| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:32:48 PM | | Sorry for another one of these guys, but this one is a bit different. Anyone in one of those 'I love a good friend of mine' situations ever had to totally cease contact with the person? It's gotten to that point with me, and I feel horrible about it. I know the point likely won't come when she feels the same. I am trying to separate the different feelings and be a friend but it's just getting too hard. Is this being selfish? Is there any good way of telling someone this? It's hard on me, but it doesn't feel like it's being fair to her either when I can't get over it and just be a friend around her. I hate letting a friend down though... | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:34:39 PM | If you can't get over it and just be a friend, haven't you already let a friend down?
If you really can't get over it, you're just hanging around with an ulterior motive. No one wants or needs a friend like that. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:35:27 PM | What you do is, is say.... PHUCK YOOZ BIATCH (to yourself, you don't wanna ruin that nice guy image that works so well for you) Then you go, "Peace" (real ghetto like) and don't pay anymore attention to her. Unless you want to be a flippin puss ankle panty waste piece of shit. If you do want to be panty waste... continue to care..... And PLEASE, report back here once you win her over.... BWAHAHAHAHA>
There's a give and take with friendship... Let me guess.. you did ALL the giving, and she did all the receiving? Wake the fuk up man. Friendship? If she was a friend, she'd at least show you her tits... all the attention. I show all my friends my tits after all....
In case none of the above made sense.... you are being a douche bag. Stop being one. Sorry, truth hurts. I didn't know how else to put it. You're like that flimsy balloon thing they keep in the shower to cleanse themselves wif..... = douche bag. Start acting like their rock hard dildo and be a dick head, she'll be all over you. WEll Harry, why are you so single if you know so much!? Because I'm fuckin stubborn and refuse to date women that want to date a loser like me. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:51:06 PM | Harry, your being a prick advice would likely work lol. But even if it does make me a douche, I care about my friends.
And no there is no situation where one person doing all the giving. She's a great person and that's why she's my friend. That's why I grew to like her as more than a friend. I have nothing bitter to say, and she hasn't done anything wrong.
We have been friends for years and my feelings recently developed. So I am wondering if I should be just staying away for awhile so I don't be the 'guy hanging around with an ulterior motive' as poster 2 mentioned. Or would I be more of a jerk for doing that? | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 9:53:10 PM | It might be fine.
What you need to do is let your logic override your infatuation.
You need to intellectually recognize that it isn't going to happen., and figure out WHY it won't happen. Once you do that you should be fine.
Usually you're "just friends" for a reason. The best way to stay "just friends" is to come up with something that would make a relationship with that person not work in the long term. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:12:57 PM | Well I have in the past grown too attached to girls who were friends.
and had girlfriends that I ended up just friends with.
(their choice not mine/dangit).
If it is painful or awkward, stay away.
No need to explain.
If it is not a problem, hang around.
The attraction does go away.
Some girls I was really hot for, now I can't see how or why.
With one girl I couldn't stop myself dissing her new BF
so I kept a distance till I got over it. Now neither bother me.
But that's me.
Some can't ever go back to normal once they cross that weird line.
Depends on you. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:28:54 PM | Harry, your being a prick advice would likely work lol. But even if it does make me a douche, I care about my friends.
I understand man. Thanks for not taking offense and seeing the humor in my remarks. Stick to your guns. Good luck which ever way you choose to be. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:30:30 PM | So you fell for some girl but she's not into you? Yeah, you might want to at least take a break from her. I was in a situation like that and the girl involved finally cut me off. We tried to be just friends but it was the perpetual elephant in the room.
Maybe if you meet someone else and get involved, you can then see this friend as just a friend. I'd talk to her about how you feel and say you might be back to hopefully resume the friendship some day, but for now you gotta get away and get your head together.
And another thing - don't kid yourself about "letting down a friend". That's not what's bothering you. What's bothering you is letting go of that last faint hope that "something" might spark up. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:02:37 PM | Jon, it's actually not. I've been through enough relationships that I can take the let down. The relationships have been many, but the really good friends over the past few years have been few. I have gotten to the point where I know I would be better to just find someone else. So I don't believe I am holding out for the 'faint hope'. A few months ago though, your point would have likely been 100% correct.
" The attraction does go away.
Some girls I was really hot for, now I can't see how or why."
This is actually what I would hope would happen. But I spend a lot of time with this person since they are my best friend. It's hard to make the attraction go away when that is the case. Were you able to do it while still being around the person a lot? | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 2:27:52 AM | | I've actually been in the same situation before. I tried to make it work, even after the rejection, I couldn't. I tried and tried, but still couldn't. Then I tried more and still didn't succeed. So I decided to abandon contact, because I got tired of the torture. Good news is, once you fall for someone else, you can probably be friends with her:) | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:01:33 AM | | OP.......My question to you would be.How do you know she doesnt have feelings for you and because of the friendship she is also afraid to cross the line? It sounds like you are in a catch 22. If you are thinking of withdrawing from this friendship anyway, you might want to send out some feelers to see if there could be more than a friendship with her. Seems like you have nothing to lose and maybe much to gain. JMO | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:23:11 AM | one of my dearest friends is a guy. We have been friends for at least 15 years now.
We started out as friends, and a few years into the relationship I realized I had really strong feelings for him. We love each other, as friends. I had to step away from the relationship for a little while, two giant steps backward and put a little distance between he and I.
Eventually we found our way back to where we are. WE are awesome friends. We both have feeling for one another, but we both acknowledge that we will always be just friends.
Sometimes taking a step or two back with preserve the friendship and let you find someone who will return your feelings on the same level.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:09:37 AM | "OP.......My question to you would be.How do you know she doesnt have feelings for you and because of the friendship she is also afraid to cross the line? It sounds like you are in a catch 22. If you are thinking of withdrawing from this friendship anyway, you might want to send out some feelers to see if there could be more than a friendship with her. Seems like you have nothing to lose and maybe much to gain. JMO"
We actually talked about it once a few months ago. There is likely a thread around from back then when I was contemplating talking to her as well lol. At the time she said she 'wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone' which I assumed was a line/rejection so that was it. Since then I've come to learn she had a lot going on at that time though. So she may have actually meant it. If anything we have hung more since then.
I dunno, maybe I should talk to her about it again before I do anything drastic? I already did the hard part when I told her in the first place lol. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:35:51 AM | I was recently in a passing similar situation. I dated a woman a few times, and started falling for her, when she dropped the I just want to be friends bomb. :) Well, I continued to be friends, and it was tough, I finally took a step or two back, and let things simmer down inside, and now we are pretty good friends again. It honestly didn't take me too long, but I had to take that step back for a bit.
And, just think women seem to always say, they want to be friends first, yet when it happens, nothing happens on the dating side.  Good luck. It is not a good place to be in. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:59:36 AM | Sometimes a little time and space is all you need to process it and gain a different perspective. So, back off a bit or completely for a while.
Absolutely agree with Marc tho'... DISCUSS it with her first. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:08:00 AM | I was in the same boat as you.
Then I told him how I felt, we tried dating. And it didn't work for us. We broke up and tried to remain friends. It just didnt work out for us again, well for me anyway. He was fine being friends, but I couldn't take it. I did everything in my power to make him hate me, and we havn't spoken since. I still think about him, and miss him.
I think talking to her would be best. | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:42:16 AM | I'm in the same boat as you and it isn't fun. I posted in the ask a guy forum recently about this exact scenario. I honestly find: out of sight - out of mind easier to handle right now. So, sorry I can't offer more advise than If you need a bit of a break for your own sanity, take it. I don't think that should make you selfish. Just tell her you need time to sort through your feelings and get rid of the excess of emotion that doesn't fit within the boundries of friendship. If she is your friend she should understand.
Good Luck | |
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| Another friend question (but a lil' different)
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:17:52 PM | It all depends on how MUCH time you spend with her. If all your social hrs are just spent in each others company then diversify a little and spend time out with other friends for a bit of balance.
No real need to do much more than that at this stage. Seems like you are good friends and sometimes homones get in the way. You just have to ask yourself how will I feel when she starts dating another man ans falls in love with him. Difficult as this may be . Good friends will always wish you well. Then may come the time for a little distance.
And again communication is always the key. | |
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