| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:20:18 PM | it always amazes me the kind of stuff people come up with and the kind of demands some people make.
got an email today from a guy that asked me out on a date, only he has very little info on his profile, and no image.
so i write back and i say, go on a date with who? a blank page??
then he emails me this:
///well if that is a problem with meeting just because i have no pic then i am sorry for sending you a message. For most of the ladies on here use old pics and when you meet them they do not look like the pic. I have no pic because i do not know how to put it on my harddrive i have one on my tmobile site but for some reason i can not access my site. Another thing is people that are into pics are only looking for looks. I am not, are you? And if you are not, then meeting in a public place should not be out of the question///
and i am thinking:
1. justifying why he doesnt step up to the deal table by passing on guilt about what other people might or might not do2. doesnt take responsibility, rather gives bunch of excuses,
3. tries to make me feel bad about having a sorting system and boundaries about who i am meeting
4. disregards chemistry as a dynamic in choosing a partner, which means he can email me because he is attracted to me, but i better not dare need the same.
5. can u say low intelligence?
6. doesn't have enough self esteem to show his face. or has a reason to hide
so i kinda let him have it
few months back some guy emails me and asks me something thats already in my profile, and that was my response. he writes back and gives me some excuse on how he doesnt read profiles because people lie about themselves and he'd rather discover the 'person' on his own.
so i said... oh really??/ so u r telling me that u openly ignore and disrespect information i took time out of my day to think about and put out there for people to see and read and know, so they dont ask me questions i already provided answers for, then u hit me w a guilt trip and justifications as to why it is ok for u to do that, but u r not even man enough to admit ur wrong doings and apologize, rather pass on responsibility to me all w a poor-me pity trip?
i've had plenty guys get mad at me because i didn't believe them telling me they loved me after 2 emails, didn't want a first date meeting at my house or theirs, or didn't go out of my way to call (and i don't mean call BACK) them every day.
anyone have stuff like that happen??
what is wrong with people????????
or is it me?? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:28:57 PM | You're not alone Medana,
The three kinds of laughable e-mails I receive are:
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(1) I get at least one e-mail a week from a miffed overweight to obese POFer that read my profile all excited to chat with me, and when they finally reached the line about me not being sexually attracted to large-girth women, break out the pitchforks and torches and launch into a hate-mail campaign to try and correct my unrealistic expectations... 
Last time I checked, I could see my feet when I look down. I don't think it's unreasonable of me to expect the same in a partner...
(2) E-mails from the obese-in-denial, that highlight their activities and try to spin themselves as a positively active and fit person. My profile mentions I'm into a wide-range of physically grueling exercises... Somehow they are of the belief that Power-Walking or Curling equates to the same level of physical exertion as karate or wall-climbing, and thus we'd be a good match... Riiiiiight, I can certainly see that.... 
(3) E-mails from people that by no means fit what I so meticulously described that I'm searching for, but must have just checked my profile pic, and figured that since I'm a black man, that I MUST be into large-booty women, and thus they automatically will be what I want... 
It's made me darn well near give up on online dating in general. Now I simply give curt replies to the toss-backs, BLOCK the hate-mailers, and have done with it...  | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:33:11 PM | What a creep.
I'm sure your pictures had nothing to do with him contacting you either!  If you had decided to show up he was probably a 400lb dwarf with a wooden leg. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:46:06 PM | I think my profile is rather lengthy, but hell I always have alot to say, I'm Italian we talk alot:)...However, if I did list EVERYTHING I am looking/not looking for in a person I'd be called all sorts of names I'm sure...I.E. Shallow, stuck up, picky etc...etc.
Thats not the case at all.... But like everyone else i have some preferences, for example age, distance, height and a few others ..
I'll be honest by saying I first look at appearance. Primarily because thats all you really have online. I do however base my determination as to whether to respond or not on what is written on their profile.
I do think some take it too far with their "lists" of qualifications and their so called "interviewing" process. c'mon, get real, I already have a job thank you...
I've had some get mad because I dont respond within 5 minutes of an email...Hellllllo??? did it ever occur to you that i may be working, multitasking or hell, even reading these damn posts. In any case, why would I want to meet someone that gets offended that I havent responded within minutes....puhleese....RED FLAG!!!
I don't blame you for not wanting to meet anyone at their place and especially bringing them to yours. wAY Too many crazies to take a chance and if they dont understand or get offended who cares, they have no right to question you.
The "I don't know how to post a pic" is one big crock...5 year olds know how to post pics for Christ sakes, give me a break...He's either married, in a relationship OR perhaps he doesn't want to post one because of his work which to me is a very acceptable answer if that were the case of course...
Yes, we've all heard that many women and some men for that matter have old pictures posted but welcome to the online world of hell....it happens....But to assume that everyone does it, well, thats so untrue and what kills me the most is when they ask for more pics when i have like 10 posted...what the hell....you want a blood sample too? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:46:28 PM | Ok I'm not diggin' this guy at all and *I* dont even have public pics up!
I am so sick of expectations.
You know I met this one guy here, he has let me make all the first moves. He is responsive but he is content to let me set the pace and baby I do move sloooow.
Of all the men I have spoken with on this site, I think he just might be the smartest.
He's making me do all the work, sure. He is also letting me set the pace and I appreciate that more than I can say. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:47:50 PM | I don't think it's unreasonable to want a picture to SEE who you're talking to. Who you're possibly meeting. I would never meet anyone I haven't seen a picture of, that's for sure.
If you had decided to show up he was probably a 400lb dwarf with a wooden leg.
Dwarves are known for being drunk and carry hammers or axes. Usually with huge poofy beards. Are you trying to say that you wouldn't want to meet someone like that, which is practically a tractor beam of hotness? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:53:33 PM |
few months back some guy emails me and asks me something thats already in my profile, and that was my response. he writes back and gives me some excuse on how he doesnt read profiles because people lie about themselves and he'd rather discover the 'person' on his own.
I've found that quite a few guys on here are like that. The latest one was a guy who IMed me today and told me he doesn't go by what people say in their profiles because most people lie. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:58:02 PM | I totally agree with you on this one. People are so into gams it seems.
I have a problem when people want to get to know me better so I suggest talking on msn, but they insist instead on me giving them my phone number. When I decline and say I'd like to know them a little better first, I've been told that they are gentleman and should be ok with them calling me. I've asked for their number instead and an excuse was made as to why they couldn't give it out.
Don't like how pushy some people are. I think they should try to make you feel comfortable, not worried.
Stay strong and keep to your gut! | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:58:10 PM |
I've found that quite a few guys on here are like that. The latest one was a guy who IMed me today and told me he doesn't go by what people say in their profiles because most people lie.
Because you know, obviously people will lie in their profiles, but wouldn't DARE think of such a thing when asked!
I mean, what kind of world do we live in where people don't know this?! | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:04:37 PM | | That's the #1 reason why people break-up, our expectations are not met. I will send anyone a pic that I think is a match for me. If they can't at least show you some private pics on here, well I would have to wonder. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:11:41 PM | Yeah, what's wrong with people?
They apologize and get attacked, they don't and you all but demand admission to fault, castigated either way.
Some people should get locked up, really.
- Excog | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:15:50 PM | ciaobaby,
Yup, that was sarcastic. sigh....
HOWEVER...I have noticed that expectations do run higher here than in real life.
Everything seems to be a "red flag" and "Run..run fast" seems to be the only advice some can give.
Perth amboy huh? Anywhere near the boat basin? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:35:53 PM | ^^you can weed out or you can kill the weeds along with the lawn I suspect. I've just noticed people ending up shooting themselves in the foot. 
How can a person be 100% certain that their "soul-mate" will have a pic at all on his/her profile? Maybe they just need to ask? Maybe they live 76 miles away and that 75 mile filter excluded them. Filters are great and I understand certain preferences, but often it seems people expect "perfection" to fall right into their laps. Errr so to speak.
yes, sorry...we used to call it that because of the boats.
beautiful woman btw. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:42:01 PM | | Hey Tigerwoods - Regarding people being offended that you can't accept an overweight date prospect, not everyone has that problem! I am moderately overweight and I am not at all offended by a guy not being attracted to me because of my weight, as long as he is not rude about it. I believe everyone is entitled to their particular preferences and there is really nothing shallow about it; it is part of the natural selection process to be attracted (or not) by certain things. As for me, I have to admit that I do not find bald men very attractive. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:04:55 PM | i dont believe there is anything wrong with people having whatever preferences they want. we have to respect others' boundaries if we are to expect others to respect our own
so my thing is... go ahead, like em fat, young, old, tall, skin n bones, have full profiles, empty profiles and so on.
but don't try to argue w me and try to bully me into preferences u think i should have.
if i am overweight and a profile says they like them skinny, i will move on and find one that says they like curves. i am not going to argue with the first one as to why it's wrong for him/her to like certain type of looks attractive and others unattractive.
i don't mind people having or not having pictures. u can send pics privately.
but don't ask me on a date when i don't even know u from the next guy and expect me to be that stupid, or have that low self esteem. i mean really, am i gonna go after the 'hold the LA times up over ur head so i know its u' type of date?
esp since my profile says i am NOT necessarily interested in meeting people offline at all, and am here just for the casual peeking in and forums.
to me, these belligerents and not-taking-no-for-an-answer people are the type that will level u down to get what they want, without respecting what YOU want. it's all about THEM, and none of it is about their targeted love interest.
yes, sorting systems might be faulty, but we CANT possibly go out w everyone, unless thats all u do. i have to pick and choose somehow.
if a connection starts with arguing or is too high maintenance (complain over u not responding yet), than what else do i need to know? that u r one nagging machine already attempting to wear me down, and we are not even dating yet??? | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:15:47 PM | It's just you. You should not go out with people that have photos. Why? Because they are all vain and into physical attributes. Second you should not go out with a person with a recent picture. All pictures should be 20 years old, with hairdos that are out of style. Preferably some kind of afro from the 70. So what to do?
Joke'm if they can't take a fvck! | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:33:00 PM | OP,
I've seen all sorts as well. I find the bigger girls almost always get into the "what do you look for a woman" talk almost right off the hop, and when I say I am not into large women alot of the time I find they get defensive and yes, try and swing my vote. I'm not going to be talked into changing my preferences. I dont' want to skydive. I'll GLADLY go up on the plane and record the experience, or stand on the ground and film the free fall, but jump out of the plane? Not going to happen! I had a gay man chat me up one night and try and convince me to give homosexuality a genuine shot. Why?! I'm not homosexual! Just because someone enjoys murder or rape doesn't mean I'm going to give it a shot tomorrow because they ask me to try it! We have our preferences for a reason. It's what makes us unique. | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:43:26 PM | | OP, i find it amazing that this guy says looks aren't important, then messages one of the most attractive ladies on this site;why didn't he message someone with a frumpy picture if he's not into looks as he claims-and hey,i'm pushing 50 years old,if i can upload digital images,SO CAN HE-he's a shallow,self-centered,liar who probably thinks sites like these are just for easy hit & run;btw,nice pics,don't get a swelled head,and i'm too old for you... | |
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| outrageous expectations from online daters
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:54:19 PM | you said:
^^you can weed out or you can kill the weeds along with the lawn I suspect. I've just noticed people ending up shooting themselves in the foot.
How can a person be 100% certain that their "soul-mate" will have a pic at all on his/her profile? Maybe they just need to ask? Maybe they live 76 miles away and that 75 mile filter excluded them. Filters are great and I understand certain preferences, but often it seems people expect "perfection" to fall right into their laps. Errr so to speak.
yes, sorry...we used to call it that because of the boats.
beautiful woman btw.
I say:
All valid points Hank and I do agree, however I know for me I'm not looking for perfection at all...And thats not to say that I'd never talk nor date someone outside of the "box" so to speak, I'm a flexible person too. It just depends who it is and how you hit things off...
PS: Thank You:) | |
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