| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:45:42 AM | | I have come across many men who want to date or have long term relationships but come right out and say they are not looking to get married. The minute you say your looking for a serious relationship most men run. Is it because they have been burnt, hurt, or lost everything? I know marriage is a serious thing and some just don't believe in it. I have even seen men who were dead set against marriage and then turned around and got married. I think men should leave all options open and not be so rigid in their stance against marriage. When we are young we get married for lust. But as we get older we know there is more to a relationship than lust. I say leave all options open and make better choices and see where it leads. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:47:27 AM | | I don't necessarily believe all men are afraid of the "M" word. I think it's the "D" word that they're more concerned with. | |
|
| |
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:51:07 AM | | It's not just men, there are many women too that credit the degree of pain they have experienced to the institution rather than their own particular circumstances and vow never to marry again. Sometimes they really mean this and would actually walk away from a good relationship if it included tying the knot while others may be open to it if they feel they have really found someone they can spend their lives with. Unless it is a deal breaker for you, don't worry about it. I don't think it is necessary and if someone felt that strongly opposed, I could probably put aside what I would prefer to do for a good relationship. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:53:58 AM | Most women who come right out on the first date and say that they are looking to get married SEEM to be needy. I'd run, too.
I'm not LOOKING to get married - not for a sprint down the aisle.
I'm *looking* for a friendship, based on a strong mutual respect and trust, that can *DEVELOP* into more. Putting the cart before the horse usually ends up not working out so well.
I have found that if you focus more on a long-term goal than what's going on around you, those things called 'hopes' and 'dreams' tend to come up as blinders against all the warning signs you *should* have paid attention to, but didn't because you were too focused on the goal.
Slow down - let things progress naturally and don't throw the 'M' word out there like it's nothing. That's a heavy commitment, and if I don't know someone well enough to know each member of their family, their likes/dislikes/hobbies/pet peeves/etc, I damned sure don't know them well enough to be discussing marriage. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:54:52 AM | | You are right about many men. I have found that many women are also on the fence about marriage. I think as we age we become more secure in who we are and what we want. Nobody wants to have another bad or nasty divorce so we become overly cautious & are more aware of what we want and need in a life partner. Then again maybe that`s just my reason. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:55:32 AM | Good question. It seems that many have come out of bad marriages that
have left them disenchanted with the whole thing. Child support and anger
issues seem to top the list. They do not sign up to a dating site for another
round of torture...just looking for women to casually take to bed, and not
much else. Have you happened to notice how many men in their 40's and 50's
list their startus as Hang Out... or Other Relaionship aka- FWB.
Women in general have more of an ability to set aside the past mistakes
of relationships, and are more willing to give it another try.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but from what I've noticed, they're
the catch and release types. Even the guys who say they are looking for
Long Term are usually doing that to hook a gullible lady to use and discard. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:59:10 AM | The M word is not what a lot of men are afraid of it is more the C word and women fit into this category. Think about it most of us have been in a marriage for several years and we were committed to the marriage and look at the ending and things are not good. As was said before you have either lost everything or hurt very bad. It is hard to be committed to this again it is always in the back of your mind. Look at the word committed it has all three. The M---THE D---AND the C----- | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:03:22 AM | see im an odd one because i don't feel like certain topics should have certain times to be discussed. if im intrigued or confuzzled by a guys personality, then i get to wondering what they want in the future. so i ask. if they run thats fine, but i wish they would ask me back first - i DON'T want marriage....that could change tho.
i think your post should be towards both genders and not just men.  | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:06:26 AM | As you get to middle age you are more likely to think with your head than your heart. If you've already been through one marriage and divorce you are less likely to jump into another one quickly. You think about combining finances, joint property, blending families, trying to parent a step child, getting along with in-laws etc. Many of these things are not a even consideration the first time around.
If your goal is marriage then let the person know early on, if they bawk at the idea then find someone else. I personally do not plan on being some guys arm candy when I am 80 but that does not stop me from loving someone or having fun now. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:07:48 AM | | serendipitious you took the words right out of my mouth. So very true what you stated. At least from my experience on this site. I am not looking to marry every guy I meet lol. Infact I have not found one yet I would want to marry lol. But when and if the time comes I would like to know that that person is also willing to cross that line and be commited if we both have strong feelings for each other that are more than just lust. Divorce sucks no doubt about it. But if most people think about it we get married for lust not love. I was 17 when I got married. And It was lust pure and simple on both our parts. Many often confuse lust with love when your hormones over rule the brain lol. Now that most of us are older and wiser we have the oportunity to look for the whole package not just someone who is good in bed. I can find tons of men that are good in bed but I don't want to marry them lol. Sex is important but not the only factor in a relationship. Someone told me recently that the 50 yr marriges are a thing of the past. There will never be long lasting marriages anymore. Why not? Its like we are a disposable society, we get rid of houses, cars, jobs, mates and look for better improved ones. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:12:14 AM | | I read in one of those 10 list that they give women about how to keep their man, and one of the points was about commitment. It said that is not that men fear commitment, they eventually want it, they just don't want to feel rush into it. And this feels so true. I could be with some awesome girl and feeling I may think long term, and then she starts to close the noose and automatically I begin to pull back. So ladies, let it flow and grow and we will go there. Rush it and we will pull back. | |
|
| |
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:19:40 AM | | I believe some are skeptical because they have been married and have left a good chunk of their monies/property to their spouse when they divorced. Some are not willing to take that chance again. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:27:27 AM | | I have no desire to ever get married again, but not because I'm afraid of being hurt. As I got older I realized it's just a silly piece of paper that means nothing to me and encourages the government and churches to feel they have a right to tell me who and how I should love someone. I'll play the game by my own rules and choose instead to find someone to share the rest of my life with in cohabitation. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:35:01 AM | My counter question to this is always "why do SOME women seem so eager for the M-word?". 
If you read through enough forum posts on the subject, clearly there is a moderate segment of the population, both male and female, that are of the belief that sliding a ring on someone's finger is an automatic ticket to Happily Ever After, a gateway to unconditional acceptance/tolerance, and that it is the Cure-All for any relationship, even failing ones... 
In my opinion some people, and forgive me for I will stereotype for a moment and claim mostly women, seem to be in rush for a WEDDING. But a wedding does not a marriage make, it is merely the fancy party you choose to celebrate your union, but ideally said union has been founded in both your hearts LONG before the wedding. Ideally it should have taken place the moment the person proposed and the other accepted. You were married in the emotional sense at the point you said to yourself "yes I want to spend the rest of my life with this person". Everything else thereafter is a social/legal formality. 
I'd sooner settle down in a nice long-term live-in relationship with a good woman that wasn't on a time-frame or persistently probing the subject than one that was nagging me on a schedule...  | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:35:53 AM | I can answer this ... it's relatively simple, really, men are starting to realize that wives are relatively worthless unless you want to start a family. Marriage is nothing but a trap to men and it puts you in a situation where if your not happy, your screwed and you better make damn sure she's happy because regardless of who ends the marriage and the reason, the man is going to pay through the nose.
It's not the fear of divorce, it's that the whole thing sucks divorce or not.
Plus, answer this - why do men and women need each other any more, aside from the obvious need for them to come together to have children? Women don't need men for financial support. Men don't need women to take care of the home and raise the children. At one time, not so long ago, those roles were vital to your very survival. Now, gender roles have eroded, for better or worse (and I think it's a little bit of both). Oddly enough, one recent study has shown that gender is going to be meaningless in pretty much every way within 20 years. Eroding roles are creating gender confusion and some psychologist believe that within 20 years being bisexual will be the norm. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:40:06 AM | | if a bloke by 40 aint married,he's hardly likely to ever want to,firstly cause he's seen all around him fail and its put him off or he cant be bothered with it all.if he changes his mind,its more than likely he's got no one left to club or go drinking with,then you might get lucky.marriage is a bit of paper,you dont get nothing for it,only a wacking great bill for a day out.i cant see why your asking the question.most woman i know wont marry again for the same reason a bloke wont. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:41:34 AM | I don't think it just men who say that or that's it's even a gender issue as much as it's an individual choice someone is making
at a certain point in their lives due to a myriad of reasons that are just as individual as they are.
I know many people, both men and women, who say they will never marry again...and the reasons are many.
Some are just plain scared of going that route again after a bad or disappointing experience. Some just don't see the point of marriage anymore....they'd rather remain single or just have a "relationship" on their own terms.
And some , like me, never much believed in the word marriage to begin with but did it for the children or for the family or for legal and practical reasons only. But now that their children are grown and since they're not planning on having any more, there is no need for them to ever get married again.
I know for a fact that I'll never get married for as long as I live and I'm not a guy...lol! My last relationship was common-law and lasted twenty years.
I have no need or desire to have my relationship sanctioned or approved by the state or a religious body in order for me to feel committed, but that's me and what works for me...to each their own.
JMHO
| |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:47:25 AM | I agree totally with heathenistic. I'm trying to focus on finding someone I enjoy spending time with rather than worrying about marriage. ...after all, the first one didn't end up so well for me and that was my primary concern at that point in my life, getting married and raising a family. Now, I'm focused on enjoying my life, married or not.
But if we are all honest with ourselves, if you've been through a divorce, there is a side of you that fears taking the chance again...I know I do. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:47:52 AM | I'd get married again, with a pre nup in place.
I use the "I am not getting married again" with women I am trying to find a out with. I have come across a few women who are really nice but I lacked that something in my feelings for them that spell the m word. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:48:11 AM | Hey, guess what. Many women, like myself are afraid of the M word. I find that many men DO want to get married. They seem to need women more than women need men.
I detest the institution of marriage......I feel tethered, smothered, and isolated. So, don't think this is a 'man' thing. Nowadays, (especially among older women) marriage is not coveted.
Enjoy being single. It's fun! It's liberating. I wouldn't give up my freedom for anything or anyone. | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:48:17 AM | Why are most men afraid of the M word?
^^ Maybe its the fact of starting over again? not as easy as everyone seems to think it is. there are woman who feel the same way. Its been a long haul for me the last 10 years ...to rebuilding my life again. Having a good paying job...a house...a car....a good lifestyle and new friends, being secure and confident, in ways that i never was before and i love it.
so would i marry again? who knows, what the future holds for me.
the question is I ask...am i ready to have anyone live with me again? | |
|
| Why are most men afraid of the M word?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:49:56 AM | I have to agree with YamI and OldSoul, there really isn't a "need" for marriage if you are past the stage of having children and you can be committed without a marriage certificate. Thats why we have the whole common law idea. If you move in with someone and live with them for a period of time, you are married in the eyes of the law. And if you split, you still have issues of seperation of finances etc.
Really a proposal is more of a romantic notion than a need when you are of a "certain" age. :) | |
|
Home
login 
^^^^ I agree, it's not the M word, it's the D word closely followed by the A word (alimony).
