| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:47:15 PM | In the last three years I have been meeting women, every first date ended nicely. But two days later I'd get the call or e-mail saying "You are a great guy but I didn't feel the spark. Good luck."
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.
It's ridiculous. I had to vent. And now that is done and I'll be departing POF in a week.
Thank you. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:53:58 PM | | Hey...been there done that! I have been doing this internet dating thing for 5 years and have lost count with the number of post-first date rejections that I have had! You have company out there, my friend! | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:00:56 PM | | One reason can very well be physical attractiveness. Even if that person seems nice with all the great personal attributes, physical chemistry might not be there for the woman. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:01:27 PM | Oh heck, I haven't had a second date in so long, I am starting to think it is a myth. I will tell you that I would rather have someone be up front with me and tell me they are not interested than just break off contact....
I agree that you can not determine if there are truly "sparks" between two people on the first date; and I will tell you something else-- the situations where there have been those "sparks" have been like skyrockets. Shooting up very fast, and crashing to earth even faster. Because those kind of sparks are based on nothing more than hormones and attitude. The kind of sparks you (and I) are looking for are the embers that smolder for a long time fueled by passion, tenderness, affection and a true connection between two people.
Now here is the thing you have to remember most of all.... the fact that someone is not interested in you because of no sparks on the first date tells you more about THAT PERSON than it does about anything else. When it happens, consider yourself lucky... you just dodged a bad relationship.... | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:01:40 PM | I hear ya, buddy.
People are too quick to move on here to establish any kind of rapport with a person. Usually, I found through POF first dates a need for the other person to expect some kind of instant intimacy. Therefore, spilling all sorts of personal data that really isn't necessary for a first meeting. I'm considering a second career as a clinical counsellor.
The problem is not with you but with this type of dating. Illusions are built out of a few words and a couple of pictures.
Hang in there and start hitting up the local bookstore, cafe or park. Try to meet people on your own terms and I'm sure you'll meet someone special. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:07:36 PM | | I don't know if it is called spark but I can tell you one thing it doesn't happen too often and it happens less often as time goes on. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:11:33 PM | I agree with geminigypsy.. It is nothing wrong with you ,
Try and meet people in the real world and at your own terms.
I think sometimes these dating sites give dating a bad taste in ones mouth.
Too many head games played when one can hide behind a monitor.
Some times expectations are too high..too many fish out there to choose from.
I know my fishing days are done...good luck. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:14:24 PM | Why is the physical chemistry so important to women on the first date? How do you know if you are just chatting over drinks?
Perhaps I'm not totally versed in the Rules of Dating but it just seems to me that the object of the first date is to meet the other person, not to play judge and jury based on looks and physical chemistry.
Or maybe I've been dumped so many times (or alternatively: ignored) that I'm starting to see things through jaded lenses. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:21:07 PM | If the man sits far from me, never looks directly at my face, gives one word answers, and is less attractive than his pictures...I turn into a cold fish.
Half of sparks is attraction, the other half is truly being IN the moment with a woman and letting HER know you think she's awesome. I suppose it's vice versa for the men, though I honestly don't know.
How to convey it? If I'm smiling, talking, try to touch my arm or something. Walk within 4 feet of me (not 10 feet ahead or waaaaaaaaay off to the side), ask me questions, and convey your desire to get closer to me in a physical way without being repulsive. (Meaning, no groping or kissing without all the 'kiss me' signs).
I've been on so many one-date-onelies either because they really weren't into me, or they sat so far from me, paid so little attention to me that I couldn't stand them for long. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:21:56 PM | | Awww...get back on that horse and try again OP. We have ALL been through that. Don't take it so personal. There is a woman out there who will fall head over heels for you...........just keep trying. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:27:39 PM | Hey at least you get dates on here...no one even looks at my profile or responses to emails...and goes back 2 years. But know what your saying about the first date thing...when I got dates before that happened, but I also did that to the women I met through dating services, so I guess it's not just women. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:29:10 PM | Try not to get jaded because you'll have approach dating with a big wall up. What woman is gonna climb that one?
Just relax, choose to meet women who are positive and are open-minded.
I admire some of my European male friends - they see dating as fun and don't take rejection to heart. They just dust off their suit jacket and move on.
After all, isn't the point of being on here to meet new people and have fun? | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:36:32 PM | I've had this happen a lot, too, and really think it's because we have spent very little time getting to know each other before that first meeting One of the great things about first learning of someone on the Internet is that we have so many options after that - email, IM, phone. The relationships that have gone the best for me are the ones that we've had a chance to get to know each other, and get to know that we have something in common, first through our words, long before the meeting in person. Especially when pictures are available so that you have an idea of what that person looks like, then by going to a phone conversation to get a feel for them through their voice (which always tells me a lot!), the first meeting becomes just an extension of the good times you've already had through your various conversations. But the ones that rush into meeting right away, without knowing if we really have anything to talk about, or indeed, if that person can even carry on a conversation, are doomed to be one-meeting wonders.
Just my 2 cents...
Debbie | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:44:05 PM | | It's merely the nature of dating. It happens to women too. Heck, one didn't even stop his truck. I saw him see me, then he hit the gas and took off. Only about 1-5% of the population matches any one person. About 45% are just nice people. That leaves 50% who are @sswipes with no personality that aren't even worth making dog food out of. Sorry you seem to have a problem finding the right one. The solution is not to look at what is wrong with everyone else, because you can't force others to change. Instead, learn who that 1% that you match best with really is and then only focus on them. No matter how cute a girl may be, if she doesn't make that 1% that match you over all, it won't work, and you should pass that one by. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:48:29 PM | weeeeeelllll I don't entirely agree.
True you definitely don't know enough about someone after the first date to make a decision as to any sort of future plans. BUT after talking to a person for a week or 2 you kind of know if there's a chemistry/ rapport there. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:49:51 PM | I had it happen to me also. The spark thing is total bs. Love needs to grow and be nurtured. The girl lied to me, I knew she was being deceitful and I politely called her on it. I figure it was either my looks (?) my pics that I sent her were recent and clear,
I made sure I looked groomed and presentable as required (it's not that hard).
She stayed for almost two hours. She did 75% of the talking...
Or, it was a comment I made, which she may have taken the wrong way. My fault, if true.
I am constantly joking, I know I need to work on that. People that know me, like very much that crazy sense of humour. It just happens, whatever, wherever I am.
Move on... Togo75, take it as a chance to find someone more deserving of you. What else can you do? I know how you feel. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:55:06 PM | Well, it is one thing to be rejected after the first date. Everyone has gone thru that. But what really gets me mad is the women who sometimes do not even bother to read my profile, go out on a date with me, and then say Oh, i didn't know that you were a pilot. I am not going up in one of those planes with you ! Am i missing something here? Why did they bother to even contact me in the first place ?  Or else the women who do make a 2nd or pray tell even a 3rd date with me, and THEN dump me via e-mail. After of course we have exchanged telephone numbers. I thought getting a pilot's license was hard enough. That was nothing compared to playing the dating game. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:56:06 PM | I hope you don't mind me chiming in! :)
Unless the guy totally disrespected me in some way on the first date I will always give it a 2nd go.
Isn't a relationship of any sort based on friendship? I think, at the very least, we can develop that.
Sometimes there is a lusty spark on the first date and sometimes there isn't until 2 or more dates in. I think after the first date we need a chance to assimilate the date (sleep on it) and I felt, at times, the spark developed afterwards.
Physical attraction is important but sometimes that doesn't happen on the first date.
It's all great to feel "oh wow, that guy is hot!" on the first date but "cute" can become "hot" if the guy has a bunch of amazing qualities that I'm looking for. You have to give it a chance. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:58:22 PM | | It is an instant physical attraction spark. It wasn't there for them. At least they were honest with you about it. My question is: does departing from POF really take a week? | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:59:57 PM |
It's ridiculous. I had to vent. And now that is done and I'll be departing POF in a week.
You'll be departing POF in a week?? Why in a week??? Why not now??
Honest the site has no rule about giving a weeks notice before you quit....
Awwwwwwe c'mon...you secretly love it... | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:04:53 PM | What is a physical attraction spark? Just touching someone on their arm during the conversation?
Eh, screw it. I'm wasting my time. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:05:01 PM | butchydog
I had it happen to me also. The spark thing is total bs. Love needs to grow and be nurtured. The girl lied to me, I knew she was being deceitful and I politely called her on it.
Or maybe she was expecting an African American with no hair as your profile states....or maybe that is just one of your jokes...???.... most people don't appreciate a person that makes fun of a race. | |
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| Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:10:28 PM | Question: How are you viewing a first date?
Your communication on a first date plays a huge part. If a guy is a total downer with nothing positive to say about life I can be instantly turned off.
Are you doing most of the talking, are they?
I don't think you're getting rejection based on your belief that it's all physical. But that's just my opinion.
If I was you, I would remove what you wrote on your profile. You are sending a negative message out but you are still here. Mixed message.
If I need a break....I delete and come back and I don't say a word to anyone. It's all right to feel overwhelmed sometimes..we are human :)
Chin up! | |
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