| ...."It's Complicated."
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:15:20 AM | Well, as many of you read with the forum I started a few days ago, I was dumped a couple of days ago.
Well, when he was breaking up with me, part of his excuse was that "It was complicated." I know what it means, it always means the same thing. Another female has entered on his part.
My question. Why not just come out and say the whole truth? Yes, I know it's not lying, but it's not telling the truth either. And yes, I realize it's to spare feelings, but I mostly think it's to save personal pride.
Anyone who has done, can I have your opinions? | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:25:59 AM | OP
Young people who have not developed themselves yet give vague answers because they really don't know either. As you get older and more experienced in life things become more concrete. This guy obviously hasn't arrived to that point yet.
I would suggest you move on without a reason. You will never get one because he doesn't know either. Take this valuable learning experience, learn what you can, evaluate mistakes and make corrections and enjoy the good times. Once you have done that, let it go and move on. Looking backward is no way to move forward.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:55:41 AM | I've said that more than once, but never used it instead of saying "I'm interested in someone else." For the record, what it means is based on the guy who's saying it, not the personal experience of the person who hears it.
The point of the matter is that you're most likely better off without him. I don' know the details of your relationship, but if he can't give you the respect to give you a straight answer, he's not worth it. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:13:27 PM | Is it better to hear that the guy you are seeing is moving on to another woman, or something more vague? Hell, the last girl I broke up with, I was kind of evasive. She asked me point blank, if it was another woman (it wasn't). She was not the right person for ME, and she did things that annoyed the hell out of me. I felt, that if I had enumerated my issues with her, it would have been a put down to her. It was simpler, and I hope less emotionally damaging, saying she wasn't the right one for me... which was the boiled down truth.
If it is complicated, it may not be another woman, it may be that you have mannerisms, or ideas that he doesn't like, and instead of tearing you down, gives the blanket statement. In all honesty, that doesn't mean you are a bad person, just not the right person for him. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:51:23 PM | | Him saying it's complicated is him saying he doesn't have the stones to tell you what he really feels or what really going on. It's childish and insensitive. He did you a favour that you just haven't realized yet, as this "boy" has some growing up to do. I haven't used that line since I was about 14! If I end a relationship or quit dating someone after a couple dates because of something I've seen that bothers me I tell them but in an understanding way and not to demean them. Most of the time we just aren't compatible, and it's usually because she doesn't have children and wants some and I'm done having children. I'll gladly accept another woman's children as my own but I do not want to start the process of making babies all over again, aside from the actual act of TRYING to make babies! LOL | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:30:39 PM |
Him saying it's complicated is him saying he doesn't have the stones to tell you what he really feels or what really going on
That is often the case.
But, sometimes person (a guy or a girl)
is not even sure what their feelings are.
They could be in turmoil,
trying to figure out and not being able to do it.
Sometimes they know what they feel,
but don't know how to express it.
And, as you said yourself OP,
sometimes they just don't want
to hurt your feelings.
It's not you. It's me.
That's another one.
In reality it means:
It's US. US is not working
for whatever reason and
it's time for US to go back
to being You and Me...
Or rather, to being You without Me.
Pink, I am sorry your relationship ended.
Hang on there, girl. 
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:21:25 PM | | Complicated doesn't meen that another female has enterd his life. It is a possibility. There are tons of other reasons that a person can describe as complicated. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:31:36 PM | Why?
well.... because it's complicated.
Why drag you thru the coals over something that isn't gonna be?
You don't really want to pick at that scab do you?
Let it go.
Hate him or forget him.
But just let it go. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:33:29 PM | | It could mean lots of things. Maybe he's decided that he's just not good enough for you. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:36:04 PM | There are lots of things that can cause a life to be complicated. Some people don't like to have another person involved with them while dealing with those complications.
Personally I think I would simply accept "It's complicated" and move on and be happy that he didn't involve you in what may have turned out to be a lot of drama. You're a pretty girl and won't have any problem finding someone new. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:17:34 PM | Let's see... assuming he's the same age as you... I'd say he's too immature to just be honest with you.
It takes some longer than others to grow up, and learn the basics of respect. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:53:49 PM | In my experience, the truth is always asked for, but rarely wants to be heard.
In short, it doesn't matter. What do you have to gain? | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:30:11 PM | 2 b honest every girl i broke up with i lied....and ill admit that its cuz im scared to say the truth...breaking up is hard enough, let alone tell u there is something wrong with u.
P.S. again with the lack of balls...i do it over texting | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:47:23 PM |
In my experience, the truth is always asked for, but rarely wants to be heard.
In short, it doesn't matter. What do you have to gain?
He and I talked it out, actually he really broke up with me over reasons that I don't really understand. He was telling the truth the whole time. So, in ways we both messed up. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to take back his decision. In ways, I think we're on a friendly basis. But, I will never be able to be in his heart like I was before. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:40:35 PM |
He and I talked it out, actually he really broke up with me over reasons that I don't really understand. He was telling the truth the whole time. So, in ways we both messed up. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to take back his decision. In ways, I think we're on a friendly basis. But, I will never be able to be in his heart like I was before. I was going to say...
Whenever I've said "It's complicated..." it meant "It's too complicated to put into words, and whenever I try, I just get something that sounds stupid, or hurtful, or sexist, or something equally stupid and hurtful, but it's none of those. It's just that there are too many feelings to make sense of."
He may not want to go back to it, because there are some feelings which still hurt, and it's too confusing for him to sort them out. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:05:44 PM | Emotions don't always make sense, and sometime people just feel a certain way even though they can't explain it. That doesn't make those feelings any less valid.
From your last post it sounds like you two discussed things more in-depth but he still feels that it is better to finish the relationship. Rational or not, that feeling isn't going to go away through logical discourse. If he doesn't feel that the two of you are right, then I'm afraid no amount of reason will change that. | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:57:19 AM | Because it is complicated and not as simple as you put it, ............ and he probably hasnt worked it out yet, in terms you will understand
Be gratefull he didnt try and keep you on a string and use you, he was honest, he broke up with you and didnt lie and keep the whole thing going.
Its complicated means you will not understand or accept what I am going to say, and that is what I mean when i tell someone it is complicated and i am not telling them so I can be misjudged or misunderstood.
He is trying to save his own feelings from being hurt not yours......... This is no t about another woman or he would probably keep you on a string, it is about you and him and he probaly cant put his finger on it , he doesnt want to see you, it is complicated when you want ot stop seeing someone and yet you respect them enough tot tell them that you dont want to see them and cant explain why...... It happens its complicated....... as the man said.... | |
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| ....It's Complicated.
Posted: 3/1/2008 8:43:03 AM | I hope you've learnt two lessons from this, namely:
1. When a guy says it's complicated this does not automatically mean that there is another woman involved.
2. You weren't dumped - unless you let your ego tell you otherwise. For reasons that you do not fully understand, and he finds difficult to articulate, this guy doesn't think that you are the one for him. It happens more often than not - far better for him to be honest about this earlier rather than later.
Don't worry about his reasons - it's not a court of law where everything has to be analysed and blame attributed. So wish him well and move on. | |
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