| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:39:44 AM | | Well hear it goes, iam so confused on what i should do in the relationship. We met last sept and we hit it off, he was everything is wanted. He mad me laugh, happy, excited, and he was into me!!! So it was about a month into the relationship and he told me that last summer he had a fling and she became pregnant. We are still seeing eachother, but it is getting bumpy, because he does not want to tell anyone that we are together. For the reason that she will get mad and not let him see the baby. I have never met her so i can't even say if she would do that. I don't want to be the reason he does not see his child!!!! They have a real wierd communication pattern, she will barley talk to him and she is unpredicatable. So he don't now how she would react to him dating someone else so he wants to keep in on the down low. We are in a relationship, but i feel that iam put on the second burner and that hurts me feelings. I deserve to be happy too!!! So my question is does he really want to be with me or not? Please help me iam totally being a chick about this, iam confused and have been thinking no stop for the last couple of months. Give as much advise as u can i need all the help i can get!!! | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 8:57:19 AM | "about a month into the relationship and he told me that last summer he had a fling and she became pregnant…"
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Watch out, or you're next!
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"but it is getting bumpy, because he does not want to tell anyone that we are together"
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That will not get any better, since there's a kid involved now.
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"she will barley talk to him and she is unpredicatable."
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He, on the other hand, is beginning to sound very predictable.
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"…but i feel that i am put on the second burner…"
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In a few months, you'll be on the third burner. I hope you can get out of this. Men who make babies in one place and fool around in another are T-trouble. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:30:46 AM |
Well iam lil concerned with the relationship i want to keep my options open!!!
Sounds like a contradiction to me. Either you want to be in a relationship (which requires committment) or you want to keep your options open. You can hardly have both unless you're considering your "relationship" a FWB situation. But in that case you shouldn't be worried about his hiding you from his ex anyway. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:40:07 AM | | Hmmm.............Sounds like he has quite a few loose ends with the Mother of his child that he hasn't dealt with yet. He is not ready for a relationship with you or anyone else since he is still hiding you from an x. I'd throw that one back in. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:43:49 AM | If being a fwb relationship is your thing, by all means go for it.
If he was really done with her, she CAN'T keep the father of the child away from seeing his kid, if that IS what he wants to do. However he does seem to be happy at having his cake and eating it too.
By the way, pregnant women have been known to be moody, emotional bundles of unpredictability. However how can you be so sure she is the one behaving unpredictably, perhaps in her mind she's having a relationship with him too, sealed with a kid.... | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:48:05 AM | | Honey, you know the answer. You said yourself "I deserve to be happy too!!!" and you're not. This is not a relationship. Forget this man, you deserve to be first in a man's life. Never settle for second place. It will hurt but cut off all communication, give yourself time to heal then look for a real man that will put you first always. Prolonging this will only hurt you more. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:53:40 AM | Let me get this straight.......You want to be with a man that has/had a relationship with you, cheats and has a baby out of marriage with another woman, that will not let him see his child unless he jumps through her hoops, and that means you do not exist, but he still wants to have you as well? Am I getting this right?......
First of all, why do you have such low self esteem to even want this scum around you? If this man has a child, it is his to take care of as well, his responsibility, and his job to make sure that his child knows him as the father he should be. The courts can make that happen for him if he truly wants that, and is willing to step up, pay his support, and be a father, not just a visitor.
Next.......if you do not exist in many ways, you never will with him, and he is just using what is happening now as an excuse to keep you in the closet, and have multiple others in other closets I bet.
If you want just a sleeping buddy, then you go for it woman, but if you truly want more, then "dump this hump" and look in the mirror and tell yourself what you truly deserve, and how you will make that happen......on your own......
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:32:23 AM | | Well i totally get what ur saying. I dont even know her and i dont know what it is like to be pregnant. What do i say to that, how do i abroach that? Iam so confused i really like him. He is the first guy i actually dated since my ex boyfriend of 5 years. Iam a lil scared iam gonna get hurt!!!! | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:52:24 AM | | It sounds like him and her are in a very unhealthy relationship. One of those where niether party is happy inside or outside of the relationship. Its very distructive to them and to you. My advice to you is to leave. The drama is never going to go away and its probibly only going to get worst. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:25:25 PM | | ive been in something of a similar situation before with a guy who said he was getting divorced, we got on so well but he would never meet in a place where people might recognise him or me. some people just dont know what to do with themselves and he sounds amoungst other things, confused and possibly either on the rebound from this other girl or just trying to enjoy him freedom while it lasts, he certainly doesn't seem to have you in any equations. youre obviously not happy so dont just be with anyone rather than no-one, get yourself back out among normal people and i can guarantee you'll meet someone who makes you feel special and you'll wonder what you ever saw in this arsehole that cant keep it in his pants. good luck x | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:43:44 PM | OP: You're young, so I'm sort of assuming your man is also fairly young. He needs to do some growing up and get his situation in order.
*He needs to talk to a Lawyer. If his name is on record as being the Father, and he's paying child support then it doesn't matter WHAT he does, he will get visitation rights. If he's not on record as being the father, he ought to establish Paternity, so he has parental rights. Finally, if he has a kid and he's not paying Child Support, you ought to dump him. His child, his responsibility. If that means less beer money, that's a shame.
*His not wanting people to know you're together is "kind of" acceptable. On the one hand, if your man and his Baby Momma aren't together, she should have no reason to be jealous of you. On the other hand... if this fling took place last summer, we're talking about a New Born, less than three months for sure. So, I'd think that the mother would have all sorts of potentially vindictive thoughts about the guy who fathered a kid and is no longer seeing her. "I can't believe he's out seeing a new girl when I'm stuck at home with a baby."
The bottom line, however, is this guys unfinished business puts you in an awkward and unpleasant situation that a young woman shouldn't have to put up with. If you're into him, and you can kick him into gear on getting his business handled stick it out. If not, walk. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:02:04 PM | You are in the 'other woman' trap, but it seems you are enjoying it.
If he had a 'fling' and got a woman pregnant, it means he is going to be a DAD.
From what you have told us, he wants to still have a relationship with her, while having one with you.
If he wants to play role of a Father, and he is the dad, he has every legal right to access to the child and will be elgible to pay SUPPORT for the next 25 years.
If you want to know what to do, write all the facts on a piece of paper and assess how much fun this guy will really be, especially when he finds someone new to boink.
because he does not want to tell anyone that we are together.
because HE DOES NOT WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PRESENCE.
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:06:26 PM | hate to be harsh but your best bet is walking away. it's too mucky of a situation. let him deal with the girl and the baby, that's his responsibility (if the baby is his.. even though I don't know the girl, I can guaran-damn-tee that she slept with other guys that summer as well).
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:27:14 PM | | He does not want to be with her and she does not want to be with him!!!! She barely talks to him!! I think you guys are all right, but at the same time iam hurt. That is the only thing wrong in out relationship, ya its big but it's only one thing how many people can say that about there relationship. He was honest with me about her and the baby ( she is due april 15) he did not have to tell me!!! so i have to give him some credit!! he has always been open when i asked any quetions or concerns!! | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:52:53 PM | Melissa, women have a ton of hormones coursing through them during pregnancy and in the months after, and I've seen it time and time again, the 'I'm going after my one night stand/ex boyfriend and we're going to be a family' becomes a mission. I call it the babydaddy feeling. She's going to want some sort of relationship with him for some period of time. If they begin to get along, then the excuses are going to start sounding like this: "I HAD to spend the night there, honey, I have to keep her happy so that I can see jr." Now she may or may not pursue this, but it seems a very likely outcome, since she's playing the punishment game with him right now.
And since you've never met her or talked to her, the things he's saying to you could very well be b.s. They could be discussing nuptials for all you know.
It's a very messy situation, and will only get worse even at the very best possibilities. You should get out. And don't be afraid that you'll never find someone else who you'll feel the same about- you will. Don't let fear keep you in a relationship that will only hurt you. | |
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| Does he really want me as a girlfriends or just a sleeping buddy?
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:58:47 PM | Melissa, I am a bit confused, you are a secret to???? Just her, his entire family and friends???
That is the only thing wrong???
Shug, having a kid, whether you are married or not IS kind of a HUGE thing to TRY and keep a secret about, therefore it seemed like one of those obvious choices. I you hang with any of his friends and him, would be rather ackward if they mentioned something.
People can be open about certain things, yet the rest of their life they have closed off to you.
Once again, if you like being in this position great, but no matter what, you are going to be hurt. | |
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