| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:57:49 AM | At the bottom of every profile there is that line that tells everyone how popular or unpopular one is. I was curious as to what the purpose of that was and how it helps people with their dating?
For the short time I've been in this game I've noticed that it seems to promote misunderstanding, anxiety and ego trips whether I saw it in the forums, read it in profiles or talked about the internet experience on date.
If you understand the concept of 'Social Proofing' (you can find it on the Wikipedia site) having that line makes it harder for that person that already has a hard time getting any kind of responses or attention from the opposite sex and it makes it easier for those that never have that problem.
When one gets into really high numbers then a perfectly good and sincere person can be perceived in a negative way.
The people that seem to like that number is the attention seekers. The very ones that frustrate the people that are here seriously and get quickly turn off to internet dating. The same frustrated people that pass that negativity to anyone else considering dating sites which add to the already poor vibe about them. So....
Unless that line has some importance that I'm missing can it be removed altogether or at least give people the option to remove it in their the mail settings? I don't think people really worry about how many roses another has either. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:00:18 AM |
Unless that line has some importance that I'm missing can it be removed altogether or at least give people the option to remove it in their the mail settings? I believe that's been suggested before, and the suggestion's been igniored.
Apparently the admin must think there's some very important reason to have that number displayed on people's profiles.  | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:42:20 AM | Overall it is pretty meaningless as far as depicting how popular you are or aren't with the opposite sex. It seems in most cases the ones with a high number of favorites are forum regulars and the majority of those that have one on their lists are other forum users. In many cases it is both sexes or even the same sex. Most of the ones on my lists and ones where I am on theirs are other women from the forums or men that are fellow baseball fans. I was once on over a 100 others lists and probably 75-80 of them were men that never once sent me an email, so I finally cut the number, it slowly grew again with even more men that never emailed so I cut again.
What I use my list for with my fellow forum addicts is it makes it easier to follow what threads they have visited as most of them share a lot of my views on things in general to see if I wish to also participate in a thread.
As far as dating goes though it doesn't appear to be very effective and high or low numbers shouldn't be viewed as a deterrent if one is interested in a profile. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 4:45:15 PM | 2893? Damn!
I don't see the benefit of making that information public either. I think the option to add someone to a list is okay. Some people want to keep track of others for whatever reason but others don't really need to know the number.
Similarly I don't know why the rose count has to show either. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 5:13:07 PM | how it helps people with their dating?
It doesn't. Half of the People think you are very popular, therefor you must be a good Guy, the other half think you are a Playboy sleeping around ... lol
Thus some People are very hesitant and skeptical to contact those with a lot of 'WholovesMes'.
Others are skeptical of those who have no Friends.
Yet others post "Drop Dead Gorgeous" Pics to play the 500 Hottest People Lottery.
Unless that line has some importance that I'm missing can it be removed altogether or at least give people the option to remove it in their the mail settings?
It is the only Index you have how many People have added you to their Favourites List, since you cannot see more than 100 at a Time. But its publically viewable, and I don't care about this Feature's Existence either.
Getting rid of it might just be the Recipe to stop People complaining about others adding them to their List. |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 5:52:04 PM |
how it helps people with their dating? It doesn't
In my opinion, it actually impedes dating and meeting people.
Some people may be less likely to make contacts with certain members, or may doubt the sincerity of certain members, simply because they've made an incorrect assumption about the person, based on nothing more than the number which appears on the bottom of the member's profile. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 5:56:37 PM |
It is the only Index you have how many People have added you to their Favourites List, since you cannot see more than 100 at a Time.
Oooh to have that problem :)
Since we are on the topic of favorites lists and all the the complaining and misinterpreting is seems to cause another solution would be to have the option of hiding who you have put onto your favorites list either as the complete group or individually.
My two cents worth and thanks for considering the suggestions. :) | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:30:24 PM |
Some people may be less likely to make contacts with certain members, or may doubt the sincerity of certain members, simply because they've made an incorrect assumption about the person, based on nothing more than the number which appears on the bottom of the member's profile.
See now, I don’t look at it as impeding. I personally don’t want incorrect assumption makers contacting me. Just another weeding tool as far as I am concerned.
another solution would be to have the option of hiding who you have put onto your favorites list either as the complete group or individually.
As far as I know no one else can see your own favorites list or the number you have on your list. Others can only see the number of lists on which you appear but not the
members that have added you. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:38:10 PM |
See now, I don’t look at it as impeding. I personally don’t want incorrect assumption makers contacting me. Just another weeding tool as far as I am concerned.
I'm more concerned about those that have a hard time getting anyone to notice them. Publicly having the number or lack of number means they will get even less notice.
As far as I know no one else can see your own favorites list or the number you have on your list. Others can only see the number of lists on which you appear but not the members that have added you.
That really wasn't what I was talking about. The person you put on your favorites list can tell that you did that. That is the part that I would like the option to hide. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:47:39 PM | If someone isn't getting noticed because others are making false assumptions, the person is better off in my opinion. I personally have gotten a lot more mail regarding other types of assumptions than I have ever received about favorites lists.
The other person should be allowed to know they have been added, thus if they wish they can remove themselves. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:57:03 PM | If someone isn't getting noticed because others are making false assumptions, the person is better off in my opinion.
I mentioned social proofing in my initial post. You should go look it up as it is human nature and you do it all the time whether you realise it or not.
The other person should be allowed to know they have been added, thus if they wish they can remove themselves.
*shrugs* A favorites list is simply a tool of convenience for the user. What is the point of taking yourself off someone's list? | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:08:26 PM | | I have a fairly large amount on my favorites list, and am on quite a few myself. It is an equal amount of men and women. But that is because I host POF events in our area, and the majority on there are people that have attended the events and wish to be informed of future ones. But I have received an email before asking if I was a "player" because of the high number. There are alot of different reasons as to why people have large numbers on their lists.....I just wanted to state mine. I also delete ones if they haven't emailed me or met me. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:09:16 PM | You can put a label on anything you want, there will always be excuses for those that feel they get an unfair shake in everything. I don't get noticed because of my looks, I don't get noticed because I am short. I don't get noticed because I am not on anyone's favorites lists, I don't get noticed because I don't get noticed. It could go on to infinity.
What is the point of taking yourself off someone's list?
Could it be as simple as you don’t want to be on someone’s list? | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:48:56 PM |
Apparently the admin must think there's some very important reason to have that number displayed on people's profiles. I'm just guessing, but I bet it's a 'target group' thing. In their 20's by any chance? It's probably fun for them. Would of been for me, if I was in my 20's.
Similarly I don't know why the rose count has to show either. To remind you how many you have left (laughing at the fact we have two.... too many to recall... did I use it? dont remember.. I'm being dumb right nowLOL)
2893? Damn! Ah, who really cares?? I think it's amazing. Wonder if said person keeps up with them all??
Bottom line, it's all in fun!!  | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:01:23 AM | there will always be excuses for those that feel they get an unfair shake in everything.
Well I explained this one already but it'll try it another way. Because of its nature, Internet dating causes people to be much more pickier here that they ever would be in real life. Some people have natural gifts that will make them very popular and others will not be so lucky to varying degrees. There is nothing that can be done about that which is what you are referring to.
I was talking about a feature that exacerbates that problem. I can see that you want this feature but you really haven't explained why it is so necessary that it negates the negatives?
Could it be as simple as you don’t want to be on someone’s list?
That is always a curious to me because going in and removing yourself off another's list is really rude. *shakes head*
People use that feature in a multitude of ways and it doesn't hurt anyone being on another's list so it kinda boggles the mind that before that person had said a word to you that you have gone over and said I'm not interested and yanked your name off their list.
Btw I didn't suggest taking away the option to remove yourself off someone's list. Just give them the option to reveal that they have put you on their list.
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:23:41 AM |
Getting rid of it might just be the Recipe to stop People complaining about others adding them to their List.
Or just hiding it from public view. Then it can still be used to show interest, and for the forum users, a way to keep in touch with other posters easily. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:06:07 AM | looking at this another way, id say it makes someone look really popular
or worse - theve been on the pof along time and will never find what there loking for  | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:09:21 AM | The Who Loves Me List is also used as a means of showing Interest in Dating, that however has little to do with showing that Information publicly on a Profile. Perhaps the Admin has deemed it causes more "Interaction" or some such Reason.
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:35:19 PM |
Because of its nature, Internet dating causes people to be much more pickier here that they ever would be in real life.
This could be a matter of opinion. Some might be pickier, some less and some pretty even in both realms.
I was talking about a feature that exacerbates that problem. I can see that you want this feature but you really haven't explained why it is so necessary that it negates the negatives?
The magnifying glass might need a little dusting, I don’t believe I ever said “I want” this feature. The feature is available and I use it. There are quite a few features I don’t use, just because I don’t find them useful doesn’t mean I would ask or suggest for them to be eliminated. It isn’t my site. I haven't seen anything that is a reasonable reason for someone else's "right" to add someone to their list that negates the right of someone to disallow being added if they so choose.
That is always a curious to me because going in and removing yourself off another's list is really rude. *shakes head*
Again, your opinion. I don’t find it rude at all. There are others that may view it as rude to add someone to your list making your comings an goings more easily accessible to them yet they never bothered to email you. You ask why someone would care if they were on one, the other side is why would you add someone you had no intention of ever interacting with in any form? See how things go both ways even in the most useless areas in life?
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:44:32 AM | I'm reluctant to initiate contact with men who are on a lot of favorites lists and/or have given out roses. It intimidates me. If he's so active/popular that he's captured lots of womens' attention, surely he's already pursuing at least one of them. If he's given out a rose, I'm even more likely to think he's wooing someone.
I understand people can't control how many favorites lists they're on, and being on someone's list can be for non-dating reasons, such as being forum friends. I also understand there's lots of other reasons people give out roses. Even so, I've found it hard to change my perceptions. It's just who I am. (Which includes being shy about contacting people!)
I agree w/ the OP. It seems the counts are meaningful, but only to the user (unless I'm missing something). The OP points out lots of reasons why making them public could impede dating. I just wanted to share how it affects me when I see them. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:19:04 AM | | well i dont look at guy's profiles, but of the women, the ones with the most favourites are the ones with pictures of themselves, half naked, and also things they say in their profiles, ie, anything goes, married looking fo fun..etc....maybe thats why i only have 20 who have added me... | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:47:54 AM |
ones with the most favourites are the ones with pictures of themselves, half naked, and also things they say in their profiles, ie, anything goes, married looking fo fun..etc.
I beg to differ on that one. If I had pics like that and posted them then I wouldn't have anyone adding me. They would be running for the hills away.
Seriously though, There may be some people that try to "collect" favorites as some sort of game or there might be some that are more sexually explicit in their profiles and pics than others. But I don't think that every member should be lumped or stereotyped as "players" and such because they may have alot of favorites. As long as you are comfortable with what you have and who you have and all that......then  at all the others. Just use common sense and not be so negative about things and it will all be good. | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:19:58 PM | I'm understanding where you are comeing from but do understand that some of these so called popular people just don't have the time to respond to everyone and may just not be able to keep up even though they have every intetion to do so but just can't keep up.
In my exrieances with the gals with the high fav's lists is that call twice and say that you would crawl through miles of rat investesed sewers to meet them It has worked for me so why not you
K:)
PS: Pardon my hinden profile as I needed a bread from the thousands of love sick gals | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:47:56 PM |
The Who Loves Me List is also used as a means of showing Interest in Dating,
Yes, I understand how it is used in that fashion. Many also use the favorites list to simply to keep track of profiles that interest them without constantly having to wade through a sea of profiles to try to find someone they noticed before. Having many people on a favorites list doesn't mean one is ready to talk to all of them at once.
Maybe a separate function that is meant purely to be used as a bookmark.
that however has little to do with showing that Information publicly on a Profile. Perhaps the Admin has deemed it causes more "Interaction" or some such Reason.
Is that what he said? Is that consistant across the board or just for certain types? | |
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| So and So Appears on 2893 Favorites Lists!
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:25:15 PM | Is that what he said?
 | I stated "Perhaps" above. |
The Admin obviously implemented this Function and despite previous Requests for its Removal, its still in Existence. Thus one can safely assume he has a Reason such as the one I mentioned above why its still here, or not hidden. |
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