| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:34:01 AM | * An example of a Learning Experience . . Not a 'Pity Thread' . . *
* * *
'A' was one of the very few women to contact me first . . complimenting me on my writing style
..I think it was in defending a Lady that had just been victimized by yet another Bad-boy . .
We chatted for a while . . I offered my phone #, and she called right away . .
* SHOCK *
After a long chat, she commented that she was suprised that I hadn't so much Hinted at
any form of sexual topic . .
I told her that as per my Profile . . I was looking for an LTR . .
which would naturally include sex in some form or another . . eventually . .
that it wasn't a prerequisite to form a close friendship that could lead to an LTR . .
She laughed . . Agreed . . and immediately began asking what I liked and didn't like to do . . sexually . . 
* Long-story-Short*
We agreed to meet .. and I travelled to her most local airport . .
with an Amethyst/Diamond 'Promise Ring' in my pocket . . !!
Things progressed very well . . till the second day . . when the 'Happy Birthday' banner detached from the wall at the restaurant . .
As I reached over to re-attach the tape to the wall...she held me back , saying 'Let 'Mary' fix it!'
I said 'No big deal....It's just a piece of paper . . I don't think I'll Strain myself..' - I re-attached it! -
Well . . she took it the absolute Worst possible way . . assuming that I was totally discounting the sentiment and effort put out to celebrate my birthday {a week ago}.
That set the tone for the next several hours . . mostly sitting in silence .. and disbelief
that she would let something that minor become Such a big deal !
My biggest error . . : Having had limited experience in the last several {10} years with women in general . . I completely forgot that aspect of the female psyche . . !
She let it fester so much, that she started manifesting a whole list of other
'irritating qualities' of mine . . {factual or Not} . .
She stressed about them So Much . . that she reached the point of being what I can only describe as 'Red-Faced Rage' . .
Another man would've jumped back in her face and maybe even slapped her . .
{she was THAT Bad!}
but, I calmly sat and listened . . then calmly went to my suitcase .. packed it . . and went for a walk . .
After being locked-out for 2 hours . . I was finally asked if I'd like to
'come in and go to sleep' .. which turned out to be _on the floor_ . .
[at least it was Indoors!]
The next morning, I finished collecting some small items and packed them . .
then walkes 2 miles . . in the rain . . to the local bus station . .and booked a ride home . .
which should've taken just over 24 hours .
But, with the snowstorm, last week . . I spent 22 hours .. just In the Atlanta Depot . . . . !!
A total of 4 days of a 23-day'Vacation' . . but . .
***She never Did see the Ring!*** | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:01:43 AM | *cough cough*... you ummmm... went to meet someone for the first time... with a diamond and amethyst ring in your pocket???
Can everyone say DOORMAT????
JMO | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:07:01 AM | 'Some' might even say it was a very Romantic gesture . . but . .
*Opinions Vary*
Well . . It's not like it was a Spur of the Moment Date . .
We talked Daily . . and in very deep detail . .
We were BOTH very much looking forward to it . .
And it would Still be going on...TODAY . . if not for a misunderstanding . .
I May have even presented the ring by now . .
...but . . that's all behind us, now . .
* At least it's still available . . I didn't have it Inscribed . . !!! * | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:45:22 AM | A promise ring at your age? Come on. Those sentimental baubles should stop by the time a boy graduates high school. Really before the beginning of high school.
I'm sorry that happened to you, really. But you're a grown man and you allowed yourself to have the raging emotions of a youngster. Your $50 promise ring cost you more than that and a trip. It caused you horrible abuse at the mouth of a person you didn't know.
If you think the birthday banner started her rant, you really need to read up more on women. She wasn't impressed with you and found "something" to rag on you about. Apparently she didn't want to tell you the truth.
Oh,and yeah; you really showed her by not letting her see the ring. Huge damage done there. I don't know if she'll recover.
Give yourself more respect than some hoochie like this chick.
Liz | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:09:03 AM | How many 'days' did this relationship actually last?
Long distance relationship, letting you sleep at her place when she's never met you, buying her a 'Promise Ring' before meeting once, discussing sex in detail including likes and dislikes on your first chat and you've never even shared a meal? Yeah it should have worked out. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:37:14 AM | I don't understand what the misunderstanding was?
I don't understand the "she took it the absolute worst possible way"?
How did she take it? What is the absolute worst possible way you can take that? | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:45:28 AM | Sounds like an utter lack of planning on OP's part. I would have had a hotel room, a rental car, and a long list of things I would like to see and do in a place I was visiting.
And I thought friendship rings were but a fiction from a movie I wouldnt sit through in the 1st place.
I think that it is likely that the whole cyber relationship that was being had was likely based on fantasy and not upon the reality of your personalities. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 11:55:42 AM | Help!? Im lost... you had a promise ring (which I believe in btw) in your pocket. And you never met her?
They say "the man picks the woman".. hum...your a man who is very ready to get married.
I hope you pick a nice woman next time. She sounds like too much baggage, pushy, and would of made your life miserable. And you would of taken it if there was something redemable about her.
Im glad you walked... there are better ones waiting as well | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:06:56 PM | Thanks, 'ima' . .
She's a nice Lady . . just a bit High-strung . .
I guess I didn't realize that she had such 'anxiety attacks' that affected her . .
I suppose it's possible that we could renegotiate in the future . . but . . as for now . .
I'll just readjust and make a few more  casts ..
* Live and Learn * | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:19:16 PM | Well, it does seem you moved on her pretty fast. But when something feels right... one must follow...
maybe she's kicking herself... or not. Panic attacks can rule peoples lives. maybe she didn't mean it. but the anger towards you fixing the corner of a banner... i dooonnt know...
who was 'Mary' if i may ask? ('Let Mary fix it') | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:24:39 PM | You know, I do get things can get way beyond you with cyber dating. I have had three men try to wrangle (does anybody use that word) me into a relationship before even meeting them.
The first one was so enthused I just went along for the ride. He flew across the country to meet me, after planning a weeks worth of activities. I met him at the airport, and it was so obvious there was nothing at all there for me. So, inspite of hours of conversation and the exchange of many pics...there is no accounting for chemistry. I didn't know how I was going to make it through a whole week! He let me off the hook, thank God!
The second guy I did date once, then I left the west coast and we continued with the long distance thing. After about six weeks I was talked into staying with him on my next trip west. OMG! He was very difficult and I couldn't wait to leave!
I discouraged a third man from courting me this way. The more I protested, the harder he pursued. I had to laugh when he starting using the word love. What?? He just went on, practically alone. We met and there was nothing there, again!
Ladies, do not let these men live out their fantasies at your expense. While nothing bad happened to me, I was left feeling like I was responsible for damaging someone's feelings each time.
For the gentleman who wrote this blog: This woman is probably perfectly lovely, she just didn't feel any chemistry, it's no one's fault, and it's not personal! Limit your enthusiasm with the next prospect...and for goodness sake MEET asap!
 : | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:32:42 PM | The Promise Ring . . that is the name of this thread. OP, what is a Promise Ring . . to you?
To me, it's an understanding, from both parties, that we belong to each other. That both parties are taken off the market. An 'I do", before the actual 'I do"... that is to be taken place at an event called 'the wedding.
Or, it can also mean, both parties are taken off the market, so both parties can learn more about each other without other interferences (of the sexual kind). A stage/phase in the relationship, where growth is taking place... maybe to see if you do in fact belong together.
Another poster asked, and I shall ask now as well, how long did you two talk, or how much, that made you feel, she's the one. And did she agree to be taken off the market as well?
But there is no accounting for chemisty, once in person, it's there or it's just not, no mater what wonderful words found their way to both hearts. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 2:17:11 PM | sorry
i am still not buying the friendship or promise ring thing. You either get engaged or try to hold your own until then. Or you start co-habitating and it just is. Baby steps are just that. baby steps. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:09:48 PM | ^^ you got a point...
made me think of this: a promise ring ="I can use you til I don't want you any more' ewww... not good | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:14:52 PM | 'Ima' . .
'Mary' : Her daughter . . Waitress/Bartender at the restaurant . .
- Set-up and decorated for the Suprise party
* And, Yes . . the ring was to be a symbol of dedication . .
That we were, indeed 'Off-the-Market' . .
She may, in fact have wanted to have a hand in selecting one . .
but in a rare impulsive reaction, I saw an impressive ring . . and Bought it..!!
In retrospect, I guess I should be kicking myself . . One poorly chosen word . .
'Paper' instead of 'Tape' may have been the difference in how she viewed the whole scene . . !
****
And . . just to satisfy the other curiosity . .
'The worst possible way' . . was how she took my reference to the fallen 'Happy Birthday' banner . . as if I was blowing-off the entire effort to arrange and decorate for the occasion...
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:09:29 PM | | Yet another example of the pitfalls of cyber sex with a lonely person. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 2:16:28 AM | | Now I understand that there was indeed some ring talk before and she expreced a desire to have it. Now it is interesting that we have 2 adult people who were thinking a ring even before they met. I always though that people give each other such sort of rings when they are sure. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:49:52 AM | Op, Op, OP,
I guess that it sometimes you can have our emotions run away with us when we encounter a person online, but you apparently have not learned your lesson yet. You sound far too eager to do this scenario again! You would even try to get back with her again! Sir, the truth is meeting soeone in person,especially over a long period of time, is not the same as online or over the phone. I have meet several people online and felt that initial attraction only to have it flop in person. That is just the way that it works. You need to get a handle on your emotions.
You bought her a promise ring!?! You were getting waayyy ahead of yourself Sir. It is just way too soon for any emotional declarations. If you had bought her a nice gift seeing how you were staying with her, it would have been much more appropriate.
Sir, let me assure you that she did not go off for no reason. You may not have liked the reasons, you may not agree with the reasons, but she read you a laundry list of things that you had done/said over a 24 hour period that thoroughly turned her off. I will admit that perhaps this woman may have been a b@tch. I did not meet her. But you hinted at somethings that say alot about you (And frankly I am surprised that the forum did not flame you for). You insinuated striking her. Quote "Some men would have slapped her"
Are you out of your mind!?! There is nothing that a woman that I have known for 24 hours can say to me that deserves me striking her. You could have got up and walked away. The fact that striking her was even an option for you, albeit an option that you did not choose, shows why she may have read you the riot act and locked you out.
Why did you walk two miles in the rain? Why not take a bus? Call a cab?
As of this writting not a single person has defended your buying a promise ring. Not one. Perhaps you should listen. It is not a romantic gesture. It is too fast. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:07:47 PM | While I can appreciate the sentiments involved in a small gift, there's not much logical in the idea of a First Meeting(tm) and a ring.
Return the jewelry, and next time bring the gal a bookmark. Or a fridge magnet. Or a $1 store string of Mardi Gras beads. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:09:39 PM | Look at your profile. I don't want to say desperation but it seems like you really want someone in your life and possibly she approached the situation and you the same way. When expectations are so huge the encounter rarely lives up to it. Maybe to a certain extent it wasn't, wow, this woman is really great but I actually managed to hook a live one and can't let her go.
This experience has obviously been disappointing but do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that makes you so entirely responsible for her happiness and would treat you so badly, particularly when in a strange town with nowhere really to go but home? In the initial getting to know period, which you two seem to still be in, one should be trying to put the best foot forward. Scary best foot. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:30:09 PM | | could look at it this way, least it was 4 days 23 hours , could of been left standing at the airport wondering where you were, sometime we fail to see part of the failure is in our own hands, your lucky you came back and your suit case wasnt out on the grass with no where to go too, maybe she seen you as pushy, needy or who knows how , but it wasnt in the way you wanted her to see you , hope things next time work out better, save your money dont buy a ring, one question was if you had a plane ticket out there didnt you have a return date on it, could you not of changed it instead of going to a bus station or had you just got a one way ticket till you figured out what was your next move , so spend the ring money on a round trip ticket instead | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:55:04 PM | | oh good grief... Take a step back man. Look at what transpired. A woman of the net? A promise ring... desperation. No **** is worth traveling all that distance for | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 3:25:50 PM | 'Distance' isn't a factor, to me . . I'll relocate ANYwhere . . for a terrific, Loving Lady . . !!
^^^very few have that in their profiles^^^. And we are reading yours! yep.
Can u just up and move, like that? Means u have no responsibilities ie: house, biz to run?
Or, maybe your dying of cancer?
just curious, in a good way, not trying to disrespect | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 4:24:25 PM | I would travel to meet someone if they lived in a warm sunny place or someplace with alot of interesting cultural things to do. Its like taking a vacation and killing 2 birds with one stone.
But thats quite diff than dropping everything and relocating. | |
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| The Promise Ring . .
Posted: 3/15/2008 11:09:04 PM | That was the plan . . all along . .
Sun and fun . .
I just didn't realize that she was powered by U-235 . . !
I guess I just need to find someone 'Worthy' of Love, Dedication and Respect . .
..without the need for a Lead-lined Tuxedo..!! | |
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