| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:27:55 AM | I had on my profile for long term and thought ultimately thats what i wanted till recently when i,ve been doing a bit of thinking about this. I think that by our age most of us have had long term marriages/relationships at some point in our lives and where did it get us? I,ve come to the conclusion i,d rather be happy with someone today with no gaurantee of tomorrow than hold out for long term and commitment which ultimately can fail with sometimes devastating effects. Just wondered what anyone else thought on this? | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:46:03 AM | I have a lot of friends who are happily married and who know how to work through disagreements and be there for each other. Even after 20 or 30 years, I can still see the look of love in their eyes for their partners! And I know that the happiest times of my life were shared with someone I loved in committed relationships. Even my ex husband (we've been divorced over 20 years now) says that he's never been able to find the kind of happiness that we had together.
In my opinion, marriage and committment is even better as we get older because there usually aren't the issues of money and kids anymore. It's truly about a couple and doing things together and enjoying life together, having fun and being there for each other as we get older.............JMO | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 3:15:41 AM | | I think it has different value to each individual and i,m still not against it. If someone walked into my life, and restored my faith i,d go with it because as you say ,i have friends happily married for many years also so know it can be achieved and as you say friendlylyldy it maybe even better if you find that someone but i think its harder to find as there may not be issues with kids but certainly money is an issue to some people after having gone through the dividing of any assets people are wary. At our age most of us come with emotional baggage and many find it hard to let go of that and have their life pretty sorted. Like you say it should be about doing things together,enjoying life,having fun an being there for each other and thats what i hope to find,long term commitment or not. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:32:52 AM | Having just posted my thoughts on another forum with a similar topic, I am certainly not anti-marriage. I had a successful and happy marriage with a wonderful man, who has passed away.
That being said OP, you are so right when you say " there is no guarantee of tomorrow and what it holds for us."
Death comes like a thief in the night. Sometimes, divorce does too. Both can have devastating effects.
So, I think that as I've become more mature, I try to stay emotionally healthy and live with the mantra " Live for today and let tomorrow will take care of itself." | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:45:23 AM | I have felt like i was tempting fate whenever i have been asked to use the phrase
“long term” after i turned 50. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:50:59 AM | I feel like I have long term commitment do POF...nothing else | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:06:23 AM | How about....until love dies or whichever comes first?
Assuming of course, that that's not at the end of the weekend  . | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:13:10 AM | | Exactly Phoebe, i,m a big believer in fate and what will be will be so tomorrow will take care of itself and the key is to stay emotionally happy and if nothing else believe in and be true to yourself. Thats what i always try to live by. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:34:56 AM | I am never sure how anyone can put long term on their profile to begin with. It may be the ultimate goal in the back of the minds of many of us but you would have to have a crystal ball to plan for that going into any relationship.
I suppose it could be a helpful tool for those that know for sure that they definitely don't want a long term relationship, but that would only be possible if everyone thought of each selection in the same light, and everyone was honest. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:45:54 AM | I have seen men put on their profiles long term and yet contact me with some other agenda in mind. I put friends as I am just here for the forums and would not want to mislead anyone. So what does long term mean to these men?
If I were to put l/t on my profile it would mean I am looking for a meaningful relationship. JMO | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:49:04 AM | Definition of long term.....
We meet for a drink, hop in your sack, do our thing, I go home and maybe I will call ya tomorrow!!!!
vvv@Esad.. Smart azz! lol | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:50:43 AM | | If two people meet and bond emotionally the commitment is automatic, the term of commitment depends on many factors outside the control or wishes of the couple. You can only grab any happiness you can get and hope it lasts. I think this applies to people at 20 or 60, it just becomes harder to take a chance the older you get because its gone wrong before. Living for today is probably the best way if you can actually do that, and not worry about tomorrow or yesterday. As I get older I find that harder, even though I have less tomorrows to worry about. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:52:15 AM |
We meet for a drink, hop in your sack, do our thing, I go home and maybe I will call ya tomorrow!
That sounds like a lot of pressure . Can we skip the drink ? | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:54:44 AM | | OP - I agree, there is no guarantee that even tomorrow will happen for any of us. I think any relationship (romantic; friendship; family; business) that we're in, we should be happy with the person(s) that are in our lives. Each day we are above ground, we should be happy with the ones in our lives as well as being happy with what we do in our lives. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:18:55 AM | When I was single and looking I always selected “Long Term” on my profile. If that scared men off, then so be it. The right man for me knew right from the beginning what my ultimate intentions were and what my primary goal was for being on this site. There was no misinterpretation.
If someone was commitment phobic, fidelity-challenged or otherwise emotionally deficient, I wasn’t going to waste my time and emotional energy involving myself, hoping that things would change, only to realize later that a very fundamental element was missing and was never there to begin with.
I knew exactly what I wanted, what I was looking for and what I had to offer to the right man. I knew what traits I valued in a partner and sought to attract like minded people who wanted the same things that I did in a relationship. A relationship will never be successful if the foundation is built on sand.
LH | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:18:20 PM | If you older...you don't need special foundation... to have nothing to lose... | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:51:17 PM | most of us have had long term marriages/relationships at some point in our lives and where did it get us:
Bless your heart...you must have been hurt. It got us here, with our children, our grandchildren, and our memories good and bad. It made us who we are today..and I for one am happy with who I am.
We don't know at the beginning, or the middle..and sometimes just up till the last day how our lives are going to play out and we darn sure don't ever know how a relationship, date, or coffee meeting will end up.
I say ask for what you think you want, and be open to change.
I personally think that I would be unhappy with a " someone of today" only type relationship. I want someone long term..who is open to wherever a relationship goes.
If that means I get hurt; well I've been hurt before and survived. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 3:09:12 PM | | I just started a thread about a topic related to this...sorta. I put LTR on my profile too, b/c I want to still find that special someone to marry and grow old with...I have not ever been married, was engaged, but we broke it off 2 weeks b4 the wedding. I still hope for marriage and someone to grow old with..to share life with. I am beginning to think "online" is not the place to find him. Men that communicate with me may say on their profile they want a LTR as well, but as soon as we meet it becomes clear they just want sex. I'm pretty frustrated these days. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:36:13 PM | I was married a long time also and I am now just wanting to take life 1 day at a time. Not really looking for marriage but would like to find a partner that would like to be with just me....if marriage is what we both want somewhere down the road that's great if not then it's ok too just to be with that person and share things with him too. I miss that "togetherness" my ex and I shared but right now I know myself well enough to know I'm scared to share again with someone...I know it will take time to trust and begin to let go of myself so I can truely appreciate a new person
And I too am finding out that men aren't always what they appear to advertise on here as. the ones that say they want foreverness and want to fall in love again or want some kind of relationship not involving just sex are just full of tall tales or BS. Again true enough not every man is like that and I tend to still try to get to know someone and see where things go. I'm not against sex just there is more to life then that. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:21:41 PM | | I find as we get older there is more difficulty in considering long term/commitment, we've all been dealt a full hand and no matter how many cards we throw away there always seems to be some that remain in our hands and are hard to deal with. Deep thoughts if you understand | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:35:03 PM | | For LadyEleanor!!! I can agree with you on that!!! Maybe by chance, that will work better! Takes away all the pressures that effect a relationship. Just knowing you are committed in a sense gives you a stronger bond. Just knowing you have someone every day who is by your side, even though, one day at a time is all you have! If that works, why change it? Good luck!!!!!!! | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:45:25 PM | | I am a lot like all of you, I have been there done that and bought way too many t-shirts..lol I choose to look at my past relationships as stepping stone not stumbling blocks. I live my life one day at a time, and if someone comes into my life and is willing to be a friend first and foremost and see where it goes, then maybe someday it will become longterm. For now I just want to be happy and have fun. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:54:22 PM | | Sometimes lady e the short term lets just live day by day turn into long term. on the other hand trying to stand your ground and getting someone into a long term that is not really buying into that whole thing is not going to do either of you any good. question yourself if thats what you really want outta life. by the way dont be cynical about love, in the face of all disenchantment its as perinial as the grass. the old parrothead | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:50:08 PM | I posted 'Long-term' because 'Dating'/'Friends' sounds too much like
'Out-to-get-Laid' . .
* That Is Not my goal *
I'd like to show that I'm both capable and willing to be dedicated and faithful to a single woman on a Long-term basis . .
Granted .. sex will be a part of the relationship ..
but I'd like to think that it will be Mutually Beneficial !!
..   .. | |
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| long term/commitment
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:44:33 PM |
I posted 'Long-term' because 'Dating/Friends sounds too much like 'Out-to-get-laid'..
*That Is Not my goal*
I posted DATING on my profile and it doesn't mean I'm out to get laid!!! and it is not my goal in a dating situation. I put that I'm interested in dating because I believe two people have to start somewhere, getting to know each other etc. with the intent of finding the ONE to share life with.
Granted..sex will be a part of the relationship..
AHHH! So, you do want to get LAID!!!!
Geeeesh. The pot calling the kettle black? | |
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