| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:09:12 AM | | Hi everyone, just curious to know what people think about this matter. How long do you think people should "date" before doing the nasty? Seems to me that in most cases it doesn't matter if you wait for a week or for a month, after the "deed" is done, ya never hear from the guy again except for the obligatory next day "thanks" text message / e-mail. This happens no matter how long (or not) I wait even though I make it perfectly clear that this sort of thing is not what I am looking for. Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:21:09 AM | Well, the longer you wait, the more likely you are to rid yourself of the players. Short attention spans... Men are hard wired as hunters & that's conquest based. They'll do whatever possible to GET to the conquest, then after that move on to the next.
Try doing this...make them wait. Not a week or a month, but much longer. If a guy is really interested in you...he'll wait. If he's looking for a good time he'll move on. BUT...he will also keep his options open so he'll stay in touch with you, on a casual level, in the hopes of hooking up.
If a guy is really interested in you for more than sex, he'll spend alot of time trying to get your attention. That too...is our nature. We spend our entire life trying to catch women, our clothes, jobs, our cars, etc. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:29:10 AM | ^^ What he said.
The longer you make them wait, the better your chances of having someone who is going to stick around. At least you know at that point, they are staying for you and not an opportunity to get into your pants.
As much as I hate to admit it, my friends were right when they told me it's a bit of a game. Make him work for it, make him chase you. Don't make yourself too available or he'll take it for granted right off the hop. And if you sleep with him in that short span of time, he'll think less of you and move on to a conquest that might prove to be a bit more difficult.
It's a fine art to maintain the right balance. You'll know what works for you and what doesn't. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:41:13 AM | I would have to agree with both posts above ^^^
There have been many posts on this subject and although it seems many state they want a lasting relationship...unfortunately many people lie too & in reality they're only after that piece of tail, To many think with the wrong head.
Like the young lady above me said, it's kind of a game (shame but true).
Now we're all adults here and sex is a very important part of what we all want...there's no denying it...guess it's a matter of when you feel comfortable & want to actually move to that step . If you are not ready or have bad feelings then simply don't...that's easier said than done sometimes too.
In essence you control your own desires & what signals you send out so....   | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:28:53 AM | | ah yes...I agree with you all....and this sort of thing happens to friends as well. However, I and a few of my friends have indeed waited over a month...sometimes several...with the same results. I am beginning to suspect that the majority of the guys here do NOT want a relationship, but rather just casual encounters..... | |
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once_
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Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 6 | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 9:55:38 AM | Wow, I would be branded at the stake if I tried to generalize women like that !
Did anyone stop to think it's the individuals and not the whole? ...geeeze!
OR
Perhaps you are attractted to certain "type" of guy and with that "group" lets say these types are the types that you speak of ?
or
Perhaps the sex wasn't all that good ? Cuase it seems many have a very narrow and specific and lengthy list of criteria which they rate potentials for a longer relationship ?
But I do have to concede the above points of view or generalizations... But I think it would have to due more with the maturity level of the people your seeing.
I have found two general catagories of women so far...
#1) those that are extremely cautious, weary, etc; that perhaps have had thier "fill" of slam-bamm-thankyou madame types and now are applying some kind of general "rules" to make each guy wait.... perhaps all the while continueing to chatt with others... ( before the internet wasn't this considered cheating ??? But it's okay , if not the norm now ?? )
#2) Those that have had their fill of settling down, now with this new sence of "freedom" , they simply want to just " have fun", " nothing serious" and just want to "date" ( which in some of these cases simply means want to sleep around ).
So if your going to generalize ALL MEN,.... ya have to do the same to the women !
It is after all the time of equality no ?
EDIT: I started off very niave on here,... now i am so much wiser. Wise enough to have a novel for a profile, ( if you can't figure out what I am sort of like from that then there is no hope for you ! lol )
But I have to keep in mind some may think it's just an elaborate scheme,... which upon meeting me, she should be able to decide. It's bass-ackwards on the net,.. first ya get a peek "into" a person and how they think / communicate ( which could be a ruse ) then you meet them to determine if there is a reality attraction...
Sadly, i'm still getting "used" to this reverse way of meeting. I like to move to the phone as quickly as possible and hold a few convo's... Then meet ! Even then I find I arrive with certain expectations and often ,... i mean so far , only a few "peeked" my interest... of those few; one "banged "my brains out and when I couldn't / wouldn't borrow her $ 2,000.00 she promptly moved on... ( for other reasons of course) and with the others they were disappointted and not attractted to me... ( which is a reality folks ) ...
Not everyone likes everyone else,.. especially if they have a "goal" in mind...
I miss the caveman days ,... lol UG ! | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:11:23 AM |
Seems to me that in most cases it doesn't matter if you wait for a week or for a month,
I and a few of my friends have indeed waited over a month...sometimes several...with the same results.
You’ve answered your own question… playing the waiting game doesn’t work.
I read somewhere the definition of insanity is when you constantly repeat the same actions but, expect to get a different reaction.
I hear where your coming from but, maybe it’s time to quit playing games and try a new approach. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:26:22 AM | I wait until at least 5 min after we meet for the first time ~ if they are super hot and I am super horny, I grab my club, bonk them on the head, and drag them to my truck to have my way with them....  | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:41:04 AM | Until you're comfortable.
If they don't like it - ask that they not let the doo0r hit them in the ass on the way out.
PP
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:42:20 AM | *chuckles*
Anyone ever heard the song "The Odds - Heterosexual Man" The lyrics go something like "I wanna do every girl that I know". That is a pretty accurate "generalization" on the heterosexual man....of which I'm included. And guys know that most guys are going to say/do what it takes to get into some girls pants....it's our nature.
To the OP: Start by assuming that every man wants to sleep with you. I'll take alot of flak for this, but let's be real, it's our nature to reproduce to create MORE of us. So work backward from that point.. If you have friends that are male, what are they about? Are they just about going out for a good time? Or are they selfless when it comes to what you need ? For instance, is the guy willing to give you time while he listens to you vent? Will he do that for months ? If you asked him for a favour, would he help you out simply to help you out without an ulterior motive ?
The difference between men isn't whether they want to sleep with you or not. They do. It's how they go about it & whether they can see you as more than just a chunk of meat. Compare it to your boobs. If you wear a shirt that exposes your boobs, we're looking. Some men ogle...some men take a very subtle peak. Both are thinking "oh yeah". It's really all a matter of self control & being polite.
I'll take flak for this post, but I don't believe that "all men are pigs". I think that all men want sex, but it's possible to be hotly sexually attracted to a woman and still recognize she's a person, with feelings that deserves respect. It's just really about controlling your urges & understanding the other persons feelings & needs. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:54:34 AM | ^^^ Somebody give that man a prize!
I doubt you'll take flak for that post, because its true. Especially this:
I think that all men want sex, but it's possible to be hotly sexually attracted to a woman and still recognize she's a person, with feelings that deserves respect. It's just really about controlling your urges & understanding the other persons feelings & needs
I have plenty of guy friends. They ALL ogle women, they ALL make reference to a woman in one way or another when she walks by or serves our table. A true gentleman though, wouldn't cat call or make any rude sexual comments. If he has any class, he would keep that to himself or share it with the boys. Saying so, this also means that a guy with a smidge of class, won't tell you what you need to hear in order to bed you and leave you. And if he's just going to be with you to test drive you, (so to speak) realise the source and walk away with your head held high. The guy is an ass. Plain and simple.
But, that's just me...*shrugs*  | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:24:27 AM | OP I think you need to step back and assess your tactics and the men you may be attracting or contacting, as another poster mentioned previously. Sure there are a LOT of guys who do this but there are probably an equal amount of guys that if there was a spark and some interest and the sex was at least mediocre they'll be calling you back. This isn't meant to be a knock to you. I'm just saying that RARELY have I slept with someone and then ended it, and the only reason I have done so is because either the sex reminded me of that with my ex (which is a novel in and of itself) and I do NOT want to travel that road again, or I was turned off by something I saw. For instance, one girl was really fun and genuine during the date. We ended up at her apartment and things got pretty heated and she made these REALLY annoying squeals during the sex. I could NOT get over the noises! LOL I know it's mighty wrong of me to be bothered by something so petty but it's not something she's likely to change so why even broach the subject. We went out another time and after you sleep with someone is when you TRULY get to know them because they let down their guard more and show you their true colours. I didn't break things off because of the noises. I broke it off because I saw her for who she was, and that was callous and judgmental.
Anti Elvis,
I have to give you props for going on a limb like that, as it could be social suicide for you! LOL But the fact that we men are all hard-wired to think with our penis' at least part of the time is just a natural progression. It's how the man decided to deal with that impulse that truly matters. If an attractive girl passes me I look but I have that option to turn and talk to her or keep walking. Hide the pink thing or let it out and chase the tail. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:47:28 AM |
I have to give you props for going on a limb like that, as it could be social suicide for you!
It's honestly always perplexed me why men won't admit we are intensely sexual creatures. What I find most amusing is the guys that spout off how "I'm not like that". It's just another front to show the "caring" side of you. A man that wants to rock your soxs off can still be romantic...passionate & be in love with you. How we control our impulses is really what defines us as males.
I won't go so far as to blame the OP for what's happening. Deuce, both you and I know that the end goal for many guys is to get laid & once they've acquired that their interest wanes *unless they're home alone on Saturday night and need it*. I'm dubious it's the OP's sexual ability either. For the same reasons.
I guess this begs the question...why come to a dating site to find casual sex when you can just go to an intimate encounters website? Why waste the time & effort contacting and going out with these women when you can find a site where they're ready to go...without the formalities. And I wish dudes WOULD do that..because it creates a vicious circle. The women get fed up and stop answering emails & the guys LOOKING for more than just sex get no reply, so they give up. You can't blame women for being suspicious of a mans end goal...even if he's actually being real. That's the part that sucks. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:53:32 AM |
I guess this begs the question...why come to a dating site to find casual sex when you can just go to an intimate encounters website? Why waste the time & effort contacting and going out with these women when you can find a site where they're ready to go...without the formalities
The other sites make you pay. Why pay for a membership on another website, when you can come here and find all the same people for free? | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:55:00 AM | It'd certainly make life easier for those guys that ARE looking to date at the very least, or for more if that's their cup of tea. I mean there are plenty of women, and quality women, looking for IE's on this site in most cities I think. I know here in Winnipeg there are a fair bit I've noticed. But go to a site like Adult Friend Finder where NO one can scoff at you for looking for it! Everyone has the same common goal then and no one is concerned about the other's ulterior motives. You want a piece of ass? Yes I'd like a piece of ass! Do you like my ass?! Why certainly! Let's do this! Man, it's that easy!
I wonder what the percentage of people on this site that claim they are looking to date or for serious relationships but are playing a front actually would be. I know it's a statistic that is impossible to generate but it'd be interesting to know just what we're up against here. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:59:14 AM |
It's honestly always perplexed me why men won't admit we are intensely sexual creatures
okay then...how about this?
how come men can admit that they are sexual creatures, and its acceptable...yet a woman admits that she enjoys doing the horizontal mambo and she is deemed a slut?
I mean, seriously - I LOVE sex - I am good at sex - its an artform to be perfected and enjoyed...to do that, you need a good partner, and trust me, a good partner is hard to find. Sure, everyone boasts about doing this and that, but how many actually do?
Someone recently said I was seem to be here for a good time, not a long time...know whats funny? In the 2 yrs i've been here, I have been to numerous gatherings, gone on one drink date, and on 2 coffee dates. And guess what, i havent F*ked anyone from here either...in two whole freaking years....
but apparently, i'm here for a good time....I guess my posts send out the wrong message...but u know what? thats okay, because I know that the "right" person will see past all the humor and see the real person hiding behind all the bs...and actually take the time to get to know that person....and I have yet to find that here
so ya, I want a good man, who will keep me naked, well satisfied and laughing until the day I die....and I promise to do the same....the rest of you, can continue beating around the bushes.... | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:24:27 PM | how come men can admit that they are sexual creatures, and its acceptable...yet a woman admits that she enjoys doing the horizontal mambo and she is deemed a slut?
Because sexually empowered women scare some guys. A man's sexual prowess is a source of pride to him. This is especially true with older fashioned men. I suppose it's easy to confuse it with "domination" or "control", but I'm not sure that's it. Remember, men are trained to be providers...for 10000 years, we provided for women. It was our job and for many guys, it's a source of pride. Witness HOW far a man can fall when he can't take care of his family....
And sex falls into that "providing" thing. We've been trained for 10000 years to feed you, protect you & admittedly to please you. An empowered sexually modern women knows what she likes and that's a threat to that natural instinct. And I must add when I say "please" you, that's entirely from a male perspective.
Watch porn, it's an entirely male perspective. The man in porn is there to please the female (and himself of course). He IS doing it wrong...but...he's still on a mission to please his "woman". The sex stuff is just half of the thrill of porn, the other half is the man making her "hot and wet". That's the "provider" in the guy. Thing is, with porn, he's usually going about it all wrong....what it really needs is a female director and to be injected with sensuality.
Girls are as sexual as males. Difference is, they're not "instant on" like guys are. Sorta like cooking in a microwave versus a slow cooker. You'll get food from both, but one tastes SO much better. And as Deuce said, that all goes back to "impulse".
I can't see it being a problem, if anything it's a benefit. Having a female partner that's confident in her abilities AND aggressive only heightens the whole act. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:43:24 PM | If you have friends that are male, what are they about? Are they just about going out for a good time? Or are they selfless when it comes to what you need ? For instance, is the guy willing to give you time while he listens to you vent? Will he do that for months ? If you asked him for a favour, would he help you out simply to help you out without an ulterior motive ?
yes...they would. I have a lot of very good guy friends who have been my friends for years.
And just so ya know....I never wear clothes that show it all off so to speak. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 12:47:55 PM | Oh and btw Deuce....lousy sex on MY part is not the issue here....here's a few quotes from guys I have dated re: sex
"you rock"
"omg"
"you could make any man turn to jello"
" i would give the moon and stars for you" (but this one dumped me for being "too perfect")
Furthermore....keep in mind that sometimes it's the guy who's lousy......if I end up noticing the cobwebs on the ceiling....then the guy is doing something wrong....lmao!!!!! | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:03:02 PM |
Oh and btw Deuce....lousy sex on MY part is not the issue here Deuce made it very clear that those were his experiences and he was not implying that you were lousy in bed.
A few people offer their honest opinion and you get defensive, remove your pic and overhaul your whole profile… if this is how you deal with blunt honesty, don’t be surprised when guy’s lie to you. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:09:55 PM | | we all have the right to change our profiles as we see fit....nothing that says it is written in stone after all. we also have the right to choose to post a picture or not. | |
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| How long should you wait before sex?
Posted: 2/27/2008 1:13:17 PM | An empowered sexually modern women knows what she likes and that's a threat to that natural instinct
hey elvis...you nailed it here.....guess a lot of guys have a problem with a sexually confident and empowered woman...(not you obviously..lol!) | |
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