| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:14:03 PM | This is an odd one, had been talking to this girl online for the last week. After 3 days of talking she suggested we meet (today). The online conversation had been going great, we'd talk for hours every night. Everything seemed to click just right. She seemed really excited to meet me. So we meet at a Starbucks at a mall near where I live. And she is just pretty much shut down during the whole time we're there. I ask if everything's ok and she said that she's kind of shy and can't think of anything to talk about. So I talk with her and try to make her comfortable. We finish our drinks and start walking around. The whole time she just has this look like something's wrong. I ask her again if something's wrong and she says that she doesn't really care for walking around malls. So I said ok, would you like to get some lunch and she said ok. So we decide on a place down the road and I ask if she'd just like to ride with me and she says she'd rather take her car. So we go in separate cars. I get there and wait about 10 minutes and I get a text message saying that she met some friends at the mall and was going to go with them. So me being suprised I texted back "So you're leaving?" and she said she was. So I asked back "So were you just bored on the date or uncomfortable?" and she said "A little of both"
I texted back and said that I'd let her make the next move as to whether she wanted to keep in contact or not and said I wouldn't pester her. She replied "Ok...Sorry"
I get home and a few hours later I sign on to my space and see that she removed herself from my friends list.
I just couldn't get hardly a word out of her the whole time during the date.
So... Looks like my old standby of meeting at Starbucks and chatting for hours didn't work in this case. (In my experience, that always leads to a second date) Most girls seemed to really like it because they enjoy the talking and getting to know each other.
So I just wanted to ask about the whole conversation thing is it overrated or are the ladies expecting to be swept off their feet with fine dining and such? I choose starbucks first and then eat later because it's quieter, and easier to talk when you're not trying to eat. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:25:11 PM | | This is sad. The lady didnt feel sparks. Or she could just be a freak. Keep fishing! | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:34:11 PM | | what a bunch of bull! Keep on keeping on. More than likely it isn't you, but it seems like she has a lot of issues she needs to work on. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:37:10 PM | Aww, I'm sorry that happened! See, this is why I don't date anymore 
I'm sorry to say but it sounds like even though you two had a great connection on the internet and phone you didn't so much in person :(
It happens sometimes and when it does...it sucks!
Im at just trying to be honest with you. She just must not have felt "it" when it came to meeting you in person. If she did she wouldn't have just gone off with her friends.
Good luck to you out there....it can be a crazy pond of fishies! | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 6:40:51 PM | | i was ditched after 45 minutes. he was not even the guy I would have given a second look at 20 to 25. What the hell?????????????? | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 6:42:58 PM | Keep fishing... You arent supposed to get mad or upset... if you meet someone like that again just know they are weirdos... its better that she left...  | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 6:46:25 PM | So we decide on a place down the road and I ask if she'd just like to ride with me and she says she'd rather take her car. So we go in separate cars. I get there and wait about 10 minutes and I get a text message saying that she met some friends at the mall and was going to go with them. So me being suprised I texted back "So you're leaving?" and she said she was. So I asked back "So were you just bored on the date or uncomfortable?" and she said "A little of both"
^^^^^^Oh well.......OP there is nothing much you can do, if she is not into you....sounds like she made up her mind as soon as she met you.
And she used the separate cars as a ploy to escape....possibly had the friends as back up all along, just in case she " got bored"....
It doesn't matter where you take them.....if a woman is not into you....it won't matter where you go.....she will be looking for the quickest escape route.
Dating is a gamble OP....good luck
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:53:02 PM | Conversation is not over-rated. Not all ladies are expecting to be swept off their feet with fine dining and such. Starbucks is a good place to meet and get acquainted on a face-to-face level. She was most likely looking for sparks and didn't find it. Please don't take it to heart. Everyone has their own priorities and physical attractions, be it what you look like or your body language. Keep fishing!  | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:54:00 PM | Do you look like your pictures? Are they recent ones? Did you wear brown socks with black pants? Plaids with stripes?
Sounds to me like she was just rude...don't let it keep you from trying again (just not with her). | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:00:35 PM | Don't let entire experience change your opinions on dating or women.
If anything this should motivate you. Keep in mind what happened doesn't say anything about you it says something about her. YOU didn't do anything wrong. They're her issues. This is why I say don't let it sour you.
Ignore the advice I'm about to give --
Next first date try this: Find a place in your city thats really fun, interactive, stimulating active, etc. And don't focus on the conversation but making the experience as enjoyable as possible.
The only reason I tell you this is because you'll learn a lot more about a woman from playing Nintendo Wii with her for an hour then you would from sitting at starbux for six months talking about everything you can possibly conceive.
Perhaps? | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:05:03 PM | She is just someone immature and absolutely no social skills.
She could have told you "it's been nice meeting you but I will not arrange a second date, goodbye and all the best". It is that simple since you have no obligations to each other.
Don't take it to heart, consider it your lucky day. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:11:41 PM | I think what you have been doing is just fine. Sometimes individuals can have a difficult time when it comes to finally meeting a person face to face, and they freeze up.
This is no reflection upon you. You sound as though you tried your best to make her feel comfortable, but it just didn't work out. Don't give up, You will meet the right girl! | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:13:28 PM | You tried OP. it is now up to her.Obviously she just wasn't that into you when she met you.
It would have been nice if she could have been honest and told you, many don't.
You win some you loose some, many more fishy's out there . | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:13:53 PM | yeah, I guess that you both invested a lot before the date and then she suddenly decides to hang out with her friends. May be her answer was true, a bit bored and a bit uncomfortable. Did you or she call back?
I find that meeting sum1 in person is a bit of shock, at first. Pic is nver the same as meeting in person. May be she was surprised, needs some time to digest. If you like her, keep inviting her out and see.
oh yeah, no problem meeting at the coffee shop, that way, if we're not compatible, there's no dinner, no regrets
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:20:00 PM |
The only reason I tell you this is because you'll learn a lot more about a woman from playing Nintendo Wii with her for an hour then you would from sitting at starbux for six months talking about everything you can possibly conceive.
You know Mec, I agree with you on this one. Sometimes sitting and talking and talking can be a little stressfull. Sometimes I think should I tell him this? Or this? Or is that to much for a first meeting?
To much pressure sometimes. I think some times it is just better to do something fun in order to relax a bit. | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:20:23 PM | | Thats a tough one to get over! But trust me! Better getting dumped having coffee then being dumped after a 40.00 meal with drinks! Right? Count yourself lucky! It seems not many women want just coffee. They want the free meal with it! I can actually say though. One of my dates paid for mine as a good faith gesture! Can't beat those kind of dates. Went with her for 2 years. Keep trying! Good luck! | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:29:53 PM | I'd love to meet a nice guy at Starbucks. She just didn't feel it, can't work with 100% of people. Good luck with the next!  | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 7:36:50 PM | | sorry to hear about that crappy date, don't bother with her, just move on, she wasn't worth your time, better for you to know now before you actually invested some emotions on this one. all you lost was a woman who was only worth a $3 coffee. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:37:23 PM | Chin up, grasshopper....
The only advice I have is if on a first date, she looks uncomfortable, don't try to extend the date. If it's because she's not into you, the sooner you cut her loose, the better. If it's because of something else, *she* will come back and arrange a do-over another time. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:40:28 PM | I dont think you should ditch a tried and successful method just because of one girl who cant hold a convo face to face. I think coffee and a chat is relaxing and a good way to meet. I dont so much agree with the 'Mall' scenario as its noisy and not the best place to get to know someone but then it appears you only went along that path because she couldn't relax.
Conversation is NOT overrated and lies on the shoulders of BOTH parties to contribute. Most people fall into the trap of not knowing what to say ABOUT THEMSELVES rather than asking questions and taking interest in the OTHER person. Sometimes I believe people discuss too much over email/IM before they meet and thus dont know what to talk about when they finally meet.
Personally if a guy was trying to 'sweep me off my feet' on a first meet I would think he was a freak!
Good luck | |
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Icene
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Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 21 | |
| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 7:43:37 PM | That's awful! I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with you meeting at Starbucks and conversing. You could have taken her out for an extravagant meal and not gotten a second date. I'm sorry, but if she shut down as soon as she met you then she wasn't physically attracted to you. If she shut down mid-date, then she just didn't feel any sparks.
Either way you're better off having it end quickly than drag on for a few more dates. Good luck to you. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:00:13 PM | | OP Starbucks was a great first meet. If she was afraid to tell you upfront about not continuing the date it could be that she may have done that in the past and had a bad experience with the guy. Take heart and keep on fishing. You will have better luck in the future. | |
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| Ditched during the date
Posted: 3/8/2008 8:09:56 PM | | Why hasn't it occured to you that she could have just not been attracted to you? I hate Starbucks myself, but there is a much simpler explanation than the venue... | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 8:19:34 PM | I went for a date of RSVP, We met at a coffee shop and he was everything I can't stand, I am realy tolerant and polite and sat there for two hours, he drove me insane, I really wanted to get up and run, I couldn't talk to him, I didn't want too........
We are all so different, It's a good thing, it's better to be liek that than to waste your time, It' s not rejection or a reflection on you, it's a reflection on how very different we are...........
We normally meet people in our own social environment and we are now stepping out into the unknown meeting people we would never come across normally, laugh at this, who knows you could meet a girl and find yourself in the position, that was the longest two hours of my life, and the worst date I ever had.......
should I have got up and walked away as I wanted or do what I did, sit stone cold silent for two hours, I jsut couldn't respond or relate to one word this guy was saying, he was an wmotional wreck and not a together human being at all, and he crumbled during in front of me during that two hours, I had no idea what to say ...none
It wasnt him or me, it was what it was an experience and one I can laugh about now... | |
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Posted: 3/8/2008 8:29:12 PM | ...I don't understand people who do this sort of thing. Would it have been so difficult to be gracious enough to carry on a conversation over coffee and afterwards be honest and say somthing like, "look, I really enjoyed having coffee with you but I don't think we have enough in common to take this any further." How hard was that?
I was stood up shortly after I joined POF. I had made arrangements to meet someone at a local restaurant and I ended up waiting for nearly 45 minutes before I finally gave up and went home. He didn't even have the decency to call and cancel the meet...instead I was made to look foolish waiting at the restaurant. How insensitive. I sent him an e-mail when I arrived home but he never responded.
Don't let that sour you...keep smiling and casting your line. I wish you good fishing
...maeflowers | |
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