| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:39:51 PM | I've been seeing a man since the beginning of January. We agreed to a mutually-exclusive relationship a few weeks after we met. Most things are great--we have a lot in common, always have lots of fun, he's attractive, sexy and etc.
We've been getting together two or three times a week, staying at each other's houses, meeting each others friends, and talking about the possibility of living together.
A couple of weeks ago I was looking in my computer's history file and came across a bunch of POF files. Sure enough, he was looking at other women's profiles and sending them messages. That's right, in my house, telling me he loves me, sleeping with me and doing the POF thing on my computer in my living room.
I was furious, and confronted him about it. He swore that it didn't mean anything, and promised that he wouldn't do it again. I explained how to hide his profile and he said that he had done so.
Two or three weeks passed, and just on a whim I looked at his profile during my lunch break. Sure enough, he had been on POF that morning and had only one rose (since you get two a month, he had to have sent one to someone quite recently).
Again, I am furious. When I discussed it with him, he claimed that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he'd just gone online late at night after a few beers (a lie, he had been online that morning at 10:30 am), that is wasn't important, that it was nothing for me to be jealous over. Since then he has just tried to smooth things over, very charming, but not even an apology??? Not even an acknowledgement that he had broken a promise?
We are not young, we are 49 and 55. It seems to me that we should be a bit smarter by now.
Advice please--is it time to love him or is it time to leave him??? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:48:43 PM | | It seems that he is not smart, not trustworthy. He is obviously lying to you. You know what the right answer is, but perhaps you seek validation. Dump him. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:49:35 PM | He's not done looking. He's got the "grass is greener" thing goin' on. He's just
bedding you while he's looking to trade up. Is that not obvious to you yet? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:49:35 PM | get rid of him, clearly he can't be trusted, he doesn't truly appreciate you, you'll never trust him, and he's gonna make your brain turn all nutty if you keep him. let go...you'll be better off for it and better able to attract the right one. Good luck...I know how upsetting the reality of this is, but you already know how to handle it  | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:57:41 PM | | Hi. I've been there with a guy I met on here I dated . Check his cell for texts too. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:58:20 PM |
We agreed to a mutually-exclusive relationship a few weeks after we met.
he was looking at other women's profiles and sending them messages. That's right, in my house, telling me he loves me, sleeping with me and doing the POF thing on my computer in my living room.
Two or three weeks passed, and just on a whim I looked at his profile during my lunch break. Sure enough, he had been on POF that morning and had only one rose (since you get two a month, he had to have sent one to someone quite recently.
Do you really need any of us to tell you what to do? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:01:42 PM | Uh, your on POF and seeking a relationship according to your profile.
There are more than a few signs of having no trust in him any longer. You found the sites he had went on from your computer's history. Unless he's just door knob dumb about a computer, we all know you can delete your history. He didn't, so I don't know what went on with that.
Then, you go and check his info again. Ok, you don't trust him and he shouldn't trust you because you're checking up on him.
Two wrongs don't make it right. So yeah, it is time to leave.
Good luck.
Liz | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:05:16 PM | "Advice please--is it time to love him or is it time to leave him???"
At your age you are asking this??? Are you kidding us??? | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:09:09 PM | Hi Liz,
Just FYI, my profile was hidden until lunch hour today.
Good luck to you too!
M | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:13:57 PM | He's perfect for you! I mean getting to play musical-chairs to the tune of 'trust', each and every day! Learning what it feels like to be smooth-talked by Senor Retardo! Bring me some towels, honey.....*swoon*
H-E-A-V-E-N!!!
Btw, in musical chairs, pretty soon the chairs run out, and your ass is on the floor.
PS - I may be naive due to my inexperience/age, but, you met him in January? Of 2008? And are talking of moving IN together??!! That's the time when bullshit facade of 'trying to impress' by not farting in front of the other (some uppity people never do) is still ripe (pardon the pun). Along with many many other facades/honeymoon stage shyte.
 <-- that's me, and beside me is you....thus, hopefully, I'm yelling WITH you. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:14:34 PM | | Any relationship that doesn't have trust to build a solid foundation on, is like building your castle on sand. If you don't have trust you don't really have a real relationship at all. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:15:30 PM | I checked your location because I thought it was my ex. Ha, ha. He wanted an exclusive relationship too, but just for me and not him.
You will never be able to trust him and rightfully so. Tell him to not let the door hit his butt as he's leaving. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:25:10 PM |
It seems to me that we should be a bit smarter by now.
You know the score with him, what more do you want? Do you want to wait until he says wellll you were great but I found someone I am so much MORE compatible with. Followed by, really I tried my hardest but YOU didn't trust me, and I couldn't deal with that.
Yes, does seem like you are smart than that...
Good Luck, at least you didn't waste to much time playing games... | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:31:05 PM | | You are at two different places, even though you are both moving very quickly. You can't trust hm and he doesn't seem to understand what the problem is. You do know what you need to do. Good luck. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:34:30 PM | | Obviously you don't trust him otherwise you wouldn't be checking up on him. That should be telling you something right there. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:37:07 PM | Its a shame that this happened... Ive been there as Im sure many others..and we all know what to do it just helps to hear it from others at times. Shame on him for doing that to you and at your home and its a horrible feeling to not trust and have to ck on someone..we know this is wrong ..I'd say you gave him not one but two chances to be honest and he couldnt..I dont understand people anymore where are te principals our parents taught us regarding honesty, trust,respect and manners?
The horrible part is people get away with it then the next day start over the lieing with someone else. I tink probally by now you've ended it i hope and if i can suggest maybe the next man take things slower and take time to find out if hes a good guy or one just passing thru...I wish you the best -Ann | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:44:09 PM | 1. It seems you rushed into things too quickly to begin with. You're planning to move in together after only 2 months?
2. You've already caught him twice still looking. Do you wait for him to find someone else and dump you? Or will you be pro-active and do what the obvious choice should be?
3. You're already doubting him. You're checking up on him. The trust of the relationship has already been violated. It's a sinking ship. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:48:37 PM | | It's too bad you fell so hard for him so quickly, though I understand how that can happen. It usually takes more than a few weeks to know someone's character. | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:50:55 PM | | Sorry to say the trust is gone and it's a perpetual downhill spiral from here. You caught him and if you stay, then to him you are willing to put up with it. If that's what you want then everything's OK, otherwise go find someone who is more deserving of you. :) | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:53:21 PM | it is not looking good. I would be most offended if my "exclusive " lover would check a dating site while at my house.
Not cool
Unless he has other HUGE qualities I would cut my losses. I mean how cool can he be if he checks his POF from your PC.
Disrespectful !!!
Next thing he' LL
be looking at porn. It happened to me. People like him have no healthy boundaries.
Sorry that happened to you, it blows ...
Good luck to ya | |
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| He is still active on POF
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:54:07 PM | Are you also following him to work and reading his mail?
Why are YOU checking up on HIM? You want to talk about trust, you have to practice it yourself.
Can't believe at 49 you have to ask what to do. Is this guy such a gem that you want to hang on to him at all costs? If your post is accurate, you have been dating for 10 weeks. What's your rush to be exclusive? Especially with a guy who obviously has no respect for you and does not want the exclusive relatonship you want. He wants you to be exclusively is for sex, but nothing else.
Want to see if he cares?
Take a quarter. Place it against the inside of your right knee. Then clamp it with the inside of your left knee. And stay that way. See how long he hangs around the casino after the buffet closes.... | |
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