| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:30:14 PM | Hey Guys,
I have issues....lol
When I meet someone they always say that they are looking "for the one" or for their wife, or the "last relaionship" they will ever have, the "forever" one.
Now, there aren't too may guys I don't hit it off with because I'm laid back, easy going and just go with the flow. But here's the kicker, I tend to snoop. I know that if I look I will find but if a guy chooses me, then why do they continue to go online and look for others? Why are there "tex messages" on their phone etc.? If you find some (and I think I'm a great catch!) like me, why can't you let the others go?
I'm so torn and hurt by the men I meet because I always end up feeling like I'm not the only female in their life.
What should I do? Not check to see if they have logged on? No sneek a peek at the cell? Just assume I'm the "one" and risk getting crushed over and over again?
Thanks in advance for you comments! | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:34:01 PM |
I have issues....lol
Welcome to being human :)
What should I do?
Be yourself. Figure out why you "snoop", are you looking to find something to end the relationship or don't you really trust people etc. Figure yourself out and the rest will be easy I'd think. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:35:07 PM | Honestly, I have to wonder how long you know the guy before you "start snooping."
I can't condemn you for doing it, as I'm the suspicious and jealous type, myself... but I see two problems:
1. You're expecting them to be exclusive to you when they haven't promised to be.
2. You're overreacting to the repitiore they have with their female friends.
If I'm off at all, feel free to correct me, since you didn't give many specifics... but from the way you posted your thread, that's the vibes i'm taking from it. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:39:43 PM | Some of us can, sounds like you have had a rough time of it and have become un trusting, how about having a break, have some time for yourself and forget about guys for a bit.
One thing i can say though, is snooping will only make your worries worse, looking through someone phone is only going to hurt one person and that one person is you, you might read something into a message that was totaly inocent. looking at someone internet history is only going to hurt you, its self distructive don't do it!
Guys will always have female friends its part of life, i was with someone for 7 years we could have got married but in the end i couldn't do something as simple as visit my mother without her accusing me of having sex with someone else, so i left, now people look at me as being damaged because i've never been married or had kids, not that i left someone who made me feel i wasn't trusted shouldn't be trusted and basicly she wanted me in her pocket 24/7. I am me a seperate person to her, i should be able to have my own life!!!
You got to learn to let go, if someone is going to cheat on you they will, whether you worry about it or not. Like i say take a break get some time for you, straighten your thoughts out  | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:43:50 PM | | I snoop immed., not reacting to "friends" reacting to messages like: "you are not as serious about me as you said you were. I'm going to leave you alone." | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:47:53 PM |
"you are not as serious about me as you said you were. I'm going to leave you alone."
So he's obviously not interested in who ever it is that messaged him, maybe he was before he met you, now he's not showing any interest hence the above message
Better not to look in the first place, as soon as you start that, there is no trust, no trust = no future.
Don't look your only hurting yourself | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 3:04:00 PM |
reacting to messages like: "you are not as serious about me as you said you were. I'm going to leave you alone."
you still haven't said how long you've been with this guy | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 3:33:33 PM | ur just over reacting....and dont snoop. iono for others, but for me thats instant breakup | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 4:42:45 PM | First off you seem to be looking for a reason for a relationship to end. Spend more time enjoying it not looking for something that might end it. Because you will ALWAYS find something...
Snooping... Grow up... You dont have TRUST, you dont have a relationship. If your not willing to TRUST someone you are dating then get out of the relationship...
Snooping like that = Instant Break up.
Messages he sends to others are private and not for your eyes.. Nor for you to figure out what they are talking about. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:00:31 PM | Tar Girl, you are not quite secure with yourself....not said to be mean...but your insecurity is what's ruining your chances of something growing between you and a guy. You are snooping...and haven't considered how early into the relationship you are doing the snooping. Plus, what does this really say about you? That maybe you have some trust issues to work out?
A lot of times people can sense things without realizing that they are sensing things....these guys maybe sensing your trust issues/insecurity....start believing in yourself. :)
AND..............STOP SNOOPING!!! | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 5:08:02 PM | | The fact you snoop says something about you. The whole sneaking a peek at the cell and stuff like that shows a lack of trust. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:07:38 PM | OP, don't think that you're exclusive UNTIL you talk about it with the guy and then he says, without question, without doubt, that you two are a thing, and that he's not interested in anyone else. If you get to that point and he's messing around with other women, that's CHEATING. Until that point, it's nothing.  | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:20:43 PM | OP
There are two types of insecurity. One is an insecurity in a situation. Another is an insecurity within a person. You seem to be suffering the latter of the two that is causing a need to look for the negative in a person.
Unless the guy you are with and you explicitly agree to be exclusive you have no business snooping. If you have had this conversation then there is no reason for his behavior.
I will agree with another poster, you need to figure out why you snoop and why you are always looking for a reason to break up with a guy. A commitment phobia? Lack of self confidence to the point of automatically choosing negative ways to deal with your fear by default?
You do realize by doing this you are in fact only losing more self confidence each and every time. And each and every time you find what you are looking for the hurt feels 100 times worse than it really is.
I would suggest seeking some help to figure out why. It sounds like this is an automatic behavior at this point which you need outside advise to correct. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:40:58 PM |
I have issues....lol
No argument here.
But here's the kicker, I tend to snoop.
Would be a deal breaker for me. If I found a woman spying on me like that, I'd dump her before she could say "007."
I'm so torn and hurt by the men I meet because I always end up feeling like I'm not the only female in their life.
That is an unrealistic expectation.
I will never have only one female in my life. Ever. And I would not expect my girlfriend to have only one male in her life. Now, I would never, ever cheat on a girlfriend and would never hide my female friends from a girlfriend, but all the same I have many female friends that I dearly cherish. If a woman were to expect me to terminate such important friendships all for the sake of massaging her fragile ego, then she is no woman I want to be spending time with.
What should I do? Not check to see if they have logged on? No sneek a peek at the cell? Just assume I'm the "one" and risk getting crushed over and over again?
Seriously, I think you need to take a break from dating. If you are so fragile that you can't resist spying on personal information without permission, then you do indeed have serious personal issues you need to address before dating. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:57:36 PM | Ok.... you need to back up the bus.... seriously. I don't know what your giving to your men but its too much if your losing yourself in the process. I've never had to have the commitment chat. They bring it up before I do. The way your going about it, you can count on never having a meaningful relationship. Step back, find you and then snooping will be something you used to do.
OMG! I just read your profile that reeks of pure desperation. Guys, help me out here. Is it any wonder this woman can't find a good man???
Stop dating! Find you first. I know thats hard but until you do you won't find him. I know what I'm talking about. Please listen for your sake. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:51:11 AM | as a general rule people dont like having their privacy invaded. would you like it if a guy you were with nosed around on your computer or cel phone?
lets suppose that these text messages are from women that are just friends? i would have to say that 3/4 of my friends are female. what would you think of a guy if he didnt want you speaking to your long time friends? so you find a pof (or other website) account... what if its an old account and he really only uses it for the forums? jealousy is an ugly beast, dont let it get the better of you! | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:46:08 AM | Ok OP first off this isn't going to be easy. First for my personal opinion i.e. snooping=red flag for me as soon as I'd see any girl snooping in my personal stuff, I'd give her one warning saying that she's not the only "female" friend in my life and remind her who I come home to every night. Now in the same accord I don't expect to be the only male in her life. We've all established friendships long before we establish mates.
It seems to me your very insecure and you've got to be comforted every single second of a relationship this to me is very high maintenance. Its ok to "play" jealous and act like your going to snoop and stuff like tease a little bit but too much is too much. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:47:02 AM |
But here's the kicker, I tend to snoop.
And that insecurity becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
You don't specify a timeframe - how long are you "with" a guy before you start snooping through his things and spying on him?
Don't think for a second, incidentally, that we don't know. We can feel it when you're snooping and spying, and it isn't something most guys like. | |
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| HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:49:37 AM |
I snoop immed.
There's your issue. They HAVE NOT "picked you" yet. And frankly, with this kind of psychotic behavior (snooping and spying on someone you just met is psychotic, no question about it) it's no wonder they end up NOT picking you. | |
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