| | Please Help MePage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I work 330 to midnight. I recently met a woman who lives 60 miles away at a concert. We've only gone out once since then, but that was because weather prevented us one time, and she had to leave town for a death in the family another.
The problem I'm having is, she doesn't communicate via email when she's at home, and sparingly from work because she's paranoid about people peeping in. Fine, I respect that and I don't want to get her in trouble. She tells me to call at a certain time, and when I do, she hardly ever answers the phone. I leave messages on her cell phone, but she never returns my calls. I mean never.
Our one date, I met her sons who were really into me. I made a great first impression, and it was effortlessly done. We really enjoyed each other's company. We laughed, the conversation was good, everything was great. I know she's usually just whipped when she gets home from work, but I get pessimistic when she rarely answers the phone.
Everytime I get to the point where I feel like she's lost interest, she throws me a bone to make me think she's just not had the time to talk. When we met, we were both of the same mind that we weren't looking, nor expecting to find anybody again. The two times we were together, the energy has been amazing.
Right now, I'm so frustrated about her never answering her phone, or the infrequency in which she answers, that I'm prepared to wait for her to call me, even at the risk she may think I've lost interest if I stop calling. I'm 43, and I should know by now what's going on, but every time I think I have a read on women, y'all go and change the rules on me. Any thoughts? | |
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Posted: 3/14/2008 11:53:54 PM | Ugh. I remember another story just like yours on a forum some time ago. We all told the guy to drop her. He kept insisting her infrequent calls meant she was still interested. I think she dangled him this way for a year or two before dropping the poor schlub - who never did wise up.
Drop her. Do it now. Save yourself from that other guy's fate. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:04:48 AM | Been there... done that.. felt like charlie brown trying to kick the football... run while you can. If she calls you, just be friends. It really isn't worth the heartache. I speak from experience. Better to just stay alone than to deal with that.
Ken | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:05:50 AM | If she were truly interested, she would make herself available.
If she were truly interested, she would make herself convenient.
'Nuff said... | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:20:21 AM | OP, you don't say how recently you met this woman, but anyone who can't return phone calls is either rude, not very interested or has read some silly book advising her to rarely return a man's calls. How about you send one more e-mail and make one more phone call, and just tell her in both messsages that this is not going to work for you if you don't see that she's as interested in you as you are in her. And then back away and let her do what she's going to do. (My money is on her throwing you one more bone and then reverting to previous behavior.)
Good luck.
--Ms. Flis | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:20:32 AM | | I'm 47. Do me a favor, let me know when you figure it out. I'm with these guys. Until and unless something changes I'd move on. Easy for me to say but wish her well and write her off. If anything's there she's going to have to make it happen now. Hate the 'help me.' Big man, if you need help I'm bringing a baseball bat. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:22:05 AM | like others said, she's really just not that into you, and I think she's stringing you along rather than being upfront about her lack of genuine interest for you.
just as you've made yourself available and demonstrated your interest, she could also, even if it only meant an email now and then and phone-tag.
you two don't really have much invested so stop the insanity and making her your new project.......move on. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:41:55 AM | After two attempts (left message) and no call back within a week ... I'm done.
On to long tall Sally, she's built for speed ... she got everything that Uncle John need!
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:51:10 AM | | Anytime I run into something like that, I let the ball remain on their side of the court. If they never throw it back, so be it. I have my dignity. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:52:34 AM | | Hi there, I just wanted to add, that men do this too. I find it quite a strange way to behave. People should be more up front as very few of us are mind readers. I agree with the rest, move on and keep looking, good luck :-) | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 12:57:55 AM | If someone is interested in someone, no matter how busy they are they will make time to call you, even if it is just a short call. They will also make it a point to try and get together with you as often as they can, even when busy.
If she is on and off with you then it means she is interested in someone else but not wanting you to go away in case it does not work out with the first guy.
~Carrie | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 2:05:33 AM | You met and had ONE date.... On that ONE date you met her boys? That's pretty dayum quick!
Don't put so much pressure on talking... because it's going to drive you fricken crazy. Maybe you need to date other women as well so you aren't so focused on this one! It's more important for you to get together so you can have lighthearted fun. If you make the phone connection to frustrating... you'll definately run her off. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 2:23:50 AM | I am inclined to the same point of view as Carrie : means she is interested in someone else but not wanting you to go away in case it doesn't work out with the other guy..
Sorry...
but be totally up front with her and tell her, it is up to her now.. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 2:26:27 AM | Re the Opost:
Run Forrest, run! | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 3:57:33 AM | She's a "rules" girl, go to barnesandnoble.com and search for "the rules of dating" and then go to table of contents for the list. One is never return phone calls, it drives men crazy, puts them into hunter mode. The rules are very manipulative and not something you want to be on the receiving end of, why bother with ppl that play silly artificial games. Of course, she might also be married or involved with someone else...
Good luck, mate. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:09:13 AM | Have to agree with the poster who made a comment about you meeting her kids on the first date...that's weird. I'd have kept someone at a good distance...
Beyond that..she's not interested. People complain because others aren't honest about not wanting to see them again and others complain because the object of their affection has been cruel or not given them a chance. I think you've got a woman who isn't interested and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Take her hint...in her mind she's doing what's right. Let her go. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:28:36 AM | | I know this is going to be odd advice, but sometimes a woman really doesn't have time to date. Even though she really wants to, if she has children and a large family she may be so involved with them, that she doesn't take the time to make dating a priority. It would be a real good idea to leave a message and tell her you wont be calling again until she calls you. Not in an angry way, but in an assertive way. Tell her you will wait for a while for her to return your call and then will assume she is not interested if she doesn't call you in a certain amount of time. If it is the case of being too busy with other things, you may cause her to reorganize her priorities. Good luck, it sounds like you made a good connection with her and I hope it works out. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:31:27 AM | First of all, it sounds if you are really putting effort in to make this work. Hats off to you for that effort.
Having said that I have two thoughts.
The first is: If you were to take a step back and look at what you wrote, what would your impression be? A guy who had a date where things appeared to go well, followed by a man's phone messages that were either not returned, returned on a less than timely basis, or her notion that she has little time to talk. That is, at lesast to you.
In fact, she might be very busy at this time. It is also possible that she is keeping you on the sidelines because someone else is in the picture. Can't really say. If either of these is the case, then perhaps you should try one more time via phone or e-mail. Tactfullyand respectively outline to her (or her voice mail) what you are thinking/feeling and you would appreciate her telling you where you stand in all this. If she is more than halfway serious, she should promptly return your message. I think you deserve that. More importantly, you should think that you deserve that. If she continues her past actions (ie giving you a "bone") then you have to decide if you want to fish or cut bait. Or at least try to get some clarification as to a timetable. It's fair to you...and her.
The second thought: As several of the other posters put it...move on. Period. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:40:30 AM | | op, she may have changed her mind about you..but you said she had a death in the family..perhaps she is still grieving for this family member and it's difficult for her right now to stay in touch? | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:52:47 AM | Bottom line is, you're not getting what you want and need from this relationship.
She may just not have the same level of need for interaction, communation and intimacy as you do. If you do want to put a little more effort into it before you decide whether to give it up as a bad cause, then don't call her for a while and see if your withdrawel causes her to advance. I'm not talking about being emotionally manipulateve or "punishing" her, just don't call her two times in a row and wait for the call back to see what happens.
On a slightly different note, I find it odd when someone limits how much contact information they'll give and specifies when you're supposed to call. When I read your question I was thinking "married and cheating" until you said you've met her kids. (which is too soon too, but that's not what you asked lol ) | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 4:52:47 AM | op, she may have changed her mind about you..but you said she had a death in the family..perhaps she is still grieving for this family member and it's difficult for her right now to stay in touch?
It's not about her. He performed well (so he presumes) and demands his reward.
Our one date, I met her sons who were really into me. I made a great first impression, and it was effortlessly done.
Hey. It's getting me wet.
*snort* | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 5:02:02 AM | | hate to say this but i think she already lost interest or she would be contacting you, awnsering phone calls or getting ahold of you somehow, maybe the energy was amazing to you but not really to her, had it of been i would of been in contact as much as possible . Why keep putting off what you know deep in side is how its going to be..move forward and dont let your self get hurt anymore. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 5:19:12 AM |
She tells me to call at a certain time, and when I do, she hardly ever answers the phone. I leave messages on her cell phone, but she never returns my calls. I mean never.
That is the seal on the deal right there. I had a guy that would do that to me (and he's still on this site playing games like that I bet). He would say "call me at 3pm today" and then when I did he'd not answer. 2 hours later I'd find him yahoo and say something about him not answer or returning my call and he'd say "god, you're being obsessive/needy/clingy" or whatever jab he felt like using. I'm sorry... if you tell me to call you then I expect you to answer or at least have a good reason not to and then call me back when you're free.
Get rid of her, she's just keeping you around for the ego boost. If you keep doing what she asks then she gets something out of it. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 5:20:08 AM | ...have ya ever noticed how some ppl keep right on fishing after they found "the one"...it aint nice, it aint cool but thats just how it goes...as fer tha chemistry you felt...some folks are like chameleons...they will blend and make magic with just about anyone! it dont mean they aint sincere at the time...it just happens every time they meet someone who could be the one....so they keep on fishing....looking for the next one....
then theres folk like you who dont feel that magic with just anybody...so its special...well, darlin be glad you will recognize it ifn it comes yer way again...an toss this fish back in tha pond. | |
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Posted: 3/15/2008 5:39:35 AM |
I should know by now what's going on, but every time I think I have a read on women, y'all go and change the rules on me. Any thoughts?
So......you thought you had a good read on women, didya? Thank God for women like that who keep changing the rules...................... | |
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