| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:14:59 AM | Please forgive me as I've never posted a thread before. I'm going to do my best to make this something that will breed interesting discussion and hopefully help me understand my own situation a little more. If I'm not specific enough, please ask follow up questions so I can clarify.
I have been having a serious issue with women who are overly affectionate. This isn't about women I'm dating, it's about women who are my friends. To provide an example, I was at work the other night and a friend came by. I was on lunch so I went outside, she finished her shopping and I walked her to her car. As we were talking, I noticed she was cold. So I put my arm around her, this is something I'm comfortable with doing. It was over the shoulder, which isn't very romantic. It's like throwing my arm around a buddy to me. Doesn't mean anything to me.
She did likewise, which was fine. Except she kept slipping her hand to the small of my back and then on to my butt. I pointed it out, but she kept doing it. I felt very uncomfortable, but didn't know how to communicate that to her. I know that not standing firm with her is my fault, and I accept that. This woman is getting married soon, and all she talks about is how much she loves her man. She's always been straightforward with me, if she wanted something more I feel sure she'd tell me.
But this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Women will put their arms around my waist and even snuggle against my chest. That would be fine if I wasn't seeing someone. I'd even let it go if we were both single, but thats never the case. It's not unusual for my female friends to touch my face or even caress(!) me.
So my question is, why do you think women are doing this? Is this something I'm at fault for or are there ulterior motives? Are these harmless things I should ignore? I know I wouldn't be happy if I caught my SO doing these things with other men.
Do these things mean as much to women as they do to me, or am I being an alarmist?
Cheers,
theinnerdark | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:45:59 AM |
So my question is, why do you think women are doing this? Is this something I'm at fault for or are there ulterior motives? Are these harmless things I should ignore? I know I wouldn't be happy if I caught my SO doing these things with other men.
They are doing it because you let them do it and/or you encourage it.
It was over the shoulder, which isn't very romantic. It's like throwing my arm around a buddy to me. Doesn't mean anything to me.
Are you telling us if you were standing outside in the cold with one of your guy buddies that you would throw your arm around him to keep him warm? C'mon???
She did likewise, which was fine. Except she kept slipping her hand to the small of my back and then on to my butt. I pointed it out, but she kept doing it. I felt very uncomfortable, but didn't know how to communicate that to her.
How about. "hey girl.. get your hand off my butt." or "Gosh, do you grope your fiancee like this?" Anytime you're ever uncomfortable with anything you should speak up. By not speaking up, you allowed the behavior to continue.
But this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Women will put their arms around my waist and even snuggle against my chest. That would be fine if I wasn't seeing someone. I'd even let it go if we were both single, but thats never the case. It's not unusual for my female friends to touch my face or even caress(!) me.
If you're seeing someone to the point that you don't want contact with other women, why are you on a singles site? I don't know what kind of women you call friends, but I don't do my male friends this way. Casual touch here and there or a friendly hug, but that's about it. These women are apparently pawing you and you're letting them.. then whining about it.
If you don't wan them touching you, tell them. If you don't want them getting too close, keep your distance. You have to create your own boundaries.
Krys | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:49:21 AM | Are you the philsbury dough-boy?
This is body language that you're experiencing. There's something that you're doing to provoke them. lol. For example - you putting your arm on her shoulder. This is a GO for her... then she attempts to take it to the next level.
You never ever respond and bring it to the next level do you? But you're asking for it in the beginning aren't you? You probably know you're doing it too! What do you think would happen if you actually did keep it going? Try it!! And come tell us what happens!
It almost seems like you're the gay friend of these women. You seem to chum up nicely with them. I mean, they feel close enough to you to touch your butt. ...so they either really really trust that you won't pull anything, or, they're testing your boundries to see if you'll make a move. | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:53:05 AM |
It almost seems like you're the gay friend of these women. You seem to chum up nicely with them. I mean, they feel close enough to you to touch your butt. ...so they either really really trust that you won't pull anything, or, they're testing your boundries to see if you'll make a move.
Sounds like a plausible theory, too.
Krys | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:22:40 AM | Hi I have a few theories why this may be happening:
1 You are gods gift to women, and have not posted a picture on here, to prevent thousands of posts in your inbox, and are respectfully giving other guys a chance!
2 You live on planet POF where everyone has an agenda that is confusing! (This actually applies to you as your profile states that you are single)?
3 You work in a brothel.
Or 4 You want to post your fantasy on here, To sell your self as someone who is irresistible to women. | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:38:48 AM | Hmmm..yeah..well you sound like the gay friend to me to.
I have a 'gay' friend like that..and he isn't gay..poor lad gets so riled about it! 
You are encouraging the behaviour by starting it..and as someone said I doubt you would put an arm round one of your male friends if her were cold.  | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:49:37 AM | So, really you're complaining that they're touching your butt or snuggling you.
COME ON!
Good old fashioned NO goes over well. Should try it sometime if you don't want the "advances" to continue. | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:14:06 AM | Some women do things like that just to be affectionate. Some don't.
So you can choose to allow it, assuming that they're just being affectionate, or, if you are uncomfortable (which you seem to be) then express that discomfort openly and honestly. Your female friends might react by pulling away further than you want them to (because once you make them aware of the sexual nature of their actions, they may be afraid of being affectionate at all lest they cross the line again), but your comfort is key.
It's all about you're comfortable with, after all. | |
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| Overly affectionate women...touchy feely time!
Posted: 3/8/2008 1:59:39 PM | Interesting. I wish my fantasy could be as simple as "Women like to touch me too much." I have issues with saying no. I have for a long time.
I think maybe I am projecting my own issues on to these women, in retrospect. But it's still something that happens too often to be ignored.
On the other hand, I carry affectionate relationships with my friends. I really like being close to someone. Perhaps I am looking for ulterior motives where there are none. In the end, I'm going to have to learn to say no. It's not something I'm very good at.
Thanks for your replies.
PS
I'm so far from being God's gift to women it isn't funny. I'm more like God's stocking stuffer to women. | |
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