| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:45:14 PM | Ok here is my situation...Recently I met a lady through a friend of hers...She and I have been seeing each other and talking to each other by phone almost everyday for over a week now ..So this is a new relationship..
She had let me know she was living at a male friends home and sleeps in a seperate bedroom..Fine..I can deal with that as she claims there is nothing goin on between them. I am game at giving the benefit of the doubt..
She and I had been talking about plans for ths weekend and from my understanding we were goin to take my grandson's to an event on Friday evening (which we did) and we were goin to get together tonight with friends for karaoke and dancing..
Last night she told me she would call me this morning about tonight, so she did call and said she would come over tomorrow being Sunday and spend a few hours with me but tonight she was goin to go out with her male friend, she said just to stay on the good side of him.
I am very dissapointed by this because I had believed from her actions and words that she really cares about me but somehow now I feel I am being duped..What should I do?? Am I being to silly about it?? I am not sure how to handle this whole thing.. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:56:47 PM | WOW! Run for the hills! I rent rooms out of my house to military officers and government officials (the best), and I NEVER have lenghty conversations, or GO OUT WITH THEM.... HEAVEN FORBID. This lady is lying to you. I am so sorry for her behavior. Let is be known that we all aren't of this caliber of person.
DO NOT CALL HER ANYMORE. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS! Does your friend, who set you up... know about this incident, and what is her take on the live-in situation? | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:00:38 PM | | Her friend had told her that I am falling hard for her and that she would like to know how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot....This gal told her that if I wanted to go out with a lady friend she wouldn't mind, but I don't work that way I would never to that to her even if our relationship is new.. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:08:20 PM |
she said just to stay on the good side of him.
And is she coming over for a while tomorrow to you just to stay on your good side? Sorry. Her relationship with him doesn't sound that disentangled to me ... and it does seem to include some manipulative behaviors.
How do you feel about how she is treating him ? Would you want someone spending an evening with you with her stated motives?
How do you feel about how she is treating you by cancelling plans with you to be with someone else?
How are you going to teach her to treat you? | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:11:26 PM | | I got to go along with Smileee on this one. But to tell it the way it is, your first mistake was assuming you have a relationship after talking to her for only one week. Fall back, rethink your situation and have a date with someone else. Maybe two.....or three... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:15:29 PM | believe me i am goin to ask her if he even knows what is going on...I had thought he knew she was dating and he is out dating, I am confused with this..
I told her friend I am not goin to be hurt by anyone again...Won't allow the games..
I am really hurting and pissed off more pissed off than anything...
I told her this morning that I feel that if she thought as highly of me as she claims she wouldn't be doing this..
SO far the advice i am getting is what I have felt, but wanted to be sure I wasn't being some jealous jerk... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:21:37 PM | James when you talk to her or see her agian just talk to her about all of this. Just ask her to be honest with you.
I have a few male friends that I am very close to. They are both married and I am close to their wives as well. The two guys are just like family to me and I have known them for a very long time.
I have never lived as roommates with either one of them but I can tell you this. I don't know what she is talking about "trying to stay on the good side of him" . You need to ask her in my opinion what this means. I can also tell that as close as I am to my male friends I would not ever cancel plans with someone I was dating.
I'm sorry that you are dissapointed but really I think you should talk to her about it to see what is going on. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:24:49 PM | I am going the other direction here. I have a housemate. She is female (as am I). We are just friends, obviously separate bedrooms. I am not a lesbian and neither is she.
If I met a guy and a week later she asked me to spend some time w/her sat evening right after I'd been out the night before w/my new guy, I'd be inclined to give my housemate sat evening also. Rather than dumping my friend just because a guy paid me attention and now wants 100% of my time!!!!!
You have a choice. You can assume:
1. She is telling the truth and they are just housemates and friends...and you are feeling jealous for nothing b/c friends do spend time hanging out
or
2. She is lying thru her teeth about everything and really he's her hot and heavy lover and she was playing with you and your emotions for a week.
Your choice. We can't tell you which one it is. I see no red flags thus far as I see nothing wrong w/spending time hanging out w/a housemate during the second eve of a weekend. Esp if she spent fri night w/you, called you sat morning to let you know she couldn't meet sat night, adn then made plans to see you again on sunday.
Sounds to me like she is doing a good job of being openand communicating with you. She's not blowing you off, not calling, etc.
I'm not saying the housemate isn't really her lover or boyfriend or husband. Could be, could be. But I wouldn't automatically assume that just because he wanted to hang with her. Maybe he had a rough week and just got dumped by his girlfriend and needed someone to talk to. OR could be before you came on the scene they hung out as friends, nothign more, and she doesn't want to just blow him off 100% because you are around more.
Why don't you see her on sunday, and see if you can include some time hanging out at her house and getting a feel for what's really going on there. If the guy is nice to you I'd see that as a good sign. If he's protective, may be ok. If he's jealous and really awful, well, I'd run.
Good luck... Oh and what you said this mjorning "if she thought as highly of you as she claims"...that just totally reeks of over controllign jealous behavior. Dude, you've known her a WEEK... she does have a life outside of you. PErsonally, that kind of attitude and actually to SAY that to me woudl make ME run from the hills away from you. Just being honest here...
K | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:25:04 PM |
now I feel I am being duped..
What should I do??
Am I being to silly about it??
I am not sure how to handle this whole thing..
I had supper out with my female 'friend' of eight years last nite. She told her S/O and he was a bit miffed that he wasn't invited.
1) You are not being duped. She hasn't told you anything, for which you have conflicting information, you just have your ideas.
2) You should tuck away your anger and frustration for now. Make a plan to meet her 'roomate' as soon as possible. If he knows you are dating her, then maybe some of your fears will be alayed.
3) Yes, you are being somewhat silly and prematurely assumptive.
4) Learning how to handle life's situations is part of maturing. Don't fret about it.
By the way, my 'friend' had a bit too much to drink, to drive herself home, so I drove her home and stayed for an hour-long visit. They had a function to attend, so I came home. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:41:47 PM |
She and I had been talking about plans for ths weekend and from my understanding we were goin to take my grandson's to an event on Friday evening (which we did) and we were goin to get together tonight with friends for karaoke and dancing..
This is where I am confused ...I read it as you two already had set plans and then at the last minutet she said she wanted to go out with her guy friend. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:10:10 PM | | Anytime you meet someone new thats lives with a member of the opposite sex you can forget about it. No matter the situation do not fall for someone who lives with just one other person who is of opposite sex. DONT DO IT, NO NO NO< RUN AWAY | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:21:08 PM | | You didn't say exactly how long you've known the lady. If you haven't been seeing each other more than a few weeks, it could be she is telling the truth about her living arrangement, but might feel that you are moving too fast. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:23:22 PM | | How old are you people...16??? Grow up and talk to eachother...and be honest instead of playing games!! This is 2008...Happy Fishing! | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:38:33 PM | The fact that she cancelled on you when you already had plans to "go with friends for kareoke and dancing" shows very bad taste on her part. She should not have done that.....and you should be upset about it.
However, with regards to the "roommate"....are you allowed to pick her up at her house where she lives with this guy? If you ARE, there is probably nothing going on. If you are NOT, then you need to cross this woman off immediately. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:47:18 PM | | Why waste time with her she is not in your league, You both had made planes and than she changed hers to go out with her room mate. I would think she is putting out to stay on his good side. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:52:13 PM | shes dupin BOTH of ya'll
him for FREE RENT
u for WHAT EVA she thinx u have to offa
dump er
n
run
unless ur a trick cause thats what shes lookin for sorry but u ASKED
kathi | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:08:20 PM | Hmmmmm............. You have known her a very short time and I personally think your emotional attachment that quick..... is in appropriate....
Ie.... If a guy comes on so strongly, into my life that quickly and i feel hes made me feel emotionally responsible for his feelings?...... hmmmm ..... Id get fully stressed... I have a life ......I know people.. I have things too do.. people who demand more of my emotional time than I can give become a burden... If they accept the level of meeting/getting to know etc .. at a reasonable rate.. its ok...
you wrote.........This gal told her that if wanted to go out with a lady friend she wouldn't mind, but I don't work that way I would never to that to her even if our relationship is new..
i would say shes saying ... hey we met..i like you...you like me.... its a week....
ok there, is part of your answer.... ok.. she is not emotionally.... as attached..... as you... which in my opinion is good...(shows maturity , that she will take time so she dosent get hurt etc)
cause lots of people have many people they need to spend time with etc.. and pressure to be further ahead emotionally than is acceptable can be draining/stressful..
whatever happened to people being responsible for themselves/emotions and taking things slow.. to get to know people...
you dont plant a seed and expect a tree to grow overnight. you nuture. it ./time etc to get close..
you wrote.........
believe me i am goin to ask her if he even knows what is going on...I had thought he knew she was dating and he is out dating, I am confused with this..
I told her friend I am not goin to be hurt by anyone again...Won't allow the games..
I am really hurting and pissed off more pissed off than anything...
I told her this morning that I feel that if she thought as highly of me as she claims she wouldn't be doing this..
SO far the advice i am getting is what I have felt, but wanted to be sure I wasn't being some jealous jerk...
ok for me?..... id say after a week? your this (in your words pisssed off? you wont be hurt?... omg. id be running. because a week... is way too soon to feel this way over someone ...whos an adult... who has a life... who has people she/he needs to interact with ...give time too. etc..
way too fast.... a week?.... I have people I need to ph/catch up with... do things etc... a week? that i currently havent caught up with...
seriously. I think if you get hurt its because youve placed your emotions/ attachments on someone far too quickly....... then your blaming them....
just take it easy/relax... connect slowly...
otherwise your over reaction might just push a decent person away.
As for her roomate..... whatever helping her have a place to live?... geesh I have a heap of male friends/platonic... if they needed my support.. or wanted a companion going out because they were lonely/down.... etc.. sure id go..... hes a friend....
shes known him longer than you..... and if he has feelings for her..
and she dosent for him.. maybe you could instead see thats a caring side of her that she dosent want to hurt him.. ... and if she was the 1 with feelings for him... and hes asked her out... why would she bother with you?
im sorry but i live in a place where people treat people as humans/people and friends... we dont see everything about territory/sex/ etc..
It sounds to me you have trust issues/from past hurts.. and your scared...
try being trusting/understanding.... seriously reread your posts.. it sounds like youve lived this way awhile... and have been hurt.. sounds to me like your doing it again ........jumping in emotionally too quickly...
And I am sure you wont like what I wrote but I truly hope you see its meant to help you see a perspective you might not of about this situation..
edit.. and yes id walk away from you because after a week if your jealous etc? id feel very overwhelmed by YOUR ISSUES.
smiles/peace | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:20:59 PM | It does sound a bit odd... I mean... I'd think she'd tell her supposed roommate that she has a DATE... Saturday is date night right? If you all were going out with friends for Kareoke.. why didn't she just ask if he could come along?
You have 2 choices. Continue to see her... or don't continue to see her.
I will say we all have a gut instinct for a reason.... | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:34:47 PM | | @james...next time ask to go to her place and see how she reacts....if answer is no quickly....oh, she hasnt got just a roomate. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:26:47 AM | | Ok my spelling is bad so forgive me , I share a house and if my house mate was runnin in and out of the house and i hadn't seen her for a week or so i'd be feeling like shes forgotten all about me , yeah i prob would be miffed that she was picking this new guy over me and not spending ANY time with me , so i think its only natural for her it want to keep on the good side of her friend .If you dissaper when would that leave her ?? With an angry friend that she dropped to spend every waking moment with you !!!! Your plans weren't set in stone ... they were ideas ,..You are being silly shes allowed have more friends than just you !!!! | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:43:42 AM | Regardless of her living situation, if she cancelled plans at the last minute to do something that does not seem to be important that is just bad manners and shows a lack of consideration for your feelings.
I would count that as a sign of things to come.
To add insult to injury its for another man who im sure is already a possible issue.
I would be tempted to just leave her to it, but i guess if you are just beginning a relationship and she hasn't had time to really get to know you then by all means just sit back and take it as it comes. But dont invest too much hope in this as yet.
S | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:05:13 AM | errm...Im trying to figure out what the big problem is to be honest.
IF your plans were definate and not just assumed...she still called to cancel and make other plans with you. She'd seen and spoken to you every day leading up to it by your own admission.
Frankly I think everyone's jumping to conclusions about the housemate.
Just because she hasnt told him anything about you yet...so what?
Housemates dont catch up every single day of the week...they catch up...well...once a week or so. Quite possibly she mentioned you to the housemate when they went out.
Sure there's always the possibility they may have been invovled at some point and have remained good enough friends to share the house...and which would also make it perfectly reasonable she'd want the opportunity to tell him.
Its also poignant to keep in mind...that male/female close friendships become very brotherly/sisterly where each "looks out" for the other...so her introducing you to him at some point is likely to be an important factor in her considering you as a mate cos if she trusts him and he gives sound advice...his opinion will count.
I do think you're being unreasonable and overdramatic and if you continue down the path you're likely to push her away. | |
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| Don't know what to do, need advice...
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:15:32 AM | RELAX!!
Ok, youre "falling" for her, after several phone conversations and a few dates?
You were made aware of her cohabitation and you said you would give her the benefit
of the doubt. Yet here you are, getting all upset and questioning her intentions.
Who cares what she does when shes not with you? Like I said....relax.
Do not...fall for her...shes a whack job. Ive seen this type of behavior first hand.
Do not...talk to her about it...she will flake out on you, again...Ive seen it.
Date her and any other gal that strikes your fancy, dont get attached, play her little games but, take the superior position.....give her the impression that you couldnt care less.
Also, dont believe a word that comes from her mouth and always wear a condom!
Its hard to beat sex with the emotionally unstable. Your efforts will be rewarded.
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