| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:16:15 PM | | I am beginning to feel i could write a book on my experiences on first dates, both good and bad and it suddenly hit me, that i am the queen of the first date.. but dont get the second. I would leave a date feeling confident that things went well only to never hear from them again, or contact would be kept but no further arrangements made.. I am truely wondering what it is that men expect or want on that initial date. I am wondering where i mess it up. I am not the type to talk about relationships and family straight away as myself i am not into rushing things, i am career orientated and also into my studies, but dont imagine that would be an issue.. I have been single for a long time, maybe i have become too independent.. Anyway guys, what is your feed back about the first date, what are the things that make it or break it for you??? | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:27:49 PM | i'm not a guy obviously, and it would be easy to lump "all guys just want sex," but it's not true in all cases. I just got through watching (again) "High Fidelity" with John Cusack -- a pretty good movie explaining a guy's perspective and all the things a guy thinks about with girlfriends and relationships -- check it out. My personal thoughts are that you have to have passions in common (career, family, sports, spirituality, and even mental illness) before there is a desire to see each other again. And of course, if it's "all about you" or "all about him" who wants more of that? I sincerely doubt though that you are to blame for no second dates -- you will find someone in common.
All the Best, Sweetie. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:31:10 PM | what makes it for me? when my date continuously makes eye contact with me, she sounds sincere, has a sense of humor, can carry a conversation, doesn't have to take a cigerette break.
what breaks it for me? when she is more interested in her cellphone conversation than chatting with me, when she pounds down 8 beers in 30 minutes, cant hold an intelligent conversation. also not making eye contact is a total turn off. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:32:30 PM | | high fidelity .. and john cusack.. i have been waiting for him to walk into my life forever.. i just love that movie.. and is such a great look at relationships.... yeah i will keep waiting.. the last 8 years has been interesting.. sure the next 8 will be as well.. lol | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:21:13 AM | John Cusack in Say Anything. 
I think that a lot of people are really just filled to the brim with unrealistic expectations and that first date sends em crashing back down to earth. They're doing you a favor by eliminating themselves. Some people just dont like living in reality. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:54:08 AM | To the OP:
First off, you live in Australia, and to top it off, in a region that has only 1 million people. Half of those are women, and of the remaining half, at least half would be outside your age range. Factor into that that many men who would be looking for a partner of your age may want to father their own children ....
You are a very attractive woman! I don't want to sound negative, but there are a few factors that you have absolutely no control over. You sound intelligent, thoughtful .... etc. It's NOT your profile that is the problem!
I'm not sure why you aren't making it to the first date. That's an absolute mystery to me. You say you are carrying "a few extra pounds". Your pics look great - is there any chance you have put on more weight than they suggest?
Cheers, from a fellow Aussie. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:19:18 AM | Seeing that the most recent first date I had ended in marriage and that whole affair ( the marriage part) lasted a total of 170 days, even if she is now claiming to get the final date off by 8 days, making it 178 days long I don't know. erm let me put my mind into over drive for a second. ssssssszzzzzzzzzztttttt... Okay now!!!
The men you are dealing with are stupid shallows and you need to cull the herd for the finer stock to go out on a date with. If you were local, IE within about 50 miles of the Capital of the State of Arkansas, which is 8 miles or so from my house via my two feet, I'd date you at least till you told me to bugger off.
But that is me. I have one ex wife who thinks I am not funny and needs to be medicated to help me with my mental issues, and this last one that sees me as having failed myself by not being on my sleep habits and not listening to her and also for helping her in the first place because otherwise she would not have hurt me so much.
The last 2 wives told me point blank, almost word for word though they have never talked to each other. """ You deserve someone to love you as good as you love them, not as bad as I love you, so I want you to know I am thinking about leaving you for your own good. """
SSSSZZZZTTTT..... thinks we all have these people in our lives and I could give you the bookish answer or the experienced answer... both are a shrug of I have no clue really.
Huge hugs from this side of the planet. I have digitally mapped your country about circa 2002 to 2003 heh, hugs again.
Charles the Hopeless romantic bear in search of a warm cave, warm bear fur rug of a mate to share those lonely cold winter's eves within a snow covered cave, and no kids to muck up the place til spring thaw and the butterflies come knocking to tell us of the news flashs. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:39:48 AM | Without meeting you IRL, it's almost impossible to figure out why no second dates, but just from things I read in the forums, the most common reasons are; doesn't look like picture, more than just "a few pounds", have some irritating habit, talks too much, and the list can go on forever. Any excuse will do.
Try not to get discouraged. Finding the right one is all a numbers game. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:56:01 AM | What???? You actually go out on dates??? lol
I get a thrill if they just answer my email..... | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:12:24 AM | no second date? I tend to lose interest if she does not look like her pictures, has more than one personality, shows signs of being angry or unstable, has massive problems in her life with friends and/ or family.
Also would be drinking heavily, drugs or physical illness. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:39:07 AM | | My opinion? Skip all the talk and just start kissing...I bet you'll get a lot more second dates.. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:10:48 AM | | Wow I'm so there with you OP! I get a first date but NEVER a second! I'm still trying to figure out what I do wrong. I show up...I am not as vocal as I usually am. I'm very lady like. I still have no idea what I'm doing wrong! So don't feel as if you are the only one in this situation. Cause there are others like you! Me included! | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:55:13 AM |
Anyway guys, what is your feed back about the first date, what are the things that make it or break it for you??? I think it is this attitude, looking past the first date, that gets people into the "no thank you" category. I suggest having an attitude where you don't look past the first date. Have relaxed fun. Show your date that you enjoy his company. Don't ask what the guy is doing in the near future. Enjoy the day for what it is: just one day.
Wait til the next day to think about what another date with that guy would be like. If the guy doesn't get back to you in a day or two, and you liked the 1st date, tell him in an e-mail or a phone message. Then leave it at that and go on with your life. Unfortunately there are lots of people who like to ignore people who they don't want to date anymore. Quite frankly you are better off not bothering to waste your mental energy on these people. It's highly likely that someone who waits more than a day or two to correspond back to you after a first date is not genuinely seeking your company. Don't unconditionally offer your attention to people like this. Seek others.
This issue isn't specific to women. I've gone on lots of seemingly great first dates to get bullshit stories told to me when inquiring for a second date. It does get frustrating.
There's a thread here regarding is it OK to discuss your interest in having a 2nd date on the first date. http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9424091.aspx Lots of people there said "sure it's ok to say this". In reality, if you have said this in the past, and you have found it to generally not work, don't say it anymore. I think you don't always get a truthful response when making this inquiry. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:19:14 PM | I am going against the grain here, and I am going to suggest it may be something the OP is doing on these dates. If you are going on multiple first dates and always getting no 2nd ones, it can't be something wrong with all of the guys. That is just plain illogical to assume. Speaking from personal experience, every woman i meet who complains about never getting 2nd dates, does something to turn them off on the first date.
If you could describe a recent first date, maybe we could help fix this problem. It could be something as simple as not talking much (being overly nervous or shy), or asking inappropriate questions (careers, finances, etc.)
LW | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:31:12 PM | Well - I can tell you this much - any time I see that Marilyn Monroe quote - and I've seen it often - I'm in the hills! lol Literally every woman I've ever been interested in that cited that quote turned out to be a total narcissist! 
Hope that isn't you - best of luck and I hope those 2nd dates start coming!
Mark
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| Queen of the first date... from a young male persepctive
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:34:10 PM | Hey there Queeny,
Read your post and just wanted to add some comments regarding 1st dates.
1. First of all don't represent yourself in the pics - just a few recent pics
2. I have found the best sucess to getting a 2nd real date is don't spill all the beans about yourself over IM or even e-mail. Keep it brief here but extend it over a week or two.
3. Try to get a phone conversation in before the 1st real date. This will hopefully avoid uncomfortableness.
4. On the 1st date keep it simple and short (definately under 2 1/2 hours)
5. If you don't hear from him call or e-mail - If he is confident in his own skin -he will appreciate this.
Hope this helps - if you think about it your actually on your 3rd or 4th date when you really meet him ... it just the first few dates have been in cyber space fish pond.
Cheers and happy fishing ladies | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:35:08 PM | | Who knows, we men can be dumb asses at times...Move on...Your a nice looking girl...Jus write this one off...Good luck! | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:45:24 PM |
Anyway guys, what is your feed back about the first date, what are the things that make it or break it for you??? Ya know, it really doesn't matter what we think what makes or breaks a first date, you will get so many different answers that you will never be able to satisfy all of them.
Start looking at this in a different way, just be yourself. If the man can not accept you for that, you don't need him. By all means, look at yourself and what you may/may not need to work on, but for damn sure don't do it for anyone but you. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/3/2008 12:46:15 PM | I bet there's nothing "wrong" with OP, and I bet 100% of the no-2nd-date guys aren't "right". No pairing has clicked, and it's nobody's "fault".
What %age of all first meetings proceed to 2nd meetings? My bet here is that it's well under 10%, maybe WAY under. And then 2nd meeting to 3rd meeting %age, etc?
It's like huge funnel or swampy maze with a tiny trickle of successes dribbling out.
You have to face it's a brutal ball game where you're gonna strike out nearly time.
Cheer up! Chin up! Hope against hope! "Yes we can"  | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:16:09 AM |
If you could describe a recent first date, maybe we could help fix this problem. It could be something as simple as not talking much (being overly nervous or shy), or asking inappropriate questions (careers, finances, etc.)
well my last date was a coffee date, in the early evening at a local coffee shop, we had already chatted online, spoke on the phone a few times and discovered we had quite a bit in common. We met, sat and enjoyed a coffee, chatting about travel we had done, our kids, our previous careers, we discussed my current profession and some of the problems with it currently occuring in the media. He had cake, i wasnt up for cake, we chatted and seemed enjoyable.. well i was enjoying his company.. we then went for a brief walk along the ocean front before heading back to the cars, i thanked him for the coffee, he leaned over and gave me a kiss and said he would talk to me soon. now that wa over two weeks ago.. I havent heard a thing.. not even if he made it home safely.. so what i thought was an okay date.. After two days..i sent a text thanking him for the coffee, enjoyed his company and next coffee is my shout if he is interested... and havent heard a thing.. not even a no thank you.. i think that is what annoys me the most is that people dont have the decency to say.. no sorry.. dont want to continue.. or ur not really my type.. oh well.. i enjoyed the experience, stimulating conversation, good coffee and a bit of an outing.. i shouldnt complain! | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:42:01 AM | justagrl, I've had first dates last longer than your coffee date, we had a 15 minute goodbye kiss in sub-freezing temperature, I contacted her two days after the date, she ignored the e-mail, I sent two more e-mails before she finally bothered to contact to me to tell me that she didn't feel we were compatible. This after having a fun-filled great five hour date with a lingering 15 kiss. Why go through all those phony motions just to come up with some lie when you are dating someone else?
How are we supposed to feel about something like this? Good I think. The other person does you a favor by freeing you up to find someone more honorable and who has better communication skills.
Don't worry about the other person. My best advice is to be relaxed, have fun on the first date, don't have any expectations other than being out that night. After two days and no contact from him, follow up, then if still no contact from him, he has essentially deleted you from his opportunity to meet a quality person, and has classified himself as someone that is undateable to you. Good luck to you!  | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:04:06 AM |
You have to face it's a brutal ball game where you're gonna strike out nearly time.
Sometimes you get a hit and even get to round a base or two.
I have a small strike zone, maybe I can get on base with a walk.  | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:36:25 AM | This is from your profile:
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. .. I guess you could say I am the true gemini.. so if you are looking for a girl that can have different personalities, and i do mean that in a good way.. then look no further...
I dont feel like i am getting old (although my children remind me that I am!!), I am always wanting to experience new things, there is too much out there to do and see!
*********
K, I am going to put on my "man cap" for just a second here, OP.
You are blonde. (Men think this means you are both dumb AND easy)
You are a hottie (Men therefore will want to screw you. I'm a chick, and even I can see your sensuality and the oozing of sex in your pictures. Your pictures say "Oh my god I am soooo horny")
You have a picture of you naked, lying in bed with a sultry look on your face. ( Now...I am not a guy, but even I look at that picture and imagine banging you. Do you realize that if it illicits that reaction from ME....a WOMAN...who is not even bisexual....can you imagine the immediate tent action that picture evokes in a MAN? You look very young, very willing, and very hot.)
You mention you are selfish, impatient, and insecure - these are all green lights to a man...he can use the insecurity and the impatience to whip you right into bed on the first meet.....
You mention you have several personalities - this says to a man that you can heavily get into roleplay.
You say "I am the type of person that will give most things a go.. so if you are looking for that person to be your partner in crime, to share lifes little adventures, look no further.." - A man reads this and takes it to mean you will have no problem having sex in public....probably more than likely somewhat of an exhibitionist and might even bang in the car in the parking lot.
You mention that you don't feel that you are getting old - this tells a man that you need your desireability and sexuality affirmed. Boy can they do that!
You mention that you have not just one child, but "children". That means there is living proof that you DO have sex. Probably a LOT.
You mention that you are wanting to experience new things - that, combined with the soft porn pictures on your profile indicate to a man that you are just hot and horny and waiting breathlessly like Marilyn Monroe (who you also quote in your profile)...to bang their brains out in very many adventurous and different ways.
K...so....when they get you on the first MEET....
And you don't instantly start Marilyn Monroe';ing breathlessly at them.....they probably just say to themselves..."Wow. Another pri*ck tease"....and leave.
You are advertising hot, wanton sex on your profile. If that's not what you are giving on the first date, you need to severely cut back and let that hot, wanton sideof you end up being a SURPRISE. Your looks alone are gonna get you dates....
So cut back on the sex part. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:05:20 AM | I didn't read as much into justagrl's profile like Bethlett did. I don't think justagrl was necessarily looking for a profile review. However, I think Bethlett makes a decent point. There do seem to be many innuendos in it that could easily be misunderstood by a guy looking for a quick score.
It's hard to know if justagrl is initiating any of the PoF dialogue. If a lady is not contacting guys, she 100% of the time only answers inquiries, then you don't really have any reason to complain about the outcome of first dates. A woman should make an effort to seek out guys who she finds attractive, that would increase her probability of finding a suitable guy. | |
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| Queen of the first date...
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:41:50 AM | Well if you're the Queen...then I must be the Prince.....I too have been in the same situation....gone thru the date thinking all signs are good....and then *poof*...they seem to vanish into the Witness Protection Program.........well i do have at least one thing going for me...I live near a city of 4 million....so somewhere in 2 million populations....is got to be a 2nd date for me.....perhaps even a 3rd or more...
Just don't give up....and be true to yourself! | |
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