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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?      Home login  
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 ImitatingLife
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 1
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
What are the rules? Once he calls you, can you call him? Should you never call and leave it up to him? If you see him online, should you im first, or wait for him to im you? What do you want/expect from us?
 steveracer
Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 2
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:35:39 PM
I have never seen the Rule book, but I think this would be Dependant on how you feel about the situation, if your comfortable calling go for it. I know it would not bother me at all. Good Luck.

I could give you my number so you could practice calling.
 MarriageMinded55
Joined: 1/27/2006
Msg: 3
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:45:49 PM
In this day and age?

Any woman who is interested in a man that reciprocates the interest............but won't call the man...............probably lives mentally in the 19th century and dances the minuet.

If you don't call the man then I'd think that he'd assume that you weren't interested in him and probably would move on. I mean, this is 2008 and no sane man wants to feel like he's being a stalker so unreturned calls feels like she has no interest and as though she's making it clear not to call her again.
 meteor 54
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 4
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/12/2008 8:02:33 PM
Showing interest is fine!
Had several that stalked me......
REALLY put me off! Showed up at my job, hung out for me
outside my place, refused to talk to me when I tried to reason
with her.[that was weird!]

Works both ways, put your bait out, feel a tug....,YOU'RE ....IN!
Reel in the line.......it's CUT.......need a new hook, switch to FLYFISHING.
 Desertbro
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 5
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:07:10 PM
The rules haven't changed in 10,000 years.
~ Tell the friggin' TRUTH ~

If you act like a parrot or a pet you will be treated like one
If you don't tell a man what you want, he will make decisions only based on what HE wants --- SPEAK UP!
Never say you like something you've NEVER heard of or NEVER done. A man WILL call your bluff.

Stay out of his closet, do not clean his car. Tell him what you like when he WEARS it, don't point to something in a store and tell him to wear it. In other words, SHOW appreciation for things that he DOES, instead of making 100 suggestions about what he SHOULD DO.

Cleaning any kind of bio-waste/food/hazard will score you big points and almost guarantee another date. Men don't say it, but they really like it when you clean gooey stuff, it means you care. CAUTION: Do not clean stuff OFF HIS PERSON. If he is dirty, tell him a shower is in order. Do not wash him in public.

Never take food out of his hand. Or the TV remote. Or a girly mag. Really. Ask what it is, tell him you don't like it and go home. Guys are slow, but they'll wise up.
 curt968
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 6
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:41:00 AM
I've enjoyed reading allot of your posts Desertbro but I'll have to disagree with this one though I do agree with a few of your points... The rulse HAVE changed more than a few times in 10,000 years hahaha. They didn't even have remotes 40 years ago. Women are more able to express their independence and autonomy than they were 100 years ago... even more than 40 years ago. The difference in gender modeling in the media, including movies, politics, and women actually in the media, the past 40 years is astounding. A natural consequence of those changes is a blurring of what used to be acceptable and a confusion about how to proceed on both sides of the line. That does not mean that you personally don't know how to proceed. I think you're your own person with pretty clear ideas and views on what should or should not be done. However, the question is legitimate and the responses that suggest that the prenuptual dance has changed, in my opinion, is accurate.

Back to the question, I think if you're interested give the person a call. You'll notice fairly quickly by the reaction of the other person whether they believe you are pressing or smothering them. I don't think it is the man's exclusive responsibility to initiate the contact. I'd be flattered receiving the phone call. I hope she would feel the same from me if we had expressed an interest in each other by email.
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 7
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 1:12:44 AM
HOGWASH guys! You still stand to pee & us chicks sit to pee... a man is a man & a woman is a woman. Men hunt, women allow themselves to be caught by a man they like. A woman who calls men , emails men, etc. are not found alluring by the men.

I don't mean NEVER call a man, BUT let him do more than 50% of the calling. Otherwise you will end up w/ a passive asexual type male who doesn't have much testosterone. A manly man likes to hunt his prey!

Is such an attitude archaic? Hell no! It's scientific! I took a class in college a few years ago, evolutionary psychology, or EP for short & it opened my eyes & changed my life!It's not just about men, it's about women too. Ever notice how catty women can be?

Too much equality de-polarizes a person's sexuality & then you will be doomed to the forums forever!
 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 8
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:18:02 AM
In my way of thinking marriageminded makes the most sense, in fact I have said basically the same thing in regards to "the rules" for contacting women. With our fast paced, easy access, instant gratification, society, this answer seems the only logical one. And I quote:



If you don't call the man then I'd think that he'd assume that you weren't interested in him and probably would move on. I mean, this is 2008 and no sane man wants to feel like he's being a stalker so unreturned calls feels like she has no interest and as though she's making it clear not to call her again


However angelic reminds me that there truly are no easy answers for ways to deal with men or women. No manual, or step by step instructions. I am thinking that perhaps it might have something to do with the fact that we are all different, be it ever so slightly.

With that said I would suggest you throw out the game plan, be your self, and do what feels right to you. I think, this way, you (we) would have a better chance of attracting someone who appreciates us for who we are.
 yepper1218
Joined: 10/4/2006
Msg: 9
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:49:06 AM
Well if you have someone phone number the 2 of you must have talks some where so at the point either should call Lets face it at are age who care who callled who 1st. Get real. .
 saffirezen
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 10
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:52:21 AM
Hi, I read your mail and was intrigued as thats exactly what I would like to know. I was talkng to someone for 6months before we met, we met twice and then he started to call every day but didnt want to meet up again making all sorts of excuses and if I said anything he said I was too pushy this went on with him calling me every day and me not saying anything about meeting up and it was nearly 6 months when I invited him a new years party that my daughter was having he made excuses for that also then realised this wasnt going any where and still called me pushy lol so then told him so if wanted to be friends thats fine with me he blanked me after that and said if I contacted him again he would report me to the police - men are weird. Before him I hadnt had a relationship for 7years and I am a very shy person with men now I am quick to find out about the games they play on line.

Thanks for reading and glad to know its not me only and not women too dont know what men want as they dont communicate like women do and dont say.

Best of luck. Saffirezen
 saffirezen
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 11
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:57:25 AM
Yeah you saying that, but what happens when you do call and text and he doesnt like it and threatens you with the police lol you men are funny!! Dont know what you all want??

Theres too many game playing on line, one man started to talk to me, then flirt saying he like to meet me etc gave me his mobile number, text him and then he stopped suddently wanting me to do the chasing which I am not good at as being shy - will meet him half way which I have done but he doesnt reply takes him days and yet see him on line all the time = then tells me I am talking to many may be etc.
 saffirezen
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 12
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:01:46 AM
Lol you are talking about living with someone not just getting to know someone and about yourself and past.

Its very good you saying all that stuff, how about you men?? We are not mind readers and dont know what you all want and straight away call us pushy etc. It always have to be on men's terms or not at all.

Try dating man!!
 saffirezen
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 13
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:03:55 AM
Too right have been saying the same thing. Well said.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 14
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:42:52 AM

Is such an attitude archaic? Hell no! It's scientific! I took a class in college a few years ago, evolutionary psychology, or EP for short & it opened my eyes & changed my life!It's not just about men, it's about women too. Ever notice how catty women can be?


Yea Right! We need to make it simple again and go back to the times when all men needed for a date was to club the woman and drag her back to the cave by her hair.

Screw the idea that women are equal and have learned to fend for themselves and found independence.

As to the subject, showing interest is quite different than being pushy, I'd say expecting men to chase you is pushy but sending a note to someone showing interest is intelligent.

While some women are waiting for a guy with the proverbial club to chase them around, other women are sending notes to guys that they recognize as having evolved past the archaic notion of clubbing women for sex. I believe the latter type of woman has evolved past feeling they need to be chased.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 15
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:04:25 AM
"Once he calls you, can you call him?"
---------------
Sure. Or you can call first, if he gave you his number. There's no point in leaving everything up to him, because you probably wouldn't do that if you were a pair.
---------------
"should you im first, or wait for him to im you?"
---------------
I still don't understand the fascination with IM. A friend and I tested it against e-mail and decided that IM is really no faster, practically speaking. What we did notice is that a new-IM notice will pop up on your screen while you're trying to do something else, and to me, that's pushy and so I don't fool it. What's the hurry? E-mail is just fine, and there's nothing wrong with a woman writing first. Of course, in the beginning one does everything cautiously and watches for the red flags.
 highwater
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 16
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:57:37 AM
Rules? Who knows. Some men are shy some are not. I love it when women contact me first. You may feel the same way.
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 17
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:37:27 AM

What do you want/expect from us?
You mean what do we want whether or not it's politically correct to say/desire it? That's easy:

In between love-makin' we expect/desire to keep y'all company and eventually F up everything because we men are terrible mind-readers. I, however, make a killer margarita.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 18
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What do you want/expect from us?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:44:10 AM

I, however, make a killer margarita


Ya do? Hmmm...I will be right over!

OT: I have to admit I am always at a quandry over this. And please let me explain. One meets either a male or female, they date, enjoy each other's company but? Who is the one to keep calling? When does one know when to back off without being labelled a stalker? See? Six of one and half a dozen of the other!
 Ghostwind
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 19
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:03:54 AM
Dear Angelicblondie:

Where some men may be overley "hunter oriented"... this is not the case for all. Certain scientific and psychological data are useful and true to a great degree. But it cannot be made to be a blanket truth, especially for something as complex as a human being. That would be like saying, all women like roses.. I have known woman who like roses, others prefer something as simple as a carnation and others didn't care for flowers at all. Granted there are some men, and women too, who prefer to do all the calling/emailing. And when the other party takes any liberty to do these things, they are viewed by the "hunter" as being pushy or un-alluring. But this is the attitiude of the egotistical and foolish.. Any man who is worth his weight in gold finds it just as exciting, flattering and yes, even comforting, when the woman puts forth a little effort and calls or emails him. If a man finds you un-alluring and pushy when you put forth effort to contact him and he starts shying away. Chances are that man is really not interested in you as a person. He is probably playing cat and mouse on a more instinctive, sexual level. And once the prey has been conquered.. he will move on to the next hunt. Any decent man who really likes a woman loves to hear from her as much as she likes to hear from him. And if a woman plays hard to get and doesn't return calls or emails.. The the man will give up and move on because he will think that she is uninterested. And believe me.. I am a man and I know men. And what some of the guys have written on this thread is not "HOGWASH" at all. Don't believe everything you read or hear in a classroom even.. Many sciences and pseudo-sciences have holes and gaps in their theories. And as stated before, not all data can be applied as a blanket truth to every situation. Especially when it comes to something as complex as a human being..
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 20
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:22:47 AM
I am like the OP..... I would also like to know what Men want and the right things to do whenever you like someone. Back in the old days [before marriage and kids] I knew how to flirt and have fun. Now days I have to take a step back and try to refigure all this stuff out. Everything is redefined with dating. I also am pretty shy and wasn't that way whenever I was younger . It isn't from a low self esteem it is because things are different and don't want to come on to strongly with dating. I have a friend that I had meant online and he told me that I behave like I am doing a job interview and that opened my eyes up to some of the stuff that I do wrong.......so the bits that you give every women on here is a big help..............Blue
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 21
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:26:04 AM
Let me clarify something- once a connection has been established- I think it is cool that a woman can email & or phone a man. But beforehand- I think it is more up to the man to initiate. Although women need to feel sexual attraction, men need it even more. Guys, think of the times a woman chased you down that you were not attracted to. How did it make you feel? Icky, like you were being stalked?

I am not talking about game playing either. I don't think anyone, male or female, if they are psychologically & emotionally secure, wants to be on "lockdown" or chased like Peppy LePew chasing that poor female cat who got the white stripe of paint on her back by mistake

We all have instincts in us that are animalistic, whether we deny them or not is a whole other thing. Rather than rejecting our instints, we should embrace them & enjoy how they attract a partner into our life
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 22
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:08:23 AM
Geeeeee........The last time I had my testosterone checked, it seemed to be where it is suppose to be, and I have not had any complaints so far, in that area, but I must be the "metro man" you are talking about.......

I am much more into equality, and do not take it the wrong way if women contact me first, or take the initial steps to knowing me better. It is very refreshing to not have to do all the work, or seem like the one hunting, when that is just not the case at all.

The main difference now between equals that are of the opposite gender, is the approach with how you contact, invite, chase, accept, etc. Women can be much more subtle in ways of the heart when it comes to meeting, and greeting, but still very satisfying for those of us that prefer to know that we are wanted, invited, and pursued as much as we do them.

Men can be much more aggressive and oblivious to other indicators around them, or hints given by some around. Many times men do not know when to stop that pursuit or aggression, and then their approach becomes the norm, and not wanted by those they are pursuing.

I just prefer a meeting of the minds, bodies, and attitudes of two that are willing to give and take in such a way, as to leave no doubt that both want each other, and both are equals....

Just my opinion.......
 curt968
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 23
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:40:37 AM
Without intending to come off brash, if you read the OP you'll see that the connection had already been made. They may say in school that the basic biology of men and women are the same but to say that the mating game has not changed since the dawn of man is a ridiculous statement. Secondarily, if you truly want the relationship/date and there already has been contact, there is not a thing wrong nor is it repulsive to have the person call you regardless of the gender. Its fairly easy to end the pursuit if a person calls you that you don't want to date lol. Using your example, psychologically and emotionally secure people would have very little difficulty ending a relationship or phone call particularly early on in the association.

I think a psychologically and emotionally secure female would have little difficulty expressing her interest in a man and have the matter of mutual interest settled fairly quickly.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 24
MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:06:04 AM
Op,,
The first rule is there are no rules,
If there are rules,, then they were made to be broken.
If a man calls you, conversation went well, I believe most times men will ask, can I call you again, they might also say here is my number, call any time..

As for IM's I don't do IM's,, Id say call me or can I call you..

Expect nothing, be surprised with everything..

Bottom line,, you do what is best for you and what makes you feel good..
 belle.la.donna
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 25
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MEN, How much interest can a woman show without appearing pushy?
Posted: 3/13/2008 10:24:02 AM

Let me clarify something- once a connection has been established- I think it is cool that a woman can email & or phone a man. But beforehand- I think it is more up to the man to initiate


This is how I feel. I don't feel comfortable initiating contact with men. I guess I am too old fashioned.

I'm surprised at how many men don't like IM. I love it..just NOT the pof IM it's slow,and unwieldy. I like yahoo the best...it saves me money on my phone bill, I guess that's why I like it.
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