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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's this "Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?      Home login  
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 Ggirl101
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 1
What's this "Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I feel this line is such a cop out! I keep hearing that men are not meant to be monogamous. That in early times, men would mate with as many woman as possible to 'spread their seed' blah blah blah.....

C'mon....is this just a cop out for a man that needs an ego boost here and there? Men, do you really feel, deep down inside, that you were not meant to be with one woman for the rest of your life due to your 'wiring'?

Everytime I hear a man use that line in conversation, I cringe.
 albino_dino
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 2
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:24:21 PM
It is a line that is easy to use, when the man doesn't have an active imagination.



It really doesn't matter what excuse they use, does it ? Either you have a man who is interested in you, or you don't.

It really is quite simple.
 terrestrial
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 3
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People may not be monogamous by nature, but they can overcome it
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:26:10 PM
Whether we humans are naturally monogamous or not is an interesting discussion for sociologists, psychologists, anthropologists, Dr. Phil, the morning radio hosts, etc., but it's not an excuse for infidelity by either sex. I think nurture/environment plays a part in the importance one places on monogamy. It's easier to choose a monogamous lifestyle if that's the norm in your environment.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 4
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:28:20 PM

I keep hearing that men are not meant to be monogamous. That in early times, men would mate with as many woman as possible to 'spread their seed' blah blah blah.....

C'mon....is this just a cop out for a man that needs an ego boost here and there? Men, do you really feel, deep down inside, that you were not meant to be with one woman for the rest of your life due to your 'wiring'?


Anyone who has excuses for the way they behave is moreless screaming, "I'm irresponsible and unaccountable for my behaviour."


These type men and women should never be in relationships until they grow up.
 Ggirl101
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 5
People may not be monogamous by nature, but they can overcome it
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:29:16 PM
I find that this line gets thrown around so flippantly during casual conversation with the opposite sex that I think they use it as 'permission' to cheat.

I am not calling all men cheaters, but I find a large percentage of men believe that they were not meant to be monogamous, even if they wanted to. Could they be right or like I mentioned earlier, it;s a cop out.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 6
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People may not be monogamous by nature, but they can overcome it
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:33:12 PM
What was that line from the movie Heartburn?...Oh, yes...

"You want monogamy? Then marry a swan!"
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 7
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:33:42 PM
Replace "men" with "people" and you're starting to get a grasp on the actual topic. The human species in general is not a "mating pairs for life" species as much as a "troop" species.

Women F' around just as much as men, and for the same reasons. If you actually do find a partner that's willing to dedicate their entire life to you sexually - more power to you.
 larwilliams2
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 8
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:35:14 PM
This is just another pathetic attempt by a woman who couldn't interest a guy and is now upset he is not into her.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 9
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:38:22 PM
Crappy excuse to try to say they can't be happy with just one person. I'm perfectly happy and content with one... so I guess I would go against nature in that case.
 UniqueManinSoCal
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 10
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:41:02 PM
OP

You cringe as much as I do when I hear the word "chemistry"

You need to start to attract a better class of guys if you keep on running into those type of guys. Either that or stop putting so much effort and time into JUST internet dating or on this site.

I know it is annoying to run into the same types of people saying the same types of things. But instead of blaming them, look for ways to change who those people are. After all, you are the only common denominator in this problem.
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 11
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:42:21 PM
^^^^ (larwilliams2) Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

It's not a "line", which implies it's a lie or a ruse. It's actually a well-established scientific statement. Just because it rubs some the wrong way doesn't mean it's not true.

Which is not to say that nature is always good. It used to be natural for people to die well before the age of 30, but we fixed that.
 upforadventure
Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 12
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:51:36 PM
As a species we are serial-monogamists. We tend towards one at a time, but with a tendency to have more than one sexual partner through life. I've never met an emotionally healthy woman that juggled several sex partners at once over an extended period of time, unlike the many men I've met who are very comfortable in that lifestyle. Women don't aspire to a harem like men do, and I think that's part of our nature or we'd see an equal number of examples of it in history. Even our sexual fantasies show that tendency. Women generally fantasize about increasing intimacy with one partner, while men generally fantasize about having many partners.
 Ima Lady
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 13
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:53:56 PM

That in early times, men would mate with as many woman as possible to 'spread their seed' blah blah blah.....


Truth be told OP, I've still yet to 'hear' it. Not once has it been said to me.

Not by my friends, or my ex of 20 yrs. I've only 'read' it. I myself am very monogamous, that's my wiring.
 rowdysheis
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 14
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:01:11 PM
Any man or woman who uses this argument just doesn't have the integrity to admit that they are lacking in character, morals and self-control. No one is forced to be unfaithful. It is a conscience decision to remain monogamous or to cheat on your partner.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 15
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:01:21 PM
Ive read a lot about this,too,in the forums,& think it IS a cop out for men to use if they're the type of men who want to cheat.......
Im not a cheat. Never have been .
That's the way I'M wired.........
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 16
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:32:22 PM
A lot of people confuse polyamory with cheating.
They're not the same thing.
 DarLite
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 17
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:30:36 PM
I believe there are people (men and women) who are simply not capable of having a monogomous relationship. Perhaps they find it difficult to intellectually and spirtually connect with another person thus preventing them from developing a bond of trust. Sex has become a pacifier for them and when they loose their looks, and it prevents them from attracting other men/women............they usually begin doing some self-discovery at this point.
 knipknip
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 18
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:33:51 PM
Yes I cringe too! .. actually I laugh and think this guy is still living in a cave 2000 years ago.

They just need/want an excuse anyone with a brain should/would know better. Step aside and say 'Next please'.
 Uncompromising
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 19
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:27:00 AM
Actually I think that men are essentially monogamous by nature but in humans both sexes are equally capable of occasional lapses. This is partially programmable by culture since it is part nurture as well as part nature. Because of the nature component and the feedback of culture over time I also think that this is variable by ethnic group but not within a group.
 Kelley-88
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 20
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:40:18 AM
In natural selection, the winners produce the most descendants. Alpha males that did not spread their genes around and women that did not have sneaky sex with the Alpha males when ovulating to produce superior children are not our ancestors. Modern society is just a flash in the pan in evolutionary terms so both men and women still have their Stone Age brains.
 David Lewis
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 21
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:33:57 AM
Considering the progress of our gene line over the
last 4.5 million years, some of us seem to be descendants
of men who only wanted sex with the most intelligent
and beautiful women available, and knew how to make
it happen (as opposed to indiscriminate seed spreading).
 Dirty_Minded_in_Rocky
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 22
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:03:58 AM
So what science degree has anyone in here have and what studies have any of you done to come up with such conclusions?

I can only guess why people behave the way they do when it comes to being monogamous or not, just as I can only guess why all of you on this thread believe your own opinions are right. One of my guesses is it might be a control thing. Control of our own lives. Where is it written that you have the power over other people and you can tell them how they must live? The point is that you don't have the power to control the lives of other people and when others say they want to live their lives in a way different than yours you get this misleading feeling that things are out of control. You think, "These people do not fit into the life style I believe is the right, and they could corrupt it." I guess you think you have to get it under control by saying the things said in here.

Life isn't black and white. Before you find a partner you don't have a brain cell that makes you look at everyone else as a possible partner but when you find someone that brain cell turns off. It aint that simple. Having said that though, someone that uses the excuse that humans are not monogamous so that they can fool around behind someone's back after they have made promises of loyalty and such are being wrong. Not wrong because they weren't monogamous but wrong because they broke promises of loyalty and such. They've abused someone's trust and used someone that cares about them. It's not a cop out, selfish perhaps, abusive for sure, but not a cop out. If you want to fool around then find someone that agrees to that kind of life style. You can either find someone that allows you to sneak around because they'll also be doing it or you can find a partner that's into swinging and you both can stay home with extra sexual partners. However, if you don't want to fool around then find someone that agrees with your opinion... which mean you have nothing to do with those other people that do not agree with your belief in momogamy and you have no right to demand your own belief is the only way... Even if you insist it's your opinion and you're allowed to have your own opinion then remember that means everyone else can also have their own opinion. Perhaps it's just a control thing to make everyone agree with your opinion?
 D_lily
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 23
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:22:46 AM
Roudysheis you are right :
Any man or woman who uses this argument just doesn't have the integrity to admit that they are lacking in character, morals and self-control. No one is forced to be unfaithful. It is a conscience decision to remain monogamous or to cheat on your partner.:

I think because it is in the bible "go forth and multiply" it is a given desire, and because the male is "the expected aggressor" I can reason it can be a predisposition in the male genic code. Just like women are the natural care givers.

I also believe as Roudysheis said above. Today it is more a question of self control, morals, and a conscience decision of what is of more value.
 Eric48
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 24
What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:43:26 AM

What's this "Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?

Yeah Ggirl101 ... that's pretty much a load of crap their feeding you.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say;

"Men are not monogamous by nature ... but rather ... Men are monogamous as a result of nurture."






(Of course, there's much more to the subject, but I'll let y'all hash it out cause I don't really feel like getting into it this morning)
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 25
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What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:50:18 AM
Men CAN be monongamous ......if they are disciplined and forthright.

BUT.......because of our hi tech internet capabilities...I think men are tempted easy and will stray behind that special persons back as a "high"...to see if they can get away with it.
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