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| | what do cheaters feel?Page 1 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | I would be intrested in knowing just what someone that cheats feels after it destroys the relationship? feelings? what happens? or how long the feeling lasted? anything.
someone told me once.. it hurt way more to cheat on someone then to be cheated on. (rolls his eyes) I don't think so. anyone want to share there story? | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/16/2004 6:00:20 AM | sure why not.
I've cheated on hell let me think.... atleast 3 or 4 girlfriends.
mainly in my teens.
why?
well, each was for very different reasons.
first time I can remember, was 8th grade. I was dating a great girl, but was bored outta my mind cause we never had sex. I had sex just a year before her with my ex, so I was a horn dog. she was just your average 8th grade girl, my age. some how it didn't occur to me that having sex at 13 was kinda odd...
so I got super bored. then there was something that I wanted.. my girl was flat chested, and I was noticing, all these girls I liked were gettin stacked in the chest. being a little horn dog, this was amazing to me. I wanted in on it. I wanted to play with some big boobs, I wanted sex again. so I found me a girl that didn't much care about me dating anyone, and started cheating on my girl with her.
I eventually left my girlfriend for this girl, and loved it.... for like a month.
she had huge boobs, and was a true freak, even more then me.
she ended up being on of the worst girlfriends I ever had...
so I definatly learned my lesson with her.
did I feel guilty that time, hell no.
I had a girl with big boobs, small waist, nice butt, and liked sex.
I was a happy little dude then.
flash forward a few girlfriends....
been faithful and all to them.
met a Amazing girl, from new zealand.
we dated for a year.
smartest girl I ever met.
incredibly beautiful.
knew 8 languages fluently.
been all over the world, was the ambassabors daughter to Turkey for new zealand.
made deep serious plans for me to move to NZ and be with her there.
what did I do?
ironically, I met another great girl... from NEW ZEALAND TOOO, good damn it....
2 great girls. from the same place.
she was the exact opposite of my girlfriend.
a person who been almost no where.
loved drugs, lived like a vampire, and she made tragedy feel romantic.
these two were the complete Yin and Yang to my love life.
I wanted them both...
neither knew about each other.
I lost them both cause I was killing myself inside trying to figure out what to do.
one found out about the other, the other never knew.
she just left me cause she felt me trying to pull away from her, the second girl.
my real girlfriend...
well like I said, she was too damn smart.
smartest girl I ever knew.
I couldn't fool her.
wouldn't insult her trying to.
so I hurt her.
I hurt her real bad, cause she loved me.
if you asked me today, what girl did I want to really be with.... I still couldnt tell you.
each was amazing, a literal angel in every way.
I couldn't even choose...
thats what made it so bad.
do I regret it?
every second I remember it, I relive it.
wishing I could change it.
it's a cruel joke to meet 2 incredible girls at the same point in your life, then be almost asked
to choose.
I hurt them both.
thats always the worst part.
yes.... I regret it.
last...
I spent 4 years with one girl.
from 18 to 22.
the first 3 years were amazing.
great. fun. sexy. interesting.
the 3rd year, was a rollercoaster.
we were tested from every way.
sex got boring.
she had friends flirting with her.
I had friends flirting with me.
I often had to work in different cities and met girls I wanted to flirt with but wouldn't.
she was in school alot, and was alittle younger then me, so she was far too commited to me for her age, and eventually her age showed through it all.
I was always the responsible one of us, this kinda what ruined it all.
basically, we were too young for how commited we were.
when I cheated on her, I didn't do anything.
never had sex with anyone.
it was internal.
I almost fell in love with a whole different girl.
cause I let myself get so involved in her life, that I wanted to spend every minute with her.
even though I had a girlfriend, this other girl seemed like a whole different world.
I can't explain what happend between her and I...
cause it's something that needs its own novel to be understood.
but in short, I never said I wanted to be with this other girl.
never hugged her, never kissed her.
just felt it, and knew she was the same.
we never did anything.
while thats, not directly cheating, and you may not understand the degree we took this to....
it was definatly wanting someone, other then who I was with.
do I regret this?
no.
my relationship was doomed.
my only regret....
that I didn't meet this other girl, while I was still single...
I think, she would have been someone to really love.
I've cheated, I've regretted it.
I've not regretted it.
it all depends on the situation.
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/16/2004 1:18:49 PM | Jimi77,
Man I feel your pain. My wife of five years cheated on me and destroyed our marriage. She suffers from a mental illness which is no excuse, but certainly intensified the situation. We have a four year old little boy who I now have sole custody of. As is turns out, she has lied to me from the very beginning of our marriage. Check out my forum on this site: Broken Hearts section / Bi-polar wife broke my heart.
In reference to your questions, I don't think women understand what it does to a man when they cheat. For men, the pain is ten-fold. The feelings of inadequacy and intimidation are overwhelming. Even if a mental illness is involved, it still kills you to know that your wife chose to be with another man in that way. A lot of it has to do with men being naturally insecure. We automatically want to know if the other guy was bigger and better. "What is wrong with me??".....we typically say to ourselves. Fact is, women cheat for different reasons than men do. My wife has consistently told me that her physical needs were being met by me but the other guy fulfilled her emotional needs for sympathy and attention. She told him she was dying of breast cancer among other things....she has never suffered from such an illness.
She has told me that the pain is too much for her to bear. She never wanted to lose me, but I cannot forgive her for the things she chose to do. She never even respected me enough to ask the new guy to wear a condom. Sometimes, it was a matter of hours between the times she was with him and the times she was with me......disgusting!! Luckily, I have been tested and the report came back clean. He was played like a fool just like I was being lied to about every part of her life. Women like my wife are very manipulative in nature. Deception is the game and they always want to win. The pain is just a minor part of the aftermath of their choices. Take care man and good luck! | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/16/2004 6:20:51 PM | Griffin Seeking Sabine, man thanks for sharing.That was very intresting. that would be hell to meet two incredibal women and torn between them. thanks for the inside scoop and details of what you went thru. like i said very intresting.
brokendad... man i am sorry to hear about your loss and pain. I bet that pain was to the point of unbearibal. That is really to bad having a kid in all to.
mine did the same thing. we werent married but were like best friends and she even told me a month before looking me streight in the eye. I know your the one i am suppost to marrie. Next month. she told me we needed a week away from eachother and 3 days later she came over and gave me a note and took off crying. saying i know i am going to regret this. the kicker was this...the guy she left me for was a coke head! and MY friends we sneeking her out at night to the bar. while i was at home sleeping under the guise that the one girl needed some one to comfort her. in short she hooked up with her cuzin. i felt pain like i never felt before! i was at me maximun of what i could endure. i lost 30lbs in two weeks and could barely work. my legs would shake just trying to get up a ladder I was so weak. i dont remember how i got thru have of it. but i did. and so will you.
The one piece of advise i can give you is forgive her...that dosent mean what she did is right or that it will not still hurt or that she gets a get out of jail free card. but it is a get out of jail free card for you. that unforgivness will eat ya up.. it won't hurt her only you. is it hard to forgive yep. but holding on to that bitteness will only ruin anything you have comeing down the pipe. and carry in to the next relationship. i read a great book called IF HE ONLY KNEW, by gary smally. that can open up a window in to how women think a bit. you should check it out. It helped me.
my heart goes out to ya in your time of pain and need and my prayers. take care and don't give up the best is yet to come buddy. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/18/2004 3:34:39 PM | It would be nice to think that cheaters could feel remorse.....
But the sad truth is, I don't think they ever do cuz if so,
they wouldn't live the way they do.
I think their feelings don't extend past themselves,
they blame anything and everything (you wouldn't believe some of the shit I have heard) except themselves, before they do it....while they are doing it...and after they have done it...........WOULD LOVE any cheaters to prove me wrong on this one....would be nice to know some can feel so much remorse they don't ever do it again.....but right now, I say they don't ever feel bad cuz they figure it's always justified. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/18/2004 6:34:44 PM | You said the magic word they justifie it!. But i do thing some feel bad not all but some. and one thing i know is that in time the playfulness of youth comes to hunt them.
for example. when i was in my early 20s i had this girl i LOVED to death. she was a hot and cold girl get you going then back away. playing games and was very crule at times. well time passed..... i seen her again. she told me how she WISHED we had gotten together and blah blah, blah. she was married now. i would not touch her. time passed again..... this time when i saw her she was missing a tooth and looked like father time was beating on her. not that i got my revenge but more like i was glad now she was the way she was. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/19/2004 2:36:52 AM | Yeah I know exactly what you mean....
I have a similar story....
the guy I had my first crush, puppy love with....
From the time I was 14-21, yeah, I was a bit crazy bout the guy...
He was five years older and so sexy ....then.
After I found out he was cheating, by seeing several other girls,
and he broke my heart at 21, I still loved him for years after the fact.
He called years later, I was then married with a child.....
As so was he....
I met him at the mall closeby...
hoping to be strong enough to tell him off and walk away...
which was still hard, but easier after seeing him.....not so cute anymore...
and for the person he truly was....if I had been his wife, he would have been still
cheating on me....as he was his wife. That night, first time in many years, I went to bed thankful to not be her. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/22/2004 1:57:42 AM | I had a live in that used to cheat on me on a regular basis, while I was at home watching his son. I did not know until years later that this was going on, he accidently told me one night when he had been drinking. He did not say how many, or who...
The funny thing is now when I look back I realize all of the expensive jewllery, clothes, and things he would buy me at the drop of a hate because I asked him for it...those purchases were made from guilt. He thought he could appease his guilt by showering me with gifts. I always thought he was doing it because he loved me and wanted to spoil me. Ha, was I wrong. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/22/2004 6:07:13 PM | | do you think that when they look back the say wow i F'd up? That is a hard question to ask i guess because it verys person to person. I Don't know how they can go on playing the game after that ... it would be all over my face, and guilt would crush me. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 9/24/2004 6:15:04 AM | Cheaters or someone that dose'nt now what they want in life ..
and someone that is truly uncertain of who they ARE ..
and by all means do not need to make any commentments untill they
know they R intouch with their on self theres no reason or excuses for them to
jump in to a relationship when they cant honestly say if it get rocky waters they can't
control there self .thiers alway the option to say hey im not happy an go on . cheaters only think of thier self !
they never stop an think that the other may fell the same way or is unhappy with the relationship
for what ever reason but they r incontrol of there self an will do right by them till the end. .
what I think could make cheaters stop an think if ( a law) says you cheat u lose every thing kids, home .your not intitled to nothing in the factors of the marriage..I Believe they would stop an think thier life more clearly first !!
just my view
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/12/2005 8:56:14 AM | Buddy that would be something great but I have a child with a cheater. I have lived ten years with a cheater I have loved him from the day I met him. I believe I am a very strong and intellegent woman. I also have never been in love with anyone prior to meeting him.
We were friends first and I admired him for his valor per say. We have a daughter and as friends he had asked me to have a child with him. But we made a contract as to how our child would be raised. We had it notorized and then put into action. I use to laugh with friends and say we are Partners in Parenting and we were friends. I loved him and during that time he was running around and that was okay we were friends. I did however give him hell when he thought that he could runaround and then come to me? Why would you want to possibly harm the very woman who is carring your child after you have slept with who????? But I guess a man with that mentality does not think of diseases nor do they think of anyone else (it is very apparent no one else matters in the picture as long as they are getting what they want) So yes I would give him hell for sleeping with other woman and then coming to me.
It after our daughter was a year old he calls me one day and wants to turn our friendship into something more than Partners in Parenting. Now granted I have always admired him (except for the you know) He was kind he was a man of his word, he always helped with our daughter and he was my friend. I of course said yes I would love to be your woman.
Little did I know but that was just the beginning of all of my heartaches and pains. I should of just stayed his friend. He spent every year cheating on my with someone. He has never been faithful. Ihave jumped through hoops trying to accomadate him and trying to be the woman he wanted. I thought it was me because he surely would make it out to my fault.
But today after all that I have endured and been through with this man. He has stolen my heart and beat the hell out of it. I thought he had taken my dreams of a family away. On the final note to this is that one of his grilfriends told me he has a profile on this site? Well I had decided to make a profile as well but without a picture. I also added him as one of my favorites. Alls I wanted for this man to be is if he cannot be faithfull at least let him be honest to me? He always seemed to be that in feelings and if you ask someone a straight out question. Are you profiling? and if there were anything left any tiny speckling he would say yes. but he didnt he said to me was NO, I love you I love you very much. My heart sank because then I new more than I have ever known throughout our ten years. I knew that I no longer had anything to hang onto he even took what I admired him for from the beginning and that was his word, my admiration left me and I knew at that point it was never me. He is the one not being honest with hisself he will always be that wonder and the saddness is that we have a daughter together. She loves her father and that I will never take from her. But what I will give her is the life to know that when she falls in love, she will not feel it to be okay for him to mistreat her, to cheat on her she will find a man that will love her and only her. So as what do cheaters feel? It will always be a mystery to me because even today I don't know. I am thinking nothing they just don't want to be bothered with their activity they don't want you to tell them to be exclusive. They get angry and spitful when you tell them what they are doing is wrong. They have no control and yes they are very needy indviduals with low self esteem and they are constantly looking for someone to approve of them. But for me the one who has been cheated on I am in alot of pain and the tears happen at any moment. I truely loved him.
Thank you | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/12/2005 2:48:47 PM | | I've ony cheated 2 or 3 times but sometimes after i do it im pretty emotionless cuz i did it cuz i didnt like the person so. thats just me tho. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/12/2005 7:07:40 PM | | Parents did it when I was young, screwed me up as a kid, wife of 18 years did it, hurt like hell!!, now 2 friends of mine found out thier wifes are cheating!! What is with people, all cheating does is break hearts and hurts like hell!! All I wish for cheaters is that they get a taste of thier own medicine. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/12/2005 9:57:22 PM | Broken Dad:
I feel your pain. Please look up the post I just left here in the heartbroken section.
My ex fiance was also bipolar. I never saw it when we were together for 5 years but
his vicious ex had thrown him in the looney bin TWICE his momma said. He had the
type of bipolar, he told me, where you are either UP or WAY UP. Always mega HAPPY,
never really depressed. When we once lived together for 9.5 months he didn't take the
lithium or wellbutrin his ex (a medical asst, nurse wanna be) had him doped up on, and I
never noticed any change. His sex drive was AWESOME! We got along GREAT! Very
rarely was he moody and silent, only twice in 9.5 months. Then, he sent me back to my
ex for the sake of the children, much to my surprise. Needless to say, my two wonderful
teens are thrilled... and thankful!! We were to be married later, in three to eight years...
and then it just ended.... Big shock... HUGE PAIN. I am successfully healing and feel very
upbeat.... and just wrote to see if you had any bipolar info for me... Thanks! God bless!!
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kat23
| | Joined: 1/6/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/14/2005 4:59:56 PM | I was 22,5 months pregnet with my 3 son and having complacations with the pregancy(high blood presure to an extream)I found condoms in his pocket (whitch WERN"T for us) and when i tried to take to him i freaked and ran out of the house...i drove for hours and when i came home said lets talk tommorrow. Well Sat came and he says he has to go to his moms for a bit and we'll talk when he gets home...hed tell me everything. He left and never came home...i finally reached him the next mourning and asked if he was bringing the car back or did i need to get it...siad are u coming home,he said nope...I asked if i should call a lawyer....he said it was the best idea he ever heard and it would mean he wouldn't be stuck with a 'stupid b*tch' like me. I was really upset and asked him what i did wrong...why did he hate me.....I totly threw away my pride....we were split for almost 3 months during whitch he ignored our boys,me and my pregnacy. But then he was nice to me and i stupidly went back....spent the next 10 months feeling hurt,resentful,ugly,and broken.I felt like there was something wrong with me to make him want someone else...she wouldn't have had 2 kids (streach marks) or be pregnant (huge) she was perfect and i was dirt. Its 8 months alter now...we've been apart since June 1...this time he decided that cheating wasn't enough...he was also going to try and punch me....but this time I had it....soooooo...here I am,23,single mom to 3 boys )6,2,1,)
happy for once but scared sensless of the thought of a relationship,of letting some man close enough to cause hurt....So cheaters,think of that next time someone else looks good to u... kat | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/14/2005 6:09:36 PM | | Kat I totally understand what your saying! Cheaters do not seem to realize the pain, suffering and long lasting damage they do to a person!! I do hope that in time you can again trust a man and have someone close to you! | |
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kat23
| | Joined: 1/6/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/17/2005 3:42:23 PM | | Thanks..I don't hate guys,I still have guy friends and have seen my best friend end up with an amzing man(she had 2 kids)and i couldn't hate men and be any kind of mom to my boys.Just,no relationships for along time,I wouldn't treat any one right soooooooooo untill then its me and my boys...later kat | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/17/2005 11:08:57 PM | | i cheated once, it was out of revenge. what either of us did was not right, but cheating sucks! those of you who say cheaters feel no remorse can go pound sand up their a$$. i fell remorse, i've been cheated on and cheating on someone just destroys your soul, that is if you have one...... | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/18/2005 6:44:18 AM | | i don't think it is ever worth it...unless you are just a really cruel, have no feelings kinda person. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/18/2005 7:08:57 AM | | well I have been cheated on and it hurt like hell, I am now 38 and single cause I find it hard to trust another man, and I know I shouldn't treat all men the same but it is hard not to, as every man I have been with ( which isn't many) cheated on me including my husband father of my children, so now I wonder if I should just stay single although it is lonely but safer | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/20/2005 6:29:28 PM | | some of them do, i've had 3 guys cheat on me over the many years of relationships, and ALL of them 2-5 years later, got in touch and told me the stupidest thing they ever did was f*ck it up with me. they wanted back, but nope, not wasting any more time with someone who couldn't get their act together at the time they had what they claimed was the best thing that ever happened to them. plus there would be the trust issue, and if you're starting a relationship with no trust, it's no good! | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/20/2005 6:34:03 PM | | I never cheated so I don't know. I expect they either regret it, or don't care. I know I don't care how they feel. There is self-respect, and then the rest doesn't matter. | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/20/2005 7:32:58 PM | | cheaters are self centered chickenshatt liars (Word was misspelled to condemn the guilty), although one time my mother dated a man whose wife was dying, the woman (a saint), knew of the situation, and allowed it to go on out of love for her husband, but that is one unusual situation..... | |
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| Re: what do cheaters feel?
Posted: 2/21/2005 11:24:15 PM | Woah... now thats love
loving so much to be able to watch that going on, knowing full well that this is what makes your partner happy....
strange..
as for the statement : What do cheaters feel?
my $.02 would have to be a quote.... from a song by NOFX
"The guilty dont feel guilty, they learn not to"
case in point..
when I was finishing highschool going off to college, I was going out with this girl, whom I really REALLY fell for. we went out for.... oh... a few years 2-3 maybe....
anywho... I ended up getting a good opportunity in metal fabrication (which didnt pan out).
between the time I was gone, and came back.. (month or two) she had found this other guy and had... oh.. gee. "FORGOTEN" to tell me.
I freaked. (who wouldn't)... for 5 years, I hadn't talked to her... just a few days to a week ago... right around valentines day at that! I was driving down the right lane on a busy road in my town.. I had this feeling "look left"
there she was, riding in ANOTHER guys car, waving and smiling like it was "sunshine & lolipops" .. I nodded .. merged off to the right - onto the highway
just like the song says
she didn't feel guilty, she had learnt not to... | |
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