| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:19:01 PM | For years now, I am at the stage in my life where I can not humor men when they have no idea how to touch or lick a woman. So I have started to try to say what I like and how I would like it, as well as including what they do right or what they do 'right for others but not for me'
Sounds mature and reasonable right?
Then why do they get THIS face  and they start jumping at things I say and later never speak with me again!! Ouch! (thrice)
I am not ready to go back to pretending I am having fun, so please tell me HOW do I steer a man into being a good lover?? and what should I do instead?
Men what would work for you? Women what DOES work for you to get guys on the right track? is there a special time limit or moment???
Any sharing would be appreciated!
I tried 'kidnapping' a mans hand or face in the right spot, I've tried talking rationally and god help me if I just ignore it I end up making it much worse when I IMPLODE with sexual frustration.... | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:30:42 PM | Talking about it is good.
But there is no such thing as a perfect lover. Let's not presume that you do everything right and he does everything wrong. Just work at it together. Are you attentive to him as well? If you are attentive to his needs, a good guy will usually be attentive to yours as well. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:33:48 PM | For one, you should give me a call =D
Ok, here's a radical new idea... if them touching you isn't turning you on, then maybe you shouldn't have sex with em. Aside from that, the first one or two times you have sex, just let him go at it and enjoy it. After that, work on one thing every coupla times.
If they're giving you the "help" face, chances are you're trying to make them into the perfect lover over night, and throwing a hundred things at them at once. You HAVE to ease into it, other wise we'll think you're a controlling ****.
Men are weird like that! | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:33:49 PM | yes i am a good lover cause i go by his reactions ; )
therefore he has nothing to talk to me about hee hee
thats why 'perfect lover' was in quotes, to me perfect is when we both get off, not so much to ask lol | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:40:55 PM | | Perhaps your a decent lover, Erin. But even so, with a new person, you must start over. It takes time and practice to get to know each other. My best lover was the one I was with the longest because we knew how exactly to please each other. Just give the guy time. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:41:52 PM | I find that most men respond quite well to *my* responsiveness. I make sure I'm pretty easy to read when it comes to sexual responses. If he's taking care of me manually or orally, I tend to let myself go with facial expressions, sound, words, clinging to the sheets, caressing him, etc. The man who makes the effort to notice can see just exactly what works for me and what doesn't.
My current guy absolutely loves putting me over the edge, over and over and over. I think it's his sincere interest in doing that that makes him an especially good lover. So how can you help a man develop that interest? Show him how delightful it is when he does it right. Show him how much better it is when you're really into it. Perhaps spend a little less time thinking about how you can make *him* a better lover, and put a little more effort into being a better lover yourself. He *will* respond to that. He'll want to make you feel just as good as you make him feel. So set the example instead of thinking about training him. It works for me every time. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:42:43 PM | LOL. getting through to some men is just like hitting your head on the wall...
If he is not willing to explore and learn with you and you with him then feel free to call out "NEXT"!!!
P.S
Sexuallity is extremely important .... and if there is no open mind to receive it then  | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:44:25 PM | wow that is helpful, but hun, what the heck am i supposed to do in the meantime? stop before he gets off like he does for me? 
letting him go to town on my body and me not getting any satisfaction is not an option! i am officially nonsexual and single forever (kidding for melodrama), i shouldn't have to cater to ego issues this way..
especially when it is all solved by 'hey buddy if i like it don't stop!' and when you tell a lot of men something that something they are doing physically hurts they act wounded
so i guess it comes down to 'take it and like it, even if it hurts' or don't have sex with him at all cause he will just think your a controlling **** ...nice! | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:48:27 PM | | It's not the what, it's the when. Giving directions during is awkward and a serious buzz kill. This is why the sex gods invented phone sex. Use it! After the love making you will know his pluses and minuses, use this information to talk dirty to him on the phone. This way he gets off on it and you get the information across. Instant messaging works just as well. This way he doesn't know you're telling him what to do, he with think he figured it out all by his little lonesome. Fragile ego intact he will most likely put his new found knowledge to work the first opportunity that presents itself. | |
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N*Love
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Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:11:02 PM | "that is helpful, but hun, what the heck am i supposed to do in the meantime? stop before he gets off like he does for me?"
Nope.. just make sure you got good thigh muscles and keep his head locked there.. lol...
Really ... what is one to do if a man is not willing to make his woman feel extacy..??? | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:20:03 PM | Try to clue him in a little on what you like before you actually have sex. Either on the phone or online.
It's as simple as... "You know what sounds really good right now?" or "You know what really turns me on in bed?"
Give a guy some hints. Most of the time we'll remember it cause we'll think about it later when we masturbate.  | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:24:00 PM | You just haven't meet the right man yet. Give it time and be patient. We all have to kiss a few frogs to find the prince.
I understand exactly what you're speaking of, but you're on the right track with your communication skills. Don't ever give up sharing what makes you feel good.
You'll eventually come across the man that you won't have to communicate your desires with. He'll rock your world and all will fall into place.
Just love and live and you'll meet your match eventually. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 12:27:37 AM | perhaps removing the entire race -like aspect might help.. slowing things down.. letting your partner know that you want to make it last and to eliminate hurry from the experience.. make it a game.. you tell me when to stop and ill do the same..
or torture him a bit til he gets it.. one thing is certain...
if the only thing moving you is frustration, then you are going the wrong way | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:26:52 AM | Erinlovely, IMHO, most of us men are confident that we know what we are doing, we are stubborn and don't want directions that we don't think we need! After all, we never want to stop for directions on the road! You may have to shock your mate and tell him his technique sucks, but you are willing to help him improve if he'll just listen to your directions and keep trying.
Worst case scenario, tell him to get out and not come back until he's willing to listen to you teach him how to curl your toes! Most likely he'll come crawling back. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:33:54 AM | In saying you want the perfect lover , are you saying just for the sexual part? If so it is so easy. If your partner would just slow down and LISTEN AND FEEL your bodies response, then he WILL KNOW HOW. Just tell him to start off soft and slow and not treat it like a 4 course meal. Why is it when a child is not shown something they are taught yet a man tries and fails and we say selfish...food for thought...
obviously more but you know......Make sure you don't set yourself up for failure and give it a little learning curve. If their interested they will absorbe.... | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:35:07 AM | | Communication is what you want in a relationship - but if you are going to hit your partner up with everything they do 'wrong' in one session - then it can really quash a persons self esteem. Smaller incriments may be a better idea - that way you may get exactly what you want. As well each and every new lover you have - becomes a learning curve once again! We are not all the same in our desires or our skills! You need to give it time and subtile direction is best! | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:30:46 AM | In my experience, they're not going to change...or...they're not going to change for long. If they're not responsive to what I like in the beginning, that's the way it's going to be.
Look at all the men on here who boast about their prowess...thinking because some woman or women told them they were all that, that they have the key to all women's pleasure. They don't even realize that many of the women were probably faking. Even suggesting this makes them think you're an idiot. lol
I've tried...it doesn't work. The first time may not be the telling point. But if by the second time they're not responsive to you, then move on. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:18:50 AM | Coach him well,show your talent for what ya want him to do with you,Your lovin'drives him insane-exersise his toungue and...ride him .Practice...like the 60'swithout LSD
Anyway anywhere ...if you get caught don't miss a stroke.
We men mostly like coaching but not during | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:27:41 AM | You are going to have to work at it. It's really that simple. Would you teach someone to drive by saying "There's the steering wheel, gear lever, brakes and throttle. So yeah, don't wreck or I'm never riding with you again."
It ain't just telling, it's showing. It's working at it with your partner.
I'm going with my tried and true example: Oral sex. I like women to bite down, and I mean hard. Like their teeth are going to touch. But just telling a woman that ain't going to work, I always have to coach them. A good lover will be a little tentative when trying out what you want. Because they want to find out exactly how you like it, not just from the generalization you provide.
Even though what I want is specific, it still takes time to work up to it. It's about taking your time, and there is no way to speed that up. | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:43:41 AM | | communicate communicate communicate!! sometimes in the moment is not the time , sometimes you can give more subtle hints "ooh go back to what you were doing before that was driving me crazzzzzy". MOST guys are wanting to know what works for you but pulling a drill sargent thing on them or becoming an instructor isnt going to get the results. try having a conversation while your clothes are still on and do be as specific as you are comfortable with while telling them all the things that do turn you on. then when the clothes are finally off, you can tweak here and there to make it "perfect" | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:52:11 PM | The average male desires to please his partner and an aspect of his arousal is the responses of this partner. To aid in getting yours give great and unmistakable responses when your partner is giving you pleasure and provide no response when he is not. Make small adjustments when he is close to those "sweet spots". If this is a relationship with which you both want to make a mutual investment, then take your time and get to know each other slowly and sensuously. If they are a fling or one-nighter..you get what you get and expect nothing hoping for something that fulfills your needs. Otherwise, keep BOB nearby.
Best.
ACP | |
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| Wanting 'The perfect lover'
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:39:54 PM | Talking is good.
It's all about how you talk.
During the act might work best, because you can lead him to do what you want in a natural way. When you lead them to do what you want during it is less likely to harm a fragile ego.
If that doesn't work, try to get him into a conversation about what works for both of you. Or even buy a book about things to "look through together."
If the type of person you tend to see is the type that easily gets bruised confidence, it is important to not tread on their ego.
Personally, I don't understand why they'd run out.... I pleasing a partner is important to most of us. | |
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