| | blaming the victimPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I had a girlfriend who inflicted me with victim mentality. I couldn't do anything about it at the time, and I still have no way to get out of it. She needs to undo this but she refuses to talk to me. People have offered me suggestions as if it was my fault, but it was hers. How can I get her to take back my victim mentality so I can get on with life? | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/28/2005 6:37:05 PM | She's the break in communication, so it's really up to her, and there is nothing you can do until she comes around. If she never comes around well... I don't know what to say.
About taking back the victim mentallity, well, thats the part I'm not really certain about. If it's reguarding a way that you are feeling, it's easy as letting it go. If it's reguarding some way she is making you feel, then I'm unsure.
The whole scenario is what I don't understand. I hate to bother you about it, but if you could elaborate a little more on what you mean with the victim mentality thing. I MIGHT be able to divulge a little more. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:18:46 AM | | It began with my feeling quite responsible and capable. I recognized that I had choices and therefor at least influnec if not control over what happens in life. I would evaluate my options, make a decision and live with the consequences. But after a while in the relationship as she kept telling me I had no control over my destiny, that I was a pawn in someone else's game, she changed my thinking until I was no longer able to assert myself. In this way she ruined my outlook, robbing me of my awareness of the role I play in life, unable to see the link between my choices and their results. This was how she turned me into a victim. My mentality is changed and I did not deserve this. How can I get her to change it back when she won't even talk to me? | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:32:57 AM |
It began with my feeling quite responsible and capable. I recognized that I had choices and therefor at least influnec if not control over what happens in life. I would evaluate my options, make a decision and live with the consequences. But after a while in the relationship as she kept telling me I had no control over my destiny, that I was a pawn in someone else's game, she changed my thinking until I was no longer able to assert myself. In this way she ruined my outlook, robbing me of my awareness of the role I play in life, unable to see the link between my choices and their results. This was how she turned me into a victim. My mentality is changed and I did not deserve this. How can I get her to change it back when she won't even talk to me?
Have you asked her to talk to you? Told her that you need closure on this failed relationship? | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 2:26:24 PM | | It sounds very complicated. Have you tried removing every other word? That helps make problems smaller. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 7:11:06 PM | @random
keep in mind there are no victims, only volunteers. Many people call some very strange things love. Learn to heal and give yourself time to do so.......... so you can rid yourself of this thinking and feel whole. Learn to fully love yourself as God loves you. If you are strong and your self worth is based deeply and solid... you will not allow others to change your thinking or feelings based on things they may call love or care. You will choose based on things of respect, patience and learn to trust in your own judgement.
Learn to be a B I T C H
B. iker
i. n
T.otal
c. ontrol of
H.imself ................... I find being aware helps cut through 90% of B S out there
in the world...
Good Luck to you and dont give up. You can heal. Life Can be good. Love can be real
Even if you just learn to love yourself.... you have done better than most will :) | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 7:59:09 PM | | Try therapy, if you need to it doesn't sound like she is going to help you...You can continue to try..I saw a woman a few years back that cut me down all the time, especally when I didn't have much money...ha,ha, The less money I had she didn't want to see me as much I met someone else and she hit the ceiling, you got to go on for yourself...I found the lord, or maybe he found me and I'm pretty much happy now...But therapy helps too...Whatever you do don't let it crush you put you in a box so you have so much aniexty you do nothing afarid to go out and even talk to another soul...My family put me there, once you see something like that comming on...RUN!!! It aien't worth drop it...Find another life, do other things....You don't need a realionship to make you whole....It's all in your heart...Try and help someone else if you can.....God Bless you.... | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 8:20:10 PM |
I had a girlfriend who inflicted me with victim mentality. I couldn't do anything about it at the time, and I still have no way to get out of it. She needs to undo this but she refuses to talk to me. People have offered me suggestions as if it was my fault, but it was hers. How can I get her to take back my victim mentality so I can get on with life?
Nobody can make you feel. If you feel like a victim, you need to change how you feel. Remember that you are your own man. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Throw away that "victim" mentality and don't accept it as yours. Realize that you are a valid, valuable human being and not a doormat. You don't need "her" to do that for you. She doesn't need to "give" you back your dignity, you just need to stand up and take it back. Claim it, for it is already yours. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 8:22:39 PM | Only you can change your outlook. Expecting her to talk to you and give it back to you??!! Doesn't happen.
Only you are responsible for how you act, think and feel. You suffer the same thing that thousands of people that have been abused suffer! You need to see a counsellor and get help with your issues. No one else is in control of that. Even if she said to you a thousand times that you are in control, you do create your own destiny, it won't help. Your mind set is changed for life.
Once a "survivor"(as opposed to victim) leaves the situation, there are always steps to healing. You have to go through certain things in order for you to become the person you want to be. Quit expecting her to change it..........coz it's not happening, she will always be who she is, until SHE decides she wants to grow and learn a new way of life.
So, move on, forget her giving you what it is you think you need from her to make you all better.........that can only come from within.
Good luck, remember only you can decide if you want to be happy.......
ILML | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 8:34:32 PM |
But after a while in the relationship as she kept telling me I had no control over my destiny, that I was a pawn in someone else's game, she changed my thinking until I was no longer able to assert myself. In this way she ruined my outlook, robbing me of my awareness of the role I play in life, unable to see the link between my choices and their results.
Stick your hand in a flame. What happens? You get burned. Right? The choice you make to avoid the burn? You keep your hand away from the flame. Simple.
I recognized that I had choices and therefor at least influnec if not control over what happens in life. I would evaluate my options, make a decision and live with the consequences.
You do have choices. You spent your entire life making your own decisions. Then came satan's disciple...and your aboilty to make decisions left you? Or, is it more like, she manipulated you into thinking that your decision making abilities are worthless?
Boy, this sounds like a classic example of a manipulative b*tch! | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 10:13:46 PM | please go look at the list on page one in the thread named:
sex and love addictions ...... in the relationship forum. I bet your ex has 80% of those traits.
know what they are and avoid them love addict types. That is but one of many deadly types.
You have choices including the one to push her out of your life and mind which is where she needs to go. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 10:28:49 PM | | Why should I have to do anything if she was the one who made me this way? Besides, I am powerless since that is part of victim mentality. People just don't understand. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 10:48:59 PM | she didnt MAKE you anything.. you choose to let her think for you.
there are NO victims only volunteers.
Dont ever let anyone take away your power to think or your self control.
This is life. | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:37:29 PM |
Besides, I am powerless since that is part of victim mentality.
random,
Are you role playing here? | |
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| blaming the victim
Posted: 5/29/2005 11:41:16 PM | Um,
Well, we're only on page one, and I figured it out?
Seriously, are you playing devil's advocate, or is this a concern of yours? | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 1:02:03 AM | random
You have 2 choices
To go on as you are
or
To make a change
If you choose the first choice no one can help you
If you choose the second choice then you have to 2 choices
To seek help
or
To work things out for yourself
Looked at in this manner no problem is insurmountable, at each step in the process you are faced with 2 clear choices, choose 1 or the other and you will get the closure you need.
This worked for me so, I speak from experience. | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 7:45:39 AM | | No one controls u but u!!!! No matter how u look at it, u allowed her to break u down. We all can put blame on someones else but no one else can get in ur brain and control it, it is something that u allow to happen. | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 10:15:39 AM | | What if she forced me to allow it to happen, even as I knew better but was unable to resist her domination? Was that my choice or have I been victimized? | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 10:26:49 AM | | My diagnosis? Drive by succubus. | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 10:50:20 AM | | It's all about how you look at it. Perhaps you should change your prespective, and just walk away from the whole deal. | |
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gixx98
| | Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 11:08:07 AM | | I believe there are always coices in life. To believe that your headed towards a certain destiny no matter what choices you make in life is absolutely insane. You always have a choice. | |
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gixx98
| | Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 11:10:13 AM | | I believe there are always choices in life. To believe that your headed towards a certain destiny no matter what choices you make in life is absolutely insane. You always have a choice. | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 11:20:04 AM |
What if she forced me to allow it to happen, even as I knew better but was unable to resist her domination? Was that my choice or have I been victimized?
random,
It was your choice to be victimized. | |
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| 2 choices
Posted: 5/30/2005 1:04:06 PM | | Who gets the blame also gets the power. I was blinded by love. | |
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