| how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/14/2004 11:38:21 PM | I need ur help.. cuz i dunno whts in his head!
I was grown up in germany and i went to filipines(where i was born) 4 vacation this year. I fell in love w a filipino man. I never knew tht the filipinos are like tht. So respectful, kind, such gentleman, .. he has evrythg i want. I split my relationship in Germany and i told the filipino to visit me here in Germany. I was about to spend all my money and evrythg just to see him once more. He said he is serious bout me, too and he needs time to think about it. But he's not giving me any response at all. ( since a month)
Why? is he just to shy to tell me he doesnt want to go?
Wht would u do if someone gives u this offer?
at least to say " no, but thx i dont want" is this too much? tell me please
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/14/2004 11:47:12 PM | | i believe that is a very hard choice..and really may take some time to come up with one..i mean to move across the whole world for someone..it could be great or it could be a complete tragedy (ive been down this road before) , im sure he cares for you..but he has to sacrafice alot.. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/17/2004 8:46:45 AM | Well I might get jumped on for this one but here goes.... I would really forget about getting involved with someoen in the Phillipines unless you are interested in living there yourself.
I have a lot of friends who have married someone from a country where people tend to be seeking the exit door and too often it ends up that they were just playing the situation to get out of their country.
If you feel you are really interested in him, tell him you are willing to move to the Phillipines and give up your German citizenship. Make sure you sound serious. Let him think you will not have much money to bring with you either. Then sit back and see if he doesn't fade away.
silken | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/17/2004 9:44:39 AM | | I don't think it is you. this is a realy big step. yes he would be saying hello to you but goodbye to his home land, his family, his friends, his town, his whole history and traveling to a completely unknown enviroment.. Maybe you should see if he would like to just come and visit instead for a couple of months or something like that instead. Then It wouldn't be so hard on him. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/17/2004 5:08:49 PM | Yeah, "...time to think about it..., I think I'll post that one in the "Brush-off" thread.
Silken: Giving up your German Citizenship is no longer required. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 9:51:45 AM | today i got the first email after one month.
He said tht he really wants to come to visit me in Germany, but tht he doesn't know how to finance his baby ( his not together with the mother anymore) , if he comes over here.So he decided to go on a ship for work again in two weeks.
I mean it sounds understandable!Or?
I 'm making plans to go to Philippines,too. I searched already schools and apartments, but i dont wanna tell him yet. Cuz maybe he things i'm completly stupid and i'm afraid he thinks tht it is not a good idea.But i think i have to tell him.When i'm sure how to realise my plans ( to finance)
After all i don't know if it s just an excuse.Wht do you think?
The thing is i believe if i'm sure about someone i would go everywhere, do anything.. no matter how! Thts why i dont understand why he so careful about us. Or is it me whos unrealistc?
U really help me a lot for ur kind opinions! | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 10:01:32 AM | | you may be sure about him...but that is no reason to rush someone into something they are not ready for finacially or emotionally yet....give him the benefit of the doubt...that he is thinking this through with a sound stable mind and not basing it on a "feeling" alone. men are practical thinkers and don't like to be rushed blindfolded into relationships | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 10:13:18 AM | thank u for tht!
I think it must be the same wht he also thinks.
Wht do i have for other choices to go on with him? Should i tell him tht i go to philippines?
I thought if i invite him for two weeks, he would return to his country and after tht we can see wht to do. I dont know another way how i can go on with him.
I'm such an emotional person, but i believe tht i can handle any problems about financal things. If the money is his only problem i would pay for his baby. Of course I would never tell him, but its really so important for me to be with him. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 11:44:30 AM | | you should take it slow, if you guys truely love each other you will get together, for now just see if he would be open to the idea of him comming to visit for a few months or you visiting him for a few months.. this way you guys wouldn't have to stress out so bad about such a huge decision and just enjoy each after that you guys will come up with something | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 1:20:13 PM | geannie he says he cannot afford for his baby to come away with him - is he the one caring for this baby ? if he only sees the baby when the mother allows or if the baby lives with her and not him - then perhaps he can come alone - it just doesnt sound right to me - i would take it slow like everyone else says - if he knows you have possible funds to help him do things that he cannot do himself then he may be using you - sorry - suppose he wants to take the baby away from the mother - dont get involved that way - do not buy his baby way into your country - i would just do what you have to do to see him when you can - maybe all the money you plan to spend moving to where he is - you can use to go back and forth perhaps - like once every other month or so - if he can save up between those months himself he can pay for his own baby to come - or make it special and say in about 4 months you all get together someone close by - somewhere that he can save to come too - i would get more information on this guy too if i was you
good luck
z | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/18/2004 6:06:37 PM | i called him today for the very first time... after i got his email and after checking your advices!
My voice was shaking, i couldnt breath no more.. horrorble! Everything i wanted to say was gone. I told him about my plans to move to Philippines next year. Cuz if he's not coming i will move there. It's not enough for me to see him in my vacations next summer or something. I want to see him again as soon as possible. He explained tht he thinks we would have a better chance in Germany than in Philis. And tht he would like to come and will try to get his passport. After tht he will tell me ! I'm really glad about tht.But i will wait now.. u guys made all clear to me tht i have to wait ... he really has to sacrifice more than me.
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/19/2004 3:34:05 AM | i know u may think this is all stupid when i tell u for how long i spend time with him.
i met him on an island, he was there with his girlfriend and another couple. We saw us a few times there and then we met in manila for one night. later he brought me to the airport and that was it.
Yesterday he told me tht his girlfriend left already on a ship for work for seven month. His baby stays with his mom and he is only supporting his baby - financially. It doesnt stay with him. And i'm not going to take his baby to my country - of course it belongs to his mom.
The thing tht i would go to Philippines is not only because of him, i could compare it with my work i am doing right now. And my relatives do live there, so i won't be comletly lost if id be there. I really wish to have a chance with him, even when there are worlds between us. Yesterday he also says tht i have to think tht we are both involved in another lives, i asked him if he wants me to forget about us because of tht, but he says no!I had the feeling tht he would like to have a chance with me. U know i wanna give him another life, i don't want him to work on ships or work as a low-sallary-guy, i want to help him. Even if the time was short, i know tht i feel in love with him so bad. Before i met him i thought i had already serious relationships ( i had two which last both 3 years). But now its different for me. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/19/2004 3:43:55 AM | is it possible you are more in love with something different than what you have already - you say you were in a relationship of 3 years - was it that bad that you prefer to be with someone that you just met ? I am not here to judge - no one is - I just suggest really thinking about what you plan on doing next. We cant save everybody who has it bad - we can encourage them and be apart of what is good - also what does your family think about you moving - do they not feel that perhaps you are moving too quickly - they can not stop you of course it seems - but hearing them out may not be a bad idea - especially if you hear other opinions outside of your own - some who know you personally
- his g.f. is away for 7 months - i would think he would be lonely too and the idea that someone is there to keep him happy while she is away - that could be part of what he wants ..
you said *Yesterday he also says tht i have to think tht we are both involved in another lives*
maybe he is trying to warn you that he is unsure or maybe he is trying to not hurt your feelings
suggestion - learn lots more before moving...
goodluck,
z | |
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silken
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Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/20/2004 6:34:42 AM | Geannie, do I understand this correctly? You met him while he was with his girlfriend (who is also the mother of his 7 month old baby) and you saw him secretly during that time? Now you are hoping for him to leave the girlfriend to come be with you? Do you really feel good about this? If I have understood this correctly, I would have no respect for this man, nor would I expect him to be faithful to me if I did get together with him. After all, I think you're saying that he went behind his girlfriend's back to begin and now is willing to leave her and his 7 month hold behind...
silken | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/20/2004 11:06:24 PM | The baby is not the child of his actually girlfirend, he left her already before she had the baby. And his actually girlfriend is also gone now.
On the phone he asked me if it was bad to do this behind our partners. I said tht for me it was bad enough to hurt my boyfriend tht much and i ve never done this to my boyfriend or to someone else before in my life.Cuz nobody deserve tht.
This situation sounds very complicated to you guys. Yesterday he wrote me tht he s not prepared and not ready for tht.And tht he will leave next month to go on the ship. Next year i will go to philippines for vacation. But i dont know if it will be worth to wait so long. And to save my feelings for him. I know i cannot expect tht after one night we ve spend, he would say yes. I think i will wait for next year and if he likes me, we will get together then. Its just so hard to have tht kind of strong feeling to someone and to know i cannot do something. Normaly im really not so crazy to fall in love head over heels, but now it happend to me. I dont know how. And im asking myself if im kind of freaky, but i didnt choose my feelings. I wish i could turn them off. Then it would not hurt me so bad. | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/21/2004 5:41:36 AM | I'm a gambling guy.. and if I had to bet on this.. I'd say that he's probably a little intimidated to leave the Philipines. has he ever left before? The two countries are so different in cultures and diversity. Perhaps he's just nervous when he isn't on his ground.
I'd send a letter/email, stating that you're thinking of going down again and see if he responds to that.. then tear a strip off of him and make him wish that he was never born.
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silken
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Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 19 | |
| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/21/2004 8:42:24 AM | Personally I also know what it is to fall head over heels and insanely so. ;) Unrequited love I am also quite familiar with. However I would have to say I don't think this situation is worthwhile... he doesn't sound like a good bet to me based on his past relationships.
silken | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/21/2004 12:51:56 PM | today i shed so many tears about him,, talking with a good friens and he says: if he would had the same feeling for me, he would be already here with me. He had kindled kind of vigors inside of me, tht makes me believe i can move mountains to get togehter with him. And of course maybe it's because of his child, his family, his fear to sacrifice so much, because we dont know us well... there are so many excuses. But if he had asked me to move there, i would go right away - no matter how. I just have been there long ago.
I'm not really sure if u think of ur problems first, or if u think about the one u love. He says tht he cannot prioritize tht at this point in time. And maybe the people in tht kind of poor country cannot handle their life so independent and free like we use to do.I dunno!
Do u believe if people love each other they can get together anyhow?
Love,
ge | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/22/2004 4:18:14 PM | Geannie...I've read everything that you have said as well as what everyone else was written in response. Yes I believe if two people love each other enough anything is possible but I don't have a good feelin' about this guy from just what you have said his responses have been. If he cared about you as much as he says he does then I don't believe he would give you the run around as much as he seems to be doing. My advice to you...and please try it because I've been in situations like this and have had friends in similuar ones....sit back and just see what happens. I would hate to find out that this guy was playing with your emotions...it's not fun when one gets rejected (I'm not saying this will happen to you). Just move on with your life...I know it is hard but sometimes that is the best thing to do.
I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do though! :) | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 9/23/2004 12:33:49 AM | "sailors have a girl in every port..."
you really make me scary...
i have to tell u all, i was really reading ur advices carefully and sometimes when i write him an e mail, i used ur expressions, your thoughts. And it helped me to think about this situation in another way. I hate him to go on tht f**ing ship for so long, and i hate it when i think of his girlfriend, ... its hard for me to go on in my life. But someone told me, this experience belongs to life, too.
I never thought i could turn everything around just to be with someone, or to move any mountain, or to cross the longest distance.. but now i know!
I wanna do nothing no more, but on thing i have to do. On his bday i wanna send someone to give him a gift. I wanna give him a ring w a necklace , and inside a gravure.. " I'll be waiting for you..."
Stupid, or? but thts the last thing i do. hey just let me be kind of romantic.
All my love to you..
gean | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 10/15/2004 4:40:22 AM | | They say love is a kind of insanity that defies all reason and logic. I don't want to piss on your parade but are you sure you can take this guy seriously? Words are still just words, though honey coated as they may be, they need ACTION to give them substance or else they remain as empty shallow scribblings on paper. Just think about that for a moment.... | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 10/15/2004 6:24:55 AM | You seem like a trusting, loving, living doll geannie Hon, but still I do not know enough about your man friend to say either way. Personally, I can not see moving any parent away from their children. I can not see moving that far from my home with there being just one doubt in my head about the person I am moving for.
My best advice is just to SLOW down! Love can conquer TIME!  | |
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| Re: how would u react by this offer?
Posted: 10/17/2004 8:18:18 PM | I DID THE LONG DISTANCE THING FOR 3.5 YEARS
WE WOULD LIVE TOGETHER FOR 4 MONTHS AT A TIME
WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED
AND THEN ...........................
I WAS OVER.............
RELIGIOUS BELIEFS GOT IN THE WAY
INLAWS GOT IN THE WAY
BITTERNESS GOT IN THE WAY..........................................
SLOW,BE CAREFUL | |
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