| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:25:26 PM | Everyone, this is the first thread I've ever started. I would really love to hear your opinions on this. Sorry, it will be very long, but I will try at least to have good spelling and grammar so it's not too painful! Please go easy on me, okay?
I am generally very very picky who I go out with. I recently was contacted by a very sweet guy, and we sent some emails back and forth and talked on the phone several times. I was very surprised at how much I liked him--he was just very easy to talk to. I looked forward to meeting him and hopefully having a new friend. (I tend to proceed very slowly with relationships). So we made a date for last Sunday. He lives in the mountains and was driving quite a ways to see me. Well that day there was a blizzard, and also he was sick. He called twice early in the morning and left me 2 messages telling me he had been throwing up and had a 105 degree fever. Sounded to me like the flu. He said he really wanted to meet me, and we talked for an hour that day. He called later that evening and said he was feeling better (in the back of my mind I was wondering how the flu mysteriously vanished in a few hours, but I am one to give people the benefit of the doubt.) He wanted to meet me the next day, which was Monday. I told him I had to take my car into the shop early, and we talked about maybe meeting there and going out for lunch while my car was being worked on. Then later in the conversation, he mentioned that he had to bring his dog to the vet (which was during the same time as my car......). So I asked him how he was planning to meet me? "Ugh....I forgot about that." Okay, so this guy is not the sharpest tool in the shed. But he gets an A for effort.
So we make a date for Saturday night. I give him detailed directions to where we are meeting. Detailed. Later on in the week I get an email from him saying "So are we on for Sunday?" I reminded him that our date was on Saturday. He calls..."Oops". He admitted that he had made a date with someone else on Saturday, thinking ours was Sunday! Then he had lost the directions I had given him and I had to give them again. At this point, I'm thinking this guy is just a major dumb arse or very high maintenance. But amazingly, I still just really like him in spite of all the red flags, and manage to forgive him these mistakes (why? I don't know). He cancels the Saturday night date and makes a date with me for Sunday (today). He apologized for all the screw ups and said he was starting a new job and things are really stressful, and this is not the norm. He said he was not so interested in the other woman but didn't think I liked him that much. I told him I did.
So....I'm really looking forward to our Sunday noon date. Really a lot. Then I get a call at 3:00 am this morning (Sunday morning). It's him. He was stranded somewhere about 45 minutes from me, and could I help him jump his car? He knows no one else in this town (he lives in the mountains), and if I don't help him, he will not be able to make our date! (At this point, I've now given him the address and directions 3 times!). I asked him what he was doing in Denver at 3:00 am. He says he was getting his truck fixed at a friend's place way out east, and it went till midnight (which is sort of believable because his friend was giving him a good deal). He was going back home and pulled over to take a nap. He left his radio on and drained the battery. He didn't know anyone in town to call except me, whom he's NEVER MET!
Well, my heart sank, because I felt this was a really inappropriate request from a guy I had not met. He said he would do the same for me, but I would NEVER ask him for this big of a favor so early on. I was angry about being woken up and did not like being put in that position. He agreed to call his friends who lived 40 miles away who fixed his car. (They offered to put him up, but he wanted to get home to be on time for our date, which was important to him). He seemed upset that I didn't leap up to help him, though I was worried about him and eventually even offered to go, which he then declined. He then said he'd see me at noon, to which I replied, "I don't think so, I will probably be sleeping!" I woke up (late because I couldn't get back to sleep) to a mean email about how I am really like a snake and won't help out my friends, and how if the tables were turned he would have helped me. It also contained one of those e-gifts with a note of apology, and signed "Love, his name." He went on to say my true colors have shown, and I am not so nice, etc., etc. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG HERE? I never even met this guy!!! Would YOU drive out to a remote parking lot in a bad part of town at 3:00 am to help a guy from the internet that you hardly knew? Especially after all the other red flags?
The wierd thing is that for whatever reason, I really liked this guy up until I got the call at 3:00 am. I was so disappointed that he would presume on such an early friendship for such a huge favor. I don't think he is an ax murderer or that he was planning to harm me. I just think he has a lot of drama in his life and unreasonable expectations of someone he hardly knows.
What do you guys think of this? Has anything like this ever happened to you? After a few impolite emails, I eventually blocked him (which I hate doing). I just feel this really sad, disappointed feeling. I guess that's why you should really proceed very slowly when getting to know someone here. You get your hopes up and the person turns out to be not what you had hoped for. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:46:02 PM | All I can say is Oh My God...
The only thing I could think of is maybe going out there and leaving your doors locked and pulling the hood release from inside the vehicle and letting him jump off of it.
But I guess he could have also done something to your engine to strand you instead. But since your doors were locked, you just had to call 911 to get help.
I say you did the right thing. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:57:40 PM | | Wow! What a nightmare. Well you can't say you didn't go above and beyond giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. Thankfully you listened to your gut instinct and didn't go through with the plans. He doesn't have your home address does he? | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:00:27 PM | Neither of you have met in person yet, right? So both of you are only going on small pieces of information about the other. The story you've typed may even be heavily biased-it is, after all, only your side of it.
Chances are, he's a really good guy. But he's also a dumb-f*** too. It sounds, according to what you've said here, that he's still going through the "all about me" phase in life, where one thinks that they're just that special that everyone will make things work for them.
Don't worry about it. It all works out like this:
You try.
You hope.
You (think) you find someone.
You try.
You hope.
They (and you) screw up from time to time.
You get discouraged.
You attack the system in which you (both) failed.
You get jaded.
You get over it.
You realize that it's not a perfect system, and it will have flaws because we humans do.
You hold yourself accountable.
You accept that things won't actually work sometimes... or more than just "sometimes".
You realize that both you and someone else can screw this up.
You accept that you might need to improve the quality of your efforts, and then do so.
You try again.
Btw, I don't meed to attack you when I say you hold yourself accountable. By that I mean that if you ran into a jerk, still know that you ran into a jerk. It takes two to Tango, as they say. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:14:25 PM | Jeeze, if I had been in your shoes I would have probably driven there at 3am just to shoot the dumbass. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:19:14 PM | | Wow!! What a story. In all honesty the guy might not have been a bad guy. Just very needy. But I think you did the right thing. It's obvious he really wanted to meet you and he probably would have helped you out if it was reversed. Some times things don't go as planned. But I still think you did the right thing. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:33:15 PM | Personally, if he forgot the first date, I'd have written him off in a heartbeat! Think of it this way: if his goal in life was dinner at the Ritz, would he forget he was supposed to have dinner at the Ritz or would he make darn sure he put it on his calendar and had the directions? Wouldn't make a note for fast food though would he? Nah, that's something you'd take for granted, right? Hello....!
Keep moving, hon. Nexxxt! | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:58:19 PM | Can you imagine what he would be like down the line when things don't go his way?
People tend to show their true colors when the going gets rough.
I would have at least slept in my car until a decent hour to look for help and even then can't imagine calling someone from POF who I had not even gone out with. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:00:00 PM | Life's too short to waste time on dead beats (and that goes for both sexes).
And if you allow yourself to go skipping into some suspect situations, then life is even shorter.
You did the right thing, now move on.
I have nothing to say about the guy. He could be nice, he could be a bad dude. I don't know him and am not qualified to discuss him.
But as for your actions...you'll find you'll stay away from trouble the more you stay away from meeting new acquaintances at 3:am in the middle of nowhere. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:22:05 PM | I'm confused. I thought he had a date Saturday night. How did he end up also having his car fixed at the same time? My first thought is that he was calling you for help after his date with someone else? Can you clarify?
I feel badly for you because I know how that sinking sense of disappointment feels. But unless you were really rude about not going (and you said you offered in the end), I feel like he over-reacted to your hesitation.
The shame of it is that if he hadn't drained his battery, you might have ended up having a great time. But on the other hand, I feel like this guy should have cut you a break and understood that you were conflicted and didn't know HOW to respond. That happens sometimes, and the internet meeting thing throws up all kinds of weirdnesses in this "I know you but I don't" interaction that we have with people before meeting, that make it difficult to know what's right and what isn't, what's appropriate, what's safe...etc. And I too have had it happen that my hesitation over figuring that kind of stuff out has offended someone I really liked--but of course, we can't READ each other when we don't KNOW each other. It sucks, but what can you do? Beg for forgiveness for something that shouldn't require it?
Anyway, hang in there. You never know, you might hear from him in a few days begging for YOUR forgiveness. And if you do, I'd probably relent, just to have the chance to meet him and SEE if he's what you thought he was....nice guy, just kind of an airhead. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:24:03 PM | girlfriend,
let me tell ya, ive met guys like that offline! not where i had to go meet them in the middle of nowhere to help give them a boost to their car. i met a guy off of yahoo ( i know how sad) and i thought we had a connection to being just strictly friends. somethin happen i cant remember what but he told me i was such a ****, rude, and other childish names and i dont help ppl when they are in need.
i was like wtf? somethin wrong with u? after that, i started seeing bad signs about the guy i met in the past! we had a huge fight online (funny, he really couldnt tell me what he thought of me to my face), he said i was not friend material blah blah blah. im like dude, i just met u offline how can u expect me to do all these huge favors when i know nothin about u? it was very strange, i never knew he was that insecure!
reading what u said about the guy, he sounds bad news and insecure. so much for bein a sweety huh? he shouldnt of expected u to go out in the middle of nowhere at 3am to give him a boot to his car when u know nothin about him. is that guy stupid? he really isnt too concern about his life, not sayin u would kill him or anything. ur right, he doesnt sound to smart if he keeps forgetting what day u guys are gonna meet. if a guy keeps forgetting sounds like to me he isnt interested and was just saying that. find someone else! | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:43:16 PM | | I think the guy is full of sh#@t. I'm guessing he was going to harm you in some way. Thank goodness you did not go!! | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/9/2008 11:59:08 PM | Ok, that's it. I'm taking you off my favorite's list. I thought you were extremly intelligent. I now know better.
LOL.
I'm sorry, I'm KIDDING.......
But dang girlfriend!
Any man who would call a woman he has NEVER MET at 3 am...after standing her up for a Saturday night date that he OBVIOUSLY KEPT with SOMEONE ELSE....and after staying TOO LONG AT THE WOMAN'S HOUSE then runs into car trouble and calls YOU???????????????????????
I'd have done exactly the same thing you did. However, I'm much tougher and nastier than you (which is why I am single) so the FIRST time he "lost" directions, he'd a been OUTA THERE. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 12:13:46 AM | | I have to agree with the others here................Run dont walk.............there was something weird about that guy. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:09:19 AM | What's his first name? I ask cuz he sounds like a guy I finally dumped ages ago and I was sure he would be dead or in jail by now...
Run don't walk from this one and ignore everything you think about him being nice: he's not - and anyone with even half of the problems you listed is either too needy or running a real scam...
STAY AWAY... and be happy you didn't get sucked in... | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:23:16 AM | | Mr. Charming sounds more like Mr. Pycho. No way were you wrong. Sounds to me like he was baiting you for the ultimate 3:00am call. He kept making errors and you kept forgiving, sounds like some sort of game. In my opinion he is probbaly some pycho who ws making calculated moves to bait you in. I would not have wnated my sister or mother going on that trip! | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 2:47:56 AM | Definitely a psycho.
Reward, demand, punish.
Reward, demand, punish.
That's the training process he's trying to use on you.........run, do not walk, do not look back. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 3:47:44 AM | I personally have no use for the judgemental posts by some others here and I would advise you against taking any of them to heart (whether you agree with them or not OP) They'll either leave you jaded about men or convinced that you should feel guilty about something.
Instead, let's simply focus on common sense here. Of course you did the right thing. In fact, your only mistake was to feel bad about it. You already know perfectly well that you acted as any public service message would advocate.
I have a sneaking suspicion that he was actually telling you some truth (if not all) due to logical consistencies in the story you told. For that reason I don't think you were ever actually in any real danger from this guy. Nevertheless, the red flag here isn't that he called you but that he couldn't understand your reservations. He obviously isn't the type to think of anybody but himself when push comes to shove. That is assuming you've related certain details accurately. In any case, you've certainly done nothing wrong and have no need to feel guilty in any way. Were you a relative or a friend, I certainly wouldn't have advised you to go and Iprobably would have made a point of convincing you to do no such thing. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:56:14 AM | Amazing...just freakin amazing. Why in the world does anything think they can "know" and "like" a 3D person just because they've emailed and chatted on the phone. Step away from the computer and meet someone before you decide if you like them. And you're "sad" about some strange dude who you've never met?
People should stop making up "great guy/gal" fantasies about the people on the monitors here and take a chance on the real life person. If they aren't interested in a real life meet, move on. If they cancel more than once, move on. Too many here aren't interested in you seeing the "real" them. Don't feed the trolls. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:11:17 AM | | no way...you've done the right thing...This guy already demostrated he was a bit flakey and for all you know he had alterior motives..I'd jump in a heartbeat to do a friend a favor but hell if i would for some flakey dude I've never met.. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:12:19 AM |
Then I get a call at 3:00 am this morning (Sunday morning). It's him. He was stranded somewhere about 45 minutes from me, and could I help him jump his car? He knows no one else in this town (he lives in the mountains), and if I don't help him, he will not be able to make our date! My thought is that he could have called the woman he had the Saturday date with! (The one he was probably on the way home from).
And the part about him saying "if I don't help him he will not be able to make our date"... wow, a bit manipulative there.
Let's forget all that... it's just me passing judgement on him. Tisk tisk to me.
Let's focus on the 3am call to drive out to a bad area to jump start the car of someone you haven't met.
NO WAY.
No one should have a "first meet" out on a dark lonely road in the middle of the night and no man should ask a woman to do such. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:17:02 AM | | I would have been done with him over the saturday date thing. That would tell me, he's not very interested in me, if he can't even keep it straight when he's suppose to meet me. And I most certainly would not go out at 3am to meet some guy that I don't even know. I would have told him to call his date that he blew me off for. There was no reason for him to call you like that, he could have slept in his car a little longer until it was a decent hour to actually call someone. He might be a nice guy, but sounds like he needs someone to take care of him. I don't think you have anything to regret, you're probably lucky to not be involved with him. | |
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| Here's one for the books:
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:17:56 AM | | I cant believe all that happened to you. Thank God you had the forsight to say 'No' and listen to your instincts, and how bad is he to even expect a woman he hasn't even met to go and help at that hour in the morning, ......some people you just think 'well I know why you are on your own'........................... | |
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