| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:15:03 AM | I was having a chat with a good friend over coffee the other day about being spoiled ...
This friend had recently been taken out for the day and thoroughly spoiled by her partner, a fairly new relationship ... He wined and dined her, spent a fortune on perfume, jewellery and clothes too... Now he isn't rich but he is comfortably off and she is a single mom to two young children and although she works, she has to count pennies..
She said although it was wonderful she kept refusing his gifts or offers to purchase something and almost didn't dare to point something out she liked because he immediately said well I'll buy it for you...
She doesn't want to be perceived as a gold digger, she never instigated the day out anyway and had gone with enough money for a few small items and lunch.. He never let her spend a penny.. He isn't flash and he said he just enjoys spoiling his partner occasionally, to let her know how much she means...
So my question... Are you comfortable being spoiled? Are you someone who likes to spoil? ... Is there a spoiling etiquette that should be followed? Oh and anyone fancy spoiling me ???? | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:21:56 AM | If you do find someone to spoil you...can we share him? or if you mate gets fed up being spoiled, give him my number!  | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:28:55 AM | I love being spoiled, but not in a brand new relationship.
In the early days a little gesture goes a long way, flowers occasionally is good.
One of the nicest thing anyone ever did for me when we were new friends, was re-string his guitar so I could play it. It showed thought and effort and meant more than a trinket ever could.
If it's too much too soon, I personally feel uncomfortable because I'm worried about the gold digger thing or I'm worried that he thinks I have to be bought. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:29:12 AM | It's always nice to be spoiled, and it's always nice to be able to do the spoiling. I have to say I prefer to do the spoiling.
Oh and anyone fancy spoiling me ???? Sorry you're a little old for me | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:38:40 AM | I like to spoil a partner, no i'm not rich but i would say that i live comfortably and don't struggle for money. So why should i not spoil someone that i am with. They should not feel bad about it or that they are taking advantage, if i didn't want to buy her something then i wouldn't.
A small gift would be enough to spoil me. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:57:13 AM | I hate kids that are spoiled, older people that are spoiled are just as bad.
Treating someone is nice, spoiling them is a different thing entirely, I think you refered to 'treating' msg 1 rather than 'spoiling' | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:25:55 AM |
So my question... Are you comfortable being spoiled?
Yes I love it..
Are you someone who likes to spoil? ...
Yes I love too..
Is there a spoiling etiquette that should be followed?
Yes..
Only spend what you can afford to, and don't take the pi55 out of the one that is spoiling/treating you, its not nice and it not clever...
HTH | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:34:03 AM | | i have a very good friend who got rid of a partner for going overboard on the spoiling, he used to buy her expensive gifts constantly, she felt bought as she couldnt repay him, being a single mum of two....... however it has just hit our local papers that he is in crown court accused of accepting 84 thousand pounds of stolen money that his mum had stolen from work (shes pleading guilty to nearly half a million! ) so shes well out of it and made the best decision! | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:33:05 AM |
So my question... Are you comfortable being spoiled? Are you someone who likes to spoil?
I like being spoiled, but its the little things that mean a lot to me..And if anyone expects me to spoil them with expensive gifts etc they will have along wait.. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:41:15 AM | i agree with msg 6 think this thread is maybe a misuse of words,
spoilt brings to mind paris hilton, or screaming tantrumming kids who dont get what they want
i love to be treated nice receiving gifts and im not fussy how much or how many or how often,
and i like to do the same for my partner
love to hide messages in places i know they will be found and doing a treasure hunt with a nice surprise at the end of it
spoilt is a horrid word | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:43:38 AM | | I like to buy someone nice things but I don't go as far as spoiling and showering them with wonderfull gifts. People can have too much of everything and I guess it's easy to make someone uncomfortable. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:54:12 AM | I agree with Chalks.
I think treating someone with respect is far more important than spoiling them. I'd rather have a nice guy who treats me with respect than be spolit with gifts. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:58:26 AM | I'm the same if it's appreciated! I like to give and don't expect back! But, never have i come across a man who keeps on spoiling after the first few weeks of a relationship. It's like the old comfy slippers have been put on, and automatically they assume you don't have to try anymore lol
I start as i mean to go on, and work at it!
We all like to feel wanted and loved, and thought of, even if it's the little things. Many don't understand this concept.
Nothing worse than spoiling someone, and it being thrown back in your face though! Some people can be so ungrateful, especially when you have taken the time and thought with something.
However, i used to date someone who wherever i went, and looked at something (was only window shopping) he bought for me....to be honest i hated it. Occasionally is nice but not ALL the time and not expensive either! | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:15:28 PM | Message 4 ... Ahhh so sweet ... As if .... 
Willow and Pink... I agree maybe a misuse of the word... But there is a difference between a 'treat' which to me means a gift (singular) and being all out spoiled rotten ... I couldn't think of another way to make the difference obvious... I mean really REALLY treated ... | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:28:16 PM | ^^^^ok, got you now ^^^
I think I would feel very uncomfortable if someone bought me expensive presents all the time..A bit like your mate, I would be tempted to keep quiet if I liked something.
I think if someone showers you with gifts etc all the time, it would tend to take away the meaning , if you know what I mean.. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:37:40 PM | spoiled rotten
One of my show-jumpers was called "Spoilt Rotten" and he was.............. lol
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:23:40 PM | | I hate being spoilt, but i dont mind being treated so long as its not too often, or the gift isnt expensive. Like at xmas, i told my best friend off for spending loads on me. I know its only once a yr, but i dont like it because i feel guilty for not being able to spend the same on them. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:09:29 AM | I would find this situation really difficult..I love going shopping for other people, nothing better than buying a present that really reflects that persons personality, or a trinket that they have been looking for ages.
I like seeing their face, when they open it up and go all giddy with enjoyment.
I find it difficult accepting gifts. Maybe because I have always been independent, never relied on anyone else.
So if someone took me out on a shopping spree I would feel uncomfortable. I would more than likely go out the following week with my savings and have a spend up on them!...
If the relationship was new and thought it was not long term, I would not accept anything, not even a cup of tea  funny like that I am!..
However if I felt it is serious, I would accept in the end, But "spoil" or "treat" him the following week..
I would not accept things that I could not afford myself..
I was a one parent family for many years, so I can understand the concept of being "spoiled" a situation hard to accept..Barriers up and being independent, not relying on anyone, but yourself..It is a trust issue I suppose. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:04:50 AM | I have never been in a relationship where I have been spoiled to that extent. In fact I have hardly ever been bought flowers let alone been taken out and had money spent on me as the OP says.
Yesterday I went to see Wicked in London on a coach trip. When we were driving along the Embankment and through London seeing all the sights, I said to my friend how lovely it would be to have someone spoil me rotten and take me out, taking me for a flight on the Eye at night, go for a fantastic meal in a beautiful restaurant, go to see a show, and then go dancing!! I would absolutely love that. Cant see it happening just yet though.
However, I am not so sure about being bought loads of presents - but I guess I could get used to it.  | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:26:29 AM | nah i'd be really uncomfortable with this scenario, it's not so much the 'spoiling' as the fact that this chap clearly can't afford to do it and therefore must be letting something else slide. if he is 'spoiling' your mate when he can't afford to, to me it means he is possibly quite insecure and feels the need to show affection in a materialistic way to buy affection. if that's true than at some point he is going to run out of funds or get himself into money trouble first then run out of funds....suddenly he is in a position where the normal rules of his relationship are affected and he can't continue...OK so i am becoming a little tangential but you see where i am going.
i think it's perfectly normal to want to treat or spoil people...sometimes..if you see something you know someone is into or you fancy surprising someone...in past relationships i have always preferred mutuality one buys one day the other the next...hate all that split the bill business. if i go to the cinema with a chap i prefer..you get tickets I'll get munch.
i remember going on date once with a chap who nearly fell off his chair when after finishing our first drink in the pub i said..my round what are you having...he was 36 and no woman had ever bought him a pint before. i find that really uncomfortable.
if your mate likes this bloke she needs to have a chat early on...spoil by all means but don't leave yourself short | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:45:54 AM |
nah i'd be really uncomfortable with this scenario, it's not so much the 'spoiling' as the fact that this chap clearly can't afford to do it and therefore must be letting something else slide. if he is 'spoiling' your mate when he can't afford to, to me it means he is possibly quite insecure and feels the need to show affection in a materialistic way to buy affection. if that's true than at some point he is going to run out of funds or get himself into money trouble first then run out of funds
perhaps you could point it out to me where it is 'clear' that the chap cannot afford it...
as your whole tangent that you have gone off is based on an assumption that I cant read anywhere...
Would this be different if the guy could afford it? Or had some spare cash which he thought would be better spent treating his lady? Than lashing up the wall, or investing when the interest rates are awful?
Just interested.
A lot of people are saying that things should be mutual (I agree to an extent)... but the guy is 'comfortable', the girl is a single mum, and not exactly flush with pennies... So mutuality can not really be total... wouldnt it be better if they both spent 'what they can afford'? Then its mutual, but if one of the people in the relationship spends more numerically, it still isnt a problem??
Maybe he just is genuinely generous, and would like his lady to have things that she would like to have, given the resources, but would never be able to in her situation.
I agree that no one should leave themselves short... but if either of them didnt, then good luck to him, and her... enjoy it while you can, cause sure as eggs are eggs, you aint taking it with you when you shuffle off this mortal coil!
Fair play to the girl, she has found a guy who can provide for her, and maybe her family. She must be thinking its almost too good to be true at the moment, I hope it works out for her, and she has a long and happy relationship with him.
After all, isn't it almost a basic animal instinct for a girl to be attracted to a guy who is a 'provider'?
And if the other boxes are ticked (mental, physical and emotional) with the trust too... seems like she is onto a winner! | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:46:59 AM | | I get more pleasure from spoiling other people rather than being spoiled myself... | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:59:43 AM | Are you comfortable being spoiled?
No not realy but I could get used to it!
Are you someone who likes to spoil?
I suppose I do kind of, like to take care - good food, sympathetic ear, good company good sex, good appetite!lol.
Is there a spoiling etiquette that should be followed?
Yeah don't bombard a person with gifts to make up for personal inadequcies that probably aren't there anyhow!
Have faith in yourself and don't bribe. Some one should want you for who you are not what materialistic things you can give. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:40:37 AM |
Are you comfortable being spoiled?
Yes. I love it. I lurrrrrve being spoilt.
Are you someone who likes to spoil?
Yes.
Is there a spoiling etiquette that should be followed?
Dont go losing your self-respect, self-worth. | |
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| Being Spoiled..
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:28:32 AM | "In the early days a little gesture goes a long way, flowers occasionally is good."
I totally agree with you Hula Moo, personally I have never been spoiled - I have never been brought flowers or anything like that. But it is nice. My friend was sent flowers to work from her boyfriend for no reason - just because he loved her! It is so sweet and romantic and i would love that!!!
But totally - i wouldnt want everything bought for me - im very independant and like to stand on my own 2 feet!
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