAUGHTER and you have the secret to being a "Keeper".
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:06:07 AM | | I find being myself works pretty well. I have a great sense of humor that comes across in my emails and telephone conversations and puts my potential dates at ease. I am unpretentious, what you see is what you get. While I have had an interesting (some would say adventurous) life, I do not dwell on me in conversations, instead I show an interest in her. She'll find out about me soon enough. I am quick to admit I am not perfect, in fact, I make it a habit to report the bad and ugly of my life first then hit on the good. I am polite and use good manners, opening doors, pulling out chairs and rising when they enter or leave a room, taking my escort's arm if walking over icy or uneven sidewalks. Although I freely use profanity and cuss words in my normal daily interaction with other former soldiers and military vets, I am very careful to spare my dates that language unless they come across with language that would make a sailor blush. Other "tactics" that serve to make a successful date include, eye contact and nonthreatening touching. I try not to carry all the conversation by asking her questions and thereby letting her know that her thoughts and opinions are important to me. I guess that about covers it. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 1:08:49 PM | I guess that my post could be misleading. I was speaking fully within the context of my mind. I can find a person attractive, but I won't think about them sexually for some time. In fact, the act of connecting with someone puts off that testosterone rush until later. Physical intimacy and sexual humor come with exclusiveness unless my date otherwise encourages it (which can also be a turn off).
Nobody ever accused me of being too forward. I think the opposite is more the case. I'll flirt up a storm and not make a move. And my reticence reflects the fact that I recognize that a move begins a complex and involved story. Love, not sex, should be a very directed thing and I won't embark on any course until my brain and heart have had a nice conference. How unromantic!
And the best example of putting of sex that I can think off would be walking away from a fully aroused woman after a very long make out sesession because it was the right thing (i.e. take your time with full-custody single parents). That answer your question. | |
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