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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 2:20:23 PM | Hi there, I am just wondering how many of you, can HONESTLY say that you would date someone who has a disability? I have read, litterally hundreds of profiles describing the "ideal" person for them. I am one of those "nice guys" who isn't a freak or anything. Most women, won't even reply to me, which is fairly normal on this site I know. Those that I end up talking to, pretty much as soon as they hear disabled/handicapped, well sometimes it's a polite goodbye, sometimes it's just a quick ignore. I have what is known as Fibromyalgia, or FMS. To relate it to something people are familiar with, think of a bad case of Arthritis, all over your body. Then add in some other stuff like headaches/migraines and occasionally, physically weakness. Completely invisable to the eye, it's all internal, and on a decent-good day. I have adapted fairly well, to that you wouldn't really even notice anything is wrong, unless you really know what to look for, like slower, stiffer looking walking for ex. Most everyone says they feel sorry for me, but I am a much better person because it happened to me, and I feel sorry for those that don't know what the "real" important things in life are. It has made me a very inspirational person on most days, but like everyone else, I have bad days as well. So I'm just trying to get some opinions from some of you women, and men for women as well, I'll even through in the same sex interests as well, (I am straight}, want to make that clear, but an opinion, is still an opinion.
What I have personally noticed from having this for 2 years, dating/trying to date for a little over 6 mo. is 3 main things.
1. That Asian women tend to not care, they care about what, and how I write, how I think, and whats in my heart. Just wish thier were some of you Asians that lived closer to me :-(
2. Americans, from me, and from talking to women in the same shape I am in.
Americans hear that disabled/handicapped and turn and run away as fast as they can. Nothing is contagious, except a positive, influential attitude. Women for me, men from an attractive female I know.
3. Single Moms, who have already entered the "real world" know what is important, and they tend to not care. Unfortunately, I am one of those people, that if there are kids, i want them to be mine. I wish I wasn't, but I am.
I'll add a 4th section here as well, just to say Thank You, to the, shall we say, More Life Experienced Women, who read what I write, and offer words of encouragement, and even thier friendship. It's actually getting kinda hard to keep up with everyone in that catagory, so I want to say sorry for that to them, and I do appreaciate it.
Well, lets hear some opinions, and PLEASE be honest, and if someone says they wouldn't date someone in this condition, or another condtion. Please, show them respect for thier opinion, and being honest enough to say it publicly. No flames in other words. If you don't want to post publically, please send it direct to me then, I just want some opinions/thoughts on the subject.
Thanks
HonorPrestige | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 2:40:23 PM | | What causes fibromyalgia? Did you go through a period of high stress? There are tons of sites for guys who are looking for all variety of handicapped females ie amputees, blind, deaf, spinabifidis, etc.. They even have site with handicapped chinese females from China. Just find a site that is for females looking for disabled guys. Females tend to be more sensitive than guys so I am sure there must be tons of sites for females looking for disabled men. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:01:29 PM | Hey there,
No one really knows what causes it. There are a lot of theories, but nothing is proven. There are even a lot of Dr.'s out there who don't even think it is real. Several Dr.'s tried to trace back anything odd happening to try and get an idea, and the only thing anyone came up with was I had a growth spurt about 2 inches at 25. Hormone changes are thought to be a cause, but noone knows for sure. They don't know why I grew either. I had everything checked, fine on every normal test, just like all other cases of FMS. Bad thing is since they don't know what causes it, they don't know what cures it. I'm an ex-great athlete, so I know in my mind, that I will beat it, it's just a matter of time, trial and error with herbs/meds/ and most important, my mindset.
I am on a few of those sites as well, and people, at least most people are much friendlier on those sites. seriously, for you "healthy" people, if you are really looking for nice people, even as friends/penpals, go to some of those sites. I won't lie though, there are some people on those sites that just feel sorry for themselves, make no effort, and basically debate between trying to find someone to love, or suicide. I'm also on normal sites as well, and I'm always open about my condition, because you never know who will read it, and have useful info they want to pass on to me if nothing else.
Personally, I have no problem dating someone who has disabilities, as long as it's one that I am capable of taking care of physically, but I will in no way limit my choices to only people on those sites, or even on the internet. I know who, and what I am looking for, and will not settle for anything less then what I want/need/deserve, it's just a matter of finding her.
You didn't actually answer the question though, would you date someone with a disability? | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:15:21 PM | Yes, I would date someone disabled.
I find it interesting that you say you were a great athlete. Are you an intense person? I thought the studies were showing that people in high stress careers were getting fribromyalgia? I had flu symptoms continuously for several years when I was under extreme pressure. I mean extreme pressure. Only being able to sleep on weekends. Once I escaped the stress, the flu symptoms disappeared. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:20:59 PM | I have a girlfriend that fell in love and got married, six months later her husband was involved in a car wreck, The doctors said he would never walk again! She really loved him alot. He was determined to walk again.........She basically did everything for him, I mean everything! I watched her struggle with him for about 2 years. He did eventually walk again after hard work on both their parts. He went from a wheelchair to a cane, then he slowly began to walk, although he is very slow he is walking. Unfortunately after over coming his disabilities, he left her for another women!! It broke her heart, and I don't think she will ever give her heart to another.
After watching her go through all that, I would have to say NO I would not date anyone with a disabilty.......Don't hate me! I'm just being honest.........Sad, very sad!!!
Jen  | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 3:41:23 PM | I don't hate you, I just want honest answers, so I thank you for being honest.
Ex great athlete, then I tore ligaments in my ankle, healed up broke the same ankle in warm ups for a tournament, played through it, and that was the end of me playing. That was when I was around 22. My job was low stress, always got good nights sleep. I was under extreme stress from 17-22 though. I have lived a basically stress free live since all this happened, and while I am improving, it is slow progress, and involves 19 pills a day. Not exactly fun, but progress is progress, so I'll take it. I was so bad at one point I was looking into cryogenics. They said in 10 years, they will have technology to rebuild an entire body, just from the brain. If I am still bad by them, cut my head off, and rebuild me. I'll be first in line. Sounds kinda funny, but hey, whatever it takes to be able to live painfree.
I'm heading out for awhile, so I'll be able to reply to any questions late tonight. Thanks again for the honest answers so far. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:47:44 PM | | A lady with a disability, sure why not. If I were looking to date. Actually, thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure some of the chicks I dated in my late teens had undiagnosed mental challenges. | |
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jaady
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:37:09 PM | | Disability never stopped me personally. If the person is cool there is nothing wrong with it. One thing that I don't want though is being reminded that this person is disable by her whining about how she has to struggle compare to normal peeps. I dated a wonderful girl in a wheel chair for a bit. she was great and i had a truck so up in the back with the chair and did absolutely the same thing i would have done with a normal person. but it got hard at the end coz she was a bit whinny abou ther condition and didn't accept it so that made her borring at the end and self pitty destryed out thing. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:45:11 PM | Probably, but since I've been asked this before, I'm going to jumble your question.
"Would you disable someone that you date?"
-A Joke- *I'll post in humor*
A woman who had a past of nothing but bad relationships puts an ad in the paper. "I don't want a man that will walk out on me or beat me"
Later that next week, the doorbell rang.
She opened the door to find a paraplegic smiling at her.
She blinked in disbelief and asked, "Are you Thomas?"
He replies, "YES! I'm the man of your dreams!"
She says, "Hmm, what makes you think that?"
He replies, "Well, your ad in the paper. I have no arms, so I can't beat you. I have no legs so I can't walk out on you..."
She cuts him off, "Wait wait, and how are you with sex?"
He grins and says, "Well, how do you think I rang the doorbell?" | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:38:15 PM | Why repost?
Meh, I dunno, I thought it was funny the first time I heard it. So I just put it in the humor section, JUST in case.
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:43:04 AM | | All disabilities are not the same, so it would really depend on what the person's issues were as to whether or not I'd be interested in them. But no, I wouldn't automatically discount someone who was confined to a wheelchair or anything like that. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:55:00 AM | Jen, why would you blame disabled men for what an able body man did? He was back to being able bodied when he dumped her.
======================================================================
Where in my post did you see..........." I blamed disabled men for what a able bodied man did" I don't blame them for anything.....I was asked a question and gave a honest answer. Sorry if you read something that wasn't intended.
It's a matter of choice, if it were reversed........I would understand!
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 7:08:08 AM | WTF..........who is hacking my email?? NOT funny! and please quit sending me filthy emails! Are you reading my personal mail as well?
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 7:12:17 AM |
WTF..........who is hacking my email?? NOT funny! and please quit sending me filthy emails! Are you reading my personal mail as well?
Huh? WTF?  | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 5:01:27 PM | | i am disabled and suffer from chronic pain 24/7. i don't see why the disabled should be directed to go find another disabled person to date. it's like saying that poor people should hook up with other poor people. unfornately, that is the scene here in the dating world. when your read a dating add, it will usually begin with i enjoy camping, travel, etc. this works to put out the message that the person is looking for someone with a truck, that has a high enough paying job to pay for the travel. there are also a million ways to put it out there that what is wanted is someone in perfect or near perfect physical shape. i cyber dated a woman with m.s. here online. she had it tough. i would date a disabled person but i highly doubt that anyone would date me because of my disability. DisAbiLiTyTalks. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 5:59:58 PM | Hi there,
I noticed that suggestion as well, but don't let it get to you. I don't believe it was intended to be a discrimination comment, as later they even said that they would date someone disabled. I think they were just trying to inform disabled people that there are sites out there specifically designed more for us. There are able bodied people that are on them too, ones that don't care.
Not real sure what your disability is, unless it's only chronic pain, or there is something else involved. I don't mean to sound like chronic pain is trivial, by using the word ONLY, as I have also had pain every single day, for over 2 years now. Even when I was taking 70mg of morphine every 4 hours, it didn't stop the pain. As for dating with chronic pain, it does take a special person, because seeing someone that you care about in pain is hard, but having the helplessness feeling of not being able to do anything to help that person, and to condition yourself to where you kinda don't see it, well, it is extremely hard.
As for me, I have dated a little bit since I've been sick, and things just don't go to well. I know who, and what I am looking for in a person, and as long as it's wrapped up in an attractive female package, because there has to be a physical connection as well, it doesn't matter what site, or where I find her. There are a lot of people out there that do care, and would date you, it's just a matter of finding one who isn't already taken. Confidence is the biggest thing, get your mindset correct, and you have a much better chance. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:04:28 PM | | hey the online world of dating is cruel even without disabilities. The thing is there is allways another guy or girl waiting to talk to you next, so for someone to settle for a disabled guy really has to be a special kinda of person. The good part about that is once you meet her you know she will be adorable. | |
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Johomi
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Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:52:08 PM | I was just going to ask that same question. To answer that.......yes to a physical disability
but not mental. It takes very special skills to know how to deal with the mentally ill.
I physically cound not deal with that kind of challenge, with my problems.
I have since '91, Rumatoid Arthritis. It will never go away and it is incurable.
It can be treated with meds and slow it down and at times it may even stop the
destruction of the joints for awhile but then when it comes back and most time it will,
it comes at you with a vengeance. Fun stuff ...huh?
Anyway my little curse has progressed to the extent that I can not work at a regular type job so I'm on disability pension here in Ontario. A person NEVER got rich on a pension
of this type. Hahahaha
So there isn't much of a dating budget, needless to say. The main point is to get the women to stick around after you tell them the good news.........I can't dance.
Anyway to your questions on dating and women. I get the same response here in Canada,
you tell them and their gone.
I'm in a special situation here in Canada and I can only blame myself for trusting "to much"
and not covering my own a$$.
I'm an American and I meet a Canadian woman about 7 years ago and got married. Everything was fine as long as I could work at a job, as I found out later.
Short version.....The Arthritis got worse, She has kicked me out and getting a divorse. Says she can't support both of us. (Load of crap) So all my family is over in Michigan, same with
friends. I'm trapped here cause of the medical here is free, got to have my drugs or go crippled. No job, nobody hires a 57 year old, very little money (disability pension) now no wife
maybe thats a good thing, and no dates.
So my friend, trying to see the light at the end of this long tunnel. I might try Asian women
like you said. They might take the word "honor" a bit more seriously. There is a lot of them in the Toronto area.
Good luck Bud | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 8:02:15 PM | Rumatoid Arthritis, unfortunately, i know too much about that. I actually got sent to a Rumatoid Arthritis Dr. because they thought that was what I had, so I studied up on it. Not fun at all. I really have had a lot of success talking with Asian women. They tend to see us for what is on the INSIDE, which is what is important.
I also kind of agree with you on the mental disability, of course it depends what it is, but there are many types I would not be able to handle either. There are some good disability dating sites out there, but at the same time, some of them, the people just seem to feel so sorry for themselves, it is depressing. I guess you encounter that on normal dating sites too, but not as often. On the other hand, there are some GREAT people on those sites. Once you get disabled, you change one of 2 ways, you tend to almost go into hiding and denial, or you start to understand how precious everything really is, and become a great person. Since we are moving slower, we take the time to smell the flowers on the way, or we will see the Hummingbird that those rushing through life miss, and once they are 50 or however old it takes them to understand the importance, and beauty of nature, and life. Another thing I did, since I can't live the active life ike I used to, I started on slower paced hobbies, photography being the main one. Find someone interested in photography for example, they won't mind going to the park, sitting down for awhile, talking and taking pics. Low stress, can be a lot of fun, you can make side money if you are any good at it, and it's a cheap hobby once you get the initial stuff, pack yourselves a picnik, and there's a date for you, where you get to spend a lot of time getting to know the other person,
ALthough yes, I am in constant pain, yeah I'm on disability, yeah i move slower, and yeah, there are a bunch of negatives, I am glad this happened to me. It has really made me such a better person then I was before. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure a lot of people out there know what I'm talking about. I do wish it would go away of course, but what I have learned about myself, is amazing in these 2 years.
Best of luck to you as well, keep your head up, and keep your eyes open. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled?
Posted: 5/28/2005 8:10:24 PM | i dated a blind girl before...not a biggie at all. i didn't care if she couldn't see...in the beginning she was pretty sweet, and that's what attracted me to her. mind you, she screwed my roommate, and that pretty much un-attracted me to her.
a disability...sure...no problem. i think i'd have to draw the line at quadrapalegic though. para would be fine...there's still lots we can do...but with a quad i'd feel more like a nursemaid than a boyfriend... | |
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