| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/27/2005 5:54:50 PM | | A very good friend of mine is going thru a VERY hard time right now a little brief history she is prone to trying to kill herself, has been hospitalised 2 times the last 2 months ago, her mom as of a week ago has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, my firend is on self destruct, I always try to be there for her and it is me who gets the 3 am phone call "I need help", I am afraid for her but the responability of finding her and getting her help has fallen on me the stress is mind blowing and not fair to me I am afraid to sleep for fear of missing THAT call, she has gotten help is still under a DR care but still they dont do much for her, i have encouraged her to seek better help and with her attemts being OD the DRs still conntinue to supply her with large amts at one time and i have had to be the one to go take control, she is a drinker as well and that makes the problem worse, anyone have any advice on what to do or where to find better help for her, or somehow make my burdon less, i know it is a matter of time till the next attempt and i may not be there to get the call... and yes I am aware that I may not be helping her and I allowed it to be put on myself but i cant turn my back on anyone hurting so much. any advice is welcomed and thanks for the chance to get that out. | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:30:25 PM | | well you aren't gonna like this but someone who has decided to take their life can not be talked out of it. You can buy time thats it, like 'don't use that gun its not powerful enough you will probably just end up vegetable , wait till you can get a better gun". Lived in suicide capital of Canda for 12 years, serious contenders rarely say anything that indicates what they are gonna do. You can make yourself sick too or detach a bit,she probably is in pain, that kinda pain needs trained help and/or medication all you can do is be regular friend. The more worked up u get the less perspective you have and the less good you do her. | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/30/2005 7:43:08 AM | It sounds as if she needs more "personal" help. I don't know how she is finacially. But I would suggest taking her to see a psychatrist and or a therapist. I would also suggest seeing a therapist for a couple of sessions. It is hard dealing with someone who is on the path to destruction. But there are ways in improving the situation so that you and the other person can avoid this. It will take time and lots of effort. But to know that she has a caring friend looking out for her, is the best thing. I would definately do that.
Another idea that springs to mind would be to help her adjust into the "outside" world. Get her out of the house (and make sure her house is clean. No matter how much someone "loves" clutter, it still plays a as a factor). Get her to seek group activities, join the community, and get her involved. She'll find that there is more to life.
A little more advice before I post this post. If she is suffering from depression, and she does seek help from a psychatrist she will get medicine for it. Religion, I am not against it but from experience (my grandmother and uncle) religion is not the best way to help a person. They become obsessed with it and believe that only God will show them a way (from certain views, I can understand that it's fine). But sometimes they take it beyond extreme and become religious nutts. Again there is nothing wrong with religion. But depressed, manic depressive, bi-polar, and anyone with a "brain" problem can take it the wrong way.
Well thats what I can offer. And I do hope everything turns out for the best. Lyssa | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/30/2005 8:41:59 AM | lacy68,
hey, i just joined fish, but saw you and this, and thought i could chip in my 2 cents.
as we all know, usually suicide is the ultimate way to get attention. very few folks want to die, it's not in our make up. if it was we could just stop breathing or eating and fade away, but we can't. in my experience, which unfortunately is plentiful, the best a freind can do is destract the suicidal person. building interest in hobbies or whatever helps. the 3AM calls are probably due to some sort of abandonment issues. scrolling through the cell phone address book at 3AM can depress anyone, why? because all of those folks don't care, because they are asleep... or whatever. they don't care, so that person figures "hey they don't care, i'll show them..."
you find yourself filling a void in her life, but at the cost of yours, and from your profile, your child's. therapy could help, but it takes a ton of time, unless some of it is actually a medical condition that needs meds (of course, meds can hurt the self esteem).
i suggest trying to spread the resposibility around until the therapy thing works. if she's in 68510 area, you can try a few groups in the phone book, including centerpoint, i think...
unless she makes some sort of effort though, this situation can continue for months. and with winter coming, i doubt her depression will get better...
good luck, and remember you are not her mother, you have your own life to live and she will do as she pleases, even if you do answer that call. get some sleep... | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/31/2005 7:40:50 AM | I want to thank you for the posts and the emails they have given me some very good ideas and things to suggest to her, as well as some things to think about. I will give each and eveyone's advice serious thought and will be trying some of them, I realise that I can't make her get help,or seek better DRs or even to see things any other way then she chooses to, and I can be only a friend, the decision is really hers. Once again thank you so very much.
I also realise that I put this post in the wrong place but not exactly thinking of that at the time. but thank you so much again to those who have responded none the less.
(Lacy, I'm moving this to relationships, you will get got input there)
late™ | |
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Darma
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Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/31/2005 8:16:59 AM | It is nice that you are her support system, but she has got to really want to help herself before she can get better.
She has to be willing to do some damage control within herself instead of leaving that up to you and whoever else in order to get better. The first thing I suggest she do is completely stop drinking. I would bet half of her episodes are drinking related. It only makes a depressed person worse, and gives the word uninhibited to a depressed person a whole new meaning. | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/31/2005 8:24:11 AM | | she definitly need more help than just you Lacy.....but still be her friend, and feel proud that she trusts you enough to call at 3a.m. but seriously she need professional help...If she's broke find something through community services...there are agencies out who will help. | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 5/31/2005 10:43:01 AM | | There's only so much you can do yourself. You sound like a very good friend. Try getting her other professional help. Maybe have her mother talk to her about her problem. If she hears it from her mother, it might help. | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 6/20/2005 7:31:56 AM | have u asked y?, have u been hard on them?, n told them what they r doing is insane?, explain to them how precious life is, n how much pain itd b without them in ur life...talk to them, let them bring it out, clear their thoughts of it, let them know u care, let them know ur always there ..
life is a gift .. u only live once.. make the most of it.. | |
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| some advice
Posted: 6/20/2005 7:39:50 AM | 1. She is not your responsibility. You do what you can, you try to help, but in the end, her life is her own responsibility. If, god forbid, the worst should happen, you must remember that.
2. If you really think she is a suicide risk, you should first suggest that she check herself into an inpatient psych facility. If that doesn't work, she can be involuntarily committed. There is a procedure that must be followed, which varies from state to state, but usually requires affidavits from two docs and/or a judge.
3. This is the most important: Call 1-800-SUICIDE, and they will tell you how to find local suicide prevention resources. | |
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| some advice
Posted: 6/20/2005 8:31:00 AM | I work with suicidal youth everyday. One of the most important things that you must understand is that you cannot be the 'last help'. You can be the 'beginning help', and as a helper, you can guide her to further help, but this task is not your responsibility, and you simply cannot continue to shoulder all of it on your own.
When she calls, ask her outright, "are you considering suicide?" (You can word it however you feel most comfortable, but it's important to get the question out there, and use the word suicide at the same time. If you're afraid to bring up the word 'suicide' than likely she'll be afraid to use it also.)
When assessing risk level, you can ask her for answers to the following questions and listen to her replies.
Does she know when she would do it? How? Where? With What? (Plan) And does she have the means necessary to carry it out? (access to pills, firearms, etc). If you ever feel at any time as though your friend is experiencing a full blown emergency, than do not hesitate to call your local emergency line (911 or whatever that might be for your region/area). Some areas have a local suicide or crisis/intervention response team that can diffuse the situation and take the person in for assessment.
If this sounds a little more dramatic than what your situation requires, than ask her to assist you in making a list of her resilency skills. What's gotten her through things this far? Her sense of humor? A sense of optimism? What does she see her future looking like? What's kept her alive this long? As a friend, you can build on those strengths with her, allowing her to look at life and her own circumstance just a little bit differently.
You're a good friend for wanting to stand beside her, and I give you credit for that. Just remember that as helpers, we sometimes need help ourselves, especially when emotionally involved.
If you look in the phone directory for "Suicide Prevention", or your local Mental Health Agency, they will give you some good feedback and possibly some written information that can assist you as well.
I wish you both the best.
Shauna | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 6/20/2005 8:49:42 AM | hi, dont leave your friend no matter what now. she needs you. get her to admit herself in the hosptial. im in manitoba and it can be done here, im not sure of nebraska. ignoring it wont help, also when she drinks, it may give her the courage to take too many pills without even knowing she took them. can she spend a night or 2 with you every week. she is a friend. if something does happen, and you didnt help out , it will be very hard to live with yourself, you will always be wondering what if i did that or this. go with her to the hospital as support. and if you need to chat more on this, or for more information on this, email me any time.
take care
MM | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 6/20/2005 1:17:16 PM | | i dealt with this twice in my earlier years. i found that i could not stop themfrom harming themselves. the worst thing was i had to get over the guilt of not being able. i now realize they must want to live and keep a reason for it. a good friend unfortunately did not seem to be enough in my cases. do what you can to get her prof. help and get back to living your and your families lives. they are just as important as friends if not more so. good luck with this and try to be good to yourself first. | |
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cmfp
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Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 1/11/2006 3:25:39 AM | | is drinking the root of the problem? if so then that to me would be the first hurdle, me myself and a recovering drug user (POT, COKE) that has been clean for over two years and speaking in experiance you can't get you mind right until you head is. For me after the using stopped the real work started. i started the 12 step program and worked it and and little by little i got my sanity back,my family back, and my life back. there are programs out there that help both mental and achohol problems. as for her mother dyin thats sad but it is a fact of life that god takes us home after life here is over. i don't want to sound harsh or cold but you can't help someone unless they them selfs want help, if you can get her into long term treatment or convince her to go that would be best (change don't come overnight). i know we been chatin back and forth and i hope my confesion doesnt change that, i read your forum and it pulled at my heart because it took a friend like you to save me at one time. but remember you have to help your self first you can't be let pushed oveer or taken advantige of. that it for now i guess if ya want some more ask me, not sayin i'm right but it's what i got curt | |
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| concerned abt a friend......
Posted: 1/13/2006 11:06:32 PM | | Anyone deemed by a doctor to be a threat to him/herself or to others qualifies for a Form1 or a Form2 which places them in a mental facility until the danger passes. Keep taking her to doctors until you get a signature which you turn over to the police. Best thing you can do for her. | |
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