| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:07:02 PM | Want to get an opinion on this:
Got on POF not too long ago, just looking to meet people and see how it goes from there (how many times have you seen that? hah) With one girl - also taking the same "meet friends" approach - messages progressed to instant messaging and we agreed to a first meet sometime next week. However, before that had the opportunity to transpire she suggested an outing which includes my son (3 1/2) and her little brother (8) at a Go-Kart track. To me this is no different than going to the Zoo with a coworker and his/her kid(s) but the twist is, naturally, that I've never met this person outside of messaging.
If things got dicey (I'm not expecting it, but in this day and age who can say for certain) I could obviously exit a questionable situation post haste; but what is everyone's opinion/perspective on this? Any tips/comments/suggestions? | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:12:19 PM | here's my opinion:
friends with kids, totally cool.
dating with kids, not cool. at least not right away.
so if you are thinking you are going to date her, i vote no. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:17:55 PM | | also... sometimes people fall for the kids... | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:34:06 PM | | i agree, if it's just friends, then that's fine. but if you see this going further, then you should see how she is with just you and her. Adding a child will be a distraction and you won't focus on your communication as much. yes, she's bringing her brother, but I think she'll impress you by how she is with him. why not see her in her own element without her impressing that much. See if you can just start off with meeting for a coffee or a shake and see if you guys get along so that things won't be awkward when you have the kids there, they may feel the tension of the new awkwardness. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:09:48 PM | | It's a first meet at a public place that's fun for all ages. What's the problem?? People try to make situations much more difficult than they need to be. | |
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Z07
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Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 6 | |
| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:29:04 PM | | Depends alot on the kids and the awareness they may or may not have of whats going on. Fir me its also the person that I am to meet that leads me to deciding if its good to bring my son or not. In other words I have no rules against it and dont think its intriniscally bad. As a single parent time when I am kid free can be difficult so if i get a good vibe and we are meeting in a kid friendly environment then I will meet someone for the first time. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:49:53 PM | The notion of my son picking up on that first meeting 'awkwardness' does concern me. I like the idea of even a short first meeting to get that out of the way but, on the other hand, it is a kid friendly environment and she seems to appreciate the fact that interaction/conversation will be limited because I'll be more focused on my son.
Thanks for the perspective everyone! | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 2:50:10 PM | | I would never bring my 4 1/2 YO daughter on a first date (nor #2, 3, 4, or 5) for that matter. Doing things with co-workers with the kids is different- you have established face-to-face relations with co-workers. Your goal is not to date your co-workers. Your son is too little to do go-karts on top of it all. Be a good dad. Then be a good SO. Then combine them when the time is right. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:07:30 PM | Go ahead and meet - as you say you can always leave - but beware of doing this if god forbid you are still looking when your child gets older - they are more aware of these things than you think and will pick up on your feelings very quickly.
I really hope it works out for you both | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:31:08 PM | Honestly, on a first meet, no big deal.
I would keep the kid away if you decide to date, though.
I, personally, prefer meeting without kids, but everyone is different. I did do a first meet with a woman, once, that included her kid. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:40:33 PM | | I've had both kind of "first meets" and well I think the one with my child went much better than without. This is 2008, single parents need to do whtat they need to..we cant always get sitters or have someone that they use except for work related stuff. One date met us at the park and another took us snow tubin(Awesome!!!), it was totally relaxed situations and didnt feel like a "date". Now I do prefer not to take her but however, both these men included my daughter into our plans..but I do like "adult only" meets too. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:22:54 PM | Personally,
I think it depends on every situation, I do not allow my young child out of my site, I trust her with no one so for me that would be a plan to do something where the kids can play because if two people are adults then if there is no chemistry one should be able to walk away like an adult and just say well at least we had a great time, people should not be getting attached to ones child on a first meet, how ridiculous is that? | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:05:46 PM | | You treat it as you say, like going on an outing with a coworker. If you and she like each other enough to pursue something, then you keep things separate from your child until you can figure out if you think she is going to be around. You may even find that you like each other but not in that way but it is cool to have a friend that you can go to a museum or something with your son. I don't think it is a big deal unless you make it one. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:28:29 AM | | I wouldnt meet someone for the first time with my kids. It has nothing to do with your kids unless it progresses to something where youre going to be going out and doing a lot of things together or dating. Personally, I never exposed my daughter to people I was dating until I knew it was going to be something that progressed. Even then it was iffy. I just dont think kids should be exposed to any of that until later, when you know more about the person and their intentions. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:52:30 AM | | The only way I would agree to something like that as I have said in other forums to the same type question. Is this as a single mom if a guy has a child to that is about the same age as mine and we agree, after communication on phone. Such that it would be a nice day to say go to the zoo or something with all the kids then I do not see anything wrong with it only because then it breaks some of the tension and pressure between the two adults and gives the kids a chance to make new friends. Also if you are in a public setting like that if you needed an easy out then you had one. Other wise if I am only one with child the other does not have one then no I would not say take kids with. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:16:13 AM |
Want to get an opinion on this:
Got on POF not too long ago, just looking to meet people and see how it goes from there (how many times have you seen that? hah) With one girl - also taking the same "meet friends" approach - messages progressed to instant messaging and we agreed to a first meet sometime next week. However, before that had the opportunity to transpire she suggested an outing which includes my son (3 1/2) and her little brother (8) at a Go-Kart track. To me this is no different than going to the Zoo with a coworker and his/her kid(s) but the twist is, naturally, that I've never met this person outside of messaging.
If things got dicey (I'm not expecting it, but in this day and age who can say for certain) I could obviously exit a questionable situation post haste; but what is everyone's opinion/perspective on this? Any tips/comments/suggestions?
Personally, I think some woman want to bring there kids along to make the date easier for themselves, because it means there is another distraction they can fall back on if the dates doesn't go that well.
Also, some woman may want to see the dates reaction to kids they have. because if things do go well: "thats the complete package" so to speak your taking on.
Personally though, I think it's not a good idea on a first date for a woman to bring the children along though. As the first date should be all about what you both think about each other on first impressions. If things go very well, maybe introduce the kids on the second date to see how things go. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:38:19 PM | | Just tonight I did this, I have been talking with someone for a while now, felt comfortable to meet him, was/am seeing him tomorrow night already but decided to think outside the box. I suggested that we both take our kids to Chuckie Cheese, seperate, but locate each other and just start talking..kids had no idea we'd been talking. It went great and I cant wait to see him tomorrow night. If things go well, then we will see on when to introduce each other to the kids. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:00:51 AM | Just a question..
You mention "Friends" Is this what she is thinking and maybe you are looking deeper into it. I am a single father of a 6 month old and well if I'm not going to work I'm not getting a sitter.. Unless the obvious | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:17:21 AM | | If I was going to meet a a guy as friends... and that's wat I said on my profile; well then yeah seeing as how I have kids, I might do somthin along with the kids. It may not be the smartest move I guess. I think it could be desasterous even. Thanks for pointing that out. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:19:58 AM | your right. could be messy
but I'm a kid at heart maybe go to bumbershoot. Lol! as friends. yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:28:32 AM | Totally depends on the situation!
I met a guy and he asked that I bring my son as he would like to get to know us both and our "interaction"....then a few months later I had still YET to meet his kids...hmmm FISHY! | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:58:22 AM | | If the kids did not know a meetng was taken place then perhps, but they are smart and can guess things easily, sure you click date have fun kids bond and then six months later it ends and they are once again dealing with seperation of one sort or anouther. Perhaps its fear of hurting them again, so be it but our lives can stand some time and a little discretion to save a word of hurt and misunderstanding from the wee ones... if it was ment to be both adults will be understanding of each others unique situation and find ways to accomadate time. maybe a bit old fashioned and proctive of the children but are they not the ones we chose to bring into this life and our soul to protect physically and mentally... I think this post has no right answer just the one each feels may be worth exploring | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:48:06 AM | I don't see the big deal. i took my son on a first meet once and it all went well, the second time i met him, i went alone.
i took my son for several reasons..first of all, getting a babysitter is difficult for me, i thought conversation would be easier because i had my son there, and i was nervous as hell!!!
the meeting went well, i also realised he was great with kids, obviously very important when you have kids, that your date gets on well with them..and actually does like children.
maybe this woman is nervous and needs kids there as a backup! and i don't see the harm in it, the kids aren't going to see you kissing and being all over each other are they? cos it's a first date, treat it as getting to know each other.
surely when most people go on first meets, it's as friends anyhow to see if they get on and take it from there? it's not like you're meeting up to decide when you'll move in together or get married is it..it's just a casual meeting. least i see it that way anyhow.
just remember that many people on here haven't dated for months or even years, it's really scarey for them. sometimes people even cancel because they get that nervous..so i think it's nice the kids will be there, they'll enjoy a day out as much as you will. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:39:36 AM | Dating should be dating with adults, not the kids. There is no reason to get the kids involved in an adult situation. I just started dating and I personally will not introduce my kids to a woman I am dating until a certain period of time. As single parents we need to show our children stability. I have discussed with my children that I have started dating, however I feel that is all they need to know. If the dating escalates into a more serious relationship then I will introduce the person I am dating to my children.
Friendship is obviously a different story. However, there is a thin line with the first couple of meetings, between friendship and dating when it is a man and a woman. Again, the first couple of meetings should be adults only. Then if there is ONLY friendship then great, have the kids get together. | |
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| Kids on first Meet
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:54:07 PM | are you for real????
no you dont introduce your kids to strange women on the first date....come on...are you for real | |
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