| Saying "I love you"
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:59:03 PM | I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and we recently moved in together. He's wonderful to me and does lots of little things that, to me, shows me he loves me (surprising me with my fave chocolate bar, doing my laundry, bringing me flowers for no reason, letting me have the remote lol etc...).
One thing that confuses me is that he seems to have an issue with those three words "I love you." He has said it before to me, but it rarely happens (maybe once a month). I say I love you to him, but he doesn't say it back (he just hugs me in return).
I have asked him about it and he says that men aren't supposed to say "I love you."
In my previous experience, guys tend to say those words before they even mean it.
My question is, how many guys have issues with the words even if they feel love, and do any other women get this?
It doesn't bother me as much that he doesn't say those words to me, but he has been talking about kids etc, and my worry is that if we ever have kids/get married that he will not be able to tell his kids that he loves them (to me it is very important that children hear those words from their parent's). | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:04:21 PM | | You are right, it is very important for children to hear those words. But it is more important for Dad to SHOW that he loves his kids. It sounds to me like you have a man that thinks that love is about actions and not necessarily words. While it would be great for him to do all those things for you AND say it, aren't you glad he doesn't just say it and NOT show it? | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:06:06 PM | Good Lord girl look at what you have there. You have what most of us would kill for. An attentive romantic guy who even relinquishes the remote to you.
He is showing you that he loves you. Sometimes the words can wear thin if said too often.
It has been my experience that most men melt when they come face to face with their offspring. Whether or not he verbalizes his love for them, the important part is that they feel it.
Don't make an issue of this. If all else is good within the relationship, I think you should let this go. Look at what you do have vs what you don't. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:09:57 PM | Maybe after you've been together 7 years and are married, he'll feel more comfortable saying the words. Since it's only a few months, he's trying his best to show his emotions through his actions.
I don't think it's fair to him to look so far into the future and add children to the mix when you haven't even been together a year! It may be very important for YOU to have your kids hear those words, but it might be very important to HIM to show his love in other ways. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:09:59 PM | Thanks for the advice,
I haven't made an issue of this (besides asking about it once because I was curious about why he had an issue with saying it), and I won't. I was just wondering if this is a common thing with guys.
I am so happy that I finally found a guy that shows his love for me rather than saying words that he doesn't mean.  | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:10:59 PM | | I think you should dump him, and then show him my profile. (Actions speak louder than words). | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:11:42 PM | | You may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. I don't remember my Dad saying he loved me all the time, but I felt it loud and clear. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:16:16 PM | | if he feels he is being pressured into saying it just because you did or saying it because you need to hear it the meaning of the words disapear ..for some people I Love You ,,is the ultimate compliment ,,for others its a day to day common phrase like thank you ...it becomes meaningless if its over used.... its very very special when it isn't.. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:17:19 PM | Dont know why they call them 3 little words. When they can mean the world. But then again girl. According to your post. The guys tells U he cares/luvs/etc U, with his actions. And that's better than someone who says I  U, all the time. But then doesnt act that way, imo.
But maybe its time for a talk. Cause its an easy thing to say. Or should be, esp if U really have feelings for someone. Maybe U could just tell him, that its bugging the hell out of U. In a way that is not abrasive ? I dont know, but it can definitely be annoying to say it. And not hear it in return. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:22:14 PM |
I haven't made an issue of this (besides asking about it once because I was curious about why he had an issue with saying it), and I won't. I was just wondering if this is a common thing with guys.
I am so happy that I finally found a guy that shows his love for me rather than saying words that he doesn't mean.
actions speak louder than words and I'm glad you found someone that cares about you. Don't sweat it in time he'll tell you dem words. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:22:25 PM | OP you can be my wing girl 
Pass him on when you are done!
I have had both sides of the coin here and would rather the actions than the over used words
Sounds like you caught yourself a keeper
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:28:29 PM | OP I have a girlfriend that is always complaining about her BF.....I mean always... but he is always telling her he loves her and how he can't live without her but he doesnt act that way.......You are lucky........some people just have a hard time saying things but he shows you in other ways......... | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:31:36 PM | At least he told you once and keeps showing it to you instead of keep telling you and not showing you.
some guys would say 'I love you' after they feel really good (betcha it's after sex). But then the rest of the time, they treat their woman like they own the slave.
imho, it shouldn't matter how often, so long that he shows it by care. Different people show love in different ways. We are all brought up in different ways, usually ways we've been shown. Some show love via gifts, or touch or doing things for the person... there's a book called 'The five love languages'.
may be if you do it often vocally or with cards/small notes, he'll pick up the habit too. Not saying that you're not doing it now, but old habits die hard and no space for new habits.
you may not be complaining but if you think that you've got a good deal, enjoy it and don't be a perfectionist, always expecting more... this will be wedge in your relationship.
'It's only when we lose something that we know its true meaning. ' | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:41:09 PM | | it is not that we cant say it.it is that we dont understand it.not only that,if we say it to much we have to sign a legal agreement that can do us in big time.lol. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:50:22 PM |
I was just wondering if this is a common thing with guys.
Maybe not all of us guys, but I place a high value on those words, so I have to actually "feel" them in order to say them. But when I am with someone I do truly love I say it often, even call home to tell her when I can just so she knows. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:52:10 PM | | While I agree that actions are more important than words....the actions you are describing can be different than I love you actions, and I would want to hear the words to. Those actions could basically be I care about you, I dont want you to leave, Payment for perceived future rewards. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:53:09 PM | My parents rarely said those 3 words to me when I was a kid, but I started saying it to them about 20 years ago. It took them a while, but now they say it to me, too.
But I always knew they loved me; there was never any doubt. So don't worry about the kids. They'll know through his actions how he feels about them. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:56:25 PM | | You should feel on top of the world since he does all that stuff for you. Because he is showing you that he loves you he doesn't have to say for you to feel it. Although it is better to hear it, but it can die out. Or maybe he had a past experience before you where saying I love you meant the world to himt oward someone and they did him dirty. We honestly dont know but since he is loyal and everything just wait it out, it may come out more often. People hardley hear tell their kids I love you anyway, moms say it more often to their offspring its just nature i guess, but HE GIVES UP THE REMOTE that is a big big big thing..lol..I know I am young to some of you, but I have been in similar situations on the opposite side though. I the type of guy who says the words and mean it, but lack in showing it...some guys are liek that some are more action with it then the words themselves. but to me sounds like you got a great guy, and like i said weigh it out see what happens. Seems like your really happy and everyone should be. But the words are strong, and maybe he is waiting to REALLY say it on a special day...;-) | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:01:09 PM | My parents never said those 3 words either, it doesn't exist in my mother tongue. It says 'I like you' but I do say it in english, when I mean it.
True, saying it can bring down many barriers but it needs to be backed up with reasonable acts of love and kindness. eg, after a fight, it's easier to get together. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:13:16 PM | .....I JUST CALLED ...TO SAY....I LOVE YOUU........I JUST CALLED .....TO SAY HOW MUCH I CARED....NOW I DO.....I JUST CALLED....TO SAY......I LOOOVE YOUUU....AND I MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.......OF MY HEART......OF MY HEARTTTT........DA..DA..DA...........sorry i just could not help myself here.....it's kareoke wednesday..... | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:38:59 PM | | I think his actions speak volumes. He loves you. He just has issues saying it. I was with a man for 2 years who had issues saying it but he showed me everyday that he loved me. It is nice to hear those words - - when they are heartfelt though. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:07:52 PM | | Atleast for the father/son relationship, its fine if those words aren't spoken much. Hell I'm 26 and i think I can still count the amount of times my father said it on 2 hands. But I know he loves me. Showing is more important. Besides, a man could just say it to say it to make a girl happy. But if hes doing things and making an effort toward you, then thats more of a genuine "I love you". But thats my opinion. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:28:16 PM | Ugh. I feel sorry for this guy.
I'm fine saying I love you. It is really sad when the role of "man" gets in the way of living life. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:40:48 PM | | If he does all those nice things and he is great to you and you do too.. IMO that's what love is all about. Look into the essence of relationship, actions, behavior more than into the mere words.. | |
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| Saying I love you
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:47:25 PM | | You know, I honestly don't remember my dad EVER saying it to me... and my mom, RARELY, but it is the actions are louder than words thing. I KNOW my parents love me, a lot. Absolutely NO doubt in my mind! I would not worry about potential children. :-) | |
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