| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:58:07 AM | What could the problem be with a 71 year old male who can have an orgasm and ejaculate with oral sex, but not with vaginal sex? The man has difficulty getting an erection; however, with oral stimulation he can get one and maintain it.
Could the problem with vaginal sex indicate some underlying psychological or sexual problem other than erectyle dysfunction (ED)? It just doesn't make sense to me that it's all due to ED. If it was just that, then it stands to reason that he wouldn't be able to get and maintain an erection orally either. This is very dumbfounding. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:16:36 AM | He could have a medical condition that requires he take meds that inhibit sexual functions. He could have a medical condition that won't allow him to perform the stimulus that is required for an erection and ejaculation. It could be lots of things.
Sounds to me as though he is just the average mature guy that is no longer performing like a 20 yr. old. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:31:57 AM | Further information so that you can provide your feedback and thoughts on the situation.
The man has said that he doesn't have any health problems. Apparently, there is some mildly high blood pressure. There are no presctiption bottles in the medicine cabinet that is always open. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:43:25 AM |
What could the problem be with a 71 year old male who can have an orgasm and ejaculate with oral sex, but not with vaginal sex? The man has difficulty getting an erection; however, with oral stimulation he can get one and maintain it.
Could the problem with vaginal sex indicate some underlying psychological or sexual problem other than erectyle dysfunction (ED)? It just doesn't make sense to me that it's all due to ED. If it was just that, then it stands to reason that he wouldn't be able to get and maintain an erection orally either. This is very dumbfounding.
He doesn't have a good psychiatrist. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:47:13 AM |
The man has difficulty getting an erection; however, with oral stimulation he can get one and maintain it. Oh, that's EASY! [drum roll] Because in the missionary position once eventually catches a glimpse of the partner's face! | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:52:55 AM | | It could be than regular intercourse is too physically demanding or painful: maybe he has a sore back or arthtitis in his hands/wrists/elbows. For whatever reason, it may be much easier for him to lie back and enjoy a BJ than to perform sexually. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:59:07 AM | "71 year old male who can have an orgasm and ejaculate with oral sex"
not a bad situation, huh? I have a few friends who inflicted themselves with ED 10 or 15 years before 70 (bad diet, no exercise). So your 71 year old male should be grateful for his erectile function. Once it's gone, very often, it ain't coming back. But a woman wouldn't start with or leave a man because of ED, would she? (impotence is grounds for divorce in 20 states).
That's a pretty weird problem. Obviously, all the nerves and arteries and hydraulics are working, the physiology, so I'd go with a psychological problem, very probably needing subtle professional intervention. Good luck finding someone.
"Performance anxiety" when he's supposed to get it up and perform vs. when she takes that responsibility?
Has he experimented with d!ck-hardening drugs ? Pretty cheap, easy, and quick experiment. If that works but he doesn't want to take drugs, he would learn that it works, more data to characterize his condition.
Short of the drugs, there are OTC d!ck-helpers that are supposed to help with getting morning woodies back, BPH, and general genital fitness. L-arginine is one supplement that helps with circulatory health, as is raw chocolate. Beta sitosterol is pretty good for shrinking enlarged prostates.
Getting in tip-top cardiovascualar/pulmonary fitness is always a good preventative/therapeutic plan, but nobody's gonna do that just to get hard-ons. Popping a pill is easier. :) | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:09:59 AM | | Thank you satx78218 for the info. He takes several over the counter supplements, but I don't think they do any good. He said he takes 1/4 of a Cyalis tablet, but I don't think he does; I think he lies about that because if he did take Cyalis, it should work, even with 1/4, because he obviously does have some functioning. He's cheap, so I suspect that the doesn't want to spend the money on the pills. I think they cost about $20 each (?). One other issue is that he drinks quite a bit. He's not what someone would call an alcoholic, but when we go out to dinner he does drink about 3 hard liquor drinks (gin or whiskey) within a 3 to 3-1/2 hour period. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:14:25 AM |  Mental block.
*Most* "sexual issues" are mental blocks of some sort.
Why would it be medication or drinking blocks.. when he can perform fine with oral? | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:31:41 PM | | Schadenfreudian, that attempt at humor missed the drum roll. In any event, I'm not conceited, but let's face it, looking at my face would have him in bliss. I'm dam*ed good looking. After all, he does quite enjoy outlining my face and features with his index finger and hand and look into my eyes. I'm the type that walks into a room and the men turn to look. Yeah, yeah, I know, most men are dogs and look at anything that moves -- but with me, it's legitimate. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:04:39 PM | OP maybe you are so good at the oral sex, he wants just that! 
On a serious note, I have heard that a lot of older men can have an erection and orgasm during oral but not penetration. I believe he is suffering from ED, and probably not anything to do with a mental block.
Tell him to take the whole Cilasis pill! Problem solved!! | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:04:43 PM |
Oh, that's EASY! [drum roll] Because in the missionary position once eventually catches a glimpse of the partner's face!
Wow! I didn't know that men looked at themselves in the mirror while MASTURBATING
Schadenfreudian, that attempt at humor missed the drum roll. In any event, I'm not conceited, but let's face it, looking at my face would have him in bliss. I'm dam*ed good looking. After all, he does quite enjoy outlining my face and features with his index finger and hand and look into my eyes. I'm the type that walks into a room and the men turn to look. Yeah, yeah, I know, most men are dogs and look at anything that moves -- but with me, it's legitimate. DITTO | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:10:58 PM | Some guys just love BJ's. Sorry, but they do. And by the time they've reached the age of 71, I'm sure they've crafted that love into a fine art. Geez !! Don't be goin' stickin' pills in the guy.
cdn guy | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 4:51:37 PM | | Maybe he just needs that additional stimulus! He... or she might try putting a hand down there and providing a little extra "squeeze" while in the act. A lot of women need that extra friction... why couldn't he? Might be worth a try! | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:04:46 PM | | I once read an account of a forgetful lady whose dentures ended up stashed between her legs during oral sex, there being no glass handy on the nightstand. My hunch here is this is the result, after one unfortunate, unintended raking by misplaced teeth, especially compared to the fine quality of a pure gumming sensation. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:31:11 PM | Sunstar, why don't you and your friend try this: have him take a WHOLE Cialis. Not just once, but 3 or 4 or as many times as necessary, until you get to the bottom of this. Yes it will cost some $$$, but then you will know, FOR SURE, whether that is the real issue or not. Once you know whether the drug can help him or not, you will have a better sense of which direction to go.
My guess is that he has some mental/emotional block or hangup, something to do with being able to "perform". The drug might be able to help him get beyond the hangup, or it might not.
I still think the dude is doing pretty good, for 71.
All the best. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:19:41 PM | Dehubsith, thanks for the info. We're all adults here, so I don't think that what I am saying is going to offend anyone's sensibilities. The point of this forum is to discuss issus pertaining to dating for the over 45 population, and sexuality can certainly be a part of that.
I don't know if he's doing pretty good or not for 71. I can share that a few weeks ago he was quite happy as a volcano 3 times in the space of about 10 hours, but again, that's with oral sex. He has only ejaculated twice in the vagina, and that was with a condom, which he hates because of the shape he has. Anyway, that's too personal. The point is that he can actually "do" it, but he has this issue about the vagina. He said that he's always been like that - he doesn't orgasm right away. It can just go on for 1/2 hour or so moving in there and it gets quite tiring. Of course, it's also emotionally upsetting to me that he doesn't orgasm while vaginally, so I don't much enjoy it. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:23:33 PM | Dhubsith, I forgot to say that he probably will not take the Cyalis. As I said previously, he's pretty cheap, so I don't think he would take a whole pill. In fact, I think he's been lying about taking anything at all. I have never seen any Cyalis in his medicine cabinet, and the cabinet is always open. I already told him that I wanted him to take Cyalis and try at least 1/2 a pill and he obviously doesn't want to.
This could be a case of someone who is so cheap that he'd rather not have a good sex life and who also doesn't care that he's very negatively affecting the woman as well.
The other possibility is that he's so much into control that he doesn't want to orgasm on purpose - to show that he will do it when he wants and not because it's what makes women feel good -- that we've done our "job." | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:30:13 PM | After reading the last two posts, it seems like there may be more problems, and not just in the bedroom.
OP, it looks to me that he just enjoys oral sex more than vaginal, but you want more. You did say he had vaginal sex a few times, so I guess he doesn't have Ed. Maybe he just don't like the condom, or do you use a condom with oral?
I checked your profile, you are 49, he is 71.. my advice would be get a younger guy! | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:55:57 PM | | My only question is what are you doing with this guy? He sounds like he`s either too cheap or too lazy to even bother to try to please you physically. Gee, I wonder why he`s single! A cheap lazy man that is 22 years older than you and won`t even attempt to satify you physically but wants his. Give me a break. You`de be better off taking care of yourself. What are you doing with him? | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:24:59 AM |
He has only ejaculated twice in the vagina, and that was with a condom, which he hates because of the shape he has. Anyway, that's too personal. The point is that he can actually "do" it, but he has this issue about the vagina. He said that he's always been like that - he doesn't orgasm right away. It can just go on for 1/2 hour or so moving in there and it gets quite tiring. Of course, it's also emotionally upsetting to me that he doesn't orgasm while vaginally, so I don't much enjoy it.
Okay, so NOW the TRUTH comes out. You knew this before you started the thread and deliberately left it out, leaving people to guess when you knew the answers all along.....sheeshh!!!
Maybe it's time for you to sit on a vibrator while giving him oral...??? Or as others have said, go find another man who's actually interested in vaginal sex and isn't such a pill as this fellow. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:17:49 AM |
One other issue is that he drinks quite a bit. He's not what someone would call an alcoholic, but when we go out to dinner he does drink about 3 hard liquor drinks (gin or whiskey) within a 3 to 3-1/2 hour period.
I think by most definitions, three shots of whiskey a couple or more times a week constitutes a problem drinker, perhaps even what could be called an alcoholic. Abuse of alcohol is one of the most common causes of erectile dysfunction. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:37:22 AM | Desertbro, I didn't leave anything out deliberately. That would not help me at all in terms of feedback and ideas on the problem.
Word1948, yes, you are correct. I have also considered that this man is an alcoholic, although, of course, he doesn't think of himself as such and always has some excuse as to why he has to have a drink or two at every place he goes to, and we usually go to two different places on the weekend. It's always some story about feeling rude going to a club, taking up space, and not ordering something because the waiters and waitresses make their living from the customers ordering. That only goes so far as an excuse. Even if that's true, there is no reason to drink gin or whiskey before going out to a place he knows won't have hard liquor available. I believe that the drinking over his lifetime, although he denies that he has ever had a drinking problem, has resulted in ED.
As to some questions why I'm with him, the answer is that sometimes we just like a certain person, we enjoy their company, conversations with them, sitting together watching TV, snuggling with the person - or whatever it is that attracts us about the person. He also doesn't look his age. :) I had no idea he was that old and when I found out I was shocked and was going to not go out with him anymore; however, I decided to act like a mature and decent person and give the person a chance. What's important is whether you mutually like being together, not the age. | |
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| Sexual issues in the older male population
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:38:53 AM | Erectile Dysfunction is it doesn't get up and this guy can get it up. A few ounces of alcohol is recommended by the heart doctors and does not constitute alcoholism.
Maybe there's something about the vagina he's supposed to stick it in that bothers him, maybe there's something in the back of his mind that realizes your on a dating site and doesn't want to waste anymore energy than he has to.
Maybe he doesn't like being pushed into sex but you keep sucking him in. | |
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