| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:39:48 PM | my question to everyone would be:
if you and Mrs. x, who were never married, and for example, have a child who will be 12 years old on November 2nd of 08, split up due to relationship issues and nothing else...would you do the responsible and respectful thing and continue to allow that child to be a part of the father's life, especially when that father really sincerely wants such a relationship with his child?
my situation is this: Mrs. x and I split up in 2006. I have tried repeatedly since then to maintain a relationship with my son through all means, to no avail. emails get blocked, calls go unanswered, birthday gifts never get acnowledged (sent a gift for his recent birthday to his grandmothers house...didnt hear about it).
Mrs. x certainly cant say she doesnt know how to find me. she has friends attack me on facebook and other means. so what should I do? My lawyer tells me to fight her in court....and is ready to file the documents, however, I...wish to remain civil and try and solve this maturely on our own...adult to adult. talk things through. it wasnt the relationship with my son that failed, it was with her that did. wouldn't our son want us to solve this matter in the way I just described, rather than ask a judge to decide something that can and will not benefit either parent, nor the child? | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:47:09 PM | your lawyer gave you your answer.
obviously, she's not going to budge and enjoys this game of "keep-away" with your son as the ball.
I hope you have your DNA test in hand when you finally get to court and get some justice, otherwise, stop trying to wish it into happening, as it doesn't look like she's going to give in.
being civil hasn't gotten you very far in this regard, get to court----NOW. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:48:07 PM | | sorry to say...nothing can, nor will be gained trying to be civil to the uncivil...reasonable with the unreasonable. you are dealing with a passive aggressive who is using your son as a weapon against you...which in my opinion is one of the worst forms of child abuse. yeah..think what this alienation is doing to your son. take her to court and hold her fully accountable. good luck... | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:52:59 PM | If you are paying child support she cannot keep your child from you. If you are not paying child support you have no right to see your child as technically you are not a true parent as you are not contributing to the care and raising of that child.
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:08:05 AM |
If you are not paying child support you have no right to see your child
are you sure about this? is this what the law states in alberta, canada or california? | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:22:32 AM | Write a recorded letter to your ex, make it nice and polite, as she may take it to court in the future if you do not. Explain in detail what you would like to happen, ie when and how often you would like to see your son. Explain that you would like to meet up with her to discuss in an adult way the details with her.
Put a deadline when you would like this to happen before. (be reasonable). And in your closeing bit of the letter thank her for her understanding. But then finish by saying that if this cannot be sorted out between the two of you then the next step will be that you will be takeing your request to a Legal Firm to start Court Procedures. Keep a copy of the letter and proof when you sent it also.
Best of Luck.
Sorry my spelling and gramer are bad ! lazy eye !!!! | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:25:56 AM | | You may have no choice but to fight this in court now......But....Don't give up........When your child is older......then...they have a choice...to contact you.....just be there for them....... | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:57:56 AM |
If you are not paying child support you have no right to see your child
No, this is a silly statement.......not true at all. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:43:07 AM | Go to court... your son may not even realize that you are attempting to make contact; he might feel you don't care and have abandoned him. Sometimes it is the only way to get an uncooperative parent to pay attention. Starting the legal process doesn't necessarily mean you'll end up in court... sometimes it is what is needed to bring both sides to the table to start talking and reach an agreement.
Do they have an office of the children's lawyer in Alberta? Check with your lawyer to see if he thinks a request that they get involved is in order. If so, a court appointed lawyer and social worker (free here in Ontario) will meet with you and your ex separately and also with your child... and they will represent your child in court, be his voice ensuring his needs and wishes are known, should it ever get to the court stage. (Of course, if your son doesn't WANT to see you, that is what they'll be saying.)
You only have a few years before he is a teen and naturally starts spending more time with his friends more so than family. It gets harder to spend time with a teen, so this is an important time for you to make sure you have a connection with him. Having a connection with him now also helps as he rides through all of the changes that come with puberty. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:51:50 AM |
she has friends attack me on facebook and other means. You want to deal with this kind of person in a mature manner?
It takes two mature people to come to a civil agreement ~ sounds like one of those people should be a judge... | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:16:30 AM | | The only way you are going to see your son is by taking her to court, she's not going to be reasonable with you. If your not paying child maintenance though make sure you start as im sure your solicitor has pointed out. At the age of 11 nearly 12 your son will be asked what he wants to do. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:25:53 AM | TWO YEARS and you want to play Mr Nice Guy??? Grow a set and fight for your child.
Why do you not have a formal visitation set up through the courts? When you split with your Ex did it not occur to you to get a lawyer to explain your rights as a parent? This BS should have been nipped in the bud immediately. Why the hold up?
Your son (he is yours right?) needs his father and she has no right to block you from seeing him. Consider getting him his own cell phone, if he's anything like my kids he is the first one to answer any telephone call because they always assume its for them. At 12 he should be old enough to call Dad on his own.
Does he play sports? Can you go to his games? Does he go to school? Can you not arrange for parent teacher conferences to keep an eye on his education, that is your responsibility, you know? Have you contacted social services to see if he is being properly cared for? Being estranged from his father is cruel. Consider purchasing a cell phone that only you and he can use. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:26:09 AM | | You cant talk to someone civilly when there is NO communication at all. Let your lawyer do his job. This is about the child. He needs to know his daddy wants to see him. Just dont sling mud in the process. Unfortunately at the age of 12 in PA. your child would not yet have a voice. I have been through this here with 2 family members and the legal system did not want to hear from them till 14. And it varies from county to county. The only acception is if the child is appointed a Child Advocate. Good Luck.if as you say you have done nothing wrong but leave the mother,you must porve to your son that you didnt leave him. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:56:27 AM | | OP, I've never dealt with the legal system in Canada, but I can't imagine that it's any less of a pain in the ass then the system in the US! You can either continue to try and deal with "Mrs. X" on your own or go to the courts, either way, expect to open up your wallet and pay for back child support for the time since you split! Not to mention what you will pay for the mouthpiece for his/her legal services! | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 7:12:57 AM | Most of the information you need is here. I would suggest meeting with this group, They meet in Edmonton. Two years? Listen to you lawyer.
http://www.ecmas.org/
Good luck. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:11:13 AM |
My lawyer tells me to fight her in court....and is ready to file the documents,
if you were a women I would say go ahead and get a lawyer and get into a court room ..but you are a man ,,dont go near the court room and stay away from the lawyers ,,or get ready to be evaluated for what they can get out of you ..let the dust settle ..your daughter will come back around soon enough ..they all do..I cant stress this enough ..stay away from court and lawyers ..and instead spend your money helping out where you can .. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:02:06 AM |
snowboarder12: If you are paying child support she cannot keep your child from you. If you are not paying child support you have no right to see your child
Support is paid for the benefit of the child. It is NOT a visitation fee. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:50:39 AM | I agree with the above poster but MORALLY you are not being a true parent if you do not raise and finanicially support your child PERIOD! I am confident that is why she is not allowing him visitation.
Too many men around the world play sperm donor and want the benefits of a child w/o having to sacrifice the blood sweat and tears it takes to raise one and sadly too many women allow this horrendous behavior.
Children are not toys and a child should not be denied visitations from a "real" father-BUT again a real father supports his child and not JUST financially. A real father is a constant in the childs life-he should not cruise in and out of it when the mood strikes him.
If you want to see your child go to court-pay money and time and PROVE you want full/partial custody or show you are contributing to half the childs care/needs and NO court in the land would deny you visitation.
Trust the court system-as it is clear you have no other option. They do have the childs' best interests in mind. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:06:48 AM | | unfortually kids are the one who lose when two adults break up and there is no communication that as to what is best for a child, you do not have to pay child support to be able to see your child, it helps in the court but you dont have to ,you have been advise to do several things here . 1 a letter saying what you want, and going to court I tend to agree with all but here is another avenue you need to hire your son a attorney as well, even a court appointed advacate to say what he wants and needs are. he is 12 he is allowed to make his own mind up. you need to keep reciepts of any gifts, mailings, and document any letters, phone calls ect.. keep a print out of all the mail that has been bashing you, try and be nice and no name calling, and when you do get to see your son, and he says anything negitive about his mom keep it light and say you know sometimes adults do strange things but it will work out, never say anything bad the mom to the boy ( he doesnt need to take sides) he can love you both.. I was married for 19 yrs when my husband and I got divoreced, he had open visitation which he could come and see whenever 3 in morning if he wanted the kids could call him whenever if I asked them something that made them uncomfortable they would say mom I love dad and I love you dont put me in the middle.. and I respected that and so did their dad to this day 13 yrs later we still celebrate all holidays as a family him with his two younger boys 13 and 5 and us with ours sons 28 and 23.. and two grand babies.. I cant say its always been easy but I can say my boys have never had to choose between their dads love and mine... | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:32:35 AM | Very good point Margot, your son may think you do not want to see him rather than that you are being blocked from your access to him. Does he even try to contact you?
You have already screwed around and wasted more than a year rather than just using the court system for the reason it was designed, to ensure that a child is properly supported both financially and emotionally by both parents. If you continue to fail to use the court system to establish visitation YOU are hurting your son and you cannot continue to blame it on the X.
In Texas your X can be tens of thousands in arrears and if you do not surrender the child(ren) per the terms of the custody settlement, you can be held in contempt of court and even jailed. | |
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:56:55 AM | most 12 yr olds are online now ..and if mom has a computer you can bet he is on it ..give up on expecting the courts to give you anything ,,at great expense you get no more then every other weekend at best ..and thats only if the ex cooperates and she might not .. stop in and talk to his teacher and let her no you haven't seen him ..because there are so many she may be another single mom in which case she will notify the authorities,,but if she is a mother and a real caring type she can help you get in contact with your boy again ,,offer to volunteer to assist the class and drop off a nice top of the line skate board for him ..with your email stamped onto it ..keep mom out of the loop ..he will rebel in a few years and he will call you..dont expect a court here to play it fair with you ..they don't understand a fathers love ..be very careful and set a good example for your boy at all times..and he will notice ..there love is unconditional ..no matter how much programming the ex does he will see and make his own mind up very soon ..get the email address..little by little..
using the court system for the reason it was designed
do not get sucked into thinking there is any justice for you in a canadian court ..they are all set up to collect money for your ex,,they couldnt care less about your custody ,,only about where you work and how much you get paid..they call shared custody every other weekend ..equal custody dosent exist if the ex decided against it ..odds are you will do better then every other weekend if you play it cool and get in contact with your boy ,,he will be 16 soon enough and he can walk out of her house..be ready ..no courts going to get you what you can get yourself .win his heart and you win him when he jumps ship at 16 .good luck ..now plan on getting him back ..little by little
again ..do not get sucked into thinking there is any justice for you in a canadian court ,if you want him back it will take some time ..thank god women havent made it against the law for there kids to walk out at 16 ..money spent on your boy is better spent on any lawyer ..open up a bank account for him as soon as you can ..joint ..and stick your money in it ..
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| children and the right to access
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:16:24 AM |
I agree with the above poster but MORALLY you are not being a true parent if you do not raise and finanicially support your child PERIOD! I am confident that is why she is not allowing him visitation.
Except that she has no right to deny visitation regardless of whether support is paid or not. Besides, why are you so confident? There was never any mention of support not paid. He clearly is available to contribute emotionally,yet she won't allow it. Of all the things that this boy needs from his father, a child support check should be on the bottom of the list, and the woman who denies a child the opportunity to receive these things from his father, whether support is paid or not, is more despicable than any deadbeat dad.
Listen to your lawyer, Call her behavior out for what it is, and most importantly send the message to your son that you love him enough to fight for him. | |
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