| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:44:03 PM | I have been thinking about this for awhile. I see alot of people decribe themselfs as having a sence of humor that has a sarcastic bite or being witty with sarcasm. I am thinking this is a red flag for passive agressiveness. Usually sounds like unresoved isuues or even plain meanness. I know I had to stop that part of me because my family use to do it alot when i was growing up. It was like only the auther of the sarcasm though it was funny.
Im sure Im going to here alot of critism over it but bring it on. Lets see how it plays out
Interested in seeing what otheres have to say on the matter.
Sarcasm funny or not?
Sarcasm sign of a bumpy road ahead? Start of just being mean and abusive to one another? | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:46:07 PM | I don't see it as a red flag, because I enjoy sarcasm.
There's being "mean" and there's being "MEAN" .... one is serious... the other isn't. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:48:09 PM | sarcasm like anything else has it's time and place...
If someone is sarcastic ALL the time.. it gets old fast. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:48:37 PM | | Sometimes when people are joking around they use a form of sarcasm and it can be funny, but when in normal conversation or if you disagree with someone and they use sarcasm I think it is mean and abusive. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:35:58 PM | Is is redundant, though? The link you gave says to relationships. This guy is talking about is it a red flag... subtle difference.
I think it can be. I dislike people who do too much of one thing. If sarcasm is all they got -- unless they do it really really well -- otherwise I like things to be more mixed up.
But yes these people do tend towards passive aggressive thinking... gotta agree with you on that point. Sarcastic people DO sometimes think they are being clever when they're just plain boOoring. A lot of them are cowards to say what they truly think so they wrap it in the veil of sarcasm.
If I have a serious issue I just say it outright and let the feather's fly.  | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:53:35 PM | yes, it is a serious harbinger of things to come. IT isn't funny. People like this think that their comments are witty but it's just the opposite.
If she is the sort who is negative about everything, if she has to say something negative about anything or everything she sees or encounters, it tells a lot about her.
GEt away.. run..
serious anger issues and as the person noted above- they are cowards .
they comment negatively about something as if it is beneath them, then get upset with you for complaining about how negative YOU are about their negativity....lol.. it's a vicious viscous circle if you stay in for round 2.
you will end up as a version of the BICKERTONS- as your only recourse is to either confront her for her negative attitude or adapt her style of sarcasm conversation style back at her. Sometimes, these people must experience it and be on the receiving end of a cutting remark to realize and understand that it is offensive.
either way.. you are screwed.
As stated above, it gets old real quick...like people who use countless emoticons in their posts....... booooorrring...
( oh..i am going to take a hit for that comment from the emoti-nazis.. ). someone will post a comment of all emoticons... | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:57:38 PM | | Ummm... I think that you people are mistaking something else for sarcasm? Wit and sarcasm can be used for good as well as evil. You all must have exposed to the dark side a few too many times. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:59:02 PM | | I love sarcasm. I practically live it. It's lovely if my mate enjoys it too. Because they have to deal with it a lot of the time. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:02:01 PM | Uof
so enlighten us. or is this going to go the way of redefining IRONY.
where is sarcasm appropriate or do many people find that laughing at people's misfortunes or being offensively rude in the name of humour something that is okay to do?
some people find Don Rickles brand of humour to be an endless source of mirth and merriment. I don't.
Since the OP took the time to post about this issue, it shows that he questions whether sarcasm is appropriate.
So , OP.. did you join in the sarcasm or did you
point out to them that it may be wrong? Did it make you feel uncomfortable or cringe a bit?
If so, then it is a red flag for you.
You saw that in your family, it wasn't a positive thing
For other people, it is not an issue. so no red flag.
for me, people who try to pass off a mean -spirited comment as being " only sarcastic" or "I was only joking" hardly gets a person off the hook.
IF someone is going to be funny, make sure that the sarcasm will be found funny by the recipient as well. It ain't funny IF YOU are the only person who finds it funny.
so passing off that **** as sarcasm is a huge sign. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:05:46 PM | It's not a red flag on its own. The only time it's really a problem is when someone is being mean in the guise of sarcasm. Meaning, they act like they're being sarcastic, but they're actually not. It sucks when people do that.
I personally love sarcasm. I loathe people being mean and acting like it's sarcastic. There's a big difference between between giving someone a hard time with the wonderful gift of sarcasm and just basically making fun of them. I give people a hard time a lot and usually the more I do the more I like them. My friends get crap from me all the time, but it's definitely not serious at all. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:21:27 PM | Sarcasm is anger....they are too afraid to say it outright so they make it acceptable with humor...and get attention for it. Kind of like rewarding a kid for breaking a window. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:08:34 PM | I agree goddess Black and white is a great way to describe it.
There is witty sarcasm that is not meant to offend and there is the catty cutting type that is meant to be cruel.
And you are correct. Sarcasm is a talent, that some are born with.
Not all appreciate is though.
Sarcasm is anger....they are too afraid to say it outright so they make it acceptable with humor...
I disagree. It is NOT done for attention. It is simply the way some of us are. The way we express ourselves, be it anger or affection. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:13:11 PM | Sarcasm does not have to be mean. My father had a dry sarcastic wit that I and one of my brothers inherited (the other one is more like my mother, a vapid sense of humor that rarely seems to surface). My children are sarcastic with their humor. Sarcasm is based on irony and it can be biting and acerbic and create problems but not if it is merely observational and you use it wisely. In my case, that meant biting my tongue many, many times with my X because the man gave me way too much material.
People that want to insist that all sarcasm is negative often do not understand it and on the contrary, is not a sign of cowardice and again, you are talking about the "black" sarcasm to begin with. I don't believe anyone has met me in the last 43 years that retains the delusion that I am scared to tell anyone what I think.
If you are not familiar with my forum posts, I can easily tell someone they are a piece of shit and make it sound like a good thing, not because I am afraid to speak my mind, but because I find no reason to hurt people unnecessarily. I also believe that if you wish people to listen, a better approach is not pissing them off, so there is no point to the blunt meanness that some wield with such glee.
You can steer clear of people that include sarcasm on their profile but you may be missing a really great gal with a killer sense of humor. My X's family is not particularly sarcastic but to me the things they make fun of each other about are really just hateful in a lot of cases, give me a sarcastic comment over those any day.
Blanket statements like sarcasm is a red flag, or it is cowardice, or it is blah, blah insults the intelligence of anyone involved in the discussion. It can be something you wish to pay attention to to determine if it is the individual's way of seeing the humorous in what are often horrid situations or if it is an outgrowth of a natural tendency to see everything around them with negativity.
If I tried to stifle my sarcasm I think I would be much less fun to be around, and since people are still around, I suspect, at least in my tiny little corner of the universe, it is not indicative of passive aggressive issues.
VVVVVZopz makes a good point, sometimes the difference between white and black scarcasm is knowing one's audience. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:14:18 PM | imo, humor, sarcasm, irony are sisters... one is the company on a good day, the other is on a bad day, the third one is when bad days keep rolling on 
sorry, having a hair day... i need the laugh | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:20:06 PM | I use sarchasm a lot...when I'm ticked off. It can bite, and is not something most people enjoy on a regular basis. There is a saying about teasing I heard once, and it can apply to sarchasm as well. Every teasing remark carries a grain of truth. That's why it's just not very nice. People can see the grain and it usually hurts their feelings.
Red flag? I don't know, I guess you'd have to find out more about the person before turning tail and running for the hills. People are not always as they describe themselves, and might not even really be so 'brutally honest even when it hurts' in real life. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:21:30 PM | The black/white thing is almost a perfect way of describing it as how I see it. I think there are different degrees too though. It depends on the people around as to how far you go and how often.
Just last night I was out with friends and they were talking about stuff, so I just turned to one of my friends and told him to stop cramming his religious beliefs down everyone's throats (we all believe the same stuff, as far as I can tell) and just looked dead serious about it. Then we both started laughing about it. Some people might think that's too far, that's why I say it would depend on who it is and how far to go and all that.
Now, it's not appropriate all the time. I'm sometimes sarcastic at the wrong times and make things worse, but sometimes I do just enough to brighten someone's day.
Another big thing is intent. If you say something that could normally be seen as innocent, but intend to be mean or whatever, it's bad regardless. There are just some variables as to when it's good and bad. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:25:44 PM | | I don't think sarcasm in general is a red flag. I like it if my guy can make witty observations of his surroundings. There IS a brand of sarcasm that really pisses me off: the type of crap that people do when they are mad about something but can't bring themselves to just say what the hell it is they want to say. That's a HUGE red flag for me. I don't have time to force people to express how they feel. Ah, there's also a thin line between sarcasm and cynicism as well. If he's a constant downer, I can do without his company. As sarcastic as I am, I'm a fairly optimistic person. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:13:40 PM | Crucial to distinguish whether it's "caustic" or just "ironic" -- that's how my pocket dictionary defines "sarcastic."
I make frequent use of a friendly kind of sarcasm -- observation of life's ironies. Not lining up other humans in the cross-hairs to take shots at.
If I've only just met someone and he uses the caustic kind of sarcasm -- to ridicule me personally, I would tend to give him a blank stare of confusion, and heck yes, it would be a red flag.
Because crucial also is -- the context. My close friends have earned the right to say almost anything to me, based on our rapport. (And based on the fact that I don't choose for friends people who perptually insult me, "jokingly" or not.)
Whereas a stranger who gives you a verbal slap upside the head, falling back on a claim he was "only joking" might not be an abuser, but clearly has a problem of Some Sort. | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:20:04 PM | simple. if you like sarcasm=go 4 it. if you don`t like sarcasm=don`t go 4 it. was that sarcastic?  | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:31:22 PM | | I once read that 50% of what people say in sarcasm they actually mean! | |
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| Sarcasm red flag or not?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:33:48 PM | I'm extremily sarcastic. I see it more as an ironic sense of humor, because life is ironic and it's funny. Otherwise life is just about working, sleeping, eating and dying. Maybe that makes me passive aggressive, but I certainly manage to crack myself up. And it sure beats the heck out of knock knock jokes.
PS. Any accomplished comedian with a vocabulary: Chris Rock, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, etc. derives humor from sarcasm. Those without vocabularies just curse like sailors... which I don't find amusing.
I always thought there were 2 types of sarcasm black and white...and the colour has no racial connotation
Black sarcasm is always nasty and belittling where as white is intended to have fun and laughter without belittling or hurting the receiver.
Of course, just like in the old westerns where the bad guy always wore the BLACK hat.
No offense, but this discussion is a little bit silly. As with anything else, if you find someone offensive, stop dealing with them. We're all grownups, and few, if any of us are looking for mothering.
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that doesn't mean he is being mean I would take it as a sweet way he would describes my goofy moments...but if he make jokes and says “are you jealous of women who mail me?” then I would call that not a joke at all and over time I would see it as put down or mistrust.
