| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:09:14 AM | Do you think of a man as weak if he doesn't ask a woman out, ask for her phone# , or doesn't take it to the next step because he fears rejection ?
What if He's 35 and never dated...because he doesn't know what the next step is when he is with a woman. ? | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:13:22 AM | | In a word .... YES! Most women like confident and secure men - who know what they want and they go for it - without hesitation! I've done my share of asking guys out 'cause they hesitated making the move - but those relationships never flew. The stronger relationships came from the men who had the 'balls' to make the move! | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:20:06 AM | Thirty-five and never dated?? Yikes.. that is a red flag if I ever saw one. NEVER is a very big word.
Not knowing the next step, at 35 years old, is just an excuse. He has to be living in a cave with no magazines, TV, movies or contact with the outside world.
Send him a season, or two, of "Sex and the City"  | |
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~Rox~
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Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 4 | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:37:22 AM | | I agree with Roseboots...I'd have to wonder myself where he's been for the last 16 to 18 years. Is he a shut in? And I also agree with Leeanne, that men should make that move, I know I like a man who is confident (not arrogant or conceited) and secure in himself...I'm not that old fashioned but I tend to it like better. He should also know what he wants out of life and love and take a chance, because you never know what might happen. If it's meant to be, it will be. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:14:01 PM | Not really, I guess I just put it off for too long...1993 to 2008 so thats 15 years ?
Most of my friends have all parted ways by dating thier girlfriends . How they did it is beyond me. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:17:29 PM | | I think on here if the woman has made the move of emailing you first and giving you her email address and you do the IM thing and then she gives you her number you should call her and ask her out! Please! She wants you to! And then if you can't read all the signs or if you can and you are just waiting for her to ask you out then YES you are a wussie. Step up, jeesh! | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:26:39 PM | | I think once you do make a move, you will realize what you are missing out on...wink wink! or maybe I should be saying hint hint! LOL | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:55:40 AM | In a word .... YES! Most women like confident and secure men - who know what they want and they go for it - without hesitation! I've done my share of asking guys out 'cause they hesitated making the move - but those relationships never flew. The stronger relationships came from the men who had the 'balls' to make the move!
 EXACTLY my sentiments, Leanne.
I keep reading posts by many men, saying how in this day and age, women should be willing to ask the guy out, etc..... well, that is all well and good, but ALL the time? The relationships that "flew" as you put it, were the ones where he took the lead - at least for the beginning stages of the relationship. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:01:12 AM | | Sorry OP darlin, but I am still dealing with the fact that you are as old as you are and have NEVER dated. I can't even fathom that in my tiny mind! | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 10:05:11 AM | I know that most women have a stereotypical view of men such as yourself but I happen to know a couple of 'young men' :) like yourself who are really sweet guys. Who just by happenstance are in the same situation. The one I'm thinking of has been working very hard in the past years and didn't have the time, really to date.
So do you have friends who are women?
How I got over my shyness at being back in the dating world.  lol
Instead of looking at each man as a potential partner. (made me very nervous) I just pretended like they were another female friend and talked to them in the same way. It's works! Now I don't have problems in talking to men because I take all of the stress out of the situation. .. by setting in my mind that this is a friend and I want to see if we get along.
I mean that's what the start of a relationship is... friendship.
So if you do that then give her a kiss goodnight and you're on your way:)
Most women appreciate guys who don't want too much at first. If not they'll show *you* what they want. lol (from what I hear on these forums:)
So then by the time you want to take it further you'll know her better and it will be more natural to get closer.
I hope this helps!:) | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 10:22:14 AM |
or doesn't take it to the next step because he fears rejection ?
The problem you describe goes way beyond dealing with women. Guys who have that shy, introverted trait also have a tendency to succumb to high pressure salespeople and other people with assertive attitudes.
I think maybe the issue is more of a self-esteem thing as opposed to being a wuss. I know some tough guys (in their own mind) who practically cry when getting stitches in the leg. Those guys are a wuss.
Accept the fact that you will face more rejection than acceptance. Don't compare yourself to guys who score a lot... they usually have little self esteem and a non-existent commitment to anyone - including themself. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 11:14:06 AM | ^ I disagree with that last statement. Being a person that has good social skills can get you a lot of things and doesn't necessarily indicate anything about self-esteem. I doubt that most who "score alot" have self-esteem issues. Some sure, but not usually.
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OP: You can do a few things to overcome your wussiness. :)
Approach everybody, all the time. Guys or girls. Learn to start a conversation. Talk in line, in elevators, at work, stores.
Break your comfort zone. It hasn't got you anywhere yet. Do something that makes you really nervous. You'll survive. Push the boundaries next time. Don't hurt yourself for real though. Jump out of the plane, but wear a chute.
Forget about dating when you initially see a person that attracts you. Dating you is probably not on their mind, even if you're at a singles event. People need to know something about you. Have a story ready. It can be pre-rehearsed and should be until you're comfortable with a spontaneous story.
Confidence isn't just for dating. It pays off in every way. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 1:07:19 PM | Ive been out (To Canada's wonderland fear fest) with a bunch of friends which included female friends, but damn ! I wouldn't dare to ask any of them out because I can usually tell right away if she's not intrested. Epecially if they're chatting with thier girlfriends. Thats usually a clear indication of - no thanks. An employee of mine told me he was stood up 8 times in 3 months (By different woman) last year. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 1:41:18 PM | Maybe they ignore you because they know you don't date...
You're not a mind reader:)
and for your friend who was stood up..
is he still alive? Did he have a nervous breakdown? Did something fall off?? :):)
You have to take chances to get anywhere...
and if it doesn't work out then it wasn't meant to be and you move on.. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:22:02 PM | Being a person that has good social skills can get you a lot of things and doesn't necessarily indicate anything about self-esteem
Good social skills are not about attaining things. Manipulative skills are about attaining things.
I doubt that most who "score alot" have self-esteem issues
Guys who score a lot usuall brag about their conquests, proving they have self esteem issues.... they feel it's more important to appear like a stud to his peers as opposed to preserving a woman's dignity.
Given the OP's age, I would think he needs professional help in gaining confidence and learning to look at himself differently. POF is not the place for that. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:38:07 PM |
I just pretended like they were another female friend and talked to them in the same way. It's works! Now I don't have problems in talking to men because I take all of the stress out of the situation. .. by setting in my mind that this is a friend and I want to see if we get along.
I mean that's what the start of a relationship is... friendship.
That's exactly what I'm doing this time around. I think last time around, I wasn't really ready and was just on a high that I freedom from my ex-husband and maybe some issues with being alone. I have learned from my mistakes...and I really think what you just said about pressure and stress being taken out of the equation and focusing on the I'm meeting a new friend thing, is the key. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:48:39 PM | angel it's funny but when I came to those conclusions that I posted I was 35 also:)
Good luck!.. your pics are so cute! lol Now I feel like an old lady but you look like a lovely girl and I hope that you meet the man of your dreams:) | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 3:19:24 PM | Yes, I agree with Leeanne , you have to start making a move at some point. Fear of rejection is always there, for whoever is doing the asking ....man or woman so go for it .
Women like men to be chivalrous and confident , I consider myself a little old fashioned and like to be " courted " , a lot of my friends feel the same way.
Its much better to have tried and been rejected than to never have tried at all. | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:42:49 PM | Hey O.P.!
Now I do not believe you have never dated anyone !!
Thats a far fetched one for sure !!
And living in toronto ?? Oh man your fibbing a wee bit !
Either that or maybe theres something your not telling everyone about you !
As even me at 52 could come to toronto and have a date in less then 24 hrs !
As for having a fear of rejection thats normal when you are dating as some people will want to date you and others will not !
And those that say no to you just say okay and move on till you find someone who will date you .
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:39:42 PM | MysticWater: Yes, he is still alive & doing well. He is just taking a big break from dating.
Firmbear8: If you are referring to me, Yes I am 35 & never dated & I live in Hamilton...Maybe thats why. I do have experience with woman. The only problem is now that the escort rates are way too high & they work on a time limit of 45-60 min.
You cum, they go.lol.
Therefore, my sexual intrest has also declined. Most of my female friends keep talking about is thier boyfriend cheated or how much of a jerk he is & how he
Mistreated her.
...& who is O.P ? | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:09:32 PM | Perhaps its the fear of rejection thats making you feel weak, and so therefor you're not weak at all.
But if I thought a man might be interested in me and did not ask me out, or ask for my number, my first thoughts would not be that he is weak, but that he was not as interested as I suspected.
I find men play the staring game....making eye contact with me, but not making more of a move.....hate that!
Its like they have the balls to stair, but not talk.....hence, wussie! | |
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| Are men wussies for not making a move ?
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:18:03 AM | Well now maybe stop going out with your lady friends and maybe women who are single might take notice of you !
Look bud if women who are single at places you go out to and see you with one or more of your lady buddies their not gonna think your single to start with and are not gonna waste their time to find out . Its the same for single women who say the men won't take notice of them! Lets say a single woman who also says she can not get a date.& can't understand why! If you keep looking as if your not single then 9 times out of ten those who are single are not gonna take notice or waste their time! I see it all the time even at POF events . Sure the guy might be single but he shows up with a female buddy and they spend 99% of the time together as like they are dating and hence someone who might be interested & single is not gonna see either of you as single & available.
And even if both buddies are single & looking its gonna be tuff to find single men or women who are gonna come calling on either one !As most people will think if they look like a couple then most often they are! And if you can't find a date in hamilton thats hard to believe !LOL Lots of women there but it does help if you have a job & a car. If you have neither then I can see why women don't take notice! | |
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