| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:44:26 PM | I was wondering how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space? How much personal space do you usually need?
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? or would you rather she just agree with you? | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:52:52 PM |
I was wondering how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space?
At the moment, not that important. There are many things more important to me, like that my girlfriend not be a crazy bitçh. Still working on that one.
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you
Yes, who wouldn't? This sounds like a loaded question.
or would you rather she just agree with you?
Common sense dictates that no guy would want that. Again, this sounds like a loaded question. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:55:27 PM | I like my space as do most men. Its nothing personal, we just have needs that have to be sated outside a relationship. Hanging out with the guys is a need, not a want. Occasionally I don't mind a guest appearance of my significant other but these are kept to a minimum. The reason is usually I like to give my focus to my SO and that is simply not attainable if she chooses to intrude on a guys night out.
Depends on how extreme the differences are. I love debate but prefer it not to be too intense with a love interest. I don't care that she agrees with me on a particular point or not but have found arguing these to be damaging to the relationship. I typically "win" due to studying any specific platform I support and she gets upset to some degree. Not worth it. Would hate for her to placate me by agreeing though so that is worse. Better to agree to disagree without debate. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 3:55:31 PM | I don't want a clone of me. I want someone that will tell me if they have a different opinion.
Personal space.. that depends on the person. If they have a personality that drains me, I'll need more, but if they are more like me, I don't need so much 'me' time. Someone that can enjoy sitting in silence and not feel the need to fill it with empty chatter, I won't need as much time to myself. Someone that can't stand silence? I probably wouldn't be with them anyways, but I'd feel drained with that and need more time to myself. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:12:52 PM | How much space exactly? Like some quantifiable amount?
As far as space is concerned, that's as varied as there are men on the planet.
That would be my response to that as well. Each guy is different. Some like their gal around a lot, others need to have their "me" time.
Like James said, it's sounds loaded-like you have a specific answer in mind. No one wants someone who agrees with them all the time, but then again I don't want to continually have heavy discussions all the time or constantly argue, either. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:15:53 PM | Personal space is good from time to time. And I'd hope who I'm with can respect that.
Though I do love spending time together. So it's not that big a deal usually. As long as she gives me space those few times I need it, I'm okay.
As for debates... it's not that I'd want her to always agree with me. But if there are differences of opinion, I'd hope she would discuss them properly. Not just turn things into a fight.
I'm looking for a partner in life. A woman who will be my equal. Not just some quiet trophy. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:48:26 PM | zopz sums it up well, & it stands for not just the GF too.
I have some mates, they are great company & interesting people, but can be so intense you have to get away from them to recharge, otherwise it gets to you.
We have one young fella that visits from time to time, he's pretty good now but a few years back he was so hypo & intense that you'd feel the energy & life been literally sucked out of you as his car was approaching the house  Didn't help that he lived on a diet of coke & high energy drinks either! People would hide from the poor sod.
As for debates, some women friends I have are really fun to have the odd witty debate with, once again it depends on the person & how they handle such stuff. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:08:52 PM |
how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space? How much personal space do you usually need? I often need a certain amount of personal space. I could never have a relationship with someone who tried to intrude into that "personal space".
do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? I'd enjoy having a girlfriend that I could discuss issues that were important to me.
When you say "debate", I get the impression that you're refering to arguing. If I'm arguing with a person too often, then we're not agreeing on points of view.
I wouldn't want a relationship with a person who had vastly different points of view than I did, and we argued about them constantly
I'd prefer to have a person who I shared similar points of view on certain issues. I understand that 2 people won't always share the same points of view on everything, but we should be able to compromise, and rationally discuss issues which we didn't agree on 100%.
or would you rather she just agree with you? this is implying that she's willining to be subservant, with no mind, or opinions of her own.
That's not really what I'd hope to find in a partner. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:12:09 PM |
how important it is for you for your girlfriend to understand that you need personal space? How much personal space do you usually need? I often need a certain amount of personal space. I could never have a relationship with someone who tried to intrude into that "personal space".
do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? I'd enjoy having a girlfriend that I could discuss issues that were important to me.
When you say "debate", I get the impression that you're refering to arguing. Arguing's not really healthy for a relationship.
I wouldn't want a relationship with a woman who had vastly different points of view than I did, if we argued about those viewpoints constantly
I'd prefer to have a partner, with who I shared similar points of view on certain issues.
I understand that 2 people won't always share the same points of view on everything, but we should be able to compromise, and rationally discuss issues which we didn't agree on 100%.
or would you rather she just agree with you? this is implying that she's willining to be subservant, with no mind, or opinions, of her own.
That's not really what I'd hope to find in a partner. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:29:44 PM |
How much personal space do you usually need?
I don't think that's a male only thing. I do think both people in a couple need personal time. How much time, and when, depends on the couple.
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? or would you rather she just agree with you?
Hey, my model for an ideal relationship are those old Tracey/Hepburn films.  The last thing I want is someone who always agrees with me, and I think that would be kind of boring in the end.
All that's required is mutual respect, and an agreement that differing opinions are a good thing. Give me that "Kate Hepburn" style of personality, and I'll be a happy man.  | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:34:32 PM | OP, I'll give you a response from the outlying regions. Yes, this will be non-normative, but you did ask. It is C-R-I-T-I-C-A-L (like R-E-S-P-E-C-T, but different) that my gf understands that I need personal space. I usually need at least two feet. I'm all for hugging and kissing and all that good stuff, but please don't be all up in my business so I can't breathe! For question #2, debating is another must-have, but by debate I mean friendly debate, even a devil's advocate sort of thing. I don't mind disagreement over peripheral issues or matters of taste, but I would go insane if we disagreed over core issues. Yes, blah, blah, I know that *some* people love a relationship where they don't agree on core issues, but a house divided cannot stand. Of course, you'll see that I'm still single, so take what I've said with a grain of salt.  | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:13:42 PM | | The reason I ask is that those are two common questions guys ask me (before I've met them/talked to them-we're in the getting to know stage --email etc.) and I was wondering why. I'm assuming that personal space and "debating/discussing" controversial issue are important in a guy's world? So, I thought I'd post it and see if you guys could give me some insight. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/1/2008 11:35:13 PM | There is no “usual” when it comes to how much personal space I need. I like more space around me when I’m writing or talking on the phone or chopping firewood than when I’m slow-dancing or making love. I think it would be awkward to have a close companion whose sense of personal space was vastly out of sync with my own.
I don’t particularly enjoy engaging in debate. I learn more about my partner and about the topic at hand if I listen to how she thinks and feels with patience and an open mind. And I greatly appreciate if she does the same for me.
I’m not much drawn to the mechanics of debate – choosing a side, digging in, employing persuasive rhetoric, attempting to win over the other person, etc. - particularly if it’s a controversial issue of the day, and we’re basing our views on second-hand information, news articles and the opinions of others. It would be rare that I would choose to spend precious time with my lover in that way. I just don’t care for it. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 7:42:38 AM | | right on, not to mention "space" gives the couple something to talk about when they get home......but no one mentioned "trust" women will give men more space if she trusts him and for the most part it seems like most men will aways give a women "space" wether he trusts her or not. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:22:14 AM | We all need a certain amount of space and the important things is that we have mutual understanding.
A good discussion is more desirable. The important thing is that she accept that I may resort to irony and humor to prevent any unpleasantness. An agreement to agree on disagreement is necessary. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:28:19 AM | | I love a good debate, I love arguing about, anything. Discussion on anything is fantastic, I'd really not like to date a girl who agrees with me on everything, it'd get boring, and your conversations would tend be a little stagnant. You need fire, and passion in a relationship. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:38:14 AM | for personal space.. it is extremely important! i dont want to have to spend every moment of free time with a girlfriend. gross.
as for debates it would drive me nuts if she agreed with everything. she does have a mind of her own i hope? | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:48:23 AM | Definitely she needs to understand the personal space thing. However, it can't be measured. I would say that sometimes it's ok to just want to do something with only your friends. Not the majority of the time though. Plus, I don't want a gal that has to rely on me for all avenues of entertainment. I don't think that is healthy for either person in the relationship.
As far as disagreeing with me... I always want the real truth from a gal. However, if we began to disagree a lot on lots of different issues, I wouldn't be too happy because I know I would be with someone who I thought I had a lot in common with, but now realize that I don't. I don't want to have hate sex all the time. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:51:17 AM |
right on, not to mention "space" gives the couple something to talk about when they get home......but no one mentioned "trust" women will give men more space if she trusts him and for the most part it seems like most men will aways give a women "space" wether he trusts her or not.
So, is that a good thing that he gives her space even if he doesn't trust her? What does a guy do when he is not trusted but there is no justification for the lack of trust? | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:01:45 PM | 1. alot of personal space is good. not married yet and dont want to act like it and be smotherd. we acn talk or text all day everyday, but one meeting a week is good enough.
2. if a girlfriend were to debate it would be prefect, just one of those hit or miss things. i love to argue for fun...but puss out if anger is involved lol | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:15:30 PM | | Persoanlly, i would prefer her be as much like myself as possible things seem to go smoother that way.......I'm not one for a lot of "space", nor do I care if she agrees somewhat with my opinions......it's not my job to pick and choose. | |
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| How important are these qualities for you in a relationship?
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:18:28 PM |
The second question is do you enjoy it when your girlfriend "debates" with you about current issues or issues that are important to you? or would you rather she just agree with you?
It's nice when you have somebody agreeing with you,. On the other hand, debates can be fun. But honestly it all depends on the situation, and how they go about disagreeing with you.
If I KNOW something for a fact, and they're trying to tell me I'm wrong when they obviously have little, or less, experience than me in the subject, then it will get me angry.
If I have an opinion about something, and her opinion is different, then it all depends on how she presents her view on it. Present it with logic and we can enjoy an acedemic debate about it. Present it with "but i'm right and you're wrong!!" and you'll be sure to see me walk out the door. | |
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