| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:35:14 AM | Why is it that when i open my heart to anyone it seems like it gets broken worse each time? I'm not saying i like to have my heart broken but i refuse to be jaded, so in the long run does that make me weaker? I guess I am really wondering if I should try and hide my heart at first... | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:37:29 AM | You don't have to hide your heart at first.
Just don't let anyone all the way in. That way when you get eviserated, they don't manage to take everything.
It's along the lines of don't love someone 100% fully. You have to save some love for you to live on, so that if they leave, you survive.
Kind of twisted, but also works if you can wrap your head around it. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:44:14 AM | | OP: you're being way too transparent. Despite the media line, women don't like guys who show their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Do not come onto a thread and bare your soul like that. You need to get some drinking buddies to commiserate with, and then when you're around women or you're on here, stay focused on having fun and getting dates. Good luck. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:50:13 AM | People--men and women--tend to have to REALLY look inside themselves and determine what they want from a relationship after one of them opens up.
Sometimes, someone you just like being around says she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. That's when YOU look inside yourself and say, "Do I want the same thing?" Most often, I think the answer is no. And because you know that is what this person is after, and you know YOU don't want that, you do the right thing and go away (rather than string her along). | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 10:20:34 AM | | Try not to invest yourself so quickly in a relationship. Take time, get to know people before you fall in love. You should not be getting your heart broken yearly. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 10:35:01 AM | pfffftt hes not being vulnerable. He's saying he opens his heart and when it doesnt work hes hurt. That's not exclusive to women. It's a human condition.
OP dont change..remember if we dont open ourseoves up to the bad we dont recognize the good when it comes along. GOOD LUCK | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:01:15 PM | Thats exactly what you do. Keep yourself guarded as long as you can. Almost, put your new mate through a battery of little tests, to see if they are worth it. Slowly open up as time goes on.
Im guilty of the exact same thing, I want to instantly fall in love, and ulimately it gets me burned every time. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:25:53 PM | In my experience... once you are perceived as strong..you no longer have the option of being vulnerable at any time. I am a relatively strong female and have trouble finding someone with whom I can be vulnerable. Its a shame...but it seems that one must "hide" their interior personality...and maintain a persona. Perhaps what others here are suggesting might work...wait a loooonnnnnggg time before showing that side of you...
GOOD LUCK!!! | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:04:43 PM | Like the others said, don't be afraid to throw back a fish that doesn't measure up. 
My take on this is that the trick is NOT to hide your heart as some kind of "tough guy playing hard to get" game, but rather to open it up at the right time, to the right person. Take a look at the "Needs Assessment" on your profile for some interesting aspects of what to look for. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:26:47 PM | There is no reason why men should be any different from women - some are strong, some are not strong, most are somewhere in between. That's reality. It has nothing to do with whether the person is male or female.
A hundred years ago people really thought of big strong dominant males and weak submissive obedient little women. The man's job was to fight the king's enemies on command, to earn enough to support the woman and to take risks. The woman was to be at home cooking his dinner, tending to church affairs, and making babies and raising them.
All that stuff is dinosaur-age obsolete. and thank God for that. We are more free now that people can be persons, not just role-fulfillers. And modern women are much more interesting and much more fun than the marriage-obsessed reactive females of Jane Austen's novels.
On this PoF site, I take note of whether or not a woman is free from old-fashioned thinking. For example, if she imagines that there's a rule that says men call women but women don't call men, I move on fast, because I do not recognize any such silly rules. This is 2008, not the Victorian era, and I am interested in modern women with modern ideas, who treat me as their equal and expect me to treat them as my equal. And there is no rule that says men are supposed to be always strong. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:12:06 PM |
All that stuff is dinosaur-age obsolete. and thank God for that.
It's not obsolete. Women (even most feminist women) expect men to act manly, and crying in public about your disappointments doesn't qualify as manly. It disgusts women to see that. Some of us guys who grew up with sisters have the advantage of hearing the truth from them first-hand (a sister will always tell her brother the truth).
The PC line is a lie. As a man, you have to find appropriate private settings to reveal your feelings; but when you're facing the world, you'd better square yourself off and focus on your goals/priorities. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:28:17 PM | Hiya and no please do not hide what you are feeling, it is best to be up front and tell someone that you like them, maybe not at first use the words "love" but like is good. women do not have a crystal ball so cannot second guess you and know what you are thinking, I would rather have a bloke tell me he fancies me or likes me, then loves me than me have to play stupid games to guess if he does.
You are a special and lovely guy so dont change who and what you are for anyone. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:33:10 PM | | Spitfire, whilst you mean well im sure, you are wrong, women do like a man to be human and to be human is to have weakness!! We wont exploit or ridicule or think less of you just because you cry when Bambi is killed, we are much more likely to relate to you and want to clutch you to our chest, stroke your head and tell you its ok to cry, we are crying too, and then you have got us, we love that sort of thing, we love it that you "care", that you are "human" that you love and adore us, god that is what we crave, love, attention and a soul mate!! | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:16:20 PM | | I believe it is best to guard your heart, get to know the person, continue to guard. Be discrete with your feelings. It is something women are not afraid to deal with, you're a good guy! Protect yourself at all costs! | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:57:29 PM | Nice to see some views from the fairer sex on here. Keep them coming everyone. Thanks for listening to a guy ramble on lol   | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:32:12 PM | Sptfire says:
"Women (even most feminist women) expect men to act manly, and crying in public about your disappointments doesn't qualify as manly. It disgusts women to see that. "
Well, I can only report facts from my own personal experience.
I was once macho, and assumed that males should not express emotion. Then I grew up and slowly became at peace with myself. I discovered that I then liked myself a whole lot better. No longer afraid to have emotions and let it show, I became a whole lot more balanced.
So when I heard the Shostakovitch "Leningrad" performed at the Chicago Cultural Center, I was literally moved to tears and not ashamed to be that way. In the presence of a Salvador Dali painting at the Glasgow Art Gallery, I learned what it feels like to be quite literally silenced by genius.
Instead of imagining that you need to try to be "manly," whatever that means, I learned to be me. Totally true to myself, and screw people's expectations. Hey world, this is me, take it or leave it, I don't care. Funny thing, Spitfire, the world DOES like you more when you like yourself better.
And all the women, and men too, that I encountered, liked me a lot better the more I became true to myself. Some are feminists, some or not. Who cares? I am too busy being me to worry about what others expect.
I like myself better. I am emotional now and I am sensitive. Women like me better. What's to regret? If Spitfire chooses to live his life caring about what he imagines others think about him, he's welcome to his way. Aiming to be 100 per cent real works for me. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:58:15 PM | Never hide ~ guard yes ~ hide no
Relationships are like the great china wall ~ build one stone at a time ~ dar | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:01:29 PM | Just remember it's not love unless you are loved in return.....It takes a while to get to know someone. Go slow, make sure you both enjoy spending time together..........do things that interest you both and introduce each other to new things.
Don't assume "this is the one", use the getting to know each other time to truly get to know each other. No matter how much someone can set the heart afire at first, knowing it can last requires more time.
Best of Luck | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:02:38 PM |
Why is it that when i open my heart to anyone it seems like it gets broken worse each time? Because you never mended it all the way in the first place, before getting into a new relationship. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 10:06:29 PM | Fra59e:
I'm not talking about getting a speck of dust in your eye at an opera. If a good performance makes you feel something, that's human (as long as you're not blubbering like a toddler). I was encouraging the OP not to bemoan prior failed relationships in public. That's what you have buddies for. It's not going to help a guy to come on a public forum and do a "woe is me" about past relationships---we all know that, because we've all been through it. He was making a negative generality about his life that he shouldn't make.
Here's another example: I was talking to a female friend tonight on the phone, and the subject of Brett Favre's press conference came up. I asked her what she thought about how Brett handled himself. She said she was surprised and disappointed. "Why all the crying? He's a great quarterback." My friend's right. Brett's news conference was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Cry in private, and be dignified and professional in public. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:36:48 PM | | I'm a firm believer in" What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And yet I do still wear my heart on my sleeve. Over the years though, I have learned to lead with the other arm. | |
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| Men are not always strong...
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:55:09 PM |
Why is it that when i open my heart to anyone it seems like it gets broken worse each time?
Because there is more woe with the internal dialog of trying over years without a percieved success. Or, it isn't worse, you just have a poor memory. | |
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