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 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 1
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why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 1 of 51    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I went on a date with a man awhile ago. Now i made it clear to him I wasn't looking for anything serious at this time. But i also made it clear that i wasn't into one nite stands. We agreed that our relationship wouldn't be either of those things. He was so nice and gentle. Didn't make any moves at first. He looked like the average cute boy next door type. We talked for awhile, then we watched a movie. During the movie we started kissing and one thing lead to another. We ended up in bed. Now i was absolutely positive I would be seeing him again. For sure i would talk to him again. The next day I emailed him thanking him for a nice evening. He didn't respond. Ok a little rude but whatever. Days went by and nothing. I told myself that this wouldn't hurt me. But it does. I am human. How can men be so cold? I understand he doesn't want to be my b/f. Cool. But totally ignoring you, like you were the scum of the earth. That is cruel and inhuman. Is it my fault for sleeping with him on the first date? Should have i expected such treatment because of it? I guess i am too naive. I will never make that mistake again. I would like to know how other men feel about this happening to a woman.
 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 2
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:53:21 PM
I agree that what he did was lame, but you made the decision to have sex with him. When that happens before you know each other, it just gets weird after . And I have been on the receiving end of this as well have a lot of guys-it's actually well document, that I wont go into now.

Bottom line, I dont think it's good for anyone looking an LTR. Don't do it.
 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 3
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:57:29 PM
Silent treatment sucks... sex or no sex involved.

Some women do silent treatment,
just as some men do it...
Usually the ones who have left balls somewhere else
(balls are metaphorical, my comment refers to cowards regardless of their gender).

As for the first date sex... protection, right? I hear that STDs are not fun...

 TallAndDark68123
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 4
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:58:25 PM
You control who's bed you end up in so stop blaming men, face the facts, and learn how to control yourself. Why did you go to his house much less his bedroom on a first date? How much did you learn about him sitting in a movie?

This is not his problem, but yours so take the responsibility for it. I hope you learned a lesson about how not to get into situation. Now go get a STD test.

He is a jerk and you didn't take the time to learn that before you hit the sack. I think you learned what his #1 priority was and now he has moved on. We are not all like this!

Ladies please give her a top 10 of what not to do!
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:02:57 PM
You chose to sleep with him, so it is something you both decided to do.

I do not know how SOME men can be so "cold." I find it annoying... It is hard enough to find someone to connect with without having to sift through the rubble caused by people treating each other poorly. (Refusing to talk to you is cowardly / treating you poorly.)

Apparently you are not a very good judge of character. Also, I am not sure exactly what is left between "not looking for anything serious" and "not into one night stands?" (Does not exactly provide a precise definition of what you are looking for.)

Making it clear that you would like a relationship... (Not necessarily a "long term" one or a "serious" one but still an exclusive one where you explore it for a while to see where it goes before going on to other things...) might be a good move...
 paul227
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 6
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:04:10 PM
Please don't use the word 'men' unless he wasn't the only man you were dating at the same time.

You emailed him? Thanks to the invention of telephone. Couldn't you call him?

First of all, put your acts together... Don't live in the lala land... He is not your boyfriend, you had sex with him, even though you made it clear that you are not looking for an intimate encounter. If you slept with him on the first date yes it is your fault.

It is clear that you need to first find out what it is that you are looking for and then move according to the plan...
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 7
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:04:55 PM
You gave him sex, a guy you hardly knew...

Guys think that, because some women put out, even after saying they will not. It's horrid, but the truth. Please try to have more respect for yourself in future, and you won't let that happen again.

I am not saying his behaviour was honorable in anyway. But don't let yourself be a victim again, and wallow in it. Learn to say no and mean no.
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 8
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:11:47 PM
I'll add him to my list of crud to sweep into the fire next time I see him. Sex is not something that is taken lightly by me, I am not one to even think about it in a relationship unless I have asked the female to marry me, and even then only until later in the marriage bed. All the times I have had sex out of wedlock I have had more than a "slam blam see you never again" relationship with the female.

He has done this before and likely will do it again.

Charles.
 zopz
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 9
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:12:23 PM
You gave it to him.

It's not like this was one of those guys that makes you think he wants an LTR then when you do it he just drops you like a box of rocks.
 7Patt
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 10
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:16:02 PM
Sounds as though you may have found some of that "explosive chemistry" that you profess to be looking for. I'm not justifying his actions, or the fact that he screwed you and then somehow lost your number . . . . . but the flip side of THAT coin is . . . . it takes TWO to Tango, honey. And if you hadn't WANTED to "end up in bed" . . . . you probably wouldn't have.

Everybody always wants to blame it all on the guy . . . . . I will admit, there are more than enough of these dirt bags out there, behaving exactly the way you have described. And sadly it is those dirt bags who give guys in general a bad name, thus making it even more difficult for us QUALITY MEN (the minority, apparently . . . and at a disadvantage, as well) to find a decent woman. SOME of us really ARE looking for a serious, quality, and committed relationship. But . . . women continue to go for the asswipes . . . . they get screwed over, it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, and Womankind continues to whine about how "all guys are jerks" . . . . and the wheel rolls on.
 LibreComoElViento
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 11
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:17:54 PM
Dear Vixenette:

First: it's very courageous of you to post it here. Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"

Well, I'll certainly not ask you any foolish questions, or criticize you. I know why you did it - because your body has needs. Sexual needs. There is no shame in having them, or in satisfying them. But when you do, you put yourself in risk of being hurt emotionally.

Does if feel yucky when a man whom you slept with, a man whom you liked a lot, a man who acted like he was going to stay with you for a while just start ignoring you? Well, it does – unless you learn to think about it from a different perspective.

(By the way, it feels nowhere near as yucky as being stuck in a marriage with a man whom you came to loath. Nothing worse than being married to a man who doesn’t satisfy you, and yet you owe him fidelity! But I digress – let me go back to our subject…)

Let’s face it: a good old double standard is still alive and well. A man tells you all the nice things you want to hear, but in his heart of hearts, he despises you for sleeping with him too soon. So, what do you do? Put breaks on your own sexuality? Wait until third, fifth, or twentieth date to go to bed?

No. Doing so would mean lowering you head and tacitly accepting a perpetuating that old double-standard morality. Don’t lower your head. Be proud, and don’t deny yourself our own desires. Keep going on dates, and when you feel like sleeping with a guy – go ahead and sleep with him. And if he dumps you after that – than you have accomplished two things:

1. You discovered that he double standard in his head, that macho sterotype of dividing women into “madonnas” and “whores” – which means you wouldn’t want him long term anyway.

2. And you still get your sexual desire satisfied!

Trust me, there are guys out there who respect a woman more, not less, for knowing what she wants and going after it. Keep looking, and you’ll find one of them.

Best of luck to you, and may the Spirit of the Universe bless you.
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 12
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:35:49 PM
I agree with Libra up there...very well-put!! Love, Titus
 albino_dino
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 13
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:58:23 PM
Seems to me, it wasn't the man that used this OP woman for sex.

She made a decision, and now must accept responsibility.

You had no promise, no agreement and no relationship, so you can not expect to reap the rewards of something you do not have.

If you want better, then do better.


ps Quit blaming MEN !
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 14
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:08:54 PM
Ummm... you both decided to have sex didn't you?


During the movie we started kissing and one thing lead to another. We ended up in bed.


You had the opportunity for it to go no further, but you ended up sleeping with a guy you only just met.

And now he doesn't call?

It doesn't just happen to women, it happens plenty of times to men as well, so please call the sisterhood off and accept some of the blame for sleeping with someone you hardly knew.

Maybe also you should have put a little more on your profile about your ideal first date apart from 'anything exciting'. I think that's what you ended up with lol.
 nearnessofyou
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 15
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:27:50 PM
You put yourself in a very vulnerable situatinon. You liked him and wanted him to like you. Even though you knew what you wanted, you couldn't resist him. How sad. Obviously he was only looking for one thing and did not care about anything else. He was dishonest about this intention and pursued you to meet his needs.

Be strong and trust yourself. You don't need to bargan yourself to find a man. There are few but nice men exists. Good luck.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 16
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:36:25 PM
excuse me???? you told him you werent looking for anything serious. Yes, it is your fault for sleeping with him on the first date. Yes, you should expect such treatment. And yes, you are naive. he bought your line, but you couldnt back it up. i dont see you as such a vixen.
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 17
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:58:34 AM
To those that threw stones at our OP, back off a bit. While it does take two to tango in most cases, there is a level of manipulation that can go on in a man's world that does not go on in a woman's world or at least not to the level that men do it. We men have a general desire to walk about and assert that we are alpha males of our domain. I know this I am like this myself. I prowl the streets of my fare city with the eye of a cat and the heart of a lion to take what is mine and make it safe. But I also know that other men who are in "alpha mode" holding the hands of "their girl" will sometimes give me looks that just bleed "back off dude or i'll eat you for lunch" It happens when I am on full auto and just hunting about.

My 3rd wife had her former boyfriend show back up after being gone all the while that I was courting her and the first few months of our marriage, He "took her back from me" as she later told me and was deathly afraid of losing her to me again. I realized this on a level that triggered my "Alpha Male Gene" and I started to push his buttons till he took it upon himself to fill her trailer with buds that were geared to kill me, in a dog fight sort of way. I realized it and sat back and began pushing his buttons till he was basically thrown out by her and now she has a new boyfriend, with whom I have also pushed to the brink of him wanting to kill me. It is fine sport for me. I want her to know that I love her enough to get her a male that I approve of not one that is just there for her bed. Both these guys are using my former wife mostly for sex not for anything else. But she was abused most of her life and I had no way of fixing anything that I found with her, just can't do some damage control in a few months, it takes years of TLC.

Men can oft times prey on women and those men if I find them in the lives of my female friends, will sooner or later get my treatment of test of wills. I have had training that most men don't have even inside the Military Complex.

Be extra careful next time you have needs that you have to fill with a man's help.
Seek solace in taking time next time in that maybe you can advoid the pit falls of males just hunting for more alpha male status in the pack.

Charles.
 Mountain Lion 1
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 18
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:06:59 AM
Why is it that every time someone acts stupid it it ends up the other persons fault????

Is it because there is a genuine lack of responsibility amongst the population???

Why are we stereotyping men here???

Is it because (some) women lack the capacities to act according to their age and need to play the victim role ????

Why would a man think he can "use" a woman?

Because she lets him.
 Alex82
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 19
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:37:21 AM
yes, that's a horrible thing for someone to do to either sex, but women are the gate keepers of sexual intercoarse.

quote from joe rogan,

"a women says i'm horny, who wants to have sex 90% if not all of the guys in the room will most likely raise their hand, the same is not true if a man does it."

but as for him totally ignoring you afterwards it's a very poor decision for one to make on either side of the sexes imo.

as much fun as sex can be it's not needed except to propagate the species which i would assume everyone intends to choose carefully about who they choose to have babies with.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 20
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:54:14 AM
Why do men think they can use women for sex?
Hey, you may have been using him for sex? If he wasnt any good in bed or was small and you didnt want to see him again and ignored his calls or emails he may have been writing this question.

Look we have all made mistakes in the past, but come on, you know better than sleeping with someone that soon if you want to build a relationship. Sex short circuits the relationship, you really need to get to know someone, be friends establish all sorts of things, and it seems people try to do it backwards.

I really feel that you were not that interested in him and thought "what the hey", and went for it, now you feel weird, he probably felt weird too, he probably felt weak, and embarassed so he felt it was easier to just deny it and move on.

Dont take it personally, just be careful, dont do that to yourself again, have more respect for yourself, because if you do build a relationship with a man, you sure dont want it starting off with you sleeping with each other on the first night. I am sure you wont ever do that again, dont feel bad, he was just scared... and you do ask if it is your fault for sleeping with him on the first date, you know the answer... and it happens to alot of women, once... it usually only takes once to get "that" feeling, then you become a little less "what the hey".. and unless all you want is sex, start off doing something more active, like bike riding, or meet up with a group of friends.. BBQ or something.. Good luck, and I am sorry it happened, but now you never have to have it happen again, Best of luck!!!

BL
 POFEnigma
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 21
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:57:08 AM
I went & saw a movie with myself (so there was I & myself present), I promised I wouldn't sleep with myself. I started kissing myself & I ended up in bed with myself. The next morning I noticed I was left by myself, so I emailed myself & thanked myself for a good time, but I didn't get any response from myself. I felt angry & hurt by this and started wondering why this happened to *me*. *Looks in the mirror* it's all your fault
 CHARLIE FARLIE
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 22
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:01:47 AM
because having sex with a goat is illegal still!
 simmering59
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 23
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:04:11 AM
Dont have sexual remorse because you went to bed with him. He wont talk to you, now. Maybe, just maybe, he would have done that anyway.Yeah you met a jerkoff,move on
 charlie44
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 24
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:38:12 AM
he's a putz for not even talking to you after. Even if you're the biggest skank in town if he's gonna hustle you to bed as quick as he can he ought to at least be man enough to talk to you after, even if that's all he wanted in the first place and he doesn't want anything more to do with you , he should say thank you at the very least
 stephenlikesto
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 25
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:43:44 AM
I doubt very much that he thinks you are the scum of the earth. I would guess he is an embarrassed jerk and well out of order. I've only done what he did once - this was after she told me that she had a large violent boyfriend! A couple of women have done this to me - though to be fair they made it clear early on that it was a one-night stand.

In my 20s I slept with many women the first time I met them - realistically if I hadn't then I probably never would have. I didn't think any the worse of them for that - quite the opposite. Some of the relationships were short-lived when we realised that it was lust rather than love but some went on for months, even years and I slept with the woman I eventually married the first time I met her.

Going with your heart is no bad thing. It gets lonely sleeping alone every night and people were not meant to be celibate. OK sometimes we get hurt - but the alternative of never taking any risks brings its own sort of pain.

With the passing of years I would be far less inclined to jump into bed with someone first time I met them - there is a certain pleasure from romancing and building expectations and hope that sex too early misses out on - but I would never judge someone male or female who did harshly.
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