| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:30:53 PM | Phew! I just finished talking online to a guy who couldn't stop rambling and I am exhausted! To that end if you will, please indulge me on some rules for IM Etiquette:
1) Don't talk endlessly and continuously. Make a comment. Shut up. Allow the other person to respond. Otherwise you are not having a dialogue you are having a monologue.
2) Don't watch t.v. at the same time you accept or send out an IM then become distracted by the t.v. program. Do one or the other but don't be so rude!
3) Save the sex talk for when she/he is receptive to it. I've had to repeat myself 2 - 3 times to the same IM to knock it off and was on the verge of blocking until he finally listened. Don't do it.
4) Don't be cynical and nasty. Had a hard day? Stay off IM until you feel more sociable. Always a little crusty? Then just don't use it at all. In fact maybe you should delete your profile.
5) Don't present yourself as horribly lonely and lacking a social life. A guy I spoke to insisted he had no gf, no friends, no time to make any, didn't go anywhere and was lonely. Was he trying to make me think he was available so I'd meet him? Hoooo boy! He couldn't have been more wrong. I really don't need a cling-on for a bf thanks.
6) It might be to your benefit to keep a dictionary nearby. A few typos are one thing but when you can barely spell your own name it really comes across as dim-witted even though you probably aren't.
7) Use your common sense. Dont give out info that could jeopardize you in terms of identity theft, making you a physical/sexual target etc. NEVER send nude pics over the internet, on this site or any other unless you want to see them all over the internet some time.
Best of luck in your search. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 2 | |
| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:42:35 PM | Although this is probably going to get deleted because it doesn't actually ask a question, I'm going to respond while it's here.
I have very little experience with IM, and the last guy I IMed with will be the last guy I IM with. It was #2 that got me. I actually enjoyed chatting with this guy a LOT. I met him on the forums, then after a while, he asked me to chat with him on Yahoo. So I set up an account just to do that.
At first, it was really fun--he was very smart and witty and entertaining--, but after a while, he would initiate communication, but when I responded, it would take him a minute or even longer to respond to my response. A couple of times he didn't respond at all, and I didn't hear from him again until the next day. I asked him about it a couple of times, and he said stuff like, "I'm busy" or "I'm working" even though he had initially messaged me. It was weird and very confusing. He seemed interested in me, yet didn't seem to get that he was sending negative messages. Since I'm not one to hang around when someone doesn't seem into it, I finally just gave up. I don't know if he knew why I stopped communicating. But now I realize there are just way too many frustrating things about IM, and I don't have the time for it. At least with e-mail, I don't have to wait while the guy types his message. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 3:07:48 AM | | vro it is very typical for a guy to that.....lot of ppl are on here just playin around, to see how many women they can talk to, and the first poster obviously just got out of hand ....but dont give up there are cool dudes out there, and some times they may be busy or whatever ,so good luck with your im thing, and even if youd like to mail me I would actually respond lol, Hagd | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:46:05 AM | Great list!
I agree with most of it...
I have a couple more.
8) Don't send a message with no content. IM someone - and have something to say. Not "so what's up? Nothing going on here." Huh?
9) Getting someone to the IM stage doesn't mean you're engaged, exclusively dating, or not talking to anyone else in IM or anywhere else. You've still never met. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:55:00 AM | | I disagree with #2. That's why I love IM.....because I can multi-task. I may have more than one conversation going at once, or I may be doing laundry, or watching TV...... things I can't really do if I'm on the phone with someone. I hate talking on the phone but I love IM. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:02:18 PM | | VRO 312: That was rude. Even if you had been on msn chat Im sure he still would have been ignorant. If he was talking to another woman at the same time all he had to do was say so. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:03:46 PM | Ugly Betty: Thank you for #9!!! Hellooo guys. I was chatting briefly with a man who IMd me and when he asked me if I was dating anyone I said I thought I might have met a nice man but I didn't know for sure yet...wait and see. Then SLAM went the window in my face. Apparently I did something to bruise his ego. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:09:54 PM | vro it is very typical for a guy to that.....lot of ppl are on here just playin around, to see how many women they can talk to, and the first poster obviously just got out of hand ....but dont give up there are cool dudes out there, and some times they may be busy or whatever ,so good luck with your im thing, and even if youd like to mail me I would actually respond lol, Hagd
Thanks, Vincent.
I don't feel bad about it . . . I know there are plenty of nice men out there. My frustration was more with the medium than with the man. I hadn't chatted with him enough for it to be truly disappointing.
I myself am a mono-tasker--I get one thing done then move onto the next. I'm also hyper-productive. So a communication medium that encourages multi-tasking and makes the mono-tasker wait doesn't really work for me. However, I can see it being wonderful for TWO multi-taskers. 
OP: I'm assuming he wasn't purposely being rude or disrespectful. It was annoying, but I don't think it was malicious in any way. I just figure I'd rather be participating in the forums than waiting for some guy to type a response. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:18:19 PM |
I disagree with #2. That's why I love IM.....because I can multi-task. I may have more than one conversation going at once, or I may be doing laundry, or watching TV...... things I can't really do if I'm on the phone with someone. I hate talking on the phone but I love IM.
I agree, I'm a multi tasker as well - in my case I am online working on my website or getting some other work related stuff done, and even making or taking calls. The only time I chat on IM is when I'm on the laptop doing something. Most of the time my IM programs are up and I'm off somewhere else doing something.
BUT - most men I talk to I can get up and walk away and come back between stuff they say, they're not that quick. An intelligent, interesting, attractive man with something to say will always get my attention and make me stop everything else and chat. It's just rare that I get that.
Ugly Betty: Thank you for #9!!
Don't mention it. : ) | |
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cjmel
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Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:21:14 PM | | I understand what you have put across!! I am one to allow all to get points across on IM. It is a place to allow for a conversation and open doors. That is what this site is about isnt it?? If someone were to stop a convo because you may have met someone, than they aren't worth the energy to talk to with your fingers. Learn this if anything, some guys are afraid to make friends. Others would rather start as friends and work on a relationship from there. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:26:23 PM | #2
it is possible to watch tv and have an intelligent conversation at the same time. what your saying is im supposed to stare blankly at the screen waiting for replies? | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/15/2008 4:48:58 AM | Wow I am getting a lot of flack over #2.... well then throw that one out. I'll tell u y I wrote that one in. I was chatting on IM with a guy one night and he was taking forever to answer my questions or comments etc. I asked him jokingly if he was falling asleep and he said no he was watching t.v. I was a little insulted. I mean if Im that boring that u can't take your eyes off the idiot box to make polite conversation then X me out! Im fine with that. 
And i would never watch t.v. and talk on the phone with someone. I think thats rude too....i can't divide my attention fairly between both.
Thanks for the feedback everyone, including the replies about # 2!! I appreciate knowing someone has taken the time to r.s.v.p. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:00:08 AM | #10 do not IM when under the influence,
One evening I get an IM request from a lady I had been chatting back and forth with for a few weeks and up until that point was really interested in her. Took me a few minutes to realize that she was really drunk and was carrying on more than one chat since she kept messing up and typing in what was obviously the wrong chat window judging from her responses.
The deal breaker was when I tried to excuse myself and close the window she freaked out and started calling me every name under the sun... | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 16 | |
| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:08:23 AM |
#2
it is possible to watch tv and have an intelligent conversation at the same time. what your saying is im supposed to stare blankly at the screen waiting for replies?
You're supposed to do whatever you want to do.
As far as I'm concerned, if you CAN watch TV and have an intelligent conversation at the same time, then I wouldn't know, would I? But if you're taking forever to respond, I've got better things to do than wait. I'm one of those people who can't do both at the same time, so if I'm IMing with someone, that's pretty much what I'm doing right then.
It comes down to a matter of compatability: If you're someone who IMs while doing other stuff, you're best suited for conversation with someone else who is doing the same thing. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:20:37 AM | #2 can seem like some one on a text messaging phone, too.... like a turtle on downers.
#5 If you're recently divorced/separated/slit-up save the details for your close friends. I am a nice enough guy but I don't care to hear about it for HOURS.
So enlighten me as to the ideal polite way to end an annoying IM without lying. Please | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:41:46 AM |
So enlighten me as to the ideal polite way to end an annoying IM without lying. Please
I would suggest you simply say that you are otherwise engaged.
No need to explain.
I'm quite sure most normal people would understand this.
This is so much simpler than the frustration of trying to maintain multiple conversations simultaneously.
Nothing is worse than a being on-line with some one who you mistakenly believe is actually interested in engaging in a conversation.
No need to be rude. Being upfront has always worked for me.  | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:08:31 AM | ^^^ You know, I would GLADLY turn my attention from something else to an IM that was intelligent, engaging and fun to participate in. Can't say that it happens very often, if at all.
Most IMs I get are from people who contact me and want ME to initiate/carry conversation...that's so weird to me, I'll never get that. I've never walked up to, called or IM'ed anyone and asked them to entertain me, but I digress.
In my case, the TV and/or phone are welcome distractions for someone who's either also doing more than one thing, or who's just not that interesting. I'm a fast typer, so if I can watch TV or read forums and people are still telling me to slow down because they can't keep up - there's a problem. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:53:48 PM |
I would suggest you simply say that you are otherwise engaged.
That would be a lie, though. Most of the time I just logged in and am on my way to the forums. I feel like I get ambushed before I get to the forums. Plus if they're fishies here I can't say I am otherwise engaged as they'll see my forum time posts and know I was doing that then.
I just highly value my forum time. It's relaxing, entertaining, fun, informative, helpful -- it really pulls my mind away from the rest of my day in a nice interactive way that TV or magazines can not do.
I'm quite sure most normal people would understand this.
And just where do I find these normal people? I think like the Gene Wilder Frankenstein movie many of the ones who have been talking to me have had those brains put in from that cadaver named Abby Normal.
Most of the people I really really really like feel about IMs like I do -- you can't say an awful lot of intelligent content in an IM, they just aren't set up for them. I out type their length all the time. So I find this conversations better in email.
UB: You really think you can have intelligent conversations in IM? I find myself wondering what your idea of that is.
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:25:10 PM | ^^^^
You do know you can disable IMs so that you don't get ambushed on your way to the forums, right? And, you can go directly to the forums without logging in, so even if IMs aren't disabled, no one would be able to IM you because you aren't logged into the dating side of the site.
UB: You really think you can have intelligent conversations in IM? I find myself wondering what your idea of that is.
I've had intelligent conversations on IM.
The clincher is that both parties must be a) capable of typing very quickly while maintaining grammatical and structural integrity, and b) intelligent. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 4:49:47 PM | I, for the first time ever, had a successful IM convo recently.
We were both interested, didn't have to wait for them to get back from laundry or another comversation, kept it to a few minutes.
My past experience has been not the best. Had someone ask me to IM around a certain time, then asked if I could wait a few minutes. I did, ten minutes. Then I realized I wouldn't stay on hold for an important phone call for two minutes if I had the persons number. If you are going to do laundry, hold multiple conversations, channel surf, etc just use email. the "I" in IM stands for instant, you can't be instant if you are in the other room loading the washing machine. Get the load spinning then come in a take a couple minutes to write complete thoughts in email. Save IM for when you can have an uninterupted conversation. See me online, send me an email asking to IM and I'll turn it on for you. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:28:41 PM |
That would be a lie, though.
I fail to see how this would considered a lie.
You ARE otherwise engaged if you are in the forums.
I feel like I get ambushed before I get to the forums.
I am new to MSN and was informed by someone that I could leave a message without him being logged in. I did this a couple of times and hours later he would accuse me of interrupting him. Even a newbie like me knew enough to check the time stamp.
you can't say an awful lot of intelligent content in an IM, they just aren't set up for them.
If you feel this way, why invite someone to switch to MSN or IM ???
These are choices that YOU are making.
The word intelligent is very interpretive.
My idea of a normal intelligent conversation is when someone asks a question they pay attention to the response and not ask it repeatedly as if they were unable to comprehend or recollect the answer in the first place.
I have been left wondering more than once if they were stoned, drunk or just plain stupid.
I out type their length all the time.
This can be quite easily be viewed as being narcissistic behaviour.
If you are continuously out typing another, it doesn't give them much of an opportunity to have input.
This is talking at someone and NOT with them.
So I find this conversations better in email.
Yes many do, but some do not react well to receiving e-mails.
I had one guy say he found them too troublesome and petty to respond to although I specifically had said 'you don't have to respond. I will not be offended'
On the other hand he would complain to me ' I see you read those and never replied!' regarding the ones he had sent. He would also say things like 'you missed me when emailing... as in I got nothing from you on POF!
The most frustrating IM encounter I have ever had has been when I have asked if they were busy and was informed that they would be with me in a couple of minutes, which was fine by me.
When they came back on it was quite obvious that they were distracted.
After my stating several times that we could continue this another time was told 'no, now is fine, I'm all yours'.
I would have had no problem waiting a day or two or whatever to be able to have an undistracted conversation, but was repeatedly told that 'now was fine'.
I did NOT understand this behaviour, as I considered him to be a good friend ???
He then started to hurl very hurtful insults like a raving lunatic.
This same person had told me but a day earlier how much he enjoyed my company, and how he thought that he and I 'would have a blast in real life.'
He also sent me a link to skype with instrutions 'You need to install this sofwtare.
Install it and we can talk free'
Talk about mixed messages !!!
And just where do I find these normal people?
Oh there are lots of normal ones about.
I now make every attempt to steer clear of the ones that scream passive-aggressive.
So now to the question regarding etiquette tips.
Mine would definitely be to be fair to the other party and chat with one at a time.
End one conversation before starting a second.
Prioritize your conversations and tell the person that you're chatting with another and will get back to them when it is convenient for you to do so.
We are supposed to be adults here and not youngsters in a sandbox competing for a friend.
We should be able to convey our choices clearly, without explanation and without being fearful of hurting another persons feelings. | |
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| Some Etiquette Tips for Chatting on IM
Posted: 3/17/2008 7:30:29 AM | It's IM; and the only thing you really should do is reply in a decent amount of time, don't talk like a spaz or WiTh MiXeD cAsE and at least show some kind of respect unless they start to annoy you in which case you end the convo.
Let the conversation run it's course and if you don't like the way it's doing change the subject or excuse yourself if they seem persistant to keep pushing an angle you don't feel comfortable with.
Isn't exactly hard; why there's a need for a list of rules to stick by when common sense is the only one that really needs to be listed in the first place. | |
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