| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 3/2/2008 1:15:09 PM | Have been just trying to find someone to go out on dates to movies,shows,dinners etc.
I wanted to know why it has gotten so difficult to find someone.It seems there is many males and females looking but, it seems as I cannot find a female for myself..Any suggestions?? | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:35:12 PM | i'm sure men all have the perfect women in mind.....thats our problem on the male side.
i'm sure women all have the perfect male in mind.....thats their problem on the female side.
to bad there is no room for the alternative, enough said. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 8/12/2008 11:24:09 AM | frist let me say, if men and woman dont lie so much on these single sites, than singles sites would be great place to meet single men and woman, I meet a few men off this site and when I meet them there was nothing but lies, about there age, weight, job, they posted a picture that was like 10 years old, what woman wants to see a picture of you went you where younger, post a picture how you look now, also woman the same thing, dont post such old pictures, are pictures of your daughters, than telling the man, well me and my daughter looks the same, {I dont think so} you men have to learn dont put in your profile {Athletic} in your profile if you have a stomach that is so far in front of you, god only knows when the last time you seen your {feet} and you men that still live your mom in there 40"s and 50"s please who wants to date a man who still lives with there mom, get out of your mom house and live on your own, no woman likes a man who still lives with there mom in there 40"s and 50's, these sites need men and woman to be more honest in there profiles, good luck to all on the singles sites~~~ | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:39:06 PM | | Red I think people should find out the facts if they are living with parents. It could be medical, money or other reasons. Alot of guys are starting over with nothing because x wants revenge. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 9/8/2008 10:26:12 AM | Red,
How does this profile strike you:
47 year old recently crushed by divorce seeks woman who will talk to him.
Picture was taken 10 years ago. Since then gravity and slowed metabolism have taken their toll. Hair is thinning and balding fast. Brown rapidly turning grey after two years of stress. 50 pounds heavier as well due to emotional eating.
Interests include self pity and misery. Thinking of taking up professional victimhood
Our first date will include drinks for as long as you are able to endure a long littany of the things my ex did so you can validate my feelings of abandonment and isolation. If you have not fled screaming, expect a clumsy attempt at romance to follow.
Now Red, does honesty really seem like such a good idea. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:47:00 AM | | If that's how you really feel you're not ready to date yet... Heal, do things that make you feel good, grow some self-respect so you have something to bring to the table in a relationship. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 9/16/2008 4:04:25 PM | truth of the matter is that we are too fussy, we've matured and don't want to settle for anything less than we deserve. Also, the older you get the more baggage you accumulate and although we all have it we don't want to deal with other peoples! Our tolerance level is also much lower than what it was when we were younger, we don't have the time or the patience we used to have and we want what we want!
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:50:38 PM | GM, I wish there was one answer for your question. I am 43 and find it difficult to find a man who is near my age or not who isn't scarred from bad relationships, divorce, or other negative life experiences. On the other hand, I know a lot of women [and some men] who didn't get married for the right reasons and now that they are divorced they want to have fun and explore some parts of their lives that either they ditched for marriage or never took up because of the same. In those circumstances those people project that they have tougher 'standards" for relationships and aren't really as open to sharing their lives as they let on. They seem less tolerant of the things that so many of us are stuggling with these days: joblessness [due to layoffs], kids from their marriages, other leftover marriage-related issue, and just being emotionally unavailable.
Also, I just moved to NJ a few years ago and I've had a really hard time making friends here. There is an undercurrent of a social scene here and it's hard to tap into if you're an outsider, especially for those over 35. I chalk up the difficulty to being single in a place that is 99% family oriented with activities for families being the most available.
So, what is my solution? I've decided to:
**Join this Web site and a few others
**Start doing things that interest me and make myself more interesting to me, which will help me build confidence to socialize
**For things I really have a passion about I'm trying to mingle in those circles (e. g., car shows, wine tastings, sporting and music events) and meet others who like them as well
**Tell my friends that I'm looking to meet someone (that can be a great way to bypass the blindness/shyness that come with internet and chance meetings)
I don't know if you've tried any of these things but if not maybe one of them will inspire you to do something you've thought about trying but haven't yet.
No matter what, keep trying and stay busy! | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:08:39 AM | My mother lives with me. She has MS is in a wheelchair. Do you think I should just ship her off to a home?
She is an active person. She does almost everything on her own. But what if she falls or something. She could fall and nobody would find her for days. I shouldn't say "what if" She has already fallen.
If a guy dumps his mother in a nursing home, when he has the ability to have her be at home and comfortable with family,,,,,,,,well what do you think he is going to do when you get sick.
But then again, this place is all about hooking up to grind crotches. No one is ever going to get old and sick because mentally you are teenagers. Teenagers are invincible in their own minds.
Frickin 40 somethings with the emotional maturity of 14 year olds. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 10/25/2008 1:36:08 PM | It's funny... Values have changed so much over the years. Back in the "Day", family stuck together and if they did move, it wasn't that far. That way the support system was a stone's throw away. Lately, everyone is looking for independence. While that's admirable, anyone that would put themselves before a parent, IMO, is selfish and not someone I'd want to invest a second of time with.
Your parents brought you in, so unless you've had serious issues with your family, I don't see any reason not to be close with one's parents. Payback is a b1tch. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:23:17 PM | | dating at any age is tough but even harder on sites. You need to weed through the lies and fakes to find the right one. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 11/16/2008 12:00:07 PM | well said "Incharge1976.
a lot of men out there that are not honest. And a weed wacker is needed..LOL
As soon as it is known that I am not.......... hummm.......... a booty call they run..
looks are important but what in inside matters more.
A man that makes me laugh, is honest and is not boring . oh and no drama, I have zero tolarence for drugs and married men.
is that to much to ask? | |
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clito
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Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 11/20/2008 1:54:51 PM | Quite simply we live in a society that disdains age! It has been that way for a LONG time. Add to that the burden of menopause for a woman and you have the recipe for an uphill battle in the quest to meet a woman-or vice versa. Sure it is not hopeless but you must develop a THICK skin as you will find people will often label you an "old man" | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 11/22/2008 7:48:54 AM | Old Man my A$$! Age is nothing more than a number, it's how you act and feel. If you act old, you're old... If you do things that keep you in shape, in touch with what's going on and cool, active and participate, you're young. Age means very little in the long run. I'm "Seasoned" and would put my real life skills against any "Boy" out there. Some of us can "Hang" with their kids and not have them say: "Drop me off at the corner so nobody sees us together"...
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 12/12/2008 4:58:17 AM | | I have pretty thick skin and not much bothers me, however what annoys me to no end is that I have taken the time to write a note to a woman in hopes of possibly starting a conversation and don't even receive a "no thankyou". When I do I always return a message with "thankyou for responding, good luck with your search" And you ask why it's so hard to date?...look within | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 12/12/2008 2:40:05 PM | One of the big reasons, is that men over 40, if they have been married, are looking for the 'trophy wife' and guess what? Most women over 40 have lived a life, have had kids, have experienced different things and do not look like Marilyn Monroe or Jennifer Aniston.
Men only look at the outside of a woman first, never the inside or her heart.
Most men on here want one thing........sex............while there are a ton of women on here for the same, a good majority of them are not. They are truly looking for a good man and while I'm sure there are some good men on here, the others ruin it for them.
I know you're going to say that women are looking for good looking RICH men , and yes, alot of them are, but they say so in their profiles so just dont contact them. It's very hard on these dating sites, most people lie, cheat but there are those of us that are sincere and truly looking for a companion or partner to do things with and if they are lucky enough, a lifetime partner. BUT, I have to say, I'm not sure this is where you will find them....lots of players on this site both men and women...and most dont give a S**t about anybody but themselves. So with that said, I hope I answered your question of why its so hard to date after 40......Just keep looking there are some real good people out there you just have to weed them out. No, Im not bitter, I'm just very honest and that is exactly how I feel. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 12/13/2008 9:40:16 AM | While I agree with some of those points, I'm going to point out that the women are just as demanding:
First we have the looks requirement. It's OK for the women to be "A few extra pounds" overweight, but they want "Fitness Made Simple" abs on their men...
Then we go into the "Must be Finacially Stable". HOW MANY people are finacially stable in these economic times? Not the majority, that's for sure.
My favorite pet peeve: Height. It doesn't matter if she's 4'10" or 6 feet tall, most females here are looking for a man at least 5' 7" with a "Ideal" height of 6 foot or there abouts.
Just mentioning those 3 things (There's more than that) and you can see that they've just filtered out, automatically without interaction to see if their "Soul Mate" happened to be a little less than their "Perfect" vision, and have eliminated about 50-75% of the male population.
You're supposed to become more open-minded and mature as you pass through life. I've yet to see any evidence of that on a dating site from both the Male and the Female members. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 12/14/2008 3:15:35 AM | LOL D day. and then there is the men profiles. They want younger females. With perfect bodies. Standards change. For me it is the person. Not the outside package. But the outside package helps some what. Honesty in the profile is great. I dont mind paying for dates or part of the bill. It's expenisve today to date.  | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 12/14/2008 2:32:48 PM | Regarding looks, I have noticed that, as you implied, that "looks" seems to be all about weight, at least when it comes to a man's evaluation of a woman. To me, weight is only one component of looks -- for men and for women -- and my female friends feel the same way. Grooming goes a long way. Self confidence goes a long way.
Personally, I don't care about a man's weight. I do care very much that he is erudite and intellectually and creatively sophisticated -- that it's not going to be all about action movies and comedies and going on cruises and Atlantic City, but we're going to listen to a symphony once in a while, read poetry and other literature together, and perhaps even get rid of the television.
And when it comes to finances, I agree that it is very hard today to earn a great deal of money, but I know that when I am evaluating whether someone is financially stable, it's not about how much money he makes, but it is about how he manages his money. Does he pay his bills on time? Does he have an emergency fund? Does he even have a household budget? And does he have a good credit score? It's not that hard to have these things -- it just means being mature and responsible and not running up credit card debt.
But it is sure hard to find a man like this -- intellectually and financially "in shape." | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:04:15 PM |
You're supposed to become more open-minded and mature as you pass through life. I've yet to see any evidence of that on a dating site from both the Male and the Female members.
Truer words have never been spoken. I am so tired of men saying they're looking for someone sincere, honest, fun, etc... but won't respond to any woman that is not "in shape." Yes you probably have guessed that i have a few pounds to lose but what you don't know is that I work out regularly and am in pretty good shape even though I'm overweight. All i'm saying is don't judge a book by it's cover. Yes, the same does go for women on these sites. We all have preferences but let them be just that. | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 1/5/2009 3:32:55 AM | What are you people complaining about? Over 40 and having trouble dating? I am under 35 and I am having a hard time dating! It seems to me that most women on this site want a man with Brad Pitt looks, a doctor's salary, and Christopher Columbus' passion for traveling the world. If you don't have ANY of those 3, you're pretty much out of luck.
Also, I must admit, I am one of those men who is looking for a woman that is "in shape", but I have my reasons for wanting such. I play tennis 3-4 times per week, I go on hiking trips on the weekends, and during the spring-summer-fall, I enjoy doing exercise-related activities outdoors. Many women that I have met through online singles sites/social-networking sites have been overweight, obese and lead sedentary lives. I'm sorry, but if you can't keep up with me, enjoy doing some heart-pumping activities and would rather lead a sedentary life of going to the movies, staying at home and watching tv, or spending an INCESSANT amount of time on the computer, then I'm not interested! That may be fine for friends, but my love connection should enjoy some similar PHYSICAL activities that I enjoy.
Jason-Michael, The Outdoorsman | |
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| Why is so hard to date after 40???
Posted: 1/6/2009 4:25:26 AM | That's a little different. You're in your 30's and you're active. The older we get, the harder it is to keep your shape. When you're working full time and have responsibilities like children, you don't have the same amount of time that you used to. So the gym gets put off in favor of going food shopping, or a weekend hike gets replaced with figuring out how to refinance your mortgage so you keep your house. Life simply gets different as you get older and it affects dating.
I used to run all over the state with a buddy of mine to go hike and fish as many places as possible. The days of hiking 5 miles into the woods, uphill carrying full fishing gear and lunch, are long over for me. Doing so when I was younger conditioned me, but I have no desire to drop dead of a heart attack in the middle of the woods.
That doesn't mean that I'm not still active, but I'm realistic in what we *should* look like in our 40's. Hey, my butt isn't as tight as it used to be, so how can everyone expect hers to be? The most important thing IMO is tolerance and compromise that should come with maturity. Having unreal expectations is simply that: Unreal, not gonna happen.
So, enjoy being under 35 because you're going to get here soon enough. Stop and smell the roses dude, it's worth it. Been there, done that.
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